Sunday, October 31, 2010

Rebuttal to 1 year later

(Cabin in the woods where we are making new memories)

After my last pity-party post I felt I should quickly post a rebuttal.

I am thankful for my new neighbors here in Washington.

(Favorite row of trees this fall, but the picture doesn't quite do it justice)

Tonight we went trick or treating with our neighbors.
Neighbors from Russia, Brazil, Mexico, India, and L.A.

(Pea Patch Preschool class on Orange Day!)

It has taken some time to find our niche here in Redmond, but tonight actually made me feel like it is starting to happen.
Definition of Niche- " a place, employment, status, or activity for which a person or thing is best fitted b : a habitat supplying the factors necessary for the existence of an organism or species c : the ecological role of an organism in a community especially in regard to food consumption d : a specialized market"

It is an interesting thing meeting new people. We have been here in Washington a whole year now and this is just now starting to happen. There is just a glimmer of the beginnings of finding a niche here.

I am thankful for people who share their gift of hospitality with me and my family. There have been all kinds of gestures to welcome my family and I and for everyone of them I am thankful.
Whether it's a walk up my hill, a pie brought over, a free week pass at the gym, a birthday party, a night out , a night in, a book club, an invitation to anything cannot be overlooked when you are the new comer.

(Sol the cowboy, Friend Irene the Witch, and Isaiah The Hulk)

More now than ever I have realized that I want to cultivate my gifts of hospitality and make my home one that welcomes strangers.

Funny side-note, tonight while trick-or-treating I saw a welcome matt that said "GO- AWAY" it made me LOL :)
That matt would be the opposite of what I am trying to convey... still it is pretty dang funny!

(Pic of some branches on the Big Daddy Tree in our yard with some moss and just a speckle of sun)

I am thankful for new neighbors, second chances, new friends, new jobs, a new home, and a new lease on life.

Monday, October 25, 2010

1 year later

I had a total melt-down moment tonight.
It has been a start to finish beyond busy Monday.
The kind where you don't have time to really eat, pee, or even breathe!
From 6:30 this morning until almost 8p tonight I didn't have one single moment alone.
Then while waiting in the car for Sol to come out of Cub Scouts, all alone at approximately 7:55p, it hit me.
We have been living here in Washington for a year now.
I felt at that moment in the car alone with no one but me and my Creator a deep sigh of grief.
I breathed in and out, 3 long breaths and the floodgates opened up.

It's hard to believe that one year ago, I was arriving here in Washington with my family of 6 to live in a tiny little cabin in the woods. The Pacific Northwest still doesn't feel like home, but at least I don't feel like we are on just a really long vacation anymore :) Whether that is a good or a bad thing I don't know.
What I do know is that putting down roots in a new home takes some time. Time is something we mark with birthdays, holidays, and other such traditions. So this time of year especially always reminds me of a few things that are just not the same anymore.

Tonight I realized this time of year will never be the same anymore.
For a moment I had it really great.
Now I will just have to redefine great.
All of my immediate family living in one state as grown-up adults that was great.
Now great has to be at least that we all live here in the States again :) and also that none of us have passed away.
I can still call anytime I want to hear a voice on the other end and that is something great that I took for granted before, something really great is being able to hug my family whenever I want to. I just now have to buy a plane ticket to do it.

A good friend reminded me recently of the importance of grieving and so I guess that's what I am doing tonight.
I feel like I have been grieving for while now, and not just about moving away from all my family and friends, but about a lot of pain and sorrow that I have seen all around me.

I realize that this post is one that might get deleted because I don't usually like to grieve publicly.
I guess I have always been a private crier and therefore a kind of a private griever.
I think it mostly comes from not liking to be too vulnerable, but also because chances are after a good night sleep it will all feel so different in the morning.

Tonight though it feels good to cry.
I am crying over being too far away from friends and family.
I am crying over the struggles in marriages around me.
I am crying over the failing health of loved ones.
Over loneliness, brokenness, and despair that I see on the faces all around me.
And then over my own selfishness and humanity.
It feels selfish to cry when I have a roof over my head, my health, food in my belly, and the love of my amazing family, but still here I sit with tears and it really also feels SO good.
Blog design ©2012 Design by Alyx