A Tribute to My Grandma and My Mom

"A falling tree makes more noise...

Than a forest that's growing."

I remember as a young, brown eyed girl who was innocent to the ways of the world my grandma used to sing a few songs that I just thought were simple silly songs. 

There were two of them that she sang quite frequently;

 Row Row Row your Boat and Accentuate The Positive.

To look at the lyrics of either of these songs you might think they are but simple childlike songs, but as I've gotten older I have come to realize that the theme in both of them; to live merrily, gently, and stay on the positive side of life, are words to live by.

"Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream.

Merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream." 

and

"You've got to accentuate the positive 

eliminate the negative

Latch on to the affirmative 

But 

Don't mess with Mister in between."

As every year passes and my kids are growing like weeds, with a graduate of High School and one more headed into High School, their friends getting married, and having babies these lyrics are beginning to become my life's simple song.

Because life truly is ...
But a dream.
But a breath.
But a moment.

I think that is all one can do in this life is row your boat gently and merrily down this stream called life,  call it a good day, and return to dust.

Gently because there are enough storms in this life to rock that boat so on the daily to remain in gentleness and kindness and merrily live this life is truly not an easy task.

The second song is without a doubt in my DNA.

My mom and my grandmother have lived this song out and maybe it was the song in their hearts that forever changed them to be positive people.

Living on the positive side of life and not giving energy to negative things is also not an easy task.

Latching onto the affirmative to me would be the key to life.

The affirmative to me means truth.

Latch onto what is TRUE in this life and for me The Way, The TRUTH, and where life can be found is only in Jesus. 

These songs although they might be simple melodies they are far from simple to live out.

I believe they are the reason you arrive at 46 years of marriage like my parents picture above. 

Either one of my parents at any given moment could have got hung up on negative things that they saw in each other. They could have looked at their 5 kids and torn them apart for all their inadequacies as well, but instead they chose the positive side of life. 

They gave each other space.

They chose grace, and mercy and they still do.

These words are a way of life that I'm determined to emulate.

  I'm beyond grateful for these simple songs now that I'm older and I've seen many ways to live this life.
You can spend your time, your energy, your resources on so many different things in this life, but things don't last, people do.
If your not spending time on what is eternal it all turns back into dust in the end.


Simple but True.

Life  is But A Dream.
Live merry.
Live Gently.
Live Positive.
 And pay attention to that growing forest rather than the one noisy negative tree falling.

Nothing But Love

Noël

Some deep thoughts before bed

As I was dozzing off to dream land my eyes wandered over to the top of my dresser upon which many pictures in frames sit. One inpaticular caught my eye though and my mind went racing. It was the picture of me as a baby being held by my Pepere( which means Grandpa in French). He looks to be about the age that my dad is now, mid to late 6o's and he looks happy. As I lay there thinking about that moment of time captured forever now by a photograph I thought of all many unanswered questions I still have about this man I called "Pepere". I wondered, where did he work to support his family of 3 boys and his wife, where did he get his genes for being oh so clean all the time, did he have OCD because many of his house cleaning habits lead me to believe he might have been a bit on the OCD side, did he leave knowing he was loved, did he have a favorite color or favorite hobby, how come he was so good with money? I know so little of this man who is now only remembered by a photo in my mind. This got me thinking about life in general and how we all often think so much more of ourselves than we ought. Will anyone even remember anything about me when I pass on? If so, what will it be that they remember most? What I remember most about Pepere is that he loved to make kites, he was very resourceful and clean, he was very skinny, quiet, and wore sweaters all the time. Strange things to remember but there you have it.
All these thoughts led me to this prayer, God teach me to number my days that I might get a heart full of wisdom, that I don't forget that I am but dust, and so that I don't take one single breath for granted.

1 year ago today and then 5 years ago.....

One year ago today my beloved grandmother Joan LeSage passed away from this earth to go home. I loved this woman so much and it hurts to think of her not being here anymore but I am thankful that the sting of death is not all that I feel on this day. I know in my heart that I will see her again and so this time apart doesn't hurt as bad. I know that I will see her smiling eyes again. I know that her hug will warm my spirit again. I know this like I know that my name is Noel, or that my hair is brown, or that I have 4 children. I know this.
This makes me think of the other saddness of this day. All those lives that were lost 5 years ago. They were taken way before the long full life that my grandmother was given. Thier deaths were not nearly as peaceful. She died in her sleep , they died in terror and fear and long before they should have. Thier families didn't get to say goodbye and many of them don't have the assurance that they will ever see them again. That assurance is a gift. It steals the pain away from the sting of death like nothing else can. It is I believe what we are here to realize . That we are eternal beings and that one place or another we will live on.
This was a strange day for me with mixed emotions. A visit from my brother and then from my dad and then with a close friend. I am left feeling sad for those people who are still in fear of death and happy about my grandmother's beautiful long life lived. Mixed emotions. Trying to make sense of it all.

A Gift

Have you ever recieved a gift that you were afraid to use, touch, or move for fear that it might break or get dirty, or even be stolen? When my beloved gramma died this past fall I was given her dutch boy cookie jar. Do I put cookies in it? No. Do I set it on my counter top for all to see? No. It is hidden in my pantry where it can't even get dust on it, let alone be knocked over and broken. Every now and then when I open the cupboard I look at it and it puts a smile on my face but I wonder would my Gramma frown upon the fact that I am not using this to distribute cookies to her great grandbabies.
Sometimes that's the way I feel about the gifts that I have been given from God. One inpaticular , keeps me wondering why did God give this to me? I know so many others who would've done so much greater things with this gift and it almost seems wasted on me because of my fear to use it.
It reminds me of Moses in the bible , not my hubby. We can tell from what is written about him that he definately did not think that he was the right man for the job. When God asked him to go back to his hometown and tell his family and friends that what they were doing was wrong and that they needed to stop immediately and free the Hebrew slaves he questioned Gods call . He even came up with what I think is a pretty legite excuse of not being a good public speaker due to his stuttering. God didn't like his hesitancy because I think it showed Moses lack of faith/trust in Him . I can relate to Moses. I can think of a million excuses not to do what I know in my heart I was designed to do but in the end the call never goes away. The nudging is still there be it ever so small.
Because I know what Jesus said about the gifts that he gives and what we are supposed to do I am trying to be faithful using my gifts the best way I know how but somehow I wonder when I stand before Him will He ask me why I buried so many things because of my fear of rejection or pure complacency. I wonder if it will be enough. I am trying to be faithful but the desire every year grows stronger.
So, I am left at a crossroads. I can start to choose the path of least resistance or I can muster up all the time, energy, courage, strength and boldness that I have left and pursue what it is that I know in my heart is a gift buried right now.

il mio grandma bello

My beloved gramma Johanna,Jennie,Joan Farina/LeSage passed away September 11, 2005. She was 83 years old and had suffered for over 10years with alzhemiers. She closed her eyes to sleep on this earth and opened them in heaven. She has now been given a new name and is in her true eternal home.
She was the most Christ-like person I have ever known and her beauty because of this was beyond compare. She was born in South Braintree Massachusetts. The family that she came from was the Farina's . Her mother and father both came to the states from Italy when they were only children and thier marriage was an arranged marriage that brought forth 6 wonderful, amazing people 5 girls and only 1 boy. Because she was the first to get married,have children, and move out west she was the pioneer of her family. In her life she was married 49years before my grandpa died, they had 5 children,16 grandchildren, and 29 great grandchildren. They raised a family of faith, with each person as unique and talented, kind and loving , funny and incredibly charasmatic as the next.
When my mom was growing up she said that gramma used to set an extra place at the dinner table every night just in case someone who needed the meal might not feel welcome enough to stay otherwise. She said usually they would have a few new faces around the dinner table most nights, and I know this is where my mothers heart of mercy and love for her neighbors comes from.
My gramma had all 5 of her children before the age of 25. She never learned how to drive a car but she had more than enough adventures and great stories to tell . Once shortly after having my first child I asked her "Gramma how did you do it? Raising 5 kids all so close in age with not much help from Granpa, and no way to get out and about?" She said as clear as day(even with some alzhemiers kickin in), "I just did it, I didn't think about it" Her family was her life. Her husband, who she lovingly referred to her as "Her pal" and her children were the jewels, the treasures she took so much joy in.
Her father, a beautiful man who loved Jesus but never went to church. The reason, because the catholic church started charging families to buy the pews they would sit in every Sunday and he refused. He said he and his family would have church at home and they did . Every Sunday they would read the bible in thier living room on 39 Fountain Street.He used to drive an oil truck in the time of the depression, and any extra oil that would drip out of the truck he would save in a can to be delivered to families in great need. He was a "Robin Hood" of sorts.That was one of his many ministries. My gramma was born in 1922 and shortly after she was born , countless diseases that took many other lives was stopped in time for her with the very first administrations of immunizations.She was a miracle. Her sister Elizabeth, was not as fortunate. She had 5 sisters and only one brother Louie who also passed away in January of this year. Louie Farina, adored his Jennie and so it is only appropriate that they left in the same year. My gramma was only 5 feet tall. She fell in love and was married at the young age of 19 to my Granpa a half Irish half French man who wasn't even supposed to talk to the italian women back in that day. He asked if he could carry her books from school home for her. At first she said no, but then every day he didn't stop asking, and finally she said yes, and the rest is part of my history now.
Three sons and two daughters,my mother Ellen was her fourth child. All her children were born in South Braintree Massachusetts and moved out west when they were in thier teens and pre-teens.
Some of the sayings and things that I will remember the most about my beautiful gramma; "When you think a fella is really interested in you and you like him too, the first question you be sure to ask him is, How much did you say your name was worth?" "The smart one shuts up" "God love ya" "Can I get you anything" Her theme song that she would sing alot, so simple and yet so true "Row,row,row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream"
Her homemade meatballs or italian cookies( covetchonis). Her love for children and her protection of them. Her love for music. There was always music in her life. My Grampa would play the organ or the accordion or her children the guitar. Always had a song in heart and a smile on her face. "Peace be with you". "I pray everyday for all my friends and benefactors, my family, and the most forgotten soul, I think that pretty much covers everyone""If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all"
To everyone she met she would say goodbye by saying " God Bless ya" . Her life was a blessing to all who were blessed enough to know her . These are only a very few of my beloved memories. Her life was so rich, so full that it would take me alot longer to write them all. So much of who I am is because of her. I have been truly so blessed, so fortunate to have had her for my grandmother. I am truly thankful to God for all the wonderful things that she taught me. I know that she is finally home, restored to perfect health and with her Savior now and that brings me great comfort, but I still miss her already.
On this day I will try to keep her memory close to my heart by being gentle and merry, being kind to children, singing songs of joy,winking as a sign of approval and acceptance , raising one eyebrow to the things in this world that make me wonder. In tribute to her I will try to teach my children all the things that she taught me, and instill a strong sense of faith, love for others and a strong sense of identity. Her heritage was one of love,faith, service,and perserverance. Her legacy was not riches, possesions, or property but rather lots and lots of spoken blessings and love. She truly loved everyone.

I pray that I will honor her by living a life much like her own with as much faith, grace, love, humility, peace, and kindness as she lived hers with. Ti amo Gramma, I will miss you until we meet again.