Intrinsic Worth

I don't know if you know this, but I get really excited about words.  Words are my muse.   I love to hear them.  I love to sing them.  I love to speak them. I love to read them.  And I love when they are sweetly spoken to me. 

The other day, I read a phrase in the bible that jumped right out at me. The words intrinsic worth popped off the page this morning with such excitement it almost made a splash in my coffee.   Does that ever happen to you?  Not necessarily words that literally jump into coffee, but you read something or hear something and it just lingers? Well I read this little portion of scripture a few days ago;  "Stop regarding man, whose breath [of life] is in his nostrils [for so little time]; in what sense can he be counted as having intrinsic worth. "  Isaiah 2:22 And the phrase intrinsic worth got me so all kinds of excited that I tweeted it right then and there so I wouldn't forget it.  I immediately checked the googles for what the true meaning of this phrase might be. I found it hard to understand in a tangible human way, but incredibly worthy of a description for the Creator of this vast universe. It made me think and ask questions like what do I find worthy in this life?  Someone asked me a long time ago if you really want to know what matters in your life imagine your house is on fire ... what do you grab to get out as fast as you can, and what would you go back in there for? Of course everyone who has loved ones in their house would of course say them and their pets first, but then what would it be? When I think long and hard about that there isn't much I'd come running back inside a burning house  for, but I do have a binder of all titles, passports, social security cards, birth certificates that is easy accessible and ready to run out with.  The other stuff in comparison has no real worth except maybe some precious pictures and MY BIBLE.  My bible has countless notes and highlights and love letters in it from others that couldn't be replaced but what makes it intrinsically worthy to me has more to do with who wrote it and the conversations we've been having all these years because of that book. The whole entire bible is one long love letter to all of God's creation.  Yes, it can be hard to understand sometimes. Yes, it was written by men.  But it was, and is, and always will be breathed upon and made to come alive by God's own Spirit. Sometimes when I sit with my big bible (It's big because I chose an Amplified Version of the bible because there are MORE WORDS in it) I feel as though.. no I KNOW that God himself if sitting right there with me. Whispering sweet nothings ... wait sweet every-things and so much more into my ear. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope."  Psalm 130:5

There are no other words so powerful as those that are spoken to the soul from it's creator.  Intrinsic Worth.  

Count it ALL Joy!

This lil gem was in my draft section and I blew the dust off because I needed the reminder maybe you do too ? 

I've been thinking about this scripture;

"Consider it all joy my brethren (or sisterhood) when you encounter various trials"

Have you heard these words from the book of James before?

You can find them in the very first chapter of the book of James in the bible.

It's hard to believe that this is what James, Jesus' brother wrote in the very beginning of his book.

It was like right off the bat he wants you to know, he's not gonna be the book you go to, to feel cozy and warm.

He didn't mess around that James dude!

As a writer you look for the opening statement that is grab your reader and keep them reader, I'd say James was a pretty damn good writer wouldn't you?

"Consider it all joy my brethren (or sisterhood) when you encounter various trials"

Ok maybe he doesn't have the sisterhood bit in there, but I'm sure that was just an oversight, I won't hold that against him will you?

The past few weeks I feel as though I have had me some trials!

I have heard me some trials from beloved friends!

They aren't the kind that are 3rd world trials by any means, but none the less they have been challenging to me and to those I love deeply. 

And whenever I go through tough times personally, or just from hearing of the variety of trials around me I always think to myself...

That James must have been on CRACK cause JOY is the last thing I think of when I'm having a bad day, week, month, YEAR!!

I mean no disrespect, but I wonder if anyone else can relate here?

I mean, if you take the word 

TRIAL

and then the word

JOY

they just don't seem like they would be best friends, do they?

Know what I'm sayin'? 

So, then I wonder what do trials and joy have any business doing together in the same sentence?

I think that might be a rhetorical question, but then again maybe not because I'm going to try and answer it too.

In the past few weeks I have asked for prayers for myself from "the sisterhood" about oh... I dunno... umpteen times. 

I felt kinda like a rug. 

Beaten and shaken out to dry!

But, in the midst of these couple of rough weeks I realized that something deeper was happening and if I could just make it to the finish line(or to the coffee pot) I would be o.k. 

And, I can honestly say, that is why ... Today, I had myself a GREAT day!!

I made it to the other side of FUNK mountain and I came out singing.

The light at the end of this tunnel of FUNK was so bright it almost blinded me today.

As I walked around with a song on my lips and a spring in my step I just thought... 

Here is where Joy and Trials go hand in hand. 

Because the truth of the matter beloved reader is that there may pain in the night but joy really does come in the morning when you just hold on for dear life to the Anchor, Creator, Giver, Savior, and Healer. 

Velveteen Rabbit, Billy Ocean, and A New Tattoo (trust me I'm going to make this work)

“You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

- Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Yesterday afternoon my oldest daughter and her choir put on a concert for a 90 year old woman who has been an active influence in the world of art and music here in Reno for over 50 years. It was an awesome event to celebrate her life and while I watched her play on stage with the other band members I started to think about the above quote. I absolutely love the above quote.  It really applies to life as a human being as well as life as a Velveteen Rabbit. I miss the days of reading the Velveteen Rabbit, but when I was a child I never even knew the depth of this quote. One of the main reasons I love that quote is because it reminds me that life is a process. There is no final, or test that you take to say you have graduated, or you have now become who you are going to be.  You just become. It really does take a very long time to become. In watching the 90 year old woman last night I thought to myself, not even this lady has become. She still has more memories to make and more lessons to learn, although it seems hard to believe but I bet if you asked her she would tell you that it's true. You never stop learning. You never stop becoming.  It really does take a long time to become. Upon turning 40 years old I thought if a person was ever going to be done with the whole becoming process it should be about half way through this life don't cha think?  But no, as it turns out, it's really not even close. I mean, sure it's closer than it was when I turned 20 but still so much more becoming is needed. I look at older ladies in my life and see how secure they are in their skin and how confident their voices are and  I think I want that even more than I have it now, but I'm pretty sure its wrapped up in... you guessed it... more becoming. It really does take a long time to become. I don't want to be one that breaks easily either.  There's a scripture in Proverbs that says,   "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small."  This scripture has always reminded me of that old Billy Ocean song, When the going gets tough the tough get going! I think we should listen to that song and have a little dance party at the end ...  What do you say, who's with me? Let's get back on topic for now though...  The wisdom in that proverb is that in this life there are going to be days, weeks, maybe even months or quite possibly years of adversity but that is when we have to push through and keep looking up, or  work on those tough muscles or get going like Billy says! Speaking of looking UP, this past Friday I finally got Carl here, from the Disney movie UP tattooed on my inner arm. Can you say OUCH!!

He (Carl) is a perfect example of this becoming business. He thought when his wife died his becoming was over... but OH what joy awaited him when he started to become someone else, someone he always wanted to be. I'm going to move on because even just thinking about that movie gets me weepy. (Because remember when Isaiah turned 5 and had an UP themed bday party?)

I'll be honest, one of the reasons that scripture has always stood out to me is because I don't like adversity. I don't do hard or complicated or tough very well.  I like happy, sunny, champaign wishes and caviar dreams, (only minus the caviar... bleh!) But real life is not like that.  We have to go through the bad that makes the good that much more betta! It really does take a long time to become.
And let's talk about sharp edges.  Have you ever noticed those grumpy old people with so many edges it's hard to be the same room with them? Kinda like Carl before he met Russell. Don't cha just love that Russell kid? Oh wait, sorry I keep getting distracted all I know is that I don't want to become... like that. I know for me there is still so much more life ahead and rather than being worn out and leathered by the storms of life that come my way I want to be like a fine wine that only gets better, not the kind that turns to vinegar. So that being said, let's become well together and don't forget to DANCE!!

Woven

"I want you WOVEN into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God's great mystery. All the richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge are embedded in that mystery and nowhere else."  Colossians 2:2-3 

I read this, a few days back and I immediately thought of the new women's group that I get the privilege of being a part of once a month at my home church Hillside Foursquare. The reason I thought of them is because we have named our group Woven with the idea that our purpose should be to weave our hearts together with acts of love. We feel that all of God's women here in Reno, NV and across the world are stronger, better, more courageous when we stand together as a unified force.    I'm sure it makes a lot more sense now why this scripture that was on my desk calendar would shout out to me then. But, as I took a closer look I realized that God has been weaving a reoccurring theme throughout my days and that is unity. 
I have been studying the book of John with the SheReadsTruth ladies and a while back we read in John 5:19 that even Jesus was apart of the infinity circle. In this portion of scripture he talks about how he did nothing on his own but only moved always with the Father.  It got me thinking about how every soul that ever was or ever will be desires closeness, oneness, unity with someone.  When we seek out this unity our lives are richer, deeper, fuller and we are more in tune with our true selves. 
Every soul longs to know and be known by at least one.
God made us to long for this. He made us to long for Him. 
If even Jesus needed this connection with the Father how much more do we need it as well. When we fill our lives with other things it may temporarily fill that hole but it doesn't fulfill us for very long. I believe this to be the reason that social media's have become so prevalent in our day and age because they are a way of staying connected.   The human soul is constantly seeking connection. 
We look with eyes of wanting to see at least one face in the crowd who understands and fully gets us. That's what is so nice and comforting about old friends, they know you. The you that TP'd a house at age 13 or the you that got bit by a dog when you were only 14 or the you that married at 20 years of age, or lost your first baby to a miscarriage.  They know you. But only God knows the real you. He's known you since you were in your mother's womb. Doesn't that just trip some of you out right now? That's a lot of knowing. The truly awe-some thing about the fact that God knows us and sees us is that as we get to know Him he reminds us over and over and over again that He only ever wants to love us. Often times we think how could God loves this? Because we see through eyes of darkness we think that's all He sees. But oh beloved reader, HE sees through eyes of light.  He can only see the good in you. What an amazing God we have. Truly He adores you. As we begin to know, really know this love of Christ we walk a little taller.  Our head is not hung in shame for every mistake we have made.
This is the great mystery... the LOVE of Christ!

In seeking a greater level of peace this year I have realized more than ever how crucial my connection, my umbilical cord, if you will, to Jesus is a vital and necessary part of that peace. Anytime I try and cut that cord the life just drains right out of my soul and I'm left tired, weary, and discouraged.  Staying constantly at his feet in this busy, chaotic world is not easy. I have found over the years that if I surround myself with scripture everywhere I look there is an opportunity for God to speak to me in my decor.  And He does. And almost on a weekly basis I'm wooed back to his feet by a simple word or reminder that, that is where my soul will be fed and my heart will stay in full, surrendered peace. But even more than being surrounded by God's word I can honestly say that it is the LOVE of Christ that draws me, beckons me to come, because without the daily dose of Jesus I am not quite the same. I function, but at a level that isn't my best self.  My true inner soul needs Jesus the living water that causes me never to thirst again.  His voice is still and small but if you listen, really listen He will call you too. If you are the girl who's waiting by the phone and it never rings, or more likely these days waiting on your IG pic to be liked by a certain someone, please know that you have already been called, you are already liked, and you are beyond measure loved by the Lover of your Soul. Focus on Christ and let Him weave you into this tapestry of LOVE!

New Year, New Word

You know the moment when you are barely awake in the morning, snuggled in your bed with your favorite pillow and blankets tucked around you just right. The moment when you realize you are awake but your mind drifts back to slumber and the air is cold because it's the middle of winter and you know that the warmth that is blanketed around you will quickly leave the moment you step your first foot on the floor?  That is the best description I can think of to try and explain how God's presence blankets his children with PEACE. It is a peace that surpasses understanding because even though the world around you is cold and barren, chaotic and often even devoid of life, you are blanketed in this warm feeling that everything is going to be alright and you don't know how to truly explain that you know this except to say, that God has given you  PEACE.
"Peace I leave with you; My own peace I now give and bequeath to you.  Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do NOT let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled." John 14:27
This peace that Jesus has left those of us that follow in his footsteps can blanket us everyday.  Even in our darkest moments his peace doesn't leave our sides. He walks with us to those dark places and shines the light in every corner and every crevice. He reminds us that when we open our eyes and we do step out of bed into the cold, dark world HE will be there to help us. 
When I began praying about what word I wanted to choose to remind me of something all year, the word Peace just kept coming to mind. I kept thinking of people that I know and have known in my life that have exuded peace. I thought of a counselor who My Giant and I recently went to for a lil marriage tune up and how one thing that Moses said he noticed right away was how peaceful this man is.  It made me long for that to be a description someone might use about me. And then I had a conversation with my sister Jen and we were talking about how we both really want new habits in our lives. And I was reminded of something a friend of hers once said that never really left me, 
"When did Jesus stop being enough?"
It left me a little weepy as I realized all the idols I have allowed in this temple, and I longed for Jesus to be that peace once again. I longed for my peace to come from the source of peace and balance, and goodness.  I wanted desperately to take back all the years, all the moments, that I had given someone or something else that very special place that should have only been reserved for him and him alone. 
As I have gotten older and the world around me has too, I need the peace that Jesus gives now more than ever.  I have always been a bit of worry wart and the only medicine for my overly anxious heart has only ever been Jesus, but sometimes I look to people, or my circumstances or a glass of wine to be that blanket of peace and without fail I'm left wanting.
"Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And GOD's PEACE shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of it's salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with it's earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that PEACE that transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7
This year marks 20 years of marriage. 17 years of being a parent. 40 years of being alive. The year my brother Greg will get married. 10 years of marriage for my sister Gina.  70 years for one of my life's greatest examples of peace, my Mom.
And those are just the moments I know will happen.  For all the unknown moments are what can weigh my heart down with anxiety, and worry. I need that blanket of PEACE that God gives, and I want to look to him before anyone or anything else. I want to walk out knowing fully that Jesus is enough! The only way I know how I can do this is to spend time with the Lover of My Soul and he reminds me that he really does have the whole world in his hands.  I can leave it all at his feet and he will carry my burdens.  When I'm in that blanket of peace I think of a saying my beloved Gram(the most peaceful person I've ever met) used to say;
"All this and Heaven too!!"

What a truly beautiful life!
Here's to a  NEW PEACEFUL HAPPY  YEAR!!

Love Yourself

Good Morning Beloved Reader.

Let's start this blog off on the right foot, or I guess if you prefer the left foot that's fine too, but let's start by talking about a quote shall we?

 “If you put a small value on yourself, rest as- 

sured that the world will not raise your price.” 

I absolutely love the above quote.  It makes me think of this scripture;
"Love your neighbor as you LOVE yourself"
We will come back to that later, because It also makes me think about those two beauties in the above picture.
Why? You ask.
Well,  I have noticed something, I'm not sure when it happened but my girls have turned into young women, and not just ANY young women. They are young women who walk around with a healthy dose of value, self worth, confidence, and wisdom.
It seemed like only yesterday that they were playing with dolls and giving each other rides around the house in the laundry baskets.  And now they look like this;

The one on the left is only 14 people.  FOURTEEN!! The one on the right ... well let's not mention how old she's going to be in a few months!
Back to the one on the left...
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to let her wear that red lipstick anymore. (Insert emoticon with a straight face and eyes wide open)  Ahem...  I'm also pretty sure I want her new favorite accessory of choice to be a brown paper bag with only the eye sockets cut out!! It's a good thing her dad is a GIANT named Moses or I'd be really worried.   But, you know I'm really not that worried because back to that quote up there this girl, my girl Chloe, has a high value for herself that I'm fairly certain will keep her from most things that most moms would worry about with a 14 year old daughter that looks like she's  TWENTY TWO!!
Yes, I'm raising two beautiful girls that not only value themselves but they truly are wise beyond their years. I know with complete certainty that this value and wisdom comes from their personal relationships with Jesus so I'm not about to take credit for it.
  But I also know that this world works night and day to try and de-value them. The world and it's message to these young women is working over time to tell them they aren't skinny enough, pretty enough, athletic enough, rich enough, witty enough, smart enough,  enough. enough.  enough.
I tire so quickly of that message.  In fact every new day I need a new message.  I need to hear that I'm loved, valued, appreciated, honored, treasured and so on and so forth.  I know that my girls need to hear this as well. And I would bet my 1966 vw buggy named Lucy Blue that it's a message YOU need to hear as well!
This message raises the price of my value by immeasurable numbers.  This message is one I can find readily available to me at any given moment.  It's also where I have read over a thousand times' "Love your neighbor as YOU LOVE YOURSELF"
A few weeks back my friend who also happens to be a Pastor and a really great teacher, he spoke about loving yourself. It struck a chord with me because I think that for me it's easier to love my neighbor than it is to love myself. I don't know about you all but sometimes I need a healthy dose of self love. Not to become conceited and narcissistic but just to bring back into line my true worth. I really do think that ONLY after I receive that self love message am I able to truly go out and love my neighbor.
Did you know that you beloved reader were purchased with a price?

Raise your price today.

Love yourself.

Listen to the message that says this;

1 John 4:9-11 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Everyday Jesus sits waiting for us to listen to HIS message for us. 

He tries to speak to us in the trees of bright yellow, and the birds taking flight.

He tries to tell us that he made all of the beautiful things on this earth for us to enjoy and be filled with joy. 

I wonder, are we listening?

My Momma, Momma T, and My After Thoughts on Mother's Day

"Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also and he praises her."

 Proverbs 31:28

This is my momma.

She is the heart and soul of my family. 

Ask anyone who knows her and they will tell you she is a human being unlike any other.

Her heart is above all generous and kind.

She has a love for Christ that is compelling.

And the woman, is funny as all get out!!

She has raised 5 children, myself included.

5 grown children.

3 girls, and 2 boys stand and called her blessed.

Take that in for a moment.

5 grown adults looked to her yesterday with their hearts full of gratitude for all the years of love and devotion she gave us, and we all called her blessed.

But as I was hanging out with my awesome Momma whom I love so much I got to thinking ...

Is that the goal of this thing called motherhood?

That at the end of all the hard work and investment you pour into your children, they will stand (or write,text,sing) and call you blessed, loved, cherished, amazing, wonderful, awesome? 

Maybe, they love you so much they want to get this tattooed on their body just to tell the world how much they really do love you.

Maybe not cause they are only 2 still!

 I dunno?

The point is

That kind of adoration is what we all long for, but I'm not sure that is the goal? 

Sure it's nice to have a day that we get thanked for our hard work, love and devotion, but it shouldn't be the day that defines us as mom's. 

What happens when our children don't stand (or even text) to call us blessed?

Or even worse, our husband doesn't praise us for all the hard work we do?

I feel like mother's day can be quite the set up for unmet expectations.

Would if you didn't get breakfast in bed?

Would if they don't call you at all let alone, to say they love you?

Would if you don't get that perfume you really wanted, just as a fragrant reminder of the sacrifice you make on a daily basis?

Or even worse would if you don't have your momma here to tell these things to anymore?

Would if God forbid,  your children, they aren't even here anymore?

Would if one of your children tragically went home to be with Jesus way too young?

These were some of my questions and thoughts that I pondered yesterday as I had one of THE best Mother's Days a girl could ever hope for.

I remember though, when my kids were little, Mothers Day was just like any other day. I still had to change poopy diapers, I still had to do laundry and clean up 4 lils messes. I remember the discontentment, bitterness, and bitchy, bratty attitude I would have because I thought... THIS IS MY DAY!! 

I shouldn't have to do this chore or wipe that butt.

Rather than thinking, I get to do this as an honor and privilege, I would spend the whole day bemoaning the things that didn't happen, and the stuff that went wrong.

I realize now that I totally missed out on what a blessing that day really was.

  Now that my kids are grown and pretty much did all the cooking and cleaning yesterday and spoiled me so much so, that I didn't even lift a finger... not EVEN a thumb ... ALL DAY... (don't even get me started on the love notes) I can look back and remember what it was like being in the trenches with the littles.

I remember so well, many a Mother's day that I had the wrong heart attitude. 

I was also reminded by so many momma's yesterday that this day might bring some sorrow instead of joy.

 When I went up to one of the mommas at church to say Happy Mothers Day, she told me she had lost her daughter 2 years ago and sat with only her son and I'm sure a HUGE hole in heart where her daughter used to sit.

Then I was reminded by another momma while walking out the door of church that her oldest son didn't even call.

And even still another friend text to say her child had ran away on mothers day.

It broke my heart and at the same time brought a whole lotta perspective to my sometimes selfish outlook on life.

Not all momma's have joy on this day.

Not all children can call their mom at all, or just wouldn't call her because she is THE one person who they blame all of their sadness in life upon.

The joys and sorrows of this life are so strange to me.

It's just such a mystery to me still why some have SO much joy, while others have SO much sadness.

Why some cups are filled to overflowing, while others have never even been given a drop of joy.

And the only thing I can come back to is perspective.

Our heart's attitude in this life is crucial to our well-being. 

For the momma who sat without her daughter, she was happy to have her son there and talked of the relaxing day they would share.

For the momma whose oldest didn't call, she was thankful for the ones that were still there with her celebrating her day. 

And for my friend whose teen ran away she chose to laugh with her other kids and new friends. 

That's an amazing gift, to see the brighter side of life.

For my friend who didn't have his momma here to say Happy Mother's day to, he called or texted the other Momma's in his life.

And for the one's that didn't have their child with them ... well they looked forward to the day when they would be reunited again.

Jesus, help me to keep a good perspective, a humble perspective in regards to this life. Guard my heart from becoming selfish on all the future Mothers Days I have ahead of me. 

SO often I can let little things rob me of my joy, and yesterday I was reminded that in this life there will be joy and sorrow, good days and bad.

THE only anchor I have in the midst of the highs and lows is the love of Christ, and HIS love flowing through me.

The only glory I can give for my Fab 4 is to their Creator.

And of all the things my momma has given me her love for her Savior was/is the greatest gift because when she is called home someday, and I can't call her up to bless her, Jesus will still be here with me to comfort and help me carry on.

And now to take a cue from Momma T. at the end of the day it isn't all the great things we have done in this life that we will be judged by, it is about the simple sacrifices we make when no one is watching. 

 

From Entry To Entry

I just recently finished my old journal.  It's start date was June 16, 2013.  I don't know if you are the journaling type, Beloved Reader but this girl has journals that date back to the 80's.  Yeah, I'm old... see post below ©

Here's the thing, whenever I finish one journal I have to, no I am compelled to look back over the old pages and reminisce. Above all else,  this heart of mine, is so darn sentimental it's downright mushy overload up in here sometimes.   But, this time through this old journal I was reminded of God's faithfulness, and promises to me in the past year. I felt him remind me that  From journal entry to entry, From glory to glory, he is faithful to complete this work He started in my heart long ago. Instead of getting all weepy and mushy, I was inspired and reminded of this scripture;
"But we all with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." 1 Cor 3:18


The first entry from my old journal was actually on Father's Day last year, and I was bemoaning the fact that Moses wasn't with us. It's hard to have Fathers Day when the Father of the house is 700+ miles away. There were so many things I didn't understand at that moment, why others close to me had lost their Father for good, and still others Fathers had just checked out. I was grateful that my Giant was only leading a path ahead of us in a move back home to Nevada that was for our good. Still, my heart was weary with questions, worries, and concerns. We(me and my Fab4)were in Washington finishing up the school year there, and he(My Giant) had already started working in Nevada.
The reason I wrote a journal entry that day was because I started to feel sad, and overwhelmed at the prospect of moving my family to Nevada all by myself. To say I was a tad bit emotional, would be quite the understatement. I was all over the place as this BIG move was approaching.  Ya see, a big move wreaks havoc on us sentimental types.
To be quite honest I was having a pity party and I may have had some words in said journal that weren't so nice. I also may have had some not so nice words written all over our moving boxes that My Giant later read. Hee hee hee... Ahem... note to self don't take out your emotions on the boxes that others will later read.  The point is...
I started to feel very much alone.
I had been packing for weeks all by myself. I had been going to baseball games by myself. I had been going to end of the school year parties, all by myself. I had been saying goodbyes by myself.  I had been having sleep overs, parties, hikes and a whole long list of to do's by myself. I had been doing 4 kids, ya know that whole raising a family of 4  thing, by myself for one too many weeks, days, hours, too long.
And at the moment of this entry I was feeling what my friend Louie likes to call, "Whelmed!" Ya know, so overwhelmed that you can't even muster out saying the whole word.
In that moment God gave me this scripture,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
He was reminding me that I was not alone! He was reminding me that even in this move back to Nevada He had a plan for my life and it was Good. He was reminding me of His faithfulness, that He would never leave me or forsake me. He was there in that moment, and I was no longer feeling alone.
And now almost one year later, as I look back over this past year I can see so clearly like in a mirror, that He was doing something so beautiful, so good ... he was filling my tank from 1/2 empty to overflowing.
My only regret, is that I didn't run to Him quicker.
From journal entry to entry,  From glory to glory...
"You have called me higher, you have called me deeper and I'll go where you will lead me Lord."