On Turning 40

Today is the first day of my 40s, and so far I have to say it's going pretty well. 

And just in case you were wondering,

I'm not giving up on ducky lips in my 40's, but I do think I should buy a legit pair of glasses.

Meh. 

Maybe Not!!

No mid-life crisis in sight, unless you consider having ducky lips at 40 a crisis?

But seriously, I know I'm only a few hours into this 40's gig but I have a whole life time of stories to tell you that led up to this moment.

And maybe, just maybe some wisdom even though I don't have the grey hairs to show for it! 

Dammit!!

Where are those grey hairs? 

I may be the only 40 year old woman you know who has plans to put some fake grey hairs on my head and still pull off a damn good duck lip, but that's what I feel the 40's are all about.

There is no rule book on what this is supposed to look like and so with that being said, let me tell you some of my thoughts on turning 40.

I saw this quote on Pinterest the other day and it made me feel a little bit better about turning 40.

I love a good story and if I could only approach this birthday with the attitude that now,

I have 40 years of stories then I think I won't feel so old.

I wonder what the title for this chapter will be?

I think I'm heading into this decade with a few heavy duty life notches under my belt like; getting married, having 4 children, moving away, owning homes, a miscarriage, having surgeries, getting degrees, changing jobs, losing loved ones, greeting new loved ones into the world. 

But, there is still SO much of life that I haven't experienced yet and so I find myself in this in-between stage.

The chapter called the Middle. 

When I look back over my life I realize I really do have a lot of great stories to tell and I'm truly grateful for each and every one of them. 

I have that one story of when I married a Giant man named Moses.

Gosh, I love that story.

It's been over 20 years now that, that story began so over half my life has been spent with him as opposed to without. 

If I had to choose only one person to spend the rest of my life with it would still be My Giant.

But before that story I have 19 years of stories that didn't involve a Giant.
And you can't skip those ever important formative years. 

I have the story of my first day in kindergarten when I cried ever so sweetly because I didn't want to leave my momma's side.

I was kind of a momma's girl.

I still am a momma's girl. 

The older I get the more I appreciate my momma. 

Being a good mom truly is a role that will forever be my goal.

She has led the way of what it looks like to grow old gracefully, and I'm happy to follow in her beautiful footsteps.

I have the story of when I met my first best friend at school. We became friends because some bully's where picking on her, and I came to her side and told her that I thought she was perfect. And I kicked those bullies asses... No, No I didn't! But, I wanted to. I probably didn't say anything at all that eloquent either because I was in Kindergarten,  and I'm fairly certain I didn't even give the bullies a dirty look but man was I ever angry on the inside. 

I love that story because it's still ongoing. I'm still friends with this child hood friend.

Old friends are the treasures in this life that nothing else can quite compare to.

I have the story of waiting outside of a retail store that said they would have the popular Cabbage Patch Dolls in stock, and I thought all my childhood dreams were going to come true, only to have my hopes and dreams dashed by a frenzied crowd that snatched up every doll in sight, and an announcement that they were all sold out.

My dad took me out to breakfast afterward to cheer me up and that's when I realized he would forever be one of my life's heros.

 My dad is still one of my life's heros because he has consistently showed up like that when it matters most.

The simple truth of what it takes to be a good parent is somehow wrapped up in the "showing up"!

I have the story of my first kiss that was actually stolen from my lips from a skater kid named Mikey.

That story still makes me angry. What a shit bird that Mikey was.

Girls, don't let that first kiss be stolen or any kiss there after.

Be mindful of where your affections are given. 

Shortly after that, I remember the story where my life would be forever changed by the Lover of my Soul. That story hands down, is my favorite because it has made every story there after better, richer, deeper, and more eternal. 

Make sure your life's story is building for a better eternity.

I have the stories of High School where I lived in the Choir room. I was that geeky choir student.

If my life where the t.v show Glee I was most definitely Rachel, maybe not as snooty, and probably not as confident.

I didn't care that it wasn't cool to be in choir back then because "singing loud for all to hear" was and still is my favorite. 

In this life you have to do what makes your heart sing, no matter what.

I remember that one time I changed my hair color and got tattoos that was a fun chapter. 

I'm kinda over the chapter of caring what people think about me and as I've gotten older it's been easier to live my life for an audience of ONE.

Live YOUR life, there will only be ONE.

I have had the chapter of little people who depended on me for everything. 

To cloth them, feed them, bathe them, and tuck them in at night.

Where every word was repeated and every moment was precious. 

Now I have big little people

who are so independent and capable that it's almost frightening sometimes. 

And every moment is still precious, but the words ...

well they have a changed a bit is all I'm gonna say about that!

Words are important, use them wisely.

I woke up thinking that turning 40 is so strange because in many ways 

you are too young to be old 

and 

too old to be young anymore.

It's an in between age.

Here's to the in between stage of life!

Thanks for sharing it with me beloved reader.

Sweet and 16

16 years ago I woke up very early and walked downstairs at 803 N. Minnesota St. in Carson City Nevada. I sat down in my rocking chair and I knew it was time.

What I didn't know at that time is how fast time would go from that point on. 

When your children are little you hear it from every veteran parent that has gone before you, but when you are in the trenches of changing diapers and wiping down walls from the markings of crayons, you think... 

Really, because just this day seems like an eternity??!!

But now, on this day, more than ever before I know that word "time" is of the essence. I didn't realize it then that 16 years would go by in the blink of an eye. I didn't know then as I looked into the face of my first born child that her life would forever fill my own with SO much joy. 

I couldn't even begin to imagine a sweet, yet ever so sassy Emma Faith. 

And as I sit here and think about these past 16 years with this amazing young lady my heart is filled with so many emotions that it's hard to pin point just one. 

I suppose the one I'm going to focus on is that I'm beyond thankful. 

Thankful for 16 years.

Looking forward to many more years.

And happy that of all the human beings on this planet I get to be that girls momma. 

Happy Happy Day Emmers! 

May Babies

*Warning there might be some Blaggin and heavy sentimental Sighing ahead.

Blaggin- The combo of bragging and blogging.

These are my May babies.

The one on the left is my oldest Emma who will be sweet 16 on the 28th of this month,

and 

The one on the right is Chloe who will be 14 tomorrow.

Beloved reader please ...

A heavy, sentimental  

S I G H 

is needed 

from us all right now.

Sometimes I look at these girls and I can hardly believe that almost 16 years ago I became a mother for the first time. It seems like only yesterday they were babies.  Emma wasn't even quite 2 yet when I gave birth to Chloe. At her second birthday party she was given the greatest gift in her life, a sister, a best friend, and the role of being the oldest. She has astounded me ever since as a first born child. She is beyond responsible and at times I forget who is the parent in this household.  (Not really, I just said that for dramatic affect.) And Chloe has always had a soft spot with me because we are both second born children.  She has never complained about having hand me down clothes and she looks up to her sister like I looked up to mine. She is generous and so soft spoken that at times I have to drag it out of her what she really wants out of life.  For instance, this whole month even though her birthday comes before Emma's she has been scheming and planning her sisters birthday party, with no regard for her own.  S I G H.... I can't even begin to put into words what joy they both give me. From the moment Emma was born my role in life changed as well. I was no longer just wife, sister, daughter, cousin, teacher, friend... I was now a Mother. The role of motherhood has been one that I have felt privileged, honored and completely blown away that I have been given for 16 YEARS now.  Believe it or don't... I'm kinda still in shock that I birthed 4 human beings.  I know, I should probably be used to this role, being that it has been 16 years but, every now and then I catch a glimpse of my children who are so grown up, so mature, so not babies anymore, and I think how the H E double Hockey Sticks did that happen? I have told both my girls before that they have made my first years of Motherhood so easy. And I tell them, on the regular, they make me look good! Actually, I say it more like  "D A M N girls you are making me look so good right now!!" Knowing full well, that I can't take credit for their choices and who God made them to be.

 These two young women, My May Babies (who are not babies anymore) woke up early on Mother's Day and cleaned my house, made breakfast, and wrote me love notes that would make a stone cold hearted Robot come to tears. I could brag about them til the cows come home(I don't have any cows but I think they must come home kinda late in the day) because they are just THAT amazing, but let me just share the essentials with you Beloved Reader. These two young ladies, on a regular basis make me laugh and remind me that life is full of excitement, new adventure, and tremendous beauty. These two May Babes, both love Jesus with all their hearts and to me well... that is everything. I'm excited to see how they will enter into young adult years.  As they begin to spread their wings and fly I pray I know when to open up that bird cage. And I hope that they will continue to include me in their everyday lives. I take great comfort in knowing that my own Mom is one of my very best friends, and I hope that tradish continues. 

Would you be so kind as to wish these two lovelies a Happy Birthday and to pray for this momma because my sentimental heart is on overload. 

9 more months

In 9 more months I will turn 40 years old. 9 months is a significant amount of time. It's enough time for the average pregnancy. It's enough time for a school year to be complete. It's about the amount of months it takes a baby to look this cute.

40 years, now that is certainly a significantly larger amount of time. That is half an average lifetime. It is a number that meant a lot to some Israelites thousands of years ago as they wandered the desert in search of the Promise land. Seriously, I can't believe they wandered for 40 YEARS!?! I'd be like,  "Excuse me but does somebody know where we are going, cause I gotta go pee?!!"
It's a very long amount of time in a marriage. Most marriages, more than 75% never reach that number. And it's a heck of a LOT longer than this little guy has been on the planet. He's got 39 and 1/2 more years to go to catch up with me.

If I'm fortunate enough to have another 40 years I will leave this world thinking some of the same things I am thinking today.
Did I live my life to the fullest possible measure that I could have? And the answer will be the same as it is today. No, I haven't and No, I didn't.
It won't be for lack of trying, but simply because there is only so much one life can hold. I'm okay with knowing now at almost 40 years old that there are some things in this life time I was given that will just never come to pass for me. I was told once from a very close friend who was diagnosed with Brain Cancer that if you live like every day was your last you very quickly go crazy.  So I just determined to be o.k. with the present moment. I mean to be really o.k. with where you are and what you are doing, even if you want to change some things, there is just so much freedom in this.
But these beauties they have the whole word ahead of them. I hope at least to live long enough to see these lovely young women grow to be amazing older women in their 40's.

I think this train of thought is the reason for many a mid-life crisis.  All of sudden we hear the clock ticking and we freak out on the inside just a bit, and then freak out on the outside a whole lotta bit!! I'm thankful that somewhere in my heart I have peace about turning 40. I'm not saying that I don't think mid-life cray cray thoughts from time to time, but I'm just able to keep that crazy in a bottle until it passes. This lil guy is CRAZY CUTE!!  Don't you agree?

I have started to ask a different question.
The question I am asking myself today and one that I will ask myself on my dying day is... But, did I leave the world a better place? That's all any person can ever hope to accomplish in one lifetime. Making it a little bit better for the ones they leave behind.
Because I'm a mom of 4 kids I think about the future generations on a regular basis and I wonder things like... What will it be like for my children when they are 40? Will I still be here? Will there be flying cars? Will the world look so unfamiliar that it will frighten me ?
What I know about the future is only this, I will have to leave this earth someday and I pray my footprint is one of faith, hope, and love.  Here's to almost turing 40!

Happy New Year Ramblings

Happy Happy New Year Beloved Reader! I sure hope your holidays were filled with love and laughter.  Mine were filled with love, laughter and a whole lotta busy! I feel like I have been running full speed ahead since middle of November and let me remind you this girl doesn't like to run. In fact my New Years word is Balance due to the fact that I feel I need to balance all this busy in my life that 9 times out of 10 isn't even my own busy.  Ya know what I'm saying? Any momma of more than a couple kids gets it. I feel like I'm constantly running everywhere for everyone but ME, and most days I don't mind that. I'm thankful my life is full of busy, because that means it's full of beloved people, but I also know that running all the time is not good. I don't know how I know this since like I said I'm not a runner, but I just know it in my knower. So part of finding balance for me in this New Year I think is going to look like planning to do things that I want to do.  Things that feed my soul. Things that make my heart sing. Things like NOT running. Although this girl doesn't like running..

She does however like to write and today feels like a good day to check in and write a few things here with you.  Where should we start? Let's have a conversation about the aftermath of Christmas decor.  Am I the only one who feels a tad bit resentful about the after clean up process of Christmas? I feel as though decorating for Christmas is a task that primarily falls on the woman and the aftermath of Christmas (aka what to do with the Christmas tree) should fall on the man. Call me old fashioned, but I'm so glad my Giant takes care of getting rid of that big gianormous tree that is now dropping pine needles left and right.  But I have to say that after the tree is gone and I take a look around,  I'm a tad bit overwhelmed by all the fun I had putting tinsel on everything and ornaments everywhere. Every year when I bring out the ahem... 8 or 9 boxes of Christmas decor I think to myself... "Self... ya know this is going to take all of January to clean up." But I put it all out anyways because the kids love it and well... I guess I must too.  How do you feel about it all?

Well ... so Christmas clean up, not my favorite, but in the end I feel only slightly resentful about it for a minute until I remember how nice it is to have a nice clean, crisp, streamline, simplified looking house.  Psh.... that's funny! I don't think my house and simplified are two words that would ever go together. No, because after December comes January. And we all know what that means decor wise...  I bring out the snowmen ;)  Yes, I decorate with snowmen in January. Doesn't everyone? I suppose I just can't say goodbye to all the fun so quickly and so I prolong it with cute little snowmen. Speaking of cute little things my niece Sophia just turned two.  She's aka Last Minute Biscuit (to me) because her birthday falls on December 31st .   She's the cootie pa tootie in the Minnie Mouse ears! Ugh... isn't she just scrum diddly ump tious? I get cuteness overload every time I see her sweet little face.

We had her party here right after Christmas. It was such a treat to be here and not be a part of this event via Skype. We had all the cousins together again which was a real treat. These two young men were babies just like yesterday! Now they are only months away from entering the teen years, and I have to say my heart just about skipped a beat when I saw this picture. This is cousin Jaydn and my son Solomon. Gah... cuteness overload again!

I'm in for a world of hurt when these Fab 4 kids of mine start flying from this nest. Lemme, just go on record now and say, that nothing will ever prepare this momma for something like the ugly words;  EMPTY NEST, BUT when I read things like this;  Geocashing with The Grandkids well it makes me smile. Stephanie is the bomb diggity! If you haven't discovered Honey(that's what her grandkids call her) well then your life is just not fully, full yet!! She is handling the empty nest phase of life, like a champ! And every now and then I need to go read her stuff to remind myself that there is life after the nest is empty. She has three grown daughters that are Be You Tee Full! And this reminds me that when I'm finished raising these beauties they WILL come back to me ;) This is a picture of cousin Brenna, cousin Breezy, and my oldest Daughter Emma. Did I mention these beautiful young ladies were babies just yesterday?  Sigh... cuteness beauty overload!

I'm not sure why Chloe wasn't in this pic, maybe??  Oh yea that's right.. not only did we have the party here, but my 13 year old Chloe made niece Sophia's Minnie cake. Can I just brag for a minute? My Sweet Lo lo is an aspiring baker.  I think she has proven time and again that she is quite the artist when it comes to all things pastry. I'm so very proud of her.

Oh, and Did I mention that not only does she make beautiful cakes she is an amazingly, stunning 13 year old girl that has legs for days and isn't even in High School yet? Eye cahrumba !! I'm in trouble! I mean would look at those two beauties below!!! Cuteness, Beauty, LEGS overload! Ok, I'll calm down now.  Deep breaths.  I do take comfort in the fact that their dad is a ... well you know I don't call him My Giant cause he's teeny. So at least there is that.

Well now that I have done my fair share of allotted bragging for the month of January I should probably go so you don't start to tune me out. I have missed you beloved reader. I'm hoping to be back into a better blogging swing soon, but in the meantime know that there is ... For YOU!!

On Turning 39

Hello There Beloved Reader Yesterday I turned 30+9.  It kinda snuck up on me this last year of my thirties, and to be quite honest I had a bit of a melt down last week with My Giant. 

It was a low point of self-loathing and self-pity and frankly, just all around selfishness.  I'm not proud about it, but I am aware I'm not alone in these type of moments.
My Giant handled it like a champ and patiently waited for the bubbling brook of tears to stop and then, somewhere in the midst of my blubbering like a big Ba-foon, My Giant said, "Do you think this has anything to do with you turning 39?" Sheesh... why does he have to be such a smarty pants!

SO of course I replied like any mature grown woman would and rolled my eyes, grunted and said, "Psh... of course not!! Well... maybe just a little."
But really, I knew somewhere deep down in my knower, that all that blubbering did have something to do with turning 39. My self awareness can be lacking sometimes. Anyone else feel me on that ? 
Ya see, I seem to always get hot and bothered by the year that comes before the BIG year.  So when I turned 29 I had a similar reaction, and of course now here I am doing it again. There is a bit of a pattern going on here, thank God My Giant has been paying attention.
The thing is, that I really have looked forward to my 40's for quite some time.  I have many women who have gone before me as a beautiful example of what 40's can look like and I've always thought that it's a decade of prestige, wisdom, and elegance.  Or maybe that's what I've told myself as I've slowly crept closer to that year. 

All I know is that I'm going to Carpe The Hell out of the next 364 Diems and enjoy my last year of the 30's.
I know that my 40's will come with it's own set of joys and sorrows and if I have learned anything at all in this 30 + 9 years it's that each year is a gift to be celebrated. LIFE... all of it,  the ups the downs is truly beautiful and not to be taken for granted.
I feel extremely grateful for this life and I don't want to waste a minute, not even a second worrying about wrinkles, and age spots, and varicose veins, and grey hairs... Or....  wait... remind me again what I was talking about? Oh yeah, the key to a happy life... Gratefulness. Because no matter what there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

Happy Birthday Solomon

12 years ago, we became parents to a boy that would forever change this families lives. I know every child that enters our world changes it, but this young man we had no idea what was in store for us. You see, we were parents twice over already, but to two little girls. A boy was all new territory for us.

A son, my prince, entered the scene, and the world became brighter, fuller, more alive, and certainly more lively. We needed the joy that Solomon brought because he was born right after 9/11 and also during a particularly difficult time for my family of origin.  Solomon brought immense joy.  He was a surprise right from the start, and he hasn't stopped surprising us since.

It has been said many times of him, that he's an old soul. When trying to explain that to him I said, "It just means you know a lot more than most kids do at your age, and you are very aware of the precious gift of life." Because of this, I truly believe his soul is kind. I mean, he is still your average 12 year old boy who likes to tease and sometimes border on obnoxious, but on a deeper level there is so much going on inside that boys noggin.

Solomon has always found the stranger, foreigner, outcast in the bunch. He loves to make them feel welcome and at home and I often wonder sometimes if it's because he himself doesn't feel at home here. 

He is your typical little brother to his two big sisters, but to see their friendship develop... well these are the true blessings in life. I know in my heart when they all go their separate ways someday, they WILL remain each others best friends. 

And being that he is a middle child 

He is a really good Big Brother as well, although if you ask Zay this question on an off day he might have a different answer. I tell Sol all the time that I'm thankful for the example that he sets for Isaiah. 

When Solomon was only like 3 years old we were shopping for furniture and the sales lady asked him which Super Hero he liked best, because he was wearing a t-shirt with Spiderman, Superman etc. She said, "Are you Spiderman, Superman....?" To which he looked at her and replied without skipping a beat, "No I'm S O L O M AN !!" We all laughed so hard and knew at that moment he would probably always walk a few steps ahead of us. 

On top of being an Old Soul, He is really a funny kid. 

He takes the role of being funny very seriously, can you tell? He likes to make people happy whenever they are sad. The only thing he didn't like as an infant was when his sisters would cry. I kid you not, he would cry right along with them. Oh, and he also didn't like when they left the room. He really doesn't mind being alone now, but back then he wanted people all the time.

He is beyond creative and inventive and truly since he was a little boy has been an artist like his dad. The minute he learned how to write he has been making little creative stories, and drawing pictures. He is forever in pursuit of the next greatest invention and I LOVE that about him. 

The way his mind works... well it never ceases to amaze me.

His eyes.... Oh his eyes! They see things in this world so very differently than most. And much like his name sake, he is wise beyond his years. But more than anything I guess, the thing I am most blessed by about this boy his own pursuit to know Christ. He has questions all the time about God and he isn't afraid to speak up about his beliefs at school. When I stop to listen, to see what it is he sees, I'm reminded of what a gift HE IS.

Today begins the last year he is a child. After 12 comes the teen years and my heart aches just a smidge every time I even think about that, so for now I'm going to enjoy that he likes waking the whole family early Saturday morning with his saxophone.

I'm going to enjoy picking up his nerf gun toys, and legos, baseball gear, and video game controllers.

I'm going to remember that when I have to remind him for the ba-zillioneth time to prioritize hygiene it means that he doesn't have another girl in his life that motivates him to do so, and that's a GOOD thing!!

(Although, I'm not sure his sisters would agree)

Sigh.... 

Yep, TODAY is a GOOD DAY. 

Happy Birthday and 10/4 Good Buddy!!

 

Happy Birthday Zed Head

9 years.

9 years of pure laughter, joy, and constant surprise.

9 years of random funny comments.

9 years of take a picture of this mom.

9 years of always being the buddy, and never knowing a stranger.

9 years of getting to know the strong sense of justice God has placed within you.

9 years of wake up calls in the middle of the night because of a bad dream.

9 years of " I want faff"

9 years of legos, tonka trucks, nacho libre viewings, and wrestling matches with your brother.

9 years of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or macaroni and cheese.

9 years of scrapped knees, elbows, and other various body parts.

9 years of the gift that is your life Isaiah Gregory. 

Happy Birthday To My Baby!!