This is what we did this weekend

We had some out of town guests come to visit this weekend. Our friend Dennis and his buddy Kile came from California for a visit and also to get some free ink. Mo did two tattoos each for these guys and I am pretty sure they walked away happy. Not only was the work amazing but it was free. Can't beat a free tattoo. After the weekend was over we figured we probably would have made at least an easy 500 bucks with all the work Mo had done.  Not too shabby for having fun and permanently putting your mark on someone. Mo said he could see himself doing this for a living but in the meantime it will be a great side job that will hopefully start bringing in some FAT CASH!! 

It was so awesome to see my Mr. Big using his amazing talent and having fun at the same time. I am happy he has finally found a genre to express himself in. 

He said he is going to do a full 20 tattoos for free so that leaves 12 more. Any takers?

 

The pics from top to bottom, 'Creighton' is Kile's brand new baby boy's name,  Symbol is a record adapter, DT is Dennis initials, Kile's wedding ring and then my Faith,Hope, Love symbol finally got some bright colors.

A Joke from a very funny friend

This little blurb got forwarded to me from one of the all time funny guys in my life Vinnie Oakes so to him I say , thank you Vinnie.

I thought I would share because not only is it funny in it's own right but the fact that I am posting it being that I am an Obama supporter and I usually don't care for all things Texan should make it even funnier for ya'll!!

A Little Feller In East Texas

Barack Obama, is for banning all guns in America. He is considered by those who have dealt with him as a bit more that just a little self -righteous.

At a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies in gun violence.'

Then little Bubba Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: "Well dumb ass, stop clapping!!

The Olsteen's

I read this morning that Joel Olsteen's wife is currently in a lawsuit for assaulting a flight a attendant. I read the whole article and at the end I thought this is just so crazy. First of all on the end of being disgusted with his wife for over reacting I am also disgusted with the flight attendant for suing for reasons like her faith was now weakened and she now needs counseling because of all of  this.  Both made me want to vomit in my mouth. 

Why is it that people look to other people for spiritual guidance?  You should never be willing to let a person  speak into  your life in a way that only God should be doing. It's one thing to learn from other followers of Christ, it's a whole other thing to depend on them for your spiritual growth and or lack there of.

ON the other hand there are very strong warnings for those that step into that position of teaching others about Christ. The minute you step into that role you are held, like it or not, to a higher standard. So if you don't want that job description or responsibility then step off.  Like in this case, if she, Joel's wife just wanted to be another bitchy passenger on a plane ride flying in first class and thinking that the whole world should stand up and take notice of the fact that something was spilled on her chair then she shouldn't be married to the man of faith and power who never frowns and gives all credit to Jesus for his shiny happy life.  I don't know , does that seem a bit harsh?

This article really made me think of the times in my life when I have been disappointed with those who say they follow Christ and then really blow it big time. Myself included in that category. Sometimes I think the reason the bible tells us to lead a quiet life is because God knew if we were out there publishing the fact that we follow Christ we would surely screw up His good name for Him.  Don't know about that theology being solid but I think in my own life that is where I am at. I just want to live my life, raise my kids, love my husband, and be a bit more quiet about my faith. 

These are just my thoughts for the day. Enjoy.

A blurb that encouraged me

This blurb from My utmost for His highest really spoke to me a while back.  I am so in love with the Person of Jesus. Every teaching, every interaction with people in the scriptures, every gentle nudge he has ever given me , makes me love Him even more. I want to love Him better, He deserves better and better, and better. Here's to forward motion in my relationships and especially the one that means the most to me.

"If the closest relationships of life clash with the claims of JesusChrist, He says it must be instant obedience to Himself. Discipleship means personal, passionate devotion to a Person, Our Lord Jesus Christ. There is a difference between devotion to a Person and devotion to principles or to a cause. Our Lord never proclaimed a cause; He proclaimed personal devotion to Himself. To be a disciple is to be a devoted love-slave of the Lord Jesus. Many of us who call ourselves Christians are not devoted to Jesus Christ. No man on earth has this passionate love to the Lord Jesus unless the Holy Ghost has imparted it to him. We may admire Him, we may respect Him and reverence Him, but we cannot love Him. The only Lover of the Lord Jesus is the Holy Ghost, and He sheds abroad the very love of God in our hearts. Whenever the Holy Ghost sees a chance of glorifying Jesus, He will take your heart, your nerves, your whole personality, and simply make you blaze and glow with devotion to Jesus Christ."

Oh to be a real Author

Oh how I would love to be a writer for life. It is just so easy to sit and write , and write, and write, or should I say type. The topics of life that I love to type about - books, family, kids, politics, pets, you name it, I could write about it. What I have always found so interesting is how people, very fortunate people end up getting paid to do this.  That is what motivated me a while back to just go for it in the writing department and see what happens.
So I thought for a minute or two of what would be the easiest thing for me to write about and came up with some children's characters that are chess pieces. I could attempt to write a novel, a autobiography, or some other adult type book, but in the end I just don't think I am geared for that kind of writing. I much prefer the land of make believe and entertaining children.  Maybe someday when I grow up I will think that my thoughts are valuable enough for the adult audiences but until then I think I will stay in the kids department.

I have a publishing company interested in all my manuscripts and they also want me to send the illustrations that Mo drew up as well. I am surprised by the response because I just didn't think it would happen this fast. So this is it. This is a publisher that will either say yea, or neah. 

I have no idea what to expect from this point on but I am excited and just trying not to get to hopeful so as not to be devastated if they say neah.  I wish I could be more of a realist in that department because in all reality I just expect good things to happen to me all the time so when it's not good I am truly and utterly surprised and taken back for a while.  

A side note to all of this- The other day I was found by an old high school acquaintance who is now a published author. You can see all her covers of her books in her facebook gallery. She is in the romance novel dept.  I find it so interesting how that can just happen and before you know people are reading what you have written. Anyway, it really encouraged me to keep going with this writing stuff.

So this blog is dedicated to all the other fellow aspiring authors out there to keep going because you never know. We have all seen the stuff on the shelves that is selling at Barnes and Nobles and we have all said to ourselves, I could do that, SO DO IT!!  Go for it !!

Hit the ground running

This week Moses and I have been on 5 interview/job opportunities combined.  Three of those have been mine. I have to say that after being out of the work field for quite sometime I was a little nervous but so far it has been for no good reason. Every interview I have been on so far has basically been saying that I am overqualified which is good for the ego but not so  good for wallet.  What I am wondering is this, don't you want as a business owner want someone who not only knows what they are doing but has done it for a very long time and is overqualified? Can you ever be too qualified for any position? If I was the owner/director of a preschool and came across a teacher such as myself who is supposedly over qualified I would make a position happen for that person because isn't that the kind of person you want caring for your children. You can never have too much experience when working with kids. You can however , not have enough in which case breeds for some pretty ugly situations. 

Anyway, Moses will meet again with some people on Thursday and hopefully if all goes well his job will be secured and being that he will still be the major bread winner for our family right now that is a good thing. My last interview today sounded very hopeful and said that they would for sure  be calling so we shall see. 

I am just extremely grateful for the fact that every prayer that I asked God for this morning He once again has provided for. Literally this morning I woke up with a long list and again His faithfulness can not be matched. He is so good. He better stop this or I might start to get spoiled.  Again He has reminded me you have not because you ask not. 

Camping Highlights

Camping this week with the family has now come and gone. We were with my mom and her brother my Uncle Gene and Aunt Linda, my cousin Cheri and her husband Chris, their two boys Noah and Samuel and my brother Greg and his girlfriend Tanya. We tried another campsite this time and it was really nice. We were right outside of Quincy CA at Bucks Lake. It was truly beautiful. So far this summer we have camped three times and have yet to luck out with a site that has shower facilities. That is a bummer but then when you get home you sure do have a whole new appreciation for all the comforts of home.

 One all time highlight from this trip that we all will never forget is when Isaiah when flying down the hill on three wheeler and ran smack dab into a very large tree. We thought for sure we would be making a trip to the Quincy Emergency room when we saw his little 4 year old body going flying but miracle of all miracles that boy walked away without a scratch. He has some very big guardian angels is all I have to say about that.

 Another highlight would be when my brother the fireman almost set the campsite on fire by putting a half a dead tree stump(with the help of Moses) in the fire pit. We had fire hose in hand and thought for sure it was going to get ugly but all it did is burn ALL night until the wee hours in the morning.

Also our neighbors this time were very interesting. Right next to our campsite was a group of young people married and with kids, babies and dogs. All of which was very normal what was ab-normal was that when asked everyday how they were doing the response from all of them and not in a sarcastic manner was,  "Oh you know, just living the dream". Who says that and really means it? Seriously, who says that without being totally full of crap.

Anyway, we are glad to be home and what we have ahead of us this week is some serious job hunting.

The Moses and I have several interviews lined up for this week. Life will soon be looking very different for our family and although part of me is sad and nervous about this there is another huge part that is very excited. I didn't realize until I just typed that last sentence that I lived my life so compartmentalized :) 

No Purple!! Unless of course you have a license to do so!!

I have to share a highlight from camp last week.  Old Oak Ranch youth camps have had this age old tradition of teaching the teens to keep their hands to themselves and other parts as well while at camp for the week. They tell the boys and girls that we shouldn't know that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend here for the week by the way you  are physically acting with each other, that they should treat each other like brother sister, and they do this by showing this little video with cartoon like characters where the boys are blue and the girls are pink and if they get too close to each other they make purple. There is no purpling at camp. So if you are walking along and see a boy and girl being friendly you can just easily say, No Purpling and they should stand up and salute you to let you know they are tracking (or something like that) If you don't know why they would enforce this rule with over 300 teens pumped full of hormones than you are either an idiot or have never been around a teenager!!

So last week on Thursday night we were all huddled together in our camp t-shirts for a camp photo down by the Victory circle. I was sitting with my four girls to the left and a youth group from Chico to the right. There was a boy and girl who were obviously not brother and sister and they were enjoying very much that we were getting so close for this photo opt. I was keeping a half eye on them as well as eaves dropping and the girl said at one point, "Well if you want I could just sit in your lap and then there would be more room for a whole other person" at which point she started to make purple. I said, "Hey you two No purpling" to which they took their proper positions and then all their friends started laughing and saying, " Dude you have purple on your nose!" Apparently, the girls glow stick that was in her hair leaked a bit on his nose when she was trying to get in his lap and he had a bright spot of purple glowing on his nose. I laughed so hard with all of them and said,  "See , that's what you get for trying to purple here at church camp!" I told them thank you for the laugh and that I would be taking that one home with me. 

I told Moses this story after which we made lots of purple :) hee hee hee!!!

A workout during worship

My calves are sore. I must have walked up and down the Old Oak Ranch camp hill at least 100 times in the last week or so. But, that is not why my calves are sore, they are aching from jumping up and down during worship this week. I can't remember when this last happened to me but it reminds me of many moons ago when I was young and every worship time I had , even privately was an athletic event. 

There is something truly special about gathering together with perfect strangers for one purpose, to worship Jesus.  It is even more special when 99% of those people are in their teens and have a whole new way to worship, an expression completely original, untainted, and not at all apprehended by their peers around them. 

To hear 300 plus teenagers worshiping Jesus in every way possible and every way imaginable , with all their beautiful gifts of expression is something I truly , truly enjoy. 

God I pray for more and more freedom in worship in days ahead. I pray for all those incredibly gifted teenagers who are world changers to continue to use their gifts and talents for you and you alone.  I pray that I won't soon forget that you are worthy of worship like this. And I am thankful to you Jesus for this wonderful week.

A bruised reed He will not break, A smoldering wick He will not snuff out

It is good to be reminded that no matter what lies ahead or behind Jesus has got my back. I remember just a few months ago being so full of hope. Hope for the future, hope for dismal situations. Hope for the pessimist and the optimist. Hope enough to make the world go round. Some things between now and then have happened and it not as though I am hopeless by any means, it 's just I feel like a bit of the wind  of hope has been taken from my sails and I am barely moving across the ocean in my sailboat of hope.

 Yet, today something happened that reminded me to keep hoping in Christ for all things in my life. I prayed a prayer for a simple need and in less that 10 minutes it was answered.  It reminded and convicted me that I have not because I ask not. There are so many times that I move so quickly from having a need, to then being anxious about that need, to then trying to figure out how to meet that need myself, when all the while I never even stopped to ask for help. Why is it that I forget to ask Jesus for help? He longs to help me.

 This  reminds me of how God placed Moses in the cleft of the rock so he could display the magnitude of His glory better. I often think that in times when His help is most needed and I don't ask for it , it disappoints God.  I believe He longs for the opportunities where He can prove himself faithful again and again to me.  I believe He loves me so much that even the simplest of needs is important to Him.  I believe that He is who he says He is and His promises are true and reliable and can be taken to the bank.  

For Auntie Jenny

Yes you too can act silly and take pictures of it to entertain yourselves on any given Saturday.... If you have a Mac Laptop :)  Thanks for the idea Auntie we had fun posing.

I just wanted to keep typing, I could type all day!!

I am sitting here wanting so much to blog about something but not really having a good topic to even consider typing. This has never stopped me before. Why should it stop me now.  I don't think I will let it. 

So here are some more random thoughts -

My book status is in a standstill right now because I have been debating whether or not to pay money to have it professionally edited. One agency says that I should and the other hasn't mentioned it yet. I am leaning toward not. I have it illustrated now (Thanks Mr. Big) but I don't know how to send the illustrations effectively. Up until this point everything has been through emails and phone calls. So it sits in my computer unpublished until I have the energy to move forward.

I leave again for High School camp on Sunday. This might be my last camp for a while which makes me sad. I really do enjoy teenagers and hanging out with them is really a good time for me. Getting to hear about their hopes and dreams for the future is always interesting. To see a young person turning into not so young a person, right before your  eyes is really amazing to me. Time flies when you are having fun. I think about the teens that I was able to know and lead back in the day and now they all have families, careers, and still keep in touch from time to time. I don't think I will be long from this break from the youths. They are all just too much fun.  Course,  I could get really old, irrelevant and boring to them and then I might just have to reconsider but I doubt it.  Anyway, if I wait long enough I will have teens of my own. YIKES!! 

I was reading in Malachi yesterday and was amazed at what stood out to me this time. It is not a hard book to read all the way being that it is very short but it is however a hard book to read in that it is full of convictions and harsh warnings for leaders. It spoke to me in a whole new way and I love that about THE BOOK.  So living and active.  You never get the same things twice when reading anything from the bible. 

I am enjoying sitting on my bed and being on the computer. Yipee, to having a laptop for the first time. I could really get used to this. I think I will. Oh to be a writer and get paid for this, wait.... I am working on that. What a dream come true that would be for this Frederick the field mouse.

Isaiah had another funny quote yesterday,   "Mom if I give you all my money in my pocket(which consisted of some pennies and a I think a dime) could you please make it my birthday today!"  Oh to be a kid again. 

Well, I am off to get some new running shoes and luggage. After my European tour my orange bags just couldn't make another trip. So much for buying luggage on Ebay.

Ode to my Sister Jen

My older sister Jenny accomplished what many, many people would never attempt on a good day- she has finished and finished well, her first triathlon.  When I read her update and saw the pics of her on her blog I cried. I read it again to my kiddos and again I cried. I am getting awful emotional in my old age. I just cannot even begin to say how proud I am of her for this. I remember when she was home last summer and the thought first crossed her mind to do this. She just was looking for something to keep her motivated to exercise and also something to keep her busy since she knew she wouldn't be home for a year.  So what does one do when needing a hobby, or motivation to exercise- but of course sign up to do a tri !! She is an inspiration to me in more ways than one and here's to her job well done. Jenny I love you and as your lil sis I couldn't have a better friend to look up to. You ROCK!!

Isaiah Gregory Quote

Today when I sent Isaiah to timeout he said to me -
Zay- "Mom you need to say what Gwamma Ellen says to me"
Me- "Really what's that ?"
Zay- "She says to me, Isaiah you need to sit an wa flect"
Me- "Reflect, huh what does that mean?
Zay- "It means to sit on my belly"
Me- Laughing, "Well you sit there and do alot of reflecting and I will tell you when you can get up"

Nice try mom but he really didn't get that Montessori lesson :)

Just some random thoughts

When I went grocery shopping last night I had a pretty big revelation about God. It's one of those ones that you can't really explain and I am hoping I am not the only one who knows what I am talking about. Something like, trying to explain what love is or how it feels , you can make attempts at it but it really never suffices. It was good to hear something from Him. Sometimes He can be really quiet.

Then I went for a 4 mile walk around the marina very late and realized some more profound thoughts. I love having friends that I can openly talk with, about everything. Sometimes for whatever reason I have felt like I have had a muzzle on my mouth and with the closest friends this shouldn't be. You should always be able to talk openly with close friends. Don't you agree?

Today is my sister Gina and Izzy's third wedding anniversary, and every time I hear the song, Whoa Amber is the Color of your Energy(this is not the songs title just some words from it).... I think of them. In fact last time that song came on Solomon said, "Hey, that song is from Gina and Izzy's wedding, I wish we could go back to that day." I know what he means, some days are just locked in the treasure chest of time as so beautiful and that is one of them. Congratulations you guys, you are a beautiful family.

The summer is half way over and this just makes me terribly sad. I am not one of those moms who can't wait for their kids to go back to school. I LOVE having my kiddos home. I love that we can all sleep in and basically do whatever we want everyday of the summer. I think this is why teaching will be the ideal job for me because I can continue to have my summers off with my children and enjoy every second.

Speaking of teaching - I am actually beginning to get excited about going back to teaching again. I love teaching little people that is. I don't do as well with the bigger people, or at least I don't consider myself a teacher of bigger people because I am always learning from them instead of the other way around.

Well, that is all the random thoughts for today folks. Enjoy. Leave some love.

Tattooes 1, 2, and 3

So there is a new tattoo artist in town here are his very first tattooes ever!!

New Tattoo

I got my third tatoo today. A sunflower on my left hand pointer finger. Hurt like a mother licker!! It sure does look pretty though. I will try to post pics soon. Mo's art or Mo z art is up and running though, who's next?

So Spacious

"So spacious is Christ, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe-people and things, animals and atoms-get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies." Colossians 1:19-20 MSG

I am feeling this scripture this morning. I know God will help us find our proper place in this stage in life. I now have moved beyond my fears of the future and I am feeling excited for what lies ahead. I am happy I serve a God who has not only cared about my every detail in life but has made my way , my journey, my path in life good. I am happy that in God's kingdom or family there is room for so many people, so many personalities, so many ways to walk out this thing we called Christianity. I am looking forward to hearing once again those vibrant harmonies. I am glad he is fixing all my brokenness. He is a good God and I am so fortunate to know Him. His mercies are new every morning.

Changes 2, 3,4,5 and 6

Moses resigned from Hillside, last Monday. Still don't know how I feel about this.

My books are being illustrated and one agency is reviewing the manuscript even as we speak.

Moses Mom's Restaraunt Equipment is being shipped out from Mississippi, and will be waiting for us in Northern CA. until we are ready to be business owners.

My oldest daughter is showing signs of pre-adolescence and I don't know how I feel about that.

My youngest child will be 4 in 27 days which means that I don't have a baby anymore, which is just very strange, great, but strange.

I think that just about covers it.

Change is good right?

Change #1

Tattoo equipment for Moses is on it's way. The next permanent ink I will get on my skin will be put there from Mr. Big. Can't wait to wear his artwork. How cool is that!!

Change

The kids are still sleeping and it is almost 9:30a.m. Oh, how I love the summer. More quiet time for me. This morning I woke with alot of mixed emotions. Change, big change is on the horizon for me and my family and those of you who know me know that change is not one of my favorite words in the dictionary, nor is it a favorite action of mine either.
I easily get overwhelmed with even little changes. Like when Mo wants to change furniture around, which he does on a regular basis, I start freaking out and whining that I like things where they are and why do you always have to go and mess with stuff. Then, of course, when it's all said and done I love the changes. I am not a visionary and can hardly see past the hour for what to do next. If it were not for my God, hubby, family, and friends who are visionaries I would still be in the same place I was when I was born. Right by mom's side:)
But with big changes somehow God's peace that surpasses all understanding seems to always kick in to high gear and I feel calm. That is where I am at right now. Every now and again my flesh will kick up and try to move things along quicker than God's hand but in the end if I just sit tight and watch God manifests some pretty amazing stuff right before my eyes. That is what I am seeing right now.
I woke yesterday to read this scripture, Ps 127:1-2.
It talks about God being the builder of my house or life if you will. I believe this to be true. He has always built pretty well before for me, why would I want to take that job from him now? I don't want to. I trust that whatever lies ahead for us will be good.

Same Sex Marriages and other Topics

My friend, Laura got my brain a-goin in an area where she as a nurse didn't think the government should be involved in when she posted about Suicide attempts and how they get put on legal holds and then cause all of us tax payers to provide guardianship by way of Johnny-Law for the next 48hours. I don't think this is right either Laura. Wish I knew how to put the link to your blogspot here but I don't so here is where you can read hers;
laura-welcometomyworld.blogspot.com

But, another area where the government is just spinning it's wheels is the whole area of same sex marriages. Why are we involved in this? As a government we should not be saying who should be able to marry who? We should not determine who gets to stand by someones bedside when they are dying or who will get all the legal rights to decide this person's lives work when we don't even know them. Give homosexuals the right to marry already!
Another area where I think the government has got it all wrong is how we treat criminals of repeat offenses. Seriously, the crime in this nation is high for a reason...cause we are pansies when it comes to punishment. We should take a note from other countries and get a backbone when it comes to the judicial area of crime and punishment.
Just some Saturday eve thoughts. What are yours?

Cleaning House

Have I ever mentioned how much I detest house work. Well, I do. If I could have a person to do this job I would. I mean I have 4 persons that could do some of these jobs but they just don't get it really done, if you know what I mean. Well, today, before leaving for a long camping trip I told kids that their rooms needed to be clean before we could leave to go anywhere. I have a feeling I won't be going anywhere anytime soon. These kind of days usually don't end very well. Pray for me.

Children's Books

I have successfully submitted my ideas for a characther I created a few months ago that will be in a series for my children's books. I am excited about the fact that I am going public with some of the ideas that have been rolling around in my head for a long time. I also have to say that this process was so incredibly easy and practically fell into my lap. I have a freind who's cousin is an agent to authors and this was a hook up that gave me some great advice and a few heads up on ways to go and what to avoid. I will let you all know if anything comes of it. If you soon see Brodey the Bishop on your children's scholastic book order just know that it is a really great read(for your 3-6year old) and you should buy it !!!

A few days in the life of ME

What a weekend. It started with a going away party for my friends David and Andre who are leaving for Oregon, well one already left , other half leaves next Monday. The party was so much fun that we didn't get home til 2 am. Debated spending the night right there on the lawn but then in the end we wanted our own beds. Dre's brother Leif is a party in a box. He brought bounce house, Wii, and a HUGE bounce house type screen to make this send off oh so special and it was. I love this family that has been in our lives in such a special way since I was a teen. Our parents are friends and the way God has intertwined our lives is really sometimes so strange and at the same time awesome to me. I will miss them. I know many people teased that they would be back but I have a feeling the permanence this time is going to be a bit more than in times past.
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After getting home at 2 am and getting up for worship practice that was at 9a I thought I would be tired but I wasn't. It was then time for niece Savy's first birthday party. What a treat. She almost fell asleep while eating her birthday cake poor thing. We saw an old friend of sister Gina's there, Camille and she said that our old neighbor Bob has passed away. Bob used to bring us vegetables all the time when we lived in Carson City in our very first home that we ever owned. He was a really neat old guy. Time is strange. Sometimes I wish it would stand still for a moment to take it all in. I can hardly believe that Savy is 1 year. To be an auntie is the coolest. It was so fun to buy birthday presents for her. Then it was time to head home for some much needed nappy time. Boy howdy, did I ever sleep good.
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Sunday morning, had a moment or two of reflection to say the least and almost lost it during worship but I knew more tears would come later. Feeling emotional about alot lately. God has been so good to me and my family and I can't thank Him enough. Truly He is my source of strength.
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Sunday afternoon Moses worked on our bikes all day and we finally took a bike trip all together. WOW, what a treat that was. At one point we were crossing a busy intersection and lil man Zed was slow goin' to say the least, cars were piling up and we were getting nervous, just then somebody shouted "Come on lil buddy you can do it!!" You should have seen the smile on his face. What a treat.
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Sunday evening was spent with great friends enjoying the finer things in life, good wine, great bbq steaks, and really good conversations. Again I serve an awesome God who has not only provided well in health and wealth but in friendships as well.
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I slept in this morning and then headed up to the Lake with kiddos and my friends kiddos. It was a beautiful day. The smoke cleared by mid afternoon and it was absolutely gorgeous by the end of the day.
Tomorrow it's off to Wallies Hot Springs for some swimming and more sun.
Man, I have a hard job!!

Book Review , Messy Spirituality by Michael Yaconelli

This is a tiny little book that I picked up because it was mentioned I think in Generous Orthodoxy. The title grabbed my attention right away, and it did not disappoint. The author Michael Yaconelli, was tragically killed in a car accident in 2003 and the foreword written by his wife in the beginning is enough to pull you in. I will share some of my favorite quotes and you can decide what you think.

"What landed Jesus on the cross was the preposterous idea that common, ordinary, broken, screwed-up people could be godly! What drove Jesus' enemies crazy were his criticisms of the "perfect" religious people and his acceptance of the imperfect nonreligious people. The shocking implication of Jesus' ministry is that anyone can be spiritual."

"Messy spirituality describes our godly incompetence. No one does holy living very well. Spirituality is the humiliating recognition that I don't know how to pray well. I don't understand God's word or know how to navigate it properly, and I don't know how to competently live out my commitment to Christ. Messy spirituality affirms our spiritual clumsiness."

Toward the end of the book in a chapter entitled Little Graces he shares one of the coolest war stories I have ever heard. I literally had to call Moses mid-day to share this one. After I wiped away the tears, I was so excited like it happened just moments ago.
It was about 2 British air pilots that in World War II were conducting bombing raids over Berlin. One night after a successful bombing raid, as they were headed for the safety of England, the bombers were attacked by a large group of German fighter planes. They saw tracers from these planes come at them in slow motion and watched hopelessly as they hit the back of their plane right in the gas tank. They prepared for an explosion after the thud sound of five bullets hit hard but nothing happened. Back at the base safe in the barracks the mechanic came in with bullets in hand and said they were all empty of gun powder. Inside one was a tiny wad of paper with a note that read, " We are Polish POW's - forced to make bullets in factory. When guards do not look, we do not fill with powder. Is not much, but is best we can do. Please tell family we are alive." The note was signed by four Polish prisoners of war. He goes on to say , "The power of goodness is found in the tiny. Since the beginning. God has chosen tiny over large: David over Goliath, Gideon and his three hundred soldiers over thousands of Midianites, Elijah over the prophets of Baal, one sheep over ninety-nine. Spirituality is about doing the tiny work of God, little acts, small responses to God's presence in our lives."
*Or how about coming as a helpless tiny infant to save the whole world.
**And I would add to that doing those tiny acts on a very daily basis. It is looking, listening, waiting , for an opportunity to make someones life better just because.

It was a great book. Michael sounded like a really cool guy and he captures in this book what I think alot of us need to hear. We are all in process, screwed up, and loved beyond measure at the same time. What a life we live with this thing called Spirituality.

Learn from me

Disclaimer- Long Post Ahead

"Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. " Matt. 11:28-30

This scripture was on my desk calendar today and I thought I would share it. It is a scripture that I have framed and hangs in my house because it is one that I need to be reminded of on a daily basis. Not to worry, not to be anxious, to come to Him, to take His yoke. So the break down of that is this for me.

Come to me- Every day set time aside to visit with Him. This first request is so simple. I don't need to do anything but come and He said if I do this rest will come. I need that. This no longer looks like going into a closet and hiding from the rest of the world for 2hours with my bible and highlighter in hand. This looks like well....different everyday. No formula there, just come to Him everyday. Like I would a great friend, who lived right next door , who is not mobile, and who's only request is that I visit daily. Only Jesus is not right next door, he's within and I guess that makes Him mobile. You get the idea.

Take my yoke upon you- Now this one confused me for a long time until I learned what a yoke was. Not an egg yoke but a yoke for cattle. They used to yoke two cattle together I believe to pull more weight around. It was a heavy piece of equipment that landed right on top of the cows necks. I think made out of wood and to me always looked more like that thing that would hold a person in place right before they got their head chopped off (I digress) Anyway, the two would be joined together, and be lead around as only dumb cows should be. So Jesus says take His yoke. Do you think he is under that yoke with you? Is He the other cow that will walk along side you making it easier. Hope that doesn't sound sacreligous ,but I believe He is and He does. I think He stands a little taller so the yoke doesn't even touch my neck and He pulls the weight of the world around for me IF, and this a big one , IF I let Him. I often times stand up thinking , "Don't worry Jesus I got this" and I DON'T!! Why would I ever want to carry the yoke? But I do , sometimes I forget it's not my job. I am thankful for this reminder, it's not my job to carry the yoke.

Learn from me- This is where I have to read and read some more to learn from Him. I have to dissect the scriptures and look to every social circumstance that Jesus was ever in and stop, SELAH as the bible would say. I can't read these interactions with a "Sunday school, heard it all before" attitude I have to read with new eyes. Eyes that see Jesus as my friend who lived long ago and has something very important for me to learn. Like the treasure hunters on National Treasure 1 and 2( both amazing movies, if you haven't seen them you need to) again I digress. Do I learn from him with as much excitement as those treasure hunters? Everyday looking for more clues in the bible of who this Man/God is? NO, sadly I don't. God forgive me.
Why do I run from you? Why do I hide or try to hide as though you couldn't find me or as though YOU could ever lose something?
YOU ARE HUMBLE
YOU ARE GENTLE
To me and in my heart you have never broken, hurt, or wounded me. I love you for this.

Today is my niece Savanah's 1st Birthday and I am thinking about the life of a child when I read this. It is hard to be like children again once you've grown and gained so much knowledge but I do believe that is what is required to be able to follow Christ in the easy fashion that He is speaking of above. To trust Him despite what the world around you may look like. I think of my own babies when we would be put in a scary situation to them; like somewhere with loud music, or flying on an airplane, or even just somewhere that they could hear other babies crying, they would look to me or Mo to see what expression was on our faces and if we were okay they were okay. I want to be like that. I want to learn from Jesus. He is so humble and gentle in His teaching. He is not like anyone else in this world. He is the friend that has stuck closer than a brother. I have not been good to Him and still He forgives me. I want to be a better friend and follower of Christ. I want to learn so much more from Him.

If you read this you have just gone along for a bible study with Noel trip. Hope you enjoyed your journey exit to the left.

Happy Father's Day

I spent the greater part of the evening with my Dad. His older brother's Bob and Dick are in town and to see them all together is always a treat. When these three get together it is quite entertaining in a good way. Not in the way my mom's family is entertaining which is not always in a good way. Case in point refer to blog below , Last Friday night. Anyhew, not the topic of this blog. What I wanted to talk about is my dad. A man who spent the great portion of his life being a radio announcer or DJ or whatever you wanna call it and now is getting ready to retire from being a grocery store clerk. My dad loves jazz music and all things sports related. Tonight there was a Basketball game on that bro-in law Izzy was very interested in. My mom took offense to the fact that he wasn't rooting for Boston but I am not a basketball fan , although I did take stats for the boys b-ball team in High School . It really never stuck. I can appreciate any good game though and tonight was a nail biter. Needless to say my dad was rooting for the Lakers because unlike my mom he detests all things Boston(not really it's just this funny passive agressive thing they have had going for many years). So funny those two. So there they sat, Izzy and my Dad glued to the television. It was so enjoyable to hear the two of them get quite excited.

I love my dad. I love that he loves sports. I love that he has loved my mom for 38 years and counting. I love that although he is not perfect by any means he's still trying. Always committed to getting better at his roles in life.

Father in laws are also on the list of the Dad's I love. Over the 13 years of marriage I have come to appreciate them both.

Mo's dad Rusty gives me a greater insight to the man I married than probably anyone else around and he is the amazing Bionic man. With so many surgeries I can't even tell you, He never and I do mean never complains. He is amazingly strong and I love him.

His step dad Tom also an incredible man that keeps his mom happy. Which what more could you ask for there, right?

Anyway, if I didn't get to tell you myself today, Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there. I hope you spent it in good company and with lots of love.

IPOD organizing

Yesterday I spent the greater part of the day organizing my music on my IPOD. It was tedious but at the same time alot of fun. I kinda turned it into a game of "name that tune" when I got down to all the un-named tracks. I would play the song and then try and guess who it was. I had alot of burned music on there , which I know my recording artist friends and family would probably not approve of but whatever. To that topic I just say, if you can record an album you have enough money already and chances are you will keep making money if you are good enough and if your not nobody wants to hear you anyways. Is that a little harsh? What are your thoughts on pirating music? You now have mine. Back to the topic at hand, my music. Music to me is so amazing. I love how a song can come on and completely change the mood in the room. As much as I get alot of crap for the music I listen to from my very own Mr. Big, I really do enjoy all genres. Except for maybe the stuff that makes you want to murder the closet living breathing thing next to you because of all the noise coming out of the speakers that I wouldn't really call music, I just call that noise. I really don't have a name for that genre of music except maybe murder music. My all time favorite sounds though I would have to say either come from Billy Holiday or well....yeah just Billy. I love listening to Billy. She has a voice no one will ever have. I have heard before from Mr. Big why she has that voice and that I could have one too if I did drugs , drank, and smoked alot but really her voice is so unique and it just puts a smile on my face. Speaking of other Billy sounds that I like there is Billy Joel of course he is an all time favorite and then someone who will be in concert here in Reno at the end of month Billy Idol. I would totally go see and old man Billy Idol in concert but alas , we will be camping. IF you could only pick one sound to listen to , who would it be?

Last Friday Night

Last Friday the family and I , headed down to Cartoon City to Gramma Ellen's house for a birthday party for my Uncle Gene and brother Jeremy. We arrived at her house to be greeted by the smell of garlic bread, spaghetti and meatballs, and lots of laughter. So far so good. Gina and Iz were there , Uncle Gene and my Aunt Linda, Uncle Frank and Barbara, mom, dad, Jeremy, Jessie(a current resident at mom's who sleeps on the couch even though they have 8 bedrooms) and of course no party would be complete at my mom's house without some of her friendly neighborhood. So the house is packed and there are still more guests to come. We were all enjoying each others company when in walks my Aunt Joan with her step daughter Janet. No Uncle Mal with them but she said he was coming later. No funny business so far from her(ya never know with her what you are gonna get, isn't there always one in every family) Again we are relaxing and enjoying this time together when in comes Uncle Mal. Now, finally the party company is complete ....but wait .....what's this? Shortly after Mal arrived my mom was ready to begin the cake ceremonies and just as she is starting to make this announcement My Aunt Joan shouts, "Wait everyone Pastor S. is here!!". (I will from this point on protect the names of Pastor S. Son B. and the product MV.) True to form, from our old Catholic days my Aunt Joan starts making a very big deal that Pastor S. is here and that we should all take note. Kiss his ring, Stand up and salute or something, umm...no thanks.We are a gracious family and we welcomed Pastor S. and Son B. in and he came right up to Mo and myself, kinda almost manic like, and asked if we wanted to join him on his next trip to Africa, where he and my old Pastor Tom were recently held by gunpoint in the Conga and robbed for 400 bucks. Ummm...let me think about that Pastor S....... ummm...I'm gonna go with NO!!!
Anyhew, there quickly becomes whispers that we are now going to give Uncle Gene his b-day gifts. At this point I am wondering why Pastor S. and Son B. are there. Are they going to pray for Uncle Gene a b-day blessing ? Are they just getting friendly with parishiners and making house calls now? Still, no idea why they are there but ,okay bust out the presents... wait...what my Aunt Joan meant to say is that Pastor S. and Son B. are now going to give us an infomercial for the product MV. that they are selling and we will all have to sit for the next 30minutes of our lives and listen to this load of crock about MV being the best product on the planet mixed in with hyper spiritual crap about God and basically... at the end of it all my face must have shown the shock and awe of this inappropriate person who just totally ruined my Uncles 65th b-day party and my brothers 16 b-day party. I so wish that I would have taken a cue from hubbie and bro -in law Izzy and walked out because dag-nab it I want those minutes back from my life. The only saving grace for me was that I was sitting right next to my highly sarcastic Dad(God Bless Him) and he was cracking me right up. Needless to say the family drama between my mom and her sister continues to whole new level here people.

So yeah, this paints the picture of what was one of the most uncomfortable social situations I have ever encountered in MY LIFE. What did you do last Friday night?

A Great way to Start the Summer

I spent the day at Lake Tahoe. Me and the four kids and good friends Christene and Benat kicked off the summer at Lake Tahoe today. We chose to sun bathe at Sand Harbor where nearby they were setting up for Shakespeare on The Lake. Mo and I used to go to Shakespeare on the Lake every summer for the first few years of dating and then some. I think I want to go this summer. Any takers? That is a side note to this blog, what I really want to say is that I love Lake Tahoe. I love sun bathing. I love even the feeling of being a lil sun kissed, I never get sun-burned but sun-kissed warm and cozy feeling I love. I love watching my kids run around on the beach. I love how Isaiah makes friends with everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE on the beach front. I love how great it feels to take a shower after sitting in the sand. I love this life. I am so glad summer is here.

For Auntie Jenny

I do believe this one of Solomon will be added to my hall of fame for all time favorites. I think it shows off his big kid teeth pretty good. The one of Emma I think will show her new doo pretty well. She has got an attitude to go with it, wish you could see that Jen but it will have to wait. You are lucky I caught her smiling. Normally her face is a roll of the eyes and kinda sour(just kidding kinda ).Chloe's shirt demonstrates what she is in our lives for, Cutie Patrol. And finally, Zed- what more needs to be said. Hope you enjoy Auntie, this blogs for you. I love you so much and miss ya something fierce.

Good News!!

My wort is finally going away. The duct tape didn't' end up being the cure all and so I switched to a more expensive method of wort remover from Dr. Scholl's, I think that's how you spell it. Anyways, I am glad it is finally vanishing and not hurting nearly as much. Just in time for me to start some serious training with my new personal trainer, Sue Meredith.
For a while there I had sores on both my feet and let me tell you that it is not fun to have both feet out of commission. I lost a toenail on one and was dealing with the pain of the Plantar wort on the other and all I can say is that it is nice to have these ailments on the mend.
It's funny to me to blog about this stuff because in real life and the grander scheme of things they are a minimal irritation. I am however extremely grateful for the healing of both and I have high hopes that( despite the gloomy reports from others with Plantar warts) mine will not return.
Hope I didn't gross you out too much, can't be worse then the boys toilet bowl stories, right? Ben and Matty both take the cake on gross topics I believe.

I am emotionally exhausted

I am so tired and emotionally exhausted that I don't even know where to begin.
All in a month, here are the Bullet points of my life in May-

- Emma's field trip, where I met 9year old friend Alex
-Marathon, where Emma won 3rd place in her age group for finishing this 13 mile jaunt.
-Sol's field trip which dad attended
-Mother's Day, celebrated with my own Mom and sister Gina "bo bean a "being a mom for the first time.
-Niece 19th B-day, did I mention she is also now 3 months pregnant
-Chloe's 8th B-day , where no friends came and I had to call an emergency back up friend to bring her 3 girls
-Brother's girlfriends graduation
-Very close friends Dre's B-day, she's moving back to Oregon, did I mention I want to go
-Bug O Rama, where we celebrated our anniversary of 13 years marriage
-Sue's death and funeral
-Emma's B-day, where we found out above mentioned friend Alex was found tragically dead the night before
-Same day as above, Sol's Kindergarten Graduation
-Other close friend in Washington, Jentry had healthy twin baby girls manes Chloe and Bryn
-Chloe's field trip to the Animal Ark kept thinking back to Emma's field trip where I last saw Alex.
-Other close friend in Texas, Allie is still making life and death decisions for her oldest daughter Mollie, did I mention that everytime I think of this I cry, did I also mention that I wish I could telaport myself every night to help her get dinner on the table for her and 5 children.
-And finally today June 3rd 13 years later after marrying the man that I love I attended probably the saddest event, Alex's funeral, did I mention he was only 9 years old and didn't even get to make it to double digits.
I am sure I have forgotten other details both good and bad.
Spoke with a friend this morning about living in the moment. At this moment I am exhausted emotionally and although summer begins for us tomorrow I feel like crawling in my bed , pulling the covers up over my head and not coming out for a while.
Pray for Me for I have yet to learn this secret-
"I have learned the secret of being happy at any time in everything that happens." Phil 4:12

What's so Amazing about Grace, by Philip Yancey

Finishing up reading What's so Amazing about Grace by Philip Yancey. This has been a really good and easy read for me up until chapter 13. This chapter entitled , Grace healed eyes had really struck a chord of sadness and confusion for me. In this chapter he talks about one of the biggest eye openers for grace in his life has been his friendship with a man named Mel White. Apparently, Mel White has written a book as well, Stranger at the Gate and was a ghost writer for many famous Christian authors. 5 years into their friendship Mel confessed to Philip that he is a homosexual and that he was no longer going to live the lie or facade of being a heterosexual with a wife and 2 children. He talks about the torture he had been through trying to change this about himself and then it talks about the back lash and hatred he was embraced with after coming out of the closet.
This book was written in the 90's so things have changed some in this area but not much. It just got me thinking about so much. How we as Christians can be the meanest , most hate filled judgemental a..holes to anyone who doesn't fit into our own comfortable box of what we deem acceptable human behavior.
It angers me that we treat people the way that this man was treated. God forgive me when I have been that a..hole! I pray I show grace and more grace in the future.
In this book Philip talks about the fact that Grace is what sets apart our belief system from any other. He says we are all Bastards but God loves us anyway and that is Grace in and of itself.
Here is my favorite segment from the book ,
"My study of Jesus life convinces me that whatever barriers we must overcome in treating "different" people cannot compare to what a holy God- who dwelled in the Most Holy Place, and whose presence caused fire and smoke to belch from mountaintops, bringing death to any unclean person who wandered near- overcame when he descended to join us on planet Earth.
A prostitute, a wealthy exploiter, a demon-possessed woman, a Roman soldier, a a Samaritan with running sores and another Samaritan with serial-husbands- I marvel that Jesus gained the reputation as being a "friend of sinners" like these. As Helmut Thielicke wrote:
Jesus gained the power to love harlots, bullies, and ruffians...he was able to do this only because he saw through the filth and crust of degeneration, because his eye caught the divine original which is hidden in every way- in every man! ... First and foremost he gives us new eyes.... "

This is the Jesus I think so many of us have forgotten. He hung out with sketchy people. He was a friend to these people. He calls me friend.
This is why I love Jesus. This is why I live for Him and only Him. This is why I am willing to give up my comfortable box for a bigger box that is much more beautiful than I could ever imagine. It doesn't always make sense to me but it is always so beautiful. So amazing, Jesus grace for me. I pray I extend more and more and more grace. I pray I don't ever take the seat of judgement instead of mercy and grace.

Today was rough

I hate days mixed with joy and sorrow. This is life. I just wish they were all filled with joy but alas, they are not.

Happy 10th Birthday Emma Faith

This girl has been waiting to turn double digits since she was 2. I have been holding off A LOT of grown-up girlie things until now. Double digits is when I told Emma that we would talk about things like; shaving her legs, getting high lights in her hair , wearing make-up, and other girlie products that are now fair game. I didn't think this number would come so quickly and her dad and I keep saying, "Emma why did you have to go and head into the double digits?" "Why couldn't you just stay put in those lower numbers?" She of course gives us the roll of the eyes and pssh Dad , pssh Mom look.
Well it's here, she is 10. Now what? We are entering into a whole new territory and you all might think I am being a bit dramatic but everybody who's ever been a parent knows these years go by rather quickly and before you know it....she will be an official ...... dare I say it......TEENAGER!!!!
But let's not rush things here, for now she gets to shave her legs. One baby step at a time.

Bug O Rama 2008

I love this show. I feel so happy to just be surrounded by hundreds of old VW's that I could stay there forever. It really is the greatest(for me). Sharing this love with my best friend is even better. The drive down and back was so rainy and green and beautiful. I felt like I was in another country. Truly we live by some of the most beautiful scenery. When we got there we were worried that it would be rainy there as well but it wasn't . It was the best weather I have ever experienced at a Bug O Rama. Usually it is so hot and you get so sun burned but this year it was perfect. Not too hot , not too cold. We found a few items for my bug that were good finds at the swap meet and they have already been put on. I decided on the color I want to paint my bug while I was there. I still have to save some money for that but I am pretty sure I am going to go with the green that was the color of my mom and dads VW back in the 70's. It was great to catch up with our very good friends Jason and Tasha and also to get to know some new friends. Another great memory that I am so grateful for.

I am going back with a vengance

I registered for my fall classes this morning and I will be taking a very full load of 4 classes. Yikes!! I only have 7 classes total that I need to graduate from TMCC and then on to UNR for thier ECE program. Hopefully if all goes well and I pass all these last 7 classes I will be graduated this time next year. I am excited about that but I know it's a long road ahead with lots of papers, reading, studying with interruptions, time away from social things I would rather be doing and just general stuff that you sacrifice to be a student. The pay off is worth it. I am going to need the money being as how my kids are entering double digit numbers rather quickly and soon to be eating us out of house and home.
I will enjoy this summer so much more knowing what I have ahead and how much work next year will entail. I am glad that although I am registered and set to go I have a few months still of leisurely living.

"Your Decisions Determine Your Destiny"

I wrote this blog all the way back in January and then for some reason never posted it. I was cleaning out my drafts box and thought, huh...those were some interesting thoughts. If I were to have one of those fancy voting things on my blog I would ask how many of you write and re write your blog and then publish, have drafts waiting the in the wings, never draft or save anything just go straight to publishing? Can I take a vote on this one without the fancy doo hickie voting thing?

This used to be the slogan of the church I attended many moons ago, "Your decisions determine your destiny." I used to buy that so wholeheartedly. I used to think that this was doctrine. There were so many slogans that I lived by back then not really even giving a second thought to what they really meant. I am not the same young girl that I was back then. I no longer just take slogans like that at face value. I have become in many ways a closet cynic. I try to pretend to be the eternal optimist but I have seen more real life in the last few years that can't be explained away by a slogan, and I am no longer so quick to fall for the band-aid answer that used to come my way by every Christian known to man or to me. The friend who is diagnosed with a terminal illness, did her decisions determine her destiny? The person who married a person that she thought was "the one" and he turned out to be a bastard who left her right after giving birth to her third son, did her decisions determine her destiny? The person who's spouse just chucked it all for a night on the town did HER decisions determine HER destiny? I THINK NOT!!! There is pain there that is caused by nothing other than the fall of man. Not something that was intended, even by God Himself, but none the less their reality. I can no longer swallow the pat answer, the band-aid. I want reality. I want the unknown. I want truth. Slogans are a thing of the past to cover up the fact that really none of us know more than the rest and no catchy phrase is ever going to change that.
Do you have an old slogan/phrase from the past that really bugs you?

Goodbye Sue Leishman

I will miss you. Your fight was one of the strongest, most courageous fights I have ever seen. Much like your life you were brave and against all odds so strong for others. Your fight for life was inspiring and made me so grateful for every breath of my own.The few deep conversations that we shared will stay with me forever. What you had to overcome in your lifetime is truly a testimony of God's hand of love, goodness ,and grace and your own strength and courage. I am happy for you on this day that you are no longer in pain, you have no more suffering, no more tears to wipe dry, no more haunting memories. I am happy for you that on this day you have seen the eyes of the one who knows you, our Precious Lord Jesus. What a happy day for you. I will miss you.

Andria's Graduated

I am so happy for my friend Andria who tonight graduated from Nursing School. She made her way through this education with a pregnancy and birth of a child, with many financial hardships, with an overwhelming amount of doubters from those closest to her. She is amazing. She is one of my heroes. Here's to you Andria. Way to go!!

Happy 8th Birthday Chloe

My Millennium Baby has turned 8.

She is sensitive to happiness and sadness.

She is sweeter than honey and will stick to you if you let her.

She is organized and very clean.

She has got rhythm like it's nobody's business.

She is quiet at first but not for long.

She loves her monkey still(blanket that she's had since being a baby)

She has a silent but deadly sense of humor.

Don't even get her started on impersonations you might never get her to stop.

I love you Lo Lo.

The Park in Vienna

For me there is absolutely nothing better than sitting on a park bench with a cup of joe or a glass of wine depending on the time of day. I love watching the world go by. I am a Frederick field mouse and if I could pick a picture that best describes me in a photographic way it would probably be the one at the top.

If it were not for my fellow journey men and women on this path called life I don't think I would get up from those park benches and experience life. I would let life come to me. I find it so interesting that life does find a way of finding me even when I would prefer to sit still.

Maybe it's the beauty that I hear in silence or that I know so many have sat and thought the very same things and that there truly is nothing new under the sun except for me. There has never been another me.

My eyes see things different.

My ears hear things different.

My voice is unique.

What I say may have been said before but not exactly the same.

That to me is so cool.

Truth

The quote of the day for me, "Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. With all the tragedies and traumas of this world, wonder what it is that holds us together."
If I told you where this quote came from you would discredit it's truth. So I am not going to tell you where I heard this. It is true. It is something that I wonder. Not for myself but for others. I don't like having to say goodbye prematurely or at all for that matter. It makes me angry, confused, sad, deeply depressed, and weak. I know people who won't ever say goodbye because they dislike goodbyes so much. They will say something like, "See you later" instead.
Still grieving some of the recent sad events that have taken place in the lives of my family and friends. Some of these things are still unfolding even as I type this.Still not sure what to think about what happened to me because of all of this. Some things I just can't wrap my brain around. I try and I try to make sense of things that just don't make sense. I don't like things that don't make sense. I don't like the band-aid answers that we tell ourselves to make everything seem better when it's not.
This I do know, I am not a person who feels lightly. I feel deeply. I am sensitive, more sensitive than I would care to admit. My mom used to say that I always wore my emotions on my sleeve. I would like to think that isn't true anymore and that I have become a good faker, but I don't know that that is a good thing. I am up much later than I would be normally, much later than I care to be, because some thoughts and concerns of others have awakened me to pray. I pray, and I pray and then I cry. I cry because I don't know what to pray anymore.
I cry because I don't like some the situations we have to deal with here on planet earth. The moon is full tonight, or early this morning I should say and it is shining on all the shadows with all it's might. It reminds me of the last full moon that I was up for. It was in Italy. I was crying and alone like I am now. I was not however bloggin, oh no not that night. I was looking out the window and wondering about so much. I was extremely overwhelmed by the feeling of the Presence of my Creator. I was completely taken by His presence and grateful that He should even have a second thought about someone like myself.
All I know is...He loves me. He is amazing. I am not worthy. He makes me whole. He is what holds me together.

My last Mom's Group

This morning marked a significant season in my life coming to a close. I hosted my last mom's group at my house. I have been hosting mommy and me groups from all the way to Carson City days. I started this group because I was completely unhappy with the other moms groups at the time in Carson City. They were all too"type A" for me and I just wasn't going to play the whole, "Oh yeah, well I had my baby potty trained and walking at only 3 months old" game. Nor was I going to pay money to play that social game either. So I solved my own problem, asked Pastors Louie and Peggy if I could have a mom's group on Thursday morning at the church and the rest is history.
Over the years some of my closest friendship relationships have come about because of these mom's groups. I have seen incredibly strong mothers deal with children who have everything from Downs syndrome to ADHD. I have made friends with mom's who had twins and other mom's who would have given anything to have just one more baby. Moms are incredible people and I am extremely grateful for all the wonderful examples of motherhood that I have seen in my life time.
This group also helped fill a very big gap for me because these past almost 10 years I have not been able to be a teacher of lil ones except for with my own and from time to time volunteering at church. I miss teaching lil people. I love lil minds and how they work and that will never change for me. I love how people are who they are even at 3 years old and the only thing that changes between 3 and 30 is faces, and responsibilities but the interests you have at 3 often times trickle all the way into adult hood and this astounds me.
So, needless to say it was a mixed day for me. I am extremely happy to know that the group will go on with the brave and wise leader Erica in the fall but I am sad that this chapter in my life is now over.
Isaiah will be in preschool more on a fuller-time basis next semester, and I will be in school full time finishing up the ECE degree that I started many moons ago. I will be missing out on the coffee talks, the baby's growing, the new siblings coming, and all the fun memories. This makes me sad.
I will forever have a baby romance and will probably drop in from time to time on this group just to get that baby fix but I am moving on to more grown-up pastures. I hope these pastures taste as good as the ones I have been grazin for the last 9 years. Here's to moving on and growing up!!