So This Just Happened.

Over this past weekend something really big happened in our household.

Even though my 16 year old daughter told me over and over it wasn't a big deal somehow my heart did not get that memo.

I tried to hold it together. I really did. But then this happened.

She pinned a flower on a boy.  Who told her she could do that? Oh wait, I guess we did.  That's right it's all coming back to me now. We were sitting at the kitchen table I'm pretty sure I had only one cup of coffee flowing thru my veins when she asked her dad and I if she could go to the JA dance with a "friend" who is a boy. Now, in my defense I did say that I only had ONE cup of coffee. Mom's cannot be held responsible for anything they say until the SECOND cup of coffee is consumed.
Obviously that rule didn't pan out here because, WE said yes! The plural word there being WE. The operative word there being "SAID." The debatable word there being YES. We said it, but my heart didn't really mean it.

I mean ....  What I meant to say is ... NO. NO you cannot go to any dances with any boys. NO you cannot wear a dress so beautiful and look so stunning that it takes my breath away. NO you cannot pin a flower on a boy when you were dressing up dolls like yesterday. NO you cannot drive away in a car with that boy when you were just learning to ride your bike a minute ago. NO you cannot grow up. NO. Can I do that? I mean, can I take it all back? That's a rhetorical question. Sigh. I realize that I can't turn back time and say no where I previously said yes. I realize I can't stop this train, thank you very much John Mayer. I just, well I just wish sometimes this life would give you a little warning before you witness big life events like this. Daughters who become young women right before your eyes.

Please chime in all you parents who have walked this uncharted territory. I have to share a song that Emma's Auntie Gina sent me that same week. I'll admit it  did give me a little chuckle. I hope you enjoy it  AND  Pray for me.  

Sweet and 16

16 years ago I woke up very early and walked downstairs at 803 N. Minnesota St. in Carson City Nevada. I sat down in my rocking chair and I knew it was time.

What I didn't know at that time is how fast time would go from that point on. 

When your children are little you hear it from every veteran parent that has gone before you, but when you are in the trenches of changing diapers and wiping down walls from the markings of crayons, you think... 

Really, because just this day seems like an eternity??!!

But now, on this day, more than ever before I know that word "time" is of the essence. I didn't realize it then that 16 years would go by in the blink of an eye. I didn't know then as I looked into the face of my first born child that her life would forever fill my own with SO much joy. 

I couldn't even begin to imagine a sweet, yet ever so sassy Emma Faith. 

And as I sit here and think about these past 16 years with this amazing young lady my heart is filled with so many emotions that it's hard to pin point just one. 

I suppose the one I'm going to focus on is that I'm beyond thankful. 

Thankful for 16 years.

Looking forward to many more years.

And happy that of all the human beings on this planet I get to be that girls momma. 

Happy Happy Day Emmers! 

May Babies

*Warning there might be some Blaggin and heavy sentimental Sighing ahead.

Blaggin- The combo of bragging and blogging.

These are my May babies.

The one on the left is my oldest Emma who will be sweet 16 on the 28th of this month,

and 

The one on the right is Chloe who will be 14 tomorrow.

Beloved reader please ...

A heavy, sentimental  

S I G H 

is needed 

from us all right now.

Sometimes I look at these girls and I can hardly believe that almost 16 years ago I became a mother for the first time. It seems like only yesterday they were babies.  Emma wasn't even quite 2 yet when I gave birth to Chloe. At her second birthday party she was given the greatest gift in her life, a sister, a best friend, and the role of being the oldest. She has astounded me ever since as a first born child. She is beyond responsible and at times I forget who is the parent in this household.  (Not really, I just said that for dramatic affect.) And Chloe has always had a soft spot with me because we are both second born children.  She has never complained about having hand me down clothes and she looks up to her sister like I looked up to mine. She is generous and so soft spoken that at times I have to drag it out of her what she really wants out of life.  For instance, this whole month even though her birthday comes before Emma's she has been scheming and planning her sisters birthday party, with no regard for her own.  S I G H.... I can't even begin to put into words what joy they both give me. From the moment Emma was born my role in life changed as well. I was no longer just wife, sister, daughter, cousin, teacher, friend... I was now a Mother. The role of motherhood has been one that I have felt privileged, honored and completely blown away that I have been given for 16 YEARS now.  Believe it or don't... I'm kinda still in shock that I birthed 4 human beings.  I know, I should probably be used to this role, being that it has been 16 years but, every now and then I catch a glimpse of my children who are so grown up, so mature, so not babies anymore, and I think how the H E double Hockey Sticks did that happen? I have told both my girls before that they have made my first years of Motherhood so easy. And I tell them, on the regular, they make me look good! Actually, I say it more like  "D A M N girls you are making me look so good right now!!" Knowing full well, that I can't take credit for their choices and who God made them to be.

 These two young women, My May Babies (who are not babies anymore) woke up early on Mother's Day and cleaned my house, made breakfast, and wrote me love notes that would make a stone cold hearted Robot come to tears. I could brag about them til the cows come home(I don't have any cows but I think they must come home kinda late in the day) because they are just THAT amazing, but let me just share the essentials with you Beloved Reader. These two young ladies, on a regular basis make me laugh and remind me that life is full of excitement, new adventure, and tremendous beauty. These two May Babes, both love Jesus with all their hearts and to me well... that is everything. I'm excited to see how they will enter into young adult years.  As they begin to spread their wings and fly I pray I know when to open up that bird cage. And I hope that they will continue to include me in their everyday lives. I take great comfort in knowing that my own Mom is one of my very best friends, and I hope that tradish continues. 

Would you be so kind as to wish these two lovelies a Happy Birthday and to pray for this momma because my sentimental heart is on overload. 

From Entry To Entry

I just recently finished my old journal.  It's start date was June 16, 2013.  I don't know if you are the journaling type, Beloved Reader but this girl has journals that date back to the 80's.  Yeah, I'm old... see post below ©

Here's the thing, whenever I finish one journal I have to, no I am compelled to look back over the old pages and reminisce. Above all else,  this heart of mine, is so darn sentimental it's downright mushy overload up in here sometimes.   But, this time through this old journal I was reminded of God's faithfulness, and promises to me in the past year. I felt him remind me that  From journal entry to entry, From glory to glory, he is faithful to complete this work He started in my heart long ago. Instead of getting all weepy and mushy, I was inspired and reminded of this scripture;
"But we all with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." 1 Cor 3:18


The first entry from my old journal was actually on Father's Day last year, and I was bemoaning the fact that Moses wasn't with us. It's hard to have Fathers Day when the Father of the house is 700+ miles away. There were so many things I didn't understand at that moment, why others close to me had lost their Father for good, and still others Fathers had just checked out. I was grateful that my Giant was only leading a path ahead of us in a move back home to Nevada that was for our good. Still, my heart was weary with questions, worries, and concerns. We(me and my Fab4)were in Washington finishing up the school year there, and he(My Giant) had already started working in Nevada.
The reason I wrote a journal entry that day was because I started to feel sad, and overwhelmed at the prospect of moving my family to Nevada all by myself. To say I was a tad bit emotional, would be quite the understatement. I was all over the place as this BIG move was approaching.  Ya see, a big move wreaks havoc on us sentimental types.
To be quite honest I was having a pity party and I may have had some words in said journal that weren't so nice. I also may have had some not so nice words written all over our moving boxes that My Giant later read. Hee hee hee... Ahem... note to self don't take out your emotions on the boxes that others will later read.  The point is...
I started to feel very much alone.
I had been packing for weeks all by myself. I had been going to baseball games by myself. I had been going to end of the school year parties, all by myself. I had been saying goodbyes by myself.  I had been having sleep overs, parties, hikes and a whole long list of to do's by myself. I had been doing 4 kids, ya know that whole raising a family of 4  thing, by myself for one too many weeks, days, hours, too long.
And at the moment of this entry I was feeling what my friend Louie likes to call, "Whelmed!" Ya know, so overwhelmed that you can't even muster out saying the whole word.
In that moment God gave me this scripture,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
He was reminding me that I was not alone! He was reminding me that even in this move back to Nevada He had a plan for my life and it was Good. He was reminding me of His faithfulness, that He would never leave me or forsake me. He was there in that moment, and I was no longer feeling alone.
And now almost one year later, as I look back over this past year I can see so clearly like in a mirror, that He was doing something so beautiful, so good ... he was filling my tank from 1/2 empty to overflowing.
My only regret, is that I didn't run to Him quicker.
From journal entry to entry,  From glory to glory...
"You have called me higher, you have called me deeper and I'll go where you will lead me Lord."

9 more months

In 9 more months I will turn 40 years old. 9 months is a significant amount of time. It's enough time for the average pregnancy. It's enough time for a school year to be complete. It's about the amount of months it takes a baby to look this cute.

40 years, now that is certainly a significantly larger amount of time. That is half an average lifetime. It is a number that meant a lot to some Israelites thousands of years ago as they wandered the desert in search of the Promise land. Seriously, I can't believe they wandered for 40 YEARS!?! I'd be like,  "Excuse me but does somebody know where we are going, cause I gotta go pee?!!"
It's a very long amount of time in a marriage. Most marriages, more than 75% never reach that number. And it's a heck of a LOT longer than this little guy has been on the planet. He's got 39 and 1/2 more years to go to catch up with me.

If I'm fortunate enough to have another 40 years I will leave this world thinking some of the same things I am thinking today.
Did I live my life to the fullest possible measure that I could have? And the answer will be the same as it is today. No, I haven't and No, I didn't.
It won't be for lack of trying, but simply because there is only so much one life can hold. I'm okay with knowing now at almost 40 years old that there are some things in this life time I was given that will just never come to pass for me. I was told once from a very close friend who was diagnosed with Brain Cancer that if you live like every day was your last you very quickly go crazy.  So I just determined to be o.k. with the present moment. I mean to be really o.k. with where you are and what you are doing, even if you want to change some things, there is just so much freedom in this.
But these beauties they have the whole word ahead of them. I hope at least to live long enough to see these lovely young women grow to be amazing older women in their 40's.

I think this train of thought is the reason for many a mid-life crisis.  All of sudden we hear the clock ticking and we freak out on the inside just a bit, and then freak out on the outside a whole lotta bit!! I'm thankful that somewhere in my heart I have peace about turning 40. I'm not saying that I don't think mid-life cray cray thoughts from time to time, but I'm just able to keep that crazy in a bottle until it passes. This lil guy is CRAZY CUTE!!  Don't you agree?

I have started to ask a different question.
The question I am asking myself today and one that I will ask myself on my dying day is... But, did I leave the world a better place? That's all any person can ever hope to accomplish in one lifetime. Making it a little bit better for the ones they leave behind.
Because I'm a mom of 4 kids I think about the future generations on a regular basis and I wonder things like... What will it be like for my children when they are 40? Will I still be here? Will there be flying cars? Will the world look so unfamiliar that it will frighten me ?
What I know about the future is only this, I will have to leave this earth someday and I pray my footprint is one of faith, hope, and love.  Here's to almost turing 40!

On Turning 39

Hello There Beloved Reader Yesterday I turned 30+9.  It kinda snuck up on me this last year of my thirties, and to be quite honest I had a bit of a melt down last week with My Giant. 

It was a low point of self-loathing and self-pity and frankly, just all around selfishness.  I'm not proud about it, but I am aware I'm not alone in these type of moments.
My Giant handled it like a champ and patiently waited for the bubbling brook of tears to stop and then, somewhere in the midst of my blubbering like a big Ba-foon, My Giant said, "Do you think this has anything to do with you turning 39?" Sheesh... why does he have to be such a smarty pants!

SO of course I replied like any mature grown woman would and rolled my eyes, grunted and said, "Psh... of course not!! Well... maybe just a little."
But really, I knew somewhere deep down in my knower, that all that blubbering did have something to do with turning 39. My self awareness can be lacking sometimes. Anyone else feel me on that ? 
Ya see, I seem to always get hot and bothered by the year that comes before the BIG year.  So when I turned 29 I had a similar reaction, and of course now here I am doing it again. There is a bit of a pattern going on here, thank God My Giant has been paying attention.
The thing is, that I really have looked forward to my 40's for quite some time.  I have many women who have gone before me as a beautiful example of what 40's can look like and I've always thought that it's a decade of prestige, wisdom, and elegance.  Or maybe that's what I've told myself as I've slowly crept closer to that year. 

All I know is that I'm going to Carpe The Hell out of the next 364 Diems and enjoy my last year of the 30's.
I know that my 40's will come with it's own set of joys and sorrows and if I have learned anything at all in this 30 + 9 years it's that each year is a gift to be celebrated. LIFE... all of it,  the ups the downs is truly beautiful and not to be taken for granted.
I feel extremely grateful for this life and I don't want to waste a minute, not even a second worrying about wrinkles, and age spots, and varicose veins, and grey hairs... Or....  wait... remind me again what I was talking about? Oh yeah, the key to a happy life... Gratefulness. Because no matter what there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

I'm Not Sure

I'm not sure how I feel about my girls getting so growed up.

I'm not sure how I feel about this one graduating from Jr. High and going on to High School.

I'm not sure how I feel about this other one graduating elementary school and going into Jr. High.

I'm not sure, but I seem to remember like it was yesterday, when they were outside making lemonade stands and the high light of their day was going to the dollar store.

I'm not sure that my heart can handle boyfriends, parties, licenses to drive, dances, and all that comes with these growed up years. Why can't they just go back to playing like this?

I'm not sure why I live so far away from these people.

I'm not sure if I have made all the right choices in life.

I'm not sure why I haven't really mastered this.

I'm not sure about much in this life, but of this I am sure;

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, and I am thankful for every minute of it.

Even Monday mornings. Happy Monday everyone linking up here;


And Here;



And Here;

Generations

Pictures

What a Stay at home mom does with her day. My desk clearly had become the drop off zone and was in much need of some attention.

Did you know that you could put sweaters on Trees? Well you can, and they did here in Redmond. It was a photo op that couldn't be passed up.

Raddest pair of Rainboots that I have seen so far.

That girl right there, she just went through another growth spirt and is now taller than me and way too pretty. I am going out tomorrow and buying some sackcloth and mucking up her hair in the night, and what else can I do to stop this beauty from being seen?? Anyone? Anyone? Sigh... I know, I know... nothing. Play John Mayer's song Stop This Train song here please.

Look. Spring has sprung. Are you ready for some Spring? Do you have a Spring in your step? I do.

Father Time

"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad." C. S. Lewis

**I will come back to that quote so stay tuned.

At the beginning of every new year I do this funny thing where I think in just a few short months it will be my children's birthdays,
and then the beginning of another school year,
and then another Christmas,
and then another year.
And just like that BLAM, I am caught up in the nasty, sticky web that is Father Time.

It is a weird thing, this thing that I do.
I don't know if I get this from my mom?
You know, it's where even though my child just turned 7, I start saying they are almost 8. I remember my mom doing this thing where I would think maybe she just doesn't really know how old I am so she says I'm older. But then she would do it to her own age, so that would confuse my notion that she had just forgotten how old I was. And then now I see, she was just preparing for what lies ahead.

If you think ahead, it prepares you for when you finally get there.
Do you know what I mean?
If I start to think ahead, the blow won't be so hard when I am standing there taking pictures of Emma in her cap and gown graduating from High School.
I mentally prepare for these moments as much as I can, long before those moments ever arrive.
I start to grasp how fast the time is going, and by advancing forward at least in my brain, I somehow protect my heart.

Well this year I got a postcard in the mail welcoming me as a parent of a High Schooler.

Sigh.

Wait, what? I hadn't even done that thing that I do yet!

How could you be so cruel, RHS?

This year I didn't have to do that funny thing that I do, where I advance forward to September 2012 even though it's only just January 2012. I didn't have to do it because, the High School here took care of that for me, by sending me this nice little note that made the reality of having a soon to be High Schooler, that much more real.

And then of course pictures like these don't help.
What is happening here is that I am convinced Father Time has sped up the clock.
He has messed with the dials.
He has put in super amped up batteries that work to make the clock go faster, and faster.
And again I say,
Damn You Father Time!
Stop it!

At least give me time to do that thing that I do.

** The above quote makes me giggle. And at the same time it makes me angry. I mean why can't I have little eggs flying around? I imagine little cute flying eggs, and it makes me smile, and feel good, and safe, and comfortable. And then there will be no words like breaking, and hatching, and flying.

But also, it makes me think of how silly it is that I would want to keep my children as eggs instead of letting them become birds that fly. Trust me, I am tempted. Little flying eggs... think about it. They could be cute... No, No I know they need to hatch.
I know Em needs to go on to bigger and better things.
I know Chloe needs to dance all over the world.
I know Solomon needs to create, invent, and stun more people than just his mom.
I know Isaiah needs an audience larger than 1.

I know they all need to fly.
Emma reminds me every day, how much she wants to fly.
She is stretching out the wings that God has given her and they are beautiful.
And when it comes time I know she will jump with full force out of this nest,
and she will fly and soar so beautifully that I ... well ... I will ... stop...

And I will remember this moment.
I will think this is good.
I will know this is right.
I will be thankful.

Psh... Who am I kidding?

I will be a mess like I was on her first day of school.
And I will call my mom, and
she will remind me that I still have
Chloe, Solomon, and Isaiah
and that Emma will call me someday like I am calling her
and I will take deep breaths, and start counting the days until
the next hatched egg,
because God forbid I create any bad eggs.