Thursday, May 27, 2010

15 Years Ago...

It started with a glance out of the corner of my eye.

It then turned into a good long stare when he wasn't looking.

Which quickly became a High School girls crush.

Crushes have their way of becoming obsessions.

Obsessions have a way of getting a little out of control and making The Creator of said obsession a little angry.

Which gave some time for The Creator to perfect things.

And perfect things have a way of working out perfectly.

Perfecting something called Love isn't always easy.

Love is so strong it deserves to be recognized with symbols, dates, tokens, and certificates.

But those things aren't what defines this LOVE.

This LOVE multiplied 4 times over.

This LOVE 16 years later looks and feels different than when it first began.

It feels like a thirst being quenched. Like a need being met.

Like winning the lottery. It feels like "a peach, soft, fuzzy, and juicy" says the man I married 15 years ago June 3, 1995.

I met and married a boy who has turned into the man that can still make me smile like no other person I know.

He is now without a doubt my best friend, lover, amazing father of our 4 children and still the one I would rather be with than anyone else on planet earth!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Emma Faith

The day she was born was amazing. A few weeks before her birth her Auntie Hillary passed on. She never got to meet her dad's only sibling, but Hillary did feel her move in my belly. Her grandma Shelle, Papa Tom, and cousin Kay were all on their way back to Mississippi after coming out west for the memorial service for Hillary.

They had been with us for a few days and we were all hoping that this lil one that we hadn't even met yet would make her entrance a little early so that the circle of life could be the final memory for them.

She sure did keep us waiting up until the very morning their plane was to leave I started to get some pretty strong labor pains. I being a first time mom had a few false alarms before this day and so I wanted to be really sure this was it. There was no mistake about it, Emma wanted to enter the world on a day that would bring joy instead of sorrow, laughter instead of tears, and she reminded us all that day that life must go on. Her entrance was grand to say the least, and she was met by so many people in the delivery room that now looking back on it all it brings a tears to my eyes. From her very start she has been a blessing.

Emma Faith is turning 12. She wishes she was turing 21, but thank God her mom has a few more years to catch up with her maturity that has always been way beyond her years.
She is the "other mother" in this family.

She is the great motivator in this house.

I will never forget when she was 5 years old and we signed her up to play soccer. It was the first organized sport that she had been involved in. When she would get on that field she would go after that soccer ball with such determination and vigor that her dad and I were literally floored by her competitive spirit.

She definitely inherited her dad's confidence in self, by that I mean she really does not care what others think about her. When she was little again all her friends dressing up as princesses for Halloween and she was still sporting Gramma Shelle's animals. The final year she was a giraffe a costume so over the top we had to carry around the long neck like she was a show girl.
And now as she enters the last year of pre-teen/childhood she is still as confident as ever. I think I am more nervous than she to enter Jr. high in the fall.

She is so confident.
Sings like there's no tomorrow.
Her eyes are so beautiful that I still find myself staring into them just because I like to look at them.

She is my daughter who is now becoming my friend.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Book- Jesus For President ,The Movie- Avatar, The Church Bethany UCC,and my thoughts lately

I have been reading another one of Shane Claiborne's books Jesus for President by Chris Haw and Shane. The first book of Shane's that I recently blogged about here a few months back, Irresistible Revolution still seems so fresh in my mind, and has left me haunted in many ways that I am not doing enough to make this world a better place.
This new book I chose to read to stay on that same train of thought( the train that wants to make the world a better place is not an easy train to be on), has done the same thing, but magnified that thought x 1000!

Seriously, I have to say, that this book is even more challenging than the first because it deals so much with politics and how they correlate with being a Christian. Politics have changed and are still changing for me on a daily basis. Honestly, though they are not my full-time job, not even my part-time job for that matter and by that I mean I would consider myself to be the average American voter who only pays attention to things when election years roll around. That is some real, REAL honesty there(so don't be a judger). SO, reading this book which is primarily written by two extreme activists in this regard has made me realize how my ignorance was really bliss! Now that I know what I know after reading this book I can't turn back.

It talks about the violence of wars and their aftermath. What it looks like to be a Christ follower, who if we are truly following in Christs foot-steps we are to love our enemies, do good to those that hurt us, and I am pretty sure He said something about turning the other cheek. He never said, take what you want, when you want it and by all means use force to get it if necessary. Which btw, is pretty much in a nutt-shell the U.S. of A's entire history.
PLEASE,Please, don't take me wrong I am EXTREMELY grateful for this country and although I believe many of our ways are twisted and could use a serious wake-up call, there is also another side of the US that I see, in the faces and stories everyday that are good, but for the sake of what I am internalizing right now I have to say personally I see so many more changes that need to be made, rather than things that would be good if they stayed the same. Hope that makes sense?

I think this book combined with being totally blown away by the new movie Avatar has made me angry with our country and it's history. I hope it's a righteous anger, but all I know is it makes me want to do something, anything to make things better in this country. If you have seen the movie than I hope you get the correlation about taking things by force and how much the US has played a part from it's very origin in doing this very shameful act of injustice.

On top of this book, and that movie there is the new church I have been attending, Bethany United in Seattle or Bethany UCC.
This church if full and I do mean full of WORLD CHANGERS! Like this past Sunday, they had an amazing speaker, Pramila Jayapal, who talked about immigration reform. It was powerful. It was challenging to listen to the stories of immigrants whose rights as human beings are being violated every day in the name of the law. I cried silent tears pretty much the whole time she was talking for many reasons.
And now here tonight my heart is torn.
My eyes of full of tears again for so many reasons.
I am wondering what is my part in all of this?
She said something that I believe sums up what is happening to me, "If you allow yourself to feel fully everyday it is a courageous act. You can't help but become an activist."
I don't allow myself to feel fully everyday. It hurts way too much. I think I am beginning to awaken more feelings about all of this stuff and it scares the hell out of me because I know where this train of thought leads.
Why am I on this train again? Oh yeah, because I have 4 children.
This train of thought is not easy.
It's not for cowards. In fact it's not coward friendly at all, which is what I am to the core.
Like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz, I talk a big game, but I am scared and allow fear to dominate so many of the choices that I make in life. My phlegmatic nature is opposed to being an activist, but it's never too late to change.
I am beginning to find my ROAR though.
I hope that this new voice I have found always speaks
Life instead of Death,
Love instead of Hate,
Mercy instead of Judgement.
Honestly, Oh God I pray, I hope it sounds more and more like a Lamb than A Lion.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Ode to Chloe Nashelle

10 Years ago I asked my mom to watch Emma, my almost 2 year old, while I went to my weekly pre-natal appointment. I left the office happy to report back that things were moving right along, and that my doctor said it could be any day. Little did I know that it would be that night.

I came home to a very happy, very active lil Emma Faith and Grandma Ellen playing on the floor at 803 North Minnesota St. I immediately kicked right back into mom mode and starting playing along with them. Meanwhile, my back started to hurt.

After about an half an hour of my back hurting, I started to get some more pain. I decided to get up off the floor and do some dishes. While doing the dishes and standing upright for about 20 minutes more I started breathing a little heavy. My mom of course having birthed 4 children before, I am sure knew right away what was happening, but I thought everything was fine.

We lived literally right down the street from the hospital and so I wanted to wait until I couldn't wait anymore before going to the hospital. I decided to take a shower just in case.

Meanwhile, Moses came home from work and my mom informed him that "IF you don't get her to the hospital she's going to give birth to that baby right there in the shower" (said in my mother's very bostonian accent that comes out oh so strong when she is nervous, upset, excited.... pretty much a lot) Mo then came knocking on the bathroom door and I guess I had been in there for about a half hour(the warm water just felt really good) and he said, "Well, I guess I will boil some water and get some towels" which I knew was my husbands way of saying, GIRL you better get your butt out of there and to the hospital.

And so off we went. A whole minute down the road. By the time I got to the nursing station I couldn't even check in or say my name. I was in hard labor. The nurses got me to a bed and called my doctor. They said, that baby is coming and the doctor might not make it in time and the worst part, I could not have ANY DRUGS! What? "It's too late for that now!" What? WHAT? Dr. Amy came rushing in, said she had to pour her glass of wine down the drain, boo hoo, and said "Are you ready for this?" Chloe was born from start to finish 45 minutes after I arrived to CTH.

She came in like a tidal wave that swept over us all and now 10 years later this girl still brings such waves of LOVE that it's hard to put it in words.

She is a gem.
She is beautiful.
She is Chloe Nashelle.
She is now in double digits.
Happy Birthday Lo Lo I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Mom, The Month of MAY, and My new Theme for this Month

I almost lost it in the card isle in the grocery store the other day. I was looking for Mother's day cards and this year I decided to send them to not only the 3 mothers I have; Mom Ellen, Momma Nash, and Mom B., but also to some other mother's in my life.

So, basically I went nutts, and spent way too much money on cards, but .... shhh please don't tell on me for this. I am keeping with my LOVE theme that I set out to do in the month of February. I don't know if you caught that blog but I said that I wanted to write one person a day in the month of February to tell them how much I love them and well, there are just more people than that calendar month provided for me to tell how much I love so I decided in February to make the month of May be a special theme month for me as well.

I know I am a dork who LOVES words probably wayyy too much.

I know to most of you it might just be a silly thing, but for me it has been therapeutic to tell the people I love, that I LOVE them.

I know there should be an award for cheese-ball of the year that could be given to people for things such as this.


It is the John Mayer song "Say What you NEED to Say" kind of thing for me that is happening here.

So May is the "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight Oh Lord" month! WOW! Sheesh, that was a long one. I thought of this though the other day when I read this in THE BOOK. I thought, I am pretty sure those words, the words that The Lord would accept, would be those of sincere and genuine heart felt LOVE.

You can now award me with the Cheese-Ball of the year award, but go right ahead! Won't even bug me a bit, because you know what? Chances are if you are reading this blog I probably love you too! SO THERE.

The pictures are of just SOME of the amazing mother's in my life. Enjoy.
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