Wednesday, April 30, 2014

From Entry To Entry

I just recently finished my old journal. 
It's start date was June 16, 2013. 
I don't know if you are the journaling type, Beloved Reader but this girl has journals that date back to the 80's. 
Yeah, I'm old... see post below ©

Here's the thing, whenever I finish one journal I have to, no I am compelled to look back over the old pages and reminisce.
Above all else,
 this heart of mine, is so darn sentimental it's downright mushy overload up in here sometimes.
But, this time through this old journal I was reminded of God's faithfulness, and promises to me in the past year.
I felt him remind me that 
From journal entry to entry,
From glory to glory, he is faithful to complete this work He started in my heart long ago.
Instead of getting all weepy and mushy, I was inspired and reminded of this scripture;

"But we all with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror
the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same
image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit."
1 Cor 3:18

The first entry from my old journal was actually on Father's Day last year, and I was bemoaning the fact that Moses wasn't with us. It's hard to have Fathers Day when the Father of the house is 700+ miles away. There were so many things I didn't understand at that moment, why others close to me had lost their Father for good, and still others Fathers had just checked out.
I was grateful that my Giant was only leading a path ahead of us in a move back home to Nevada that was for our good.
Still, my heart was weary with questions, worries, and concerns.
We(me and my Fab4)were in Washington finishing up the school year there, and he(My Giant) had already started working in Nevada.

The reason I wrote a journal entry that day was because I started to feel sad, and overwhelmed at the prospect of moving my family to Nevada all by myself. To say I was a tad bit emotional, would be quite the understatement. I was all over the place as this BIG move was approaching. 
Ya see, a big move wreaks havoc on us sentimental types.

To be quite honest I was having a pity party and I may have had some words in said journal that weren't so nice.
I also may have had some not so nice words written all over our moving boxes that My Giant later read.
Hee hee hee...
Ahem... note to self don't take out your emotions on the boxes that others will later read. 
The point is...

I started to feel very much alone.

I had been packing for weeks all by myself.
I had been going to baseball games by myself.
I had been going to end of the school year parties, all by myself.
I had been saying goodbyes by myself. 
I had been having sleep overs, parties, hikes and a whole long list of to do's by myself.
I had been doing 4 kids, ya know that whole raising a family of 4  thing, by myself for one too many weeks, days, hours, too long.

And at the moment of this entry I was feeling what my friend Louie likes to call, "Whelmed!"
Ya know, so overwhelmed that you can't even muster out saying the whole word.

In that moment God gave me this scripture,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

He was reminding me that I was not alone!
He was reminding me that even in this move back to Nevada He had a plan for my life and it was Good.
He was reminding me of His faithfulness, that He would never leave me or forsake me.
He was there in that moment, and I was no longer feeling alone.

And now almost one year later, as I look back over this past year I can see so clearly like in a mirror, that He was doing something so beautiful, so good ... he was filling my tank from 1/2 empty to overflowing.

My only regret, is that I didn't run to Him quicker.

From journal entry to entry, 
From glory to glory...

"You have called me higher, you have called me deeper and I'll go where you will lead me Lord."

Thursday, April 24, 2014

9 more months

In 9 more months I will turn 40 years old.
9 months is a significant amount of time.
It's enough time for the average pregnancy.
It's enough time for a school year to be complete.
It's about the amount of months it takes a baby to look this cute.

40 years, now that is certainly a significantly larger amount of time.
That is half an average lifetime.
It is a number that meant a lot to some Israelites thousands of years ago as they wandered the desert in search of the Promise land.
Seriously, I can't believe they wandered for 40 YEARS!?!
I'd be like,
 "Excuse me but does somebody know where we are going, cause I gotta go pee?!!"

It's a very long amount of time in a marriage. Most marriages, more than 75% never reach that number.
And it's a heck of a LOT longer than this little guy has been on the planet. He's got 39 and 1/2 more years to go to catch up with me.

If I'm fortunate enough to have another 40 years I will leave this world thinking some of the same things I am thinking today.

Did I live my life to the fullest possible measure that I could have?
And the answer will be the same as it is today.
No, I haven't and No, I didn't.

It won't be for lack of trying, but simply because there is only so much one life can hold.
I'm okay with knowing now at almost 40 years old that there are some things in this life time I was given that will just never come to pass for me.
I was told once from a very close friend who was diagnosed with Brain Cancer that if you live like every day was your last you very quickly go crazy. 
So I just determined to be o.k. with the present moment.
I mean to be really o.k. with where you are and what you are doing, even if you want to change some things, there is just so much freedom in this.

But these beauties they have the whole word ahead of them.
I hope at least to live long enough to see these lovely young women grow to be amazing older women in their 40's.

I think this train of thought is the reason for many a mid-life crisis. 
All of sudden we hear the clock ticking and we freak out on the inside just a bit, and then freak out on the outside a whole lotta bit!!
I'm thankful that somewhere in my heart I have peace about turning 40.
I'm not saying that I don't think mid-life cray cray thoughts from time to time, but I'm just able to keep that crazy in a bottle until it passes.
This lil guy is CRAZY CUTE!! 
Don't you agree?

I have started to ask a different question.

The question I am asking myself today and one that I will ask myself on my dying day is...
But, did I leave the world a better place?
That's all any person can ever hope to accomplish in one lifetime.
Making it a little bit better for the ones they leave behind.

Because I'm a mom of 4 kids I think about the future generations on a regular basis and I wonder things like...
What will it be like for my children when they are 40?
Will I still be here?
Will there be flying cars?
Will the world look so unfamiliar that it will frighten me ?

What I know about the future is only this, I will have to leave this earth someday and I pray my footprint is one of faith, hope, and love. 
Here's to almost turing 40!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Ghost of Easters Gone Past

Is that title sacrilegious ?
What does it even mean to be sacrilegious?
I suppose I would know if that title that I was just trying to be funny/cute with is sacrilegious if I knew what the heck the word sacrilegious even meant. 

Oh bother... I've already gotten off on a tangent and I haven't even started my real post here.
Let me reign this back in.

Easter Sunday has come and gone and I'm not quite sure how this happened.

1. Look how big my kids are?
B.  We were able to get the above picture with one click of the camera.
I know, impressive right?
All eyes facing forward and some pretty decent smiles on all the faces. 
I kind of had to take a step back and realize what a big moment that was.
The whole day I kept thinking this Easter feels so different, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was?
At first I thought well, it's our First Easter back in NV, so that must be it.
Then I thought, well maybe it's because we didn't dye any easter eggs, but to be quite honest the idea of a watery dye substance around kids has never been my fav, so we have skipped that tradish many times.
I thought maybe it's because I tried to stay on a budget and didn't buy any new outfits, no that wasn't it.
 And then I realized ...
My kids are so grown up now that the hussle and bussle of Easter Sunday morning, just wasn't present this year.
The chaos that once was my reality with 4 lils was no longer present.
They all got dressed on their own.
They all managed to keep chocolate stains from that damn bunny off their pretty Easter clothes!!
They all combed hair, brushed teeth and got out the door for church on time.
They even managed to give me that picture up there with one click.
When did it happen?
It seems like only yesterday that we were driving out to Papa Russ house, with 4 lils 6 and under and we turned around to see Solomon with green stains on his brand new white dress shirt. 
 A Green Jello Easter egg that he had been given at church was dripping out onto said white dress shirt for the past 5 miles.
But where was the Jello coming from you ask?
Oh, he had stuffed the Jello egg up his nose!
Gross and very hard to get Jello out of the nose.
Those kind of moments are long gone now, and this is why it felt so different to me on Sunday.
I'm used to chaos.
I'm used to busy.
I'm used to how lils do Easter Sunday morning. 
Because I know I only have so many more Easter Sunday mornings where I will wake to hear the squeals over a basket full of candy, I'm trying even harder than ever before to not sweat the small stuff.
There will only be a few more Easter Egg hunts.
Only a few more Chocolate Bunny Sundays.
I'm trying to take it all in and not miss a moment.
I'm trying to not get frustrated when my girls fight over clothing for the ba-zillionath time!
Or when my boys get dirty BEFORE the beloved picture is taken.
I'm keeping this scripture as a goal post in my mind;
 "Teach me to number my days, that I might gain a heart of wisdom."
Psalm 90:12
And I also feel like shouting from the rooftops
Also, I'm married to that Giant in the pink shirt so I'm pretty sure life will never be boring, even when my kids are grown and gone I have that cute guy to keep me company, and then of course my silly sweet sister Gina Bo Bean A!!
Hope you all had a great Easter Sunday
filled with love, life, and lots of laughs.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Spring Break 2014

Today marked the end of Spring Break for our camp and I have to say I'm a tad bit bummed. 
I gotta tell ya, it has been so nice to have the extra time with my Fab 4.  We actually got two weeks for Spring Break this year. Can't I get a Whoop Whoop!!
I enjoy hanging out with my Fab 4 so much. Sometimes I wonder why I share them with the rest of the world, ever?  I suppose it wouldn't be healthy if I did keep them all to myself, like the mom in Tangled.
"Mother knows best listen to your Mumzy!" 
Ha ha, that song just popped into my head right now. 
(Insert emoticon with a straight face and eyes wide open)
Before you go calling CPS know that I have in FACT, been sharing my kiddos and plan to continue sharing them, it's just sometimes when I look at them I think that mom in the Disney movie Tangled might have been on to something.
I digress.
For the first part of our Spring Break we traveled to Paradise, CA. where my Aunt Linda and Uncle Gene live.
The above pic was taken from their front porch. I haven't been there in years because it was a bit too far to travel from WA. but from NV it's only about a 3 hour drive and I plan on making it lots more in the future. It was a wonderful time with family and my eldest Spawn even did some recording with her band called 
In Between Simple.
If I knew how to share the songs here believe me, I would but alas... I am just not that tech savy.
I need to figure that out, because I am their biggest fan. 
Gotta promote ya know !
While I was there, I drank out of that mug up there.
It belongs to my Aunt Linda and it was my favorite mug in her cupboard because of the saying on it.
I prayed that prayer the entire time I was there and hope to pray it the rest of my life. 
"Lord help me to see thing through Your eyes!"
I really do wish it was possible to keep that perspective all the time.
So often I get caught up in things that don't really matter. 
Things that in comparison to eternity, the bigger picture, just won't even register on my radar.
Oh, to be always seeing things through the eyes of Jesus.
Speaking of seeing things through Jesus eyes, the tail end of our Spring Break I had the immense pleasure of taking my girls to a Joyce Meyer Conference in Sacramento.
(More on this later)

As long as I live on this planet there will never, ever be a better place for me than in the House of God with all His thousands of kids praising him. I love, love, love to hear the people of God come together and give glory to the King of Kings. 
There truly is nothing greater, except maybe seeing your children praise the King with all their hearts, souls, and minds.

I can't get over how my girls have grown and right before my eyes turned into two of my most favorite young women to hang out with. I love to hear how they think and what their dreams are.
My cup overflows with joy for the memories we were able to make over the past two weeks. 
And as they headed back out into the world today, I thought of how fast the time is flying by.
They only have 59 more days of this school year.
That's just nutts!! 
Why do I torture myself with thoughts like this. 
It's a snowball, one finished Spring Break turns into their Graduation which then turns into a Wedding Day, and so on and so forth.
When they all stepped out of the car this morning...
I might have shed a tear like the day when they first went off to Kindergarden. 
I'm not gonna lie, I think I did.
But, hey I warned you... I'm a sentimental heart.
I can't help myself. 
The important thing to remember is that I didn't lock them in a tower ;)
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