Flashback Friday

My Flashback for you this week is a movie called Move Over Darling. It is a movie about a woman who comes back from being supposedly dead for almost 5 years. She returns to find that her husband has moved on and married another and the whole movie is about her trying to stop them from consummating the marriage. It's actually quite comical the lengths they are both willing to go to keep this new bride out of the loop. The husband then finds out that his old wife was stuck on an island the whole time with a good looking fella.  The old wife tries to lie and say it was an ugly man that she wasn't attracted to. She even sets up a fake meeting using Don Knotts as the "ugly guy from the island" so that her husband won't be jealous. Because, who could be jealous of Don Knotts? Poor Don Knotts, always gets cast as the ugly, goofy guy. Anyways, it's your classic funny old movie and I thought it was really cute.

It brought up all kinds of questions like what would you do if your loved one was dead? 

How long would you wait before "moving on" so to speak?

I have always said since the moment Mo and I married that if he ever passed away I wouldn't re-marry. I got hitched when I was only 20 years old so that was quite a shocking thing to say back then, but I always felt like I couldn't imagine my life with any other. Not much has changed between then and now, except that we reproduced. And I'm too old and too tired, my plate is too full and.... Man Alive that Sounds Terrible!!

Mo used to say that he would re-marry when we were younger, (It used to hurt my feelings) but last night I heard him say that now he doesn't think he would.  That made me laugh, because I feel I have broken him. I know what he means though, because after all these years of marriage where we have had our fair share of UPs and DOWNs, you realize that a good marriage is hard work, and I think neither one of us are willing to work this hard again, ya know? Anyways,  It is such a funny hypothetical conversation to have with your person, and I suggest that if you do decide to have this talk remember that it's not real. 

They aren't really cheating on you !!

Moving on...

Now it's time for what I like to call a little FBF- if you are new here this is a link up for blogs that are a year or older. You find an old post that you want others to read or re-read, grab a cute lil VW button and link it up. Don't forget to at least comment on one other link up, that's where all the fun happens.  Powered by Linky Tools
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The Vow (Movie Review) and some other stuff about Love and Marriage and What Not

"Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage... GO together like a horse and carriage" (go on sing it you know you want to)


Last night my Giant and I sat down to watch the movie The Vow. Have you seen it? Well, actually we watched the manly movie Chronicle first, and then it was my turn to pick. Knowing full well that The Vow was going to be a chick flick I took the risk of it being ruined by watching it with Men instead of My Chicks (2 Barge Men no less). Hey, I'm a risk taker(no I'm really not) and I took my chances and I believe I won.

Sidenote- I do believe that I have been with My Giant for so long that even Chick flicks are somewhat tainted for me. By that I mean, I hear his voice inside my head making fun of every cheesy comment made through out the movie. Whereas before this tainting occurred, I didn't even realize the comment was cheesy. I guess that's what happens after being with a Giant for 18 years. It's okay. I'm not bitter. I can quickly realize it's happening and get that cynical, manly, Giant voice out. And to be quite honest...I sometimes agree with that Giant voice when movies are no longer just cheesy, but they borderline full blown sharp chedda!(say that with an east coast accent)

Another sidenote- My Giant was NOT cynical at all throughout this movie. Yay Giant! Yay The Moses! Yay Me! In fact he actually seemed to be enjoying it. Shhh... I hope he won't get his man card revoked for that. Course, I'm not really concerned of a revoking of the man card with him, because frankly I think My Giant is the one who is in control of the said, Man Cards! Especially now that he manages a barge. (Make some manly noises here Hur,Hmph, Err, Argh)

**Spoiler Alert- If you haven't seen the movie The Vow, and you are one of those that can't have any detail given about a movie that you want to see but haven't yet, then now would be a good time to move on to another blog. Come back somewhere toward the end of this post. Go on now... I don't want you saying I didn't warn you.

Ok moving on, so the movie first is based on a true love story. I love that. And if you haven't seen it(wait what are you still doing here? I thought I told you to move along, ok well read at your own risk). It is about a married couple who get into an accident and the woman forgets who her husband is. She remembers early life, but not the 4 years of life that she had spent with her husband. He basically has to figure out a way to make her fall back in love with him.

The premise for this real life love story / turned movie is so great because I feel that if you have been married for any length of time you start to realize that at any given juncture you are choosing to love a different person, for different reasons. Does that make sense?

It's like this, you see, I would consider myself to be a "Saddy Saddy Old Married Lady" at this juncture in my life. Being that I have 17 years under my married belt, not quite the heavy weight champions as my mom and dad who have 42 years, but hey... 17 is pretty good. So I can honestly say that it takes some finesse. Some gumby(remember him? that stretchy green guy?) like qualities to stay married this long.

You have to be willing to be married to a different person around the corner, or any given year in life. Because people change. It's good to change. It's healthy to change. It's just that sometimes those changes can even take the person who is changing by surprise and so that requires gumby stretchy qualities. Or what some might call a lot of grace, patience, and basically a lotta LOVE.

Are you tracking what I'm laying down?

Marriage, a good marriage takes falling in love not just one time, or two times, it takes several times. Love really is a verb, not a noun. Really. It is. No Lie.

There was a part in the movie that really struck a chord in me and it made me cry because I have been judgemental of spouses that choose to stay despite infidelity. The mom says, in regards to the main character Paige's dad cheating on her with Paige's friend,(... ewww...), " I chose to stay for all the things he did right, and not the ONE thing he did wrong. I chose to forgive him." Them, there are some powerful words. Don't get me wrong I'm not advocating infidelity, but for those that have the courage to forgive... I think you are a better woman or man than I.

You have to choose love, it doesn't just happen like the movies. Unless, your life IS the movie hee hee hee.

Which brings me back to this movie. There were choices made in this movie, to love or not to love. It's a great love story, and it brought about some good thoughts that I just felt like sharing with you all.

IF you are just now rejoining us, you are safe from this point out. In a nutshell(Help I'm in a Nutshell) I basically said... Love is a verb. Ummm and marriage is hard work... and ya da ya da ya da!

Go see the movie and then report back here.

Linking up Here today.

Tenacity

Tenacity or being Tenacious has become one of my new favorite words recently.

A while back, actually maybe it was like 3 years ago or more, a good friend of mine told me and the Giant that one of the reasons we were still together is because we are both too stubborn or tenacious to give up on each other. It really is so very true.

I have a strong will. I am not one who likes conflict but if I feel strongly about something there really isn't anyone who can make me change my mind.

A year ago I started talking with our banks about our mortgage in Sparks. I told the bank people that my husband and I needed help. I told them that we couldn't make the fatty mortgage payment that we had due to job changes. I told them that not only could we not make that payment but that it wasn't really financially a smart move for us to stay in that home for what we bought it for. They told us that they couldn't help us because we hadn't missed a payment in that said year. I told them that is because we missed payments elsewhere so that we could pay that ONE big payment and hopefully save our house. I told them we cashed out our retirement, used all our savings, every bit of our tax returns, to stay in that house that year. They told me they couldn't help until we were delinquent on our payments. Delinquent is NOT a word that I like. I was tenacious with our house payments for a year that was one of the most stressful I have ever experienced. I was tenacious about doing everything I possibly could do, talking to everyone I could, writing letters to everyone I could, taking side jobs to pay for groceries, turning hobbies into jobs to pay for bills, and going without health insurance still to date. (Something that before used to scare the CRAP out of me but now not so much, a topic for another day) To say that we were "Robbing from Peter to pay Paul" would be and understatement. So to hear on the other end of the phone that all my hard work in trying to save this house for our family was in vain was very discouraging. It was also relieving at the same time to hear that I should stop paying this payment that had sucked the life out of me and my family for far too long. So last May we stopped paying our fatty mortgage payment in exchange for an amount that the guy on the phone told me to pay. We started to pay the payment he told us over the phone(never got it in writing, ALWAYS get in writing) and in that time the bank said they would review our loan and get back to us. They got back to us, in the form of a foreclosure notice posted on our house 2 months later. When I called the banks to say, "What up?" they said they had no record of this payment arrangement but that they could make another one to the tune of just a few hundred less than our original fatty mortgage payment, to which I replied "CLICK"!!



Before all of this went down I told my Giant that if we did lose this, our 3rd house that we had owned over the years, that I didn't want to be reminded of it everyday. I didn't want to be in the same town where more of this might happen to others that we know and loved. I told him I wanted to move to the Pacific Northwest area, something we had talked about doing for a lot of years but never had the guts to do. We had nothing left to lose. It is a terribly frightening place to be in life, having nothing left to lose because it turns out... there is always more that could be lost.

So here we are in PNW and we love the area but what we have lost is more than I can put in words.

Funny thing is, because of the God I serve I know that what was lost will be found, what has been robbed will be returned, what has been broken will be fixed, what has been sick will be healed, what has been taken away will be, WILL BE restored to us. Of this I AM SURE.

Maybe it won't come in the form that it was before. Maybe it will be a more simplistic lifestyle with less worry and stress. Maybe it will be in the form of finding more truth. Of living out our truth.

Finding who I really am and who I want to be is what I really hope to come from all of this. My thoughts, wants, and desires are being purified in this process. I have never been more thankful for my husband and my own God given tenacious spirits.

"Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the
absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to
transpire. Tenacity is more than hanging on, which may be but the
weakness of being too afraid to fall off. Tenacity is the supreme
effort of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be
conquered." Oswald Chambers


I REFUSE to believe that MY HERO has been conquered!!

Girls Night Out and Babs

I want to share a story about the lady I met in Target and about celebrating long-lived, love- filled marriages.
My friend Marie suggested a while back that we throw our friend Joni a party for her 20 year anniversary and surprise her with lots of fun stuff for her and her man. She had the thought that it's such a shame we don't get showers for the years after our wedding day and how really those should be the times that should be celebrated. I would have to agree.
Joni was surprised. It was pulled off amazingly. Kudos to Marie, Natalie, Trista, Sue, and Lolita. We all dressed in 80's garb and had so much fun. SO much fun!!
That's all you are going to get out of me about that, ya know a lady never tells....
What I am really excited to blog about is the lady I met at Target, Babs who I bought my presents for Joni from. Today while in Target I was checking out with the goods for Joni when I got in conversation with the clerk Babs. She commented on the outfit I was buying and I then told her what it was for. She was so excited that someone was celebrating 20 years of marriage this way that she then proceeded to tell me about the fact that it was about 20 years in when her man started to come home with different kinds of outfits. I smiled and thought..... this is going to get interesting, and indeed it did.
"Yeah, 20 years is about the time that my husband started to bring home some really fun outfits" I said, "Really!!" She kept saying, "He was a really fun man" I then decided to ask how long she had been married to which she replied 46 years until he passed away. She told me about a day when she opened the door all dressed up for him and you could tell that it was just bringing joy to her heart to relive some of these fond memories. Good thing there was no one behind me. She then told me about some of the outfits, how much fun they were and how fun he was. She said that a lot " He was a fun man". I am thinking she had a good married life along with a good sex life. I went on to say that I bet the reason why she had such a long, happy marriage was because although he bought the outfits- she was willing to wear them.
What a fun spunky lady Babs is. If you see a Babs at the Big Target in Sparks just know she's a firecracker that one.
Here's To 20 years married Joni and Louie- WELL DONE!!
And here's to all marriages out there who are still trying to keep love alive!! KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!