Thursday, May 15, 2008


The quote of the day for me, "Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. With all the tragedies and traumas of this world, wonder what it is that holds us together."
If I told you where this quote came from you would discredit it's truth. So I am not going to tell you where I heard this. It is true. It is something that I wonder. Not for myself but for others. I don't like having to say goodbye prematurely or at all for that matter. It makes me angry, confused, sad, deeply depressed, and weak. I know people who won't ever say goodbye because they dislike goodbyes so much. They will say something like, "See you later" instead.
Still grieving some of the recent sad events that have taken place in the lives of my family and friends. Some of these things are still unfolding even as I type this.Still not sure what to think about what happened to me because of all of this. Some things I just can't wrap my brain around. I try and I try to make sense of things that just don't make sense. I don't like things that don't make sense. I don't like the band-aid answers that we tell ourselves to make everything seem better when it's not.
This I do know, I am not a person who feels lightly. I feel deeply. I am sensitive, more sensitive than I would care to admit. My mom used to say that I always wore my emotions on my sleeve. I would like to think that isn't true anymore and that I have become a good faker, but I don't know that that is a good thing. I am up much later than I would be normally, much later than I care to be, because some thoughts and concerns of others have awakened me to pray. I pray, and I pray and then I cry. I cry because I don't know what to pray anymore.
I cry because I don't like some the situations we have to deal with here on planet earth. The moon is full tonight, or early this morning I should say and it is shining on all the shadows with all it's might. It reminds me of the last full moon that I was up for. It was in Italy. I was crying and alone like I am now. I was not however bloggin, oh no not that night. I was looking out the window and wondering about so much. I was extremely overwhelmed by the feeling of the Presence of my Creator. I was completely taken by His presence and grateful that He should even have a second thought about someone like myself.
All I know is...He loves me. He is amazing. I am not worthy. He makes me whole. He is what holds me together.

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