Monday, April 11, 2016

Just Details

New life, Sudden death, Letting go, Seasons always changing, and all that is in between is what has me here today with you beloved reader.
I recently became an Auntie again and my heart is exploding with the joy of this new little life found in a teeny tiny girl named Hailey Jo.
Watching my brother and his wife protect and control every social setting that she has yet to encounter in her very short 4 weeks that she's been on this planet has got me thinking about how I wish I could have remained in control of anything and everything that would try to hurt my own children.
I know it's not healthy that kind of control, and I know that as Hailey gets older and learns to walk and wants to get out and see the world herself my brother and sister-in-love will have to come to that point in parenting that we all eventually end up at.
The point where to stunt a child's free will for the sake of feeling in control as a parent is damaging and no longer the best way to parent.
I guess what I really want, and what I struggle with is not so much to remain in control,  but to "Embrace" each season as it presents itself.
I know that being "in control" is just an illusion in this life. 
I would venture to say that the very first thing having a child helps you realize so quickly is that you are no longer in control. Being a parent means that all of a sudden your heart is walking around outside of your body. There is this other human that has a completely different will and ideas of it's very own.  
So maybe what I really sometimes wish for is that things in this life wouldn't change so quickly.
Maybe it's just me, but it seems like just when I've gotten into the groove of one particular season of life it goes and changes it all up real fast in a blender named Father Time.
On the complete opposite side of the spectrum of joy, new life, being in control, and things changing SO quickly,  some beloved friends of mine recently suffered a tragic loss as their brother-in-love died in his sleep at the very young age of 36, leaving behind a 5 year old and twin 6 month old girls. 
Another beloved friend is in the thick of being a single mom with a daughter who has MS.
Three of my old beloved friends just recently lost their dads.
And yet another beloved friend is going through something right now that I'm not going to divulge the details of, but it is heart wrenching and not something I would have ever thought in a million years could happen to her.
On and on the stories go of ;
Love and Loss
Joy and Sorrow...
And here I sit with a house full of teens, a husband who loves me and I love him and our oldest daughter who just recently took her dad to prom. 
I mean who gets to witness that kind of love and devotion? 
All the while we are getting ready to graduate our first little baby girl and celebrate her as she turns 18 and her sister turns sweet 16 and we ... MoNoSco turn 21.
In between all the joy and sorrow I've been re-reading a book called Broken Open that one of my treasured friends gave to me several years ago.
The friend who gave me this book is a brain cancer survivor and one of my personal heroes because of her constant pursuit to grow, and heal in more ways than one. 
The book is about how hard times can either help us grow or  hinder us from life and growth and good things.
It's about more than just that though, it's about life in general because things in this life are ALWAYS changing. 
It's about seasons and how we grieve when things DO change.
 It seems that the Lover of My Soul knew I would need each and every word from this book during this time of letting go of my oldest as she graduates High School and enters the world of adulthood, and as the friends and family around me are suffering as well as rejoicing all at the same time.
My sentimental heart is on overload and when I read this the other day, well... the water works just wouldn't stop...

"So much of what we do each day is a diversion from what our lives are really about. A traumatic event like a knife slicing through our diversionary tactics and exposing the vein of truth- the truth of what we really want,of how we really feel, of wrongs we have visited upon each other, of the LOVE we crave from each other. In our habitual lives, we exercise the foolish luxuries of complaining, avoiding, and blaming. We gossip about the annoying behavior of friends or colleagues, shutting them out of our hearts, turning our backs on their complicated beauty in favor of their obvious flaws. It seems easier to do this than to move toward each other, to take responsibility when it is ours to take, or to speak directly to others when it is theirs. All the while, the TRUTH waits patiently, until it shows up in the eyes of a frightened little boy."

~Elizabeth Lesser, book Broken Open

The frightened little boy she speaks of is one of her neighbors kids who at the age of 11 is diagnosed with Leukemia and this news changes everything.
But it may as well be the news, or the TRUTH that shows up in the new life of Hailey Jo, or 
the tragic loss of life that has ended way too soon, or  the graduation of our oldest child,  or whatever it is that you are going through right now that involves change.
Whether it is expected or unexpected, change and the seasons of life always cause this sentimental heart to reflect.
I am without a doubt a Frederick the field mouse in that regard.
 Indulge me as I reflect upon all of that with you beloved reader.
Right now, Hailey's parents are her only safety from the outside world.
They are doing a phenomenal job of taking the role of parenting very seriously.
It is the responsible thing to make sure she is securely buckled up for every car ride.
My other friends are moving on and forward in helping their adult children navigate through life with only one parent who is their rock and anchor.
Still some other friends are going through the motions of living life on survival mode when everything within has been torn apart and is no longer what it seems.
Joy and Sorrow.
Love and Loss.
Embracing and Letting Go.
It's all part of this crazy wild ride we call life.
Einstein once said, 
"I want to know the thoughts of God, everything else is just details"

Oh Einstein, you brilliant and wise man.
I too want to be so caught up in the TRUTH of what all these changes in life are supposed to be doing in me.
 I want to know the thoughts of God about all of this and so much more.
I don't want to get hung up on silly details that really don't have any eternal value and will quickly be forgotten.
I want to be broken open to whatever it is and all the details in between that will bring life, love, and hope for the future. 
This song sums it all up for me ....

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