A Letter To My 16 Year Old Self

As I look at the above photo of these beautiful young women whom I have known since they were  teeny tiny... I think about being 16 again. I think about all the hopes and dreams that were in my heart at that stage in life and I wish I could have known some things that I know now. So I'm going to write a letter to my 16 year old self in hopes that some young girls out there might benefit from what this almost 40 year old woman knows now. 



Dear Noël,
I would first just like to tell you that you are beautiful. You don't need to drink Slim Fast shakes to get skinny, and you don't need to be ashamed of your beauty or wear clothes to hide it. You are NOT fat!! You and your mind, body, and soul are a gift. Your voice may be quiet, but it is being heard. People are paying attention to the life choices you are making. Without even saying a word you are making a difference. Don't grow tired or weary of doing what you know is right.   Your heart is sensitive and your prayers are building your future. God has you hidden right now that's why the cute boy down the hall that you have a crush on is not paying attention to you. But there will come a day when his head will turn and love will be awakened and you will see all these years that the Lover of your Soul has been perfecting that which you are concerned about. 
God has brought people into your life right now that will later become your family. Treasure them. Don't take their love and devotion for granted, and don't forget to tell them Thank You for being there for you.
Stop. Look. And pay attention to your Mom and Dad and your siblings that are still under one roof right now. This will not always be. Remember these are your life's BEST FRIENDS. Do the dishes for your mom, you have NO idea how much this will bless her. Thank your dad for working so hard to provide for his family, and thank him for all the countless times he picks you up and drops you off to work. Squeeze your brother Greg so hard with a Hug so big that he won't ever forget you LOVE him. Let your little sister Gina come in your room and do something fun with her so she too will remember that you LOVE her. 
As far as going off to college don't worry so much about how, and where you will go. These are things that are already figured out. Live in the NOW. Be in the moment and not so far off in the future that you forget what is really important. 
Those dates that you go on with Jesus, keep those up. HE loves these precious times with you, and you will not have as many opportunities to sneak away like that in your future. 
Have Fun, Be A Kid, and you should probably know that the moon doesn't just turn on. This will save you from some embarrassing moments ahead. 

It's all going to be O.K.  You really can Trust in God for all of this and SO, so, so much more.
Your almost 40 year old self

FullyBloomed and Coming Home

Here's the part where I tell you WE are moving back to Nevada.
Sigh.
After almost 4 years of living in Washington, the Evergreen state, it appears that the not so Green State... I mean the Silver State has called us back.
Sigh.
Here's the part where I tell you I feel a lot like that flower up there. Broken Open  and Fully Bloomed.

And here's the part in my life story where I tell you that this quote is a description of what the past 4 years has been.
"There came a time when the risk to remain tight  in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
The risk, the pain, it's all played a part in bringing us where we are today. 

It was a risk to come up here and we didn't know if it would be one worth taking, but we took it anyways. It was too painful for us to watch our home be taken away from us that's why we left. We walked away very slowly from all that we knew, from all that was familiar.
In the time that we have been here, we have played the role of foreigner, and we have been blessed to be placed in families. The word hospitality has taken on a WHOLE new meaning. 
Here's the funny part, to move back to Nevada used to seem like it would be a failure, but here's the part where we get to say, We tried and we didn't fail because at least we can say we tried. We took the leap of faith. We sprang forward into a foreign land. We imagined a very different life for our little family. 
And it was good. It was really good. We feel stronger now. We know the depths and the heights of this place. And in the end it's just a place. Whether we loved it, or hated it, it's just a place.

Life has a funny way of bringing everything full circle. The main reason we had a spring board to leave Nevada was due to the foreclosure of our third home. Many of you stood by our sides when we were robbed by Bank of America.  Many of you were robbed too. Here's the part where it has turned full circle, not only are we moving back to Nevada for an incredible opportunity, but this past week, we received a check from Bank of America.
A tiny piece of some retribution from the Bank that stole our home from us, but not our lives.
Sigh.
And now we can sing this song

I'm coming home Holla  RENO NEVADA!!
I'm also a dork.  Thanks for listening!

Bottom of The Barrel, lyrics by Amos Lee

Amos Lee Song Bottom of the Barrell is really speaking volumes to me right now.

Bottom Of The Barrel lyrics

I keep on livin',
to keep from cryin'.
I keep on dreamin',
to keep from dyin'.
I keep on trying,
I aint gonna stop.

Get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.



We all know someone,
whos always hurtin',
The sun is shinin',
they draw the curtain.
One thing for certain,
the pain aint gonna stop.

You get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.

Cuz i know the grass,
is always greener in someone else's yard.
And the world is so much meaner,
when your heart is hard.

I go out walkin',
in any season.
It could be rainin',
it could be freezin'.
I don't need no reason,
it's just so pleasin'.
And i can't stop.

You get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.

Tou get right down to the bottom of the barrel and float back on top.



The winds of change have blown our way again and this song is what is getting me through the day.

I Wonder if they might speak to you too ?

And yes those would be my ducky lips that the giant keeps telling me to put away, but dammit sometimes those lips come in handy!!

A Perfect Fall Day

Today was an absolute perfect Fall day here in Northern Nevada. I love this time of year so much that I when it starts coming around my heart almost skips a beat in anticipation.
I am not sure if it is the smell of pumpkin candles, the candy corns that are one of my favorites, or just the amazing colors that the trees turn that takes my breath away. Whatever the reason, every year I think I fall more and more in love with this season.
Today I had the thought that I might miss the falls here as compared to the fall season in Washington. It's so hard not knowing exactly what to expect. I am sure there will be slight differences but I am expecting that it will be just as grand as it is here. One thing I have to give credit to Nevada for, and that I have always loved about Northern NV is that we do get a full dose of every single season. Sometimes they are extreme but for the most part they are the typical seasons protocol. I wonder if that will be the same in Washington? It's not that I want it to be the same in Washington it's just some things kind of anchor you as a person. You get used to things being a certain way.
I have never felt more ready in my life for this big change, but now that it is finally here, I am a bit weepy about it all. Strange, but true.
I feel prepared but at the same time overwhelmed if that is at all possible to feel together.
I asked Moses the other day if he was getting excited about getting up there and his response was perfect; "Yeah, that's one of the emotions that is in there."

Okay so here is the song that comes to mind with this thought process

Lyrics go like this;

Seasons change...
People change...

You guess the rest??

Pictures were taken last fall underneath my tree. I would say that I might miss that tree but where I am going is tree country and I will have 5 acres of them :) to enjoy.

Changes 2, 3,4,5 and 6

Moses resigned from Hillside, last Monday. Still don't know how I feel about this.

My books are being illustrated and one agency is reviewing the manuscript even as we speak.

Moses Mom's Restaraunt Equipment is being shipped out from Mississippi, and will be waiting for us in Northern CA. until we are ready to be business owners.

My oldest daughter is showing signs of pre-adolescence and I don't know how I feel about that.

My youngest child will be 4 in 27 days which means that I don't have a baby anymore, which is just very strange, great, but strange.

I think that just about covers it.

Change is good right?

Change

The kids are still sleeping and it is almost 9:30a.m. Oh, how I love the summer. More quiet time for me. This morning I woke with alot of mixed emotions. Change, big change is on the horizon for me and my family and those of you who know me know that change is not one of my favorite words in the dictionary, nor is it a favorite action of mine either.
I easily get overwhelmed with even little changes. Like when Mo wants to change furniture around, which he does on a regular basis, I start freaking out and whining that I like things where they are and why do you always have to go and mess with stuff. Then, of course, when it's all said and done I love the changes. I am not a visionary and can hardly see past the hour for what to do next. If it were not for my God, hubby, family, and friends who are visionaries I would still be in the same place I was when I was born. Right by mom's side:)
But with big changes somehow God's peace that surpasses all understanding seems to always kick in to high gear and I feel calm. That is where I am at right now. Every now and again my flesh will kick up and try to move things along quicker than God's hand but in the end if I just sit tight and watch God manifests some pretty amazing stuff right before my eyes. That is what I am seeing right now.
I woke yesterday to read this scripture, Ps 127:1-2.
It talks about God being the builder of my house or life if you will. I believe this to be true. He has always built pretty well before for me, why would I want to take that job from him now? I don't want to. I trust that whatever lies ahead for us will be good.

Some lessons learned

"All true leaders have learned to say NO to the good in order to say YES to the best" John Maxwell
This quote got me thinking of how much I have had to change over the years in this area. I used to say yes to almost everything so as to please, and appease everyone. Being a person who likes to make everyone happy, keep everything and everyone copesetic was who I used to be. I came by this people pleasing lifestyle genetically as my mother is a true blue people pleaser. We prefer the Pollyana version of life.
Recently, though I have had to change(alot) Change is not normally something I embrace.
Although I know it is good for me it is so hard. It's not that I like things to stay the same it's just that when there is so much change I get this very unsettling feeling. This past year though I had no choice in the matter. God took the drivers seat and brought two moves, weddings, deaths, 2nd born entering kindergarten, new job, new friends, and many more changes too countless to list them all. So with all those changes it was either stick my feet in the sand and have a crappy attitude or embrace them with the grace that only God gives for those changes. I chose the latter.
In the process though I have realized a few important things. One, is that people pleasing is for the birds. Still, I fall back into wanting so much to go there but I am reminded continually to live for an audience of ONE. This is the struggle. Learning to say yes only to the best and no to the good. The good sometimes presents itself as the best but when looked at closely is not always the best possible scenario.
Take for instance this holiday season my giant and I took some vacation time. Well before the time even got off to a start an old family friend asked for a favor , if her son could stay with us for a few days because he was taking lifeguarding lesson in Sparks and needed a place to stay since they live in Dayton. Now, before I wouldv'e said yes in an instant because this seemed the right thing to do, to help this friend but instead I remembered to prefer my husband above others and ask him first. I said yes to the best and no to the good. I think she hates me now(just kidding) I probably did upset her but I realized that God knew what was ahead for us and He led me in the right direction(as He always does)
Another thing I realized is how my family is affected by what I say yes and no to is what I have begun to realize is the reason why you say no to the good. They are the ones that are most directly affected by my life choices and so I want to choose the right ones always for them. I know that as I show my love for them in this I love Jesus in the process.

Whether or not this makes me a true leader remains to be seen.
I do hope to lead my life in such a way as to please only ONE. I hope I get better and better at this as the years go by.