My Prince Solomon Happy Birthday

When I found out I was pregnant with Solomon it came as quite a shock.  Emma was only 2,  and Chloe was only 9 months old. To say I was already busy with 2 little girls would be an understatement. To say we were surprised would be an understatement. I'll never forget the conversation that I had with my Dawl Allie that prompted me to go out and get a pregnancy test.

As I was laying there on the couch still in my jammies around noon, I was telling her how tired I was. I said I felt like I might be getting a cold  (ahem... don't all surprise pregnancy start off as a cold) or something because I just couldn't seem to shake the BLEH feeling. She laughed and said, "You don't think you could be pregnant?" "Pshh NO," I said. But little did I know that at that point Solomon Russell had already been growing strong for 3 months.

I didn't know it at the time but My Prince Solomon was already surprising me, and he really has never stopped.

I am in a complete and utter state of awe with this young man.

He is total JOY to my heart, and at the very same time

he frustrates me like no other child I own ;) 

Because of how God made him, and how God made me there are many, many times that I don't understand why he does what he does.

But, that being said he helps me to understand my Giant more than I ever could have without him.

So often the things I see him doing remind me of a Giant man I know named Moses and I stop and giggle. 

His heart is tender.

His sense of humor stellar.

His eyes are always looking for the outside of this box we call Life.

He is without a doubt an artist.

And 

an inventor.

He is completely aware of the world and all it's mysteries. He is a very deep thinker. I am told on a regular basis from almost every teacher that he has ever had so far, that he brings so much to the table. He is truly, in many ways, wise like his name sake.

I've only had 11 years and 9 months with this young man and I know this for sure, he is a world changer.

I'm blown away that he is only 11 years old, and at the same time already 11 years old. Happy Birthday Solomon my Prince.  I love you, Mom~

To My Momma

I really love my mom for the person she is, and not just because she's my mom. Do you know what I mean? We can't choose our family in this life. So I feel really blessed to be able to say that I would choose my mom a thousand times over to have in my life, in any way, shape, or form. I feel even more blessed that I get to, I GET TO, call her mom, momma, MA.

The older I've gotten(37) and the longer I've been a mom(14 years) I have realized a thing or two about my Ma.

First- she is one funny lady. Seriously, there are very few people in this life that can make me laugh like my Ma. Sometimes she doesn't even mean to be funny and she just brings joy. SO much joy.

Second- she is generous almost to a fault. If you were to go over to my Ma's house right now and say to her, "Ellen I really like that pretty picture", chances are you would be walking out the door with that picture. She really gives to everyone who asks of her. No, really you would go home with the picture. We have been known to get into a lil tiff in front of many a cashier over who is going to foot the bill. The woman, would and will give you the shirt off her back and then her shoes too.

D.- She is an encourager. There was nothing, and I do mean nothing on earth that we, her children, felt that we could NOT do. She was that good. She IS that good. Well, and she makes you feel like a million bucks. If you are in a room with Ellen you are laughing, loving, and feeling loved. She makes the world so much brighter.

4.-There is no one that I know who loves children more than this woman. Her love for babies and children has been passed down and trickled over to me, as you can clearly see. I am so glad I had a good role model for this because, children is what life is all about.

E. She has the patience of a Saint. Trust me I know. I'm not saying that I tried her patience, Oh NO, I was the golden child or so she says, but I sure did see my siblings give her a try or two! Ahem... Older sister Jenny

Honestly, I could go through the whole entire world from the beginning of time until now and I would never find another woman with as much kindness, joyful songs, love, mercy, and over all motherly goodness. And do you know what my mom would say to that? She'd say it is true of her mom. And do you know what Gramma The Great, would have said to that? That it's true of her mom.

I pray I can continue in the lineage of motherly goodness.

Ma I LOVE YOU!

Happy Mothers Day to all the Momma's. Your work is never done. But it is worthy of your time, energy, and devotion. YOU are producing a heritage of motherly goodness.


* all rights to my bullet points are reserved to this woman who is another great mom; Shontell she taught me how to count.

A Tribute To Whitney

It took me some time to think about what I wanted to say about this beautiful Icon, Whitney Houston. She will forever be a legend in my mind. My heart is so sad for her family this morning.

There were countless after school memories of singing to her music in front of the mirror with a curling iron for a microphone.
I'll never forget going to see the Bodyguard and being so enamored with the lifestyle of a pop singer.

My all time favorite work of hers though, would have to be the Preachers wife.
That time in her life, that role that she played opposite Denzel Washington, where she sang of what was really in her heart, is what I will choose to remember her by.
The music from that movie is some of my favorite songs that she sang, because you could tell she sang with passion to her creator.

The scene when she saying goodnight to her boy and she sings these words;

"Who made the mountains
Who made the trees
Who made the rivers that flow out to the seas
And who hung the moon in the starry, starry, starry sky"

That's the moment that will comfort me as I think of her daughter mourning.
I pray she remembers the truths that Whitney taught her about her creator.
Despite what her life ended like, I pray her daughter remembers where it began.
I pray peace and comfort for her this morning.

I remember that My mom used to love Dionne Warwicks music, and would remind me that it was in Whitney's family to sing, like it was in my own.
There will never be another voice like hers.
I will forever be a fan.
My hope and prayer for her family this morning is that as the details of her death are revealed that they can forgive her. More than that, I pray they can forgive themselves.

Hers was a troubled soul.
Her song, Where do broken hearts go, asks the question, Where do broken hearts go?

I know in my heart, that her broken heart is with her creator and she will get the chance now to sing for all eternity the truest song of her heart.

Jesus does, and will continue to have mercy in this, a lost life.

Remembering a Day

Remembering a day we all have said we would "never forget" is harder than it looks. We all want to honor the thousands of lives that were lost on that tragic day, and how we choose to do that doesn't really matter as long as we do remember. As Americans, I don't think we like to remember that bad things really do happen. In our culture I don't feel we grieve well, but that's a topic for another day. This week I have been hearing and reading a lot of conversations as to how we as a Nation should go about remembering, and really I personally think that we should all feel free to remember and honor the heroes of that day however we choose. So that's what I am doing here, remembering.... because;

I will never forget.

For me it's easy to remember how many years have passed since that tragic day because I was still pregnant with my third child, Solomon. He turns 10 this October 4th, and so that's how I know 10 years have passed since 9/11. During his pregnancy I remember being so full of hope. I was excited to find out we were having our first son. I was excited for his future, little did I know that the year he would be born would make history for a tragic reason. Forever, that will be a part of his story. That he was born a month after 9/11.

I will never forget.

I am sure most of us can remember exactly where we were when we saw or heard the news that morning. I was at home with my girls who were only 3 and 1 and a half. We were watching PBS Sesame Street which was the normal morning routine after daddy had left for work. My friend Alyse, who also happened to be my neighbor at the time, called to share the news with me. I thought something had happened to her or one of her kids and was shocked to hear otherwise.

I will never forget.

It's hard for me to imagine raising Solomon without his dad being there to help him, but that is exactly what so many have had to do because they lost their soul mates, and parent partners that day. For Solomon there have been countless first days of school, boy scout mtgs, baseball games, birthday parties, and bedtime prayers said with his dad by his side all these years. For thousands of other children this 9/11 marks how many things they didn't get to do with their loved ones. That's a lot of candles that didn't get blown out. A lot of wishes that didn't get made. A lot of prayers that never got spoken.

I will never forget.

Recently, tragedy struck again in the little town where Solomon was born, Carson City NV. A random gunman shot and killed 4 people yesterday, and now this week before 9/11, will never be forgotten for all those families. That was only 4 people, and I am sure the town of Carson City will be forever changed because of yesterday. I called my hometown of Carson City to make sure that none of my loved ones who still live there were at I HOP that tragic morning. They were not. My mom however taught one of the boys who lost his dad this week. He will never be the same. On 9/11 we lost nearly 3000 people. That's a lot of stories cut short. That's a lot of teachers who had students who lost parents.....

I will never forget.

After 9/11 I remember how many flags went up, how many bumper stickers were posted "Never Forget", and how many lives and their stories were being played over and over on television. I remember being somewhat glued to the television. I remember being so thankful that I lived on the west coast far away from what had happened. I remember feeling safer because I didn't live by a big city or any national monuments. I know that seems selfish, but I was glad my little family was far from the appearance of danger. We were far away from what happened. But, I also remember not feeling safe for quite some time. I was not directly affected by that day. All my loved ones came home that night. I lived on the west coast. It happened on the east coast. I felt I had no real reason to panic, but I remember starting to have panic attacks shortly after that event for the first time in my life.

I will never forget.


What will I do this year, 10 years later?
I thought this was a great way to remember;

http://blog.sojo.net/2011/08/22/jesus-bombs-and-ice-cream/

Check out this creative way to remember.
If only I lived in Philly :)

Well, I don't live in Philly, but I do live in Washington now, and that means I live close to the wonderful Mike Farina family.
I will be at the Beautiful Amoure Farina's birthday party. That's right she was born on 9/11, and if we aren't celebrating her newest grandbaby, we will be celebrating that life goes on and that the most precious thing we can do to remember is to LIVE!

I Will Never Forget.

Why? a tribute to my friend Nicole Crossman

"It must have been a place so dark you couldn't feel the light"

Driving home from work today a song from Rascal Flatts came on called, Why. It's basically about a person who commits suicide. It made me cry like a baby. It felt good to let go of some tears about this topic and especially about my friend Nicole Crossman, who is the most recent loved one lost from this crappy adjective. It felt good to feel more about her life lost because for the most part I felt anger when I would think about what she had done, but there was a line in this song that really reminded me of how funny she was and how much I really did love her. 

"You always played with passion, no matter what the game. When you took the stage you shined just like the sun."

In a million, trillion years she would never have been the friend I would think that would ever do something like this. 

"I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong."

My friend Nicole Crossman worked with kids most of her teenage and adult life. My sister met her first and then got her a job at my Aunt's school and that began her journey into Early Childhood Education. She worked at the Recreation Department for over 10 years and that's where most of my memories with her are from. She was alot fun!! She had two girls and I had the distinct pleasure of watching her younger one who was friends with my daughter, Chloe. I would bring them to preschool together and pick them up together. I have pictures in my scrapbook of the girls, of me and Nicole working at the Rec. Dept., of her and my friend Judy at my wedding.

"Now, in my mind I keep you frozen as a 17 year old."

I remember one time I sat in the car in the parking lot while my sister and Nicole went and got their hair done. I wasn't cool enough to be with the big girls but did I ever want to be cool enough. So I sat there waiting for the fun to come back.

"Now here we are gathered in our little hometown. This can't be the way you wanted to draw a crowd."

 I was sitting there crying  and in front of Isaiah. When he asked why I was crying I kept it simple with my answer but he kept wanting to know more. Then he said he was still sad about Emma's friend who had died last year in her class. I didn't even realize because he was only 3 at the time that he was paying attention to all of last springs drama with Emma's classmate,(Alex was a 10 year old boy who hung himself) but apparently he was. He also knew exactly what that song was about which is shocking to me. These little people know so much more than we give them credit for. I know that, sometimes I think I just forget how closely they are paying attention to our every move.

"Why, that's what I keep asking"

Normally, when I cry I am a silent, hidden crier. Especially where my kids are concerned but this time I just needed that release and thought I will deal with whatever comes after. So, I tried to explain to my 4 year old as best I could this subject of suicide that is something that I still don't really even understand myself. These are the times in parenting that you think, I am not prepared enough for THIS!!  I of course was age appropriate and not sharing any details and the conversation ended with us having a big long hug.

"Why you'd leave the stage in a middle of a song"

It felt good to feel.

It made me realize how long the process of emotional healing really is and how important it is not to rush through it just because it causes uncomfortable conversations with my 4 year old.

I went home and had a great afternoon with my kids and hubby, then got a phone call from my dad about a friend of my parents who was only in her 60's who passed away in her sleep. The cycle of life just keeps coming at ya!!

"Oh but I do have one burning question, who told you life wasn't worth the fight?"

Happy Father's Day

I spent the greater part of the evening with my Dad. His older brother's Bob and Dick are in town and to see them all together is always a treat. When these three get together it is quite entertaining in a good way. Not in the way my mom's family is entertaining which is not always in a good way. Case in point refer to blog below , Last Friday night. Anyhew, not the topic of this blog. What I wanted to talk about is my dad. A man who spent the great portion of his life being a radio announcer or DJ or whatever you wanna call it and now is getting ready to retire from being a grocery store clerk. My dad loves jazz music and all things sports related. Tonight there was a Basketball game on that bro-in law Izzy was very interested in. My mom took offense to the fact that he wasn't rooting for Boston but I am not a basketball fan , although I did take stats for the boys b-ball team in High School . It really never stuck. I can appreciate any good game though and tonight was a nail biter. Needless to say my dad was rooting for the Lakers because unlike my mom he detests all things Boston(not really it's just this funny passive agressive thing they have had going for many years). So funny those two. So there they sat, Izzy and my Dad glued to the television. It was so enjoyable to hear the two of them get quite excited.

I love my dad. I love that he loves sports. I love that he has loved my mom for 38 years and counting. I love that although he is not perfect by any means he's still trying. Always committed to getting better at his roles in life.

Father in laws are also on the list of the Dad's I love. Over the 13 years of marriage I have come to appreciate them both.

Mo's dad Rusty gives me a greater insight to the man I married than probably anyone else around and he is the amazing Bionic man. With so many surgeries I can't even tell you, He never and I do mean never complains. He is amazingly strong and I love him.

His step dad Tom also an incredible man that keeps his mom happy. Which what more could you ask for there, right?

Anyway, if I didn't get to tell you myself today, Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there. I hope you spent it in good company and with lots of love.

Goodbye Sue Leishman

I will miss you. Your fight was one of the strongest, most courageous fights I have ever seen. Much like your life you were brave and against all odds so strong for others. Your fight for life was inspiring and made me so grateful for every breath of my own.The few deep conversations that we shared will stay with me forever. What you had to overcome in your lifetime is truly a testimony of God's hand of love, goodness ,and grace and your own strength and courage. I am happy for you on this day that you are no longer in pain, you have no more suffering, no more tears to wipe dry, no more haunting memories. I am happy for you that on this day you have seen the eyes of the one who knows you, our Precious Lord Jesus. What a happy day for you. I will miss you.

il mio grandma bello

My beloved gramma Johanna,Jennie,Joan Farina/LeSage passed away September 11, 2005. She was 83 years old and had suffered for over 10years with alzhemiers. She closed her eyes to sleep on this earth and opened them in heaven. She has now been given a new name and is in her true eternal home.
She was the most Christ-like person I have ever known and her beauty because of this was beyond compare. She was born in South Braintree Massachusetts. The family that she came from was the Farina's . Her mother and father both came to the states from Italy when they were only children and thier marriage was an arranged marriage that brought forth 6 wonderful, amazing people 5 girls and only 1 boy. Because she was the first to get married,have children, and move out west she was the pioneer of her family. In her life she was married 49years before my grandpa died, they had 5 children,16 grandchildren, and 29 great grandchildren. They raised a family of faith, with each person as unique and talented, kind and loving , funny and incredibly charasmatic as the next.
When my mom was growing up she said that gramma used to set an extra place at the dinner table every night just in case someone who needed the meal might not feel welcome enough to stay otherwise. She said usually they would have a few new faces around the dinner table most nights, and I know this is where my mothers heart of mercy and love for her neighbors comes from.
My gramma had all 5 of her children before the age of 25. She never learned how to drive a car but she had more than enough adventures and great stories to tell . Once shortly after having my first child I asked her "Gramma how did you do it? Raising 5 kids all so close in age with not much help from Granpa, and no way to get out and about?" She said as clear as day(even with some alzhemiers kickin in), "I just did it, I didn't think about it" Her family was her life. Her husband, who she lovingly referred to her as "Her pal" and her children were the jewels, the treasures she took so much joy in.
Her father, a beautiful man who loved Jesus but never went to church. The reason, because the catholic church started charging families to buy the pews they would sit in every Sunday and he refused. He said he and his family would have church at home and they did . Every Sunday they would read the bible in thier living room on 39 Fountain Street.He used to drive an oil truck in the time of the depression, and any extra oil that would drip out of the truck he would save in a can to be delivered to families in great need. He was a "Robin Hood" of sorts.That was one of his many ministries. My gramma was born in 1922 and shortly after she was born , countless diseases that took many other lives was stopped in time for her with the very first administrations of immunizations.She was a miracle. Her sister Elizabeth, was not as fortunate. She had 5 sisters and only one brother Louie who also passed away in January of this year. Louie Farina, adored his Jennie and so it is only appropriate that they left in the same year. My gramma was only 5 feet tall. She fell in love and was married at the young age of 19 to my Granpa a half Irish half French man who wasn't even supposed to talk to the italian women back in that day. He asked if he could carry her books from school home for her. At first she said no, but then every day he didn't stop asking, and finally she said yes, and the rest is part of my history now.
Three sons and two daughters,my mother Ellen was her fourth child. All her children were born in South Braintree Massachusetts and moved out west when they were in thier teens and pre-teens.
Some of the sayings and things that I will remember the most about my beautiful gramma; "When you think a fella is really interested in you and you like him too, the first question you be sure to ask him is, How much did you say your name was worth?" "The smart one shuts up" "God love ya" "Can I get you anything" Her theme song that she would sing alot, so simple and yet so true "Row,row,row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream"
Her homemade meatballs or italian cookies( covetchonis). Her love for children and her protection of them. Her love for music. There was always music in her life. My Grampa would play the organ or the accordion or her children the guitar. Always had a song in heart and a smile on her face. "Peace be with you". "I pray everyday for all my friends and benefactors, my family, and the most forgotten soul, I think that pretty much covers everyone""If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all"
To everyone she met she would say goodbye by saying " God Bless ya" . Her life was a blessing to all who were blessed enough to know her . These are only a very few of my beloved memories. Her life was so rich, so full that it would take me alot longer to write them all. So much of who I am is because of her. I have been truly so blessed, so fortunate to have had her for my grandmother. I am truly thankful to God for all the wonderful things that she taught me. I know that she is finally home, restored to perfect health and with her Savior now and that brings me great comfort, but I still miss her already.
On this day I will try to keep her memory close to my heart by being gentle and merry, being kind to children, singing songs of joy,winking as a sign of approval and acceptance , raising one eyebrow to the things in this world that make me wonder. In tribute to her I will try to teach my children all the things that she taught me, and instill a strong sense of faith, love for others and a strong sense of identity. Her heritage was one of love,faith, service,and perserverance. Her legacy was not riches, possesions, or property but rather lots and lots of spoken blessings and love. She truly loved everyone.

I pray that I will honor her by living a life much like her own with as much faith, grace, love, humility, peace, and kindness as she lived hers with. Ti amo Gramma, I will miss you until we meet again.