Life Is ...

Life is so surprising.
Today while driving around Reno Nevada in my 1966 Vw Bug that I have fondly named Lucy Blue, I had this surprising feeling that  I am home. I never in a million years would have ever thought that moving back to Nevada 2 years ago I would feel this way, but today it was like a wave of warm water washing over me, saying you are home.
I am a Native Nevadan, born at Barton Memorial Hospital in South Lake Tahoe some 40 years ago, but I have never felt like Nevada was home to me. I always had dreams of going here, there, and everywhere... really just anywhere but here. I was constantly dissin on Nevada like it was nobodies biz-niz. I made Nevada-hatin my hobby!!
So it's no surprise that when I came of age I had plans to get the heck outta here.  When I was a Senior in High School I was set to go to Azusa Pacific University. I had scholarships, I had an acceptance letter, I was all but walking out the door when the wind of change started to mess with my heart.  Or... some might say the Holy Spirit changed my heart. For reasons that my 18 year old brain made logical, I stayed in Nevada and opted to go to the local community college.
Life is so strange.
Had I gone onto pursue dreams elsewhere I would have never fallen in love with My Giant and our 21 year love story, that now includes 4 amazing people, would not be what it is today. Still, I had the bug to live anywhere but here and so did my Giant so in 2009 when financial disaster came knocking on our front door by the name of Bank of America we said see ya Nevada, or some might say... Peace Out Brown Town!! We headed up to a lush green oasis. No wait... we moved into a tiny little cabin in the woods of Washington and by tiny I mean 800 square feet of small.  6 people, and 1 bathroom an oasis it was not.  By outsiders looking in I'm sure we seemed crazy, but to our family and at that time it was exactly what we needed to heal.
Life is so beautiful.
We spent almost 4 years up there in Redmond Washington and I honestly felt as though I was in my forever home.  I never wanted to leave the PNW. I loved the rain. I came alive when it was overcast and cloudy. I breathed Oh So Deep the smells, the colors, the sights, the sounds, meanwhile My Giant was dying. Literally his physical body working the job that we needed him to work to live up there was killing him. Something had to change.

Life is so miraculous.
It was around that time that a beloved friend of ours started to contact My Giant about a business adventure. I will admit I wasn't happy about these conversations. But, I would be lying if I said that I didn't see the sparkle in my Giants eyes when he would talk to this friend.  I began to feel those winds of change again.
Life is so funny.
We took the leap of faith and moved back. I wasn't happy about it, but I knew somehow deep down in my knower that it was the absolute right thing to do. And now 2 years later a wave of confirmation came over me that I can't deny. I am home. It might not be for forever. Obviously as a Christ follower I am HOMESICK for my eternal home. Nevada may very well be our hallway to another place. But for now it is exactly where we are supposed to be and it feels pretty damn good.
P.S.
**It could have been that it was rainy and that always makes me feel like I'm home, but I'm gonna go with what I know and that is that God has done a work and changed my heart about Nevada.  I'm so glad He's not done working. Now it's your turn;    Life is... 

Spring is Sprung

Every year around this time I start to get so excited to see signs of Spring popping up all over.  I sometimes feel like Buddy the Elf with my enthusiasm about Spring because all I need to see is the tiniest bit of color, a yellow something or other and I'm giddy. My kids know after all these years that I'm going to be pointing and shouting like a mad woman until all of Spring has Sprung. I suppose there are worst things to be, other than overly enthusiastic about nature. I know I have blogged several times over about my love of the seasons and how important I feel every season is. I come by this way of thinking naturally as my heart is beyond sentimental. And a sentimental heart can't help but LOVE the seasons of life and at the same time dread how fast they come and go. Today however, I don't want to talk about my love for seasons.  I want to talk about what I think Spring signifies not only in nature but somehow in my soul this year. To truly enjoy Spring I feel, you have to embrace Winter in all it's darkness. There are dark shadows that brush across all of our lives and we have to fully accept those moments as part of this life. We have to grieve, retreat, and lay dormant for a while, in order that our hearts can heal. Kind of like what the seed does under the snow. But, often times we try to hurry up the winters in our lives.  We don't do pain, darkness, uncomfortableness, and sorrow well.

“It is a very beautiful day. The woman looks around and thinks: 'there cannot ever have been a spring more beautiful than this. I did not know until now that clouds could be like this. I did not know that the sky is the sea and that clouds are the souls of happy ships, sunk long ago. I did not know that the wind could be tender, like hands as they caress - what did I know - until now? Unika Zürn Although, Winters in nature might seem like a time that nothing is really happening we all know that what happens during this season is just as important for the outcomes of the Spring and Summer to come into full bloom. How we process the winters in our souls affects the outcomes of Spring in our hearts.
In a sense I feel like I have circled around a winter in my soul that has lasted longer than just one natural season.  I'm trying to process exactly what that very long winter accomplished, but I think it has something to do with contentment, forgiveness, and moving forward.

For a very long time I have been holding onto a promise that God gave me several years ago when financially we as a family had lost everything and we retreated to the woods of Washington. To say we were on survival mode that first year would be an understatement, but by the second year we were starting to get the hang of living in an 800 sq ft cabin with only one bathroom and we were learning contentment.  Somewhere in that second year God spoke something to my heart that I will never forget, and somehow all these years later I see with my very own eyes HIS promises coming true. It is as though I'm experiencing Spring for the first time in a very long time.
And like the songbirds that wake us on a beautiful Spring morning, I just want to sing out ...

"Then sings my soul,  My Savior God to thee How Great thou art. How Great thou art." If today you find yourself still in the season of winter in your soul and it has been a long hard winter, with no sun in sight, please remember that HE who causes the Sun to rise and the Moon to glow(or reflect the suns light for you scientific types out there)  HE IS FAITHFUL!! "The soul should always stand ajar,  ready to welcome the ecstatic experience." Emily Dickinson
I hope your soul is ajar ready and waiting for the Spring to enter in. The turning of the corner to the road that was never ending will turn. The light at the end of the tunnel is there, it might seem dim but it's there.  The ever approaching season of a Spring like no other that  your heart and soul has ever known will come.   It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.Lamentations 3: 22-23
Wait for it. Hope for it. Believe in it.

Discontentment you B-*%@*!!

Last night I started to have a bit of a pity party. As I was laying in bed wide awake while the rest of the house was asleep, tears started rolling down my cheeks, and before I knew it I was, singing in my head "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to."

Not even a day after I had posted here how easy it is to always find something to be thankful for, there I was sulking in discontentment. Although it wasn't things that I wanted but rather changes in another person. This is the worse kind of discontentment. The kind that blames all your woes and sorrow on another.

This kind of discontentment will not only bring a sort of death to any relationship, but it most certainly will end with more discontentment. It is doomed to fail from the moment it is let out of the gates of our minds.

So what did I do? I shut that puppy down! I thought, "SHUT THE HELL UP, DISCONTENTMENT you B- *%#!!!"

And then I rolled over and began to thank God for everything I had to be thankful for.

This morning I read in Proverbs chapter 1 about wisdom, and I thanked God for giving me this wisdom to discern when thoughts are good and life-giving, and when they are bad and will result in death of some kind.
I am so thankful for breath of life that scriptures like this bring to me, and I am reminded once again this morning who the lover of my soul is.

My Adult Christmas list(and a lame attempt to sound like a credit card commercial)

Wanted: One Bright Green Kitchen Aid
Cost: 250 to 300 dollars
Knowing that I really only want this because it will look so great on my counter and not really for all the stuff I would make with it - Priceless-
Wanted: One brown and black Pug
Cost: 600 to upwards of 1000 dollars
Knowing that I partly want this dog so that I could make an unrealistic dream of a 9 year old girl come true and partly because it would look so stinking cute with my other 2 adorable dogs- Priceless-
Wanted: Bright beautiful Hollywood Style Porcelain Veneers
Cost: 4000+
Knowing that I really just want these so I won't have to go to the dentist anymore, nor will I have to floss ever again and so then I could finally be counted among all the plastic people out there(a goal in life I believe we all should aspire to attain )- Priceless-


I guess knowing that just because I want something doesn't really mean I need it is what makes this an adult Christmas list versus a Juvenile one and that really is priceless :)