Saturday, January 04, 2020

New Year, New Word, and New Relationships

Well hello there beloved reader and Happy Happy New Year!!
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and are ready for 2020. 
It has been a bit since I've had time to write down some words that are worth sharing. 
I sit and type these words with a full heart and an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this beautiful life.
For a whole month I had all 4 of my Fab4 home and we had some fun making memories together.
The sink was overflowing. 
The shoes left around the house were being tripped over.
BUT
the memories being made were a priceless treasure to me.
As I put Chloe back on a plane to NY Friday morning I didn't cry, there was no moping..(ok maybe a lil mopey later that afternoon, but I think that's only because the caffeine wore off) mostly there was  only 
'Comfort and Joy' knowing that our time together was well spent. 
I'm sure the reason for that comfort and joy is because of some thoughts I want to share with you beloved reader. 
 
I have been thinking that with this new year I would like to set a (dare I say the word...) GOAL to write more frequently, but that being said let me tell you about the relationship I have had with the word goal. 
I'm not sure why, but somewhere along the years I stopped being friends with the word "goals."
Maybe, its my non-committal attitude(even though I've been committed for 25 years now to one amazing man) or my live  "foot loose and fancy free" inner spirit of spontaneity that resists the word GOALS, but this year I have decided we should be friends again.
It's not that I ever thought it was bad to have goals, but whenever I set them in years past, pre New Years word era, I epically failed at them. 
In the years when I was a goal setting person if I didn't meet the goal I set I would get utterly depressed, or as Anne with an  'E' would say I fell into,
"the depths of despair" so I just decided we were not going to be friends anymore. 
But, this year there is a stirring to re-kindle that relationship of having goals or at least think about having goals. 
Instead of having goals for several years now I have prayed for a word to inspire my year in a broad non committal way this has worked wonders in keeping me out of that depth of despair failure frame of mind. 
Last year however,  my New Years Word was Rejuvenate and boy howdy did I love, and become friends with that word. 
I wanted desperately to bring back into my life some things that I had long let go of for no in-particular reason.  
What I learned in the process of this word taking action in my life  was that part of rejuvenation taking the drivers seat of life you have to allow for the doors of your soul to be opened back up to what may have been set aside for survival sake.
The word Rejuvenation is not a "survival mode" word and that's what I wanted, and set out to do and prayed would happen last year.
I wanted to get out of survival mode life, and into a more intentional way of living and being.
Thankfully, setting that word at the forefront of my soul as an intention WORKED!! 
So much so, that now I'm open to this New Year having some goals, and like a cherry on top I will add a WORD of intention.
My main goals for this year I will keep private for now, just because this relationship is new and ya know you can't go blasting new relationships on Social media too soon... LOL!!
However I'd love to share with you beloved reader
My NEW word for this year, which came to me by way of a quote I saw on Social media right before Christmas;
"fling wide, then, the portals of your soul. 
He will come with that LOVE which you long to feel;
he will come with that JOY into which you cannot work your poor depressed spirit,
he will bring PEACE which now you have not; 
he will come with his flagons of wine and sweet apples of love, and CHEER you till you have no other sickness but that of love o'erpowering, 
LOVE DIVINE." 
-Charles Spurgeon

That quote really resonated with me, not because I didn't already have Joy or Peace in my life, but both of these things I could always use more of. Then after my birthday I saw this sign, that I fell in deep like with... so  I treated myself to this sign that I do believe I might leave up all year as a reminder of what brings me "Comfort and Joy."
And JOY is the word for me in 2020.
Unspeakable 
Joy 
is 
Rising in my Soul...
As I was looking back at last years blog post for the New Years word I read what I wrote at the end of  my blog regarding joy;
"There is joy once again.
Joy that doesn't pass away with the cruel, harsh winds of life.
Joy that is the underlying current of my heart.
Joy that isn't affected by how much is in my bank account or my closet.
Joy that doesn't leave me even though two of my four are no longer under my roof.
(currently only one who left for NY is now no longer under this roof) 
Joy from knowing my source of rejuvenation will never leave me or forsake me.
 
Joy in my salvation."

It's a funny thing when you read your own words and are like ... ya that's what I'm talking bout!!
Circumstantial joy will come my way this year by way of; 
my parents 50th anniversary 
my 25th anniversary 
Solomons graduation from High School
Chloes graduation from Culinary Institute of America 
Emma auditioning for the Voice again
Isaiah starting his sophomore year on Monday at Carson High where both Mo and I graduated
and I'm sure many other joys. 

But, my intent is that joy would still exude from my soul even when it's just a Tuesday afternoon and I come home to a sink full of dishes. 
I hope and pray and intend to study more about the word Joy and continue to be friends with the word 'goals' and even do more than think about setting some goals. 

So here's to all that and more!
Happy 2020 beloved reader, 
there is 
Nothing But Love for you here!

Saturday, November 09, 2019

Let's Talk Kayne West .... and Jesus

I was recently made aware of the new Kayne West album Jesus Is King.

I will admit I have not really ever been a fan of his, mostly because I don't really care for rap music all that much. I can listen to it in small amounts, but my young adults really seem to gravitate to this genre of music so I try to learn the artists they are listening to so, if nothing else I can rap along with them ... I probably can rap like maybe.... two three words and then my appreciation for this genre of music expands greatly because it is NOT easy to do. Needless to say,  I really like rap songs that have singing at the chorus, because then I can really participate in the song. 
All that to say I know nothing about Kayne West except that he's married to Kim Kardashian(which I'm embarrassed to admit that's all I know), AND about 5 months ago I watched an interview with him and David Letterman. In this interview my radar for him went up because at the end of the interview he starts talking about this new music project he's doing AND that he is having CHURCH services on SUNDAYS!! (Insert wide eyed emoticon here)
I went on the inter webs and tried to find every link, every  YOU- tube, every amount of info there was about what this man Kayne was up to, and my heart got all kinds of excited that he might be a brother now in the faith walk called Christianity. 
Then this album came out and that excitement turned into full blown chills of Holy Spirit confirmation that this is a brother from another motha! 

Now, this is what I want to talk about in one of his songs he says about the Christians being the ones to judge him for this brand new insight and public display of praise and adoration for Jesus. It makes my heart so sad that the people group that should be the MOST supportive, the MOST encouraging, the MOST welcoming is often times found on the other side of that fence. 
WHY is that?
THIS SHOULD NOT BE.

I want to scream ... but of course I don't .... but I really want to scream out WHO MADE YOU THE JUDGE, THE JURY, and THE END ALL BE ALL for who is a Christian who isn't ? 
What a pompous and un-Christ-like position to be found in. When you think you have it all figured out, and you get to say who is in or who is out... God forgive you for trying to take a seat in the THRONE of THRONES. 
Only ONE gets that honor, privilege, and role and that is the DIVINE creator of all.
This is why I love Jesus because all that I can see in the gospels is love.
He had nothing but LOVE for all people except the religious hypocrisy that he saw in people. He still loved those who were judgmental hypocrites, but boy oh boy did he speak out against them. 

In the gospel of Mark 9:38-41 Jesus disciples come to him and say basically we are noticing these people coming out and doing work in your name, but they aren't one of us .. and Jesus probably with a wide eyed emoticon look on his face tells his friends, and followers, "Whoever is not against us, is for us!" I love this about Jesus because his main mission in walking among us was to welcome and save ALL people!
You don't have to be anything but human, you don't have do anything but believe, and if you happen to express your love and adoration for Jesus in a rap song you better believe he's up there jamming with you!

Now, if you happen to read this and haven't yet listened to this new album go now and get your jam on. My favorite song is God Is. 

That's all for now ... happy listening and rapping along. 


Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Don't Wish it Away

I woke up this morning with Elton Johns lyrics in my head,
"Don't wish it away
Don't look at it like it's forever
Between you and me I could honestly say
That things are only gonna get better"
I have no doubt that this song was on my brain because this past weekend I got to finally see the movie about Elton Johns life- Rocket Man. If you haven't already seen this epic movie, and IF you're an Elton fan do yourself a favor and go rent it right now.
It is one for the library of keepers.
But, I think this song was on my brain more for the lyrics themselves, and not just because I recently saw this beautiful mans life story. 
I've been trying really hard to stay in the present moment, and not reflect too much on the past with weepy emo thoughts, or project too anxiously upon the future.

I'm thinking about all the years when the kids were little and the day to day was so much more difficult for me physically. 

I spent a good portion of those years "wishing them away" with thoughts like;
'I can't wait until...
 they can do their own laundry
make their own lunches
bathe themselves
buckle themselves in
walk to the car
feed themselves 
WIPE THIER OWN BUTTS (just keeping it real)
etc...'
All the moms and dads of littles know full well what I'm talking about right now.

It's not that I wasn't completely grateful for their precious little souls, it's just that they were all consuming at the time and there was literally no time, (not even to go to the bathroom) that was my own. It's a very self sacrificing time raising littles. Your time is no longer your own and you either get up real early, or stay up way late to get ANYTHING done. 


Fast forward 21 years later into this parenting gig, and I think about how many days I wished away what I now look back upon so fondly.
I can't go back and take those thoughts away, but I can work very hard right now in this present moment to be grateful for where we are all at now.

Oh beloved reader I am SO grateful that not only did I survive those early years, but I can honestly say, things will only get better.

That's all I wanted to shout out into the universe today.

If you are a parent struggling with the present moment of where your kids are at stay strong and listen to Elton... don't wish it away, and if I can add to that don't fast forward it either.
Let your kids be kids and make messes, and wear funny clothes, and sing that song again for 1000x because dear one that will be the stuff they remember.
Don't worry about the do-list and just be with them... that stuff will all get done... or it won't maybe for today and it's really ok. The dishes and laundry will ALWAYS be there but their sweet little souls will grow up and soon live a very independent healthy lives outside of your scope.
Enjoy the moments of nothing-ness. 
Enjoy the moments of play.
Enjoy the chaos and make it count!!



Also, if there are any among you beloved readers, who feel like encouraging ME for this young adult stage in life I'd love to hear from YOU! 

 

Friday, July 12, 2019

She Walks In Grace

I've been reading a lot of poetry lately, and it has inspired me to write again.
For so long I haven't had much to say, but reading others inspirations has given me some of my own.
I hesitate to admit that I wrote this poem in almost a plagiaristic way from the poem written by George Gordon, Lord Byron - "She walks in beauty"
I suppose if you read the poem(which you should) you will see I only stole the first few words, "She walks" because they inspired me to think about the way I want to be noticed for how I walk out this life. 
So here is to my everlasting love of words and to poetry. 
I hope you enjoy ….
 
She walks in Grace
She kneels in Solitude
She waits in Hope
She listens actively
She works with Encouragement
She sows in Peace
She loves with Passion
She fights for Justice
She grows in creativity 
She shapes with words
She plays while dancing
She parents humbly
She sings with joy
She plants in the future
She praises in reverence 
She partners eternally. 

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Music Changes Everything

(PC-Daniel Piker)

There is something so amazing to me about music and how it changes the atmosphere.
I'm sitting here listening to Billie Holiday, typing these words and feeling that all is right in the world, simply because she is serenading me while I blog about music in my life.   

“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” ― Plato
 
I woke up this morning thinking about how grateful I am for the power of music, and how it has built and shaped me.

I grew up in a very musical household.

My dad was a DJ for close to 30 years of his early career. My favorite stories are those recollections of when he met several famous people up in Lake Tahoe from interviewing them over the years. His record collection is beyond amazing because of the years in the music industry.

There was ALWAYS music on in the Pellant house, and often times he would have us kids come to work with him and do commercial spots or just chill there with him while he spun his discs round and round.
Because of his love for music and artists, I soon became a big jazz music fan.
My dad comes alive when jazz music is playing in the background. 
As a young girl I remember thinking how happy it made me to see him tapping his foot or bobbing his head to the tunes from Louie, Ella, or Billie.

“A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.” ― Leopold Stokowski

My mom comes from a musically talented family that to this day just amazes me. I remember her parents, my grandparents, singing and playing the organ and accordion all the time. There was always a show happening in the LeSage home. 
My LeSage grandparents wrote songs together that thanks to my Uncle Gene we still have recorded and can now treasure for years to come.


My mom used to be in a band with her 3 brothers and would tell stories of singing in front of people even though she was incredibly shy.
My Uncle Gene can sing in a tone that you would swear Elvis is Still in the building, and my Uncle Jimmy... well he's without a doubt a musical genius.

You can sing just about any tune to my Uncle Jimmy and even if he has never heard a lick of the song before in his life, his fingers get to working on the piano, and they get going so effortlessly that you would think in a matter of minutes he not only has played the song before, but that maybe he should have written and composed it himself because he will add licks and sounds that make it sound even better than the original !
In all of my life I have never met a more talented musician than my Uncle Gene and Uncle Jimmy.

“If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.” ―Albert Einstein 

With all this talent and appreciation for music is it any wonder that young Noël found herself singing to her moms records of Karen Carpenter's songs for hours and hours just to sound like one of her mom's favorite singers?
 
Early on it was evident that I loved to sing.

Fun fact for ya- I took 7 years of voice lessons from Mr. Peebles in Carson City, and soon started to have solos and parts in musicals that still to this day I look back on in awe that I was able to do that. 
I can carry a tune without a doubt, but performing was not my jam.
Like my mom, I was terribly shy and often times when I would stand in front of an audience I would look out from the stage and think ... 
"What the HELL am I doing up here?"

Needless to say, that extreme shy quality was indeed a hinderance in further pursuing a life of music and performing.
Thankfully, in my early teen years I came to know the lover of my soul and singing to him ... well that's a different story. 

 “Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.” ― Frank Zappa


Fast forward to present day, where I received one of the most amazing gifts a momma can receive ... a song from my oldest about lil ole me. 


What a gift!!
I was a weepy hot mess of course after listening to the words, and the sound of her voice singing of days gone by.
I look everyday for new songs created by my oldest daughter who lives in Seattle now. I search high and low on all her social media outlets, just longing for the sound of her voice. I wonder how in the world did this come to be, that she isn't afraid of the audience. 
She is so brave in her pursuit for authentic songs that tell her story.
My son Solomon has now taken on the hobby of making music on his computer and although he is very private and shy about his musical talent much like his momma, when he does share one of his creations I jump up and down on the inside with giddy school girl excitement.
My son Isaiah plays the saxophone and piano and has a gorgeous manly man voice that truly astounds me. 
And even Chloe who doesn't like to be recognized for her musical talent can truly carry a tune with all the rest of us and has such a beautiful voice as well.  

I can hardly believe that my DNA produced 4 kids who have this appreciation for music,and more talent musically than I have in my pinky finger. I hope and pray the musical gene continues to go on for generations to come. 

I suppose this blog is a bit indulgent, and there really isn't a moral to this story except to say, 
That music truly does change everything!

So don't deprive yourself any longer...  

"Girl(or boy)put your records on" 

Sing and dance and let the soul have a reprieve from it all.



Sunday, January 13, 2019

New Years Word 2019




At the beginning of every year I pray for a word that will bring me back to a theme if you will, for all of the new, fresh days ahead. 

This will be the 8th year of "New Year Words"  for me, and it's hard to believe that over these past years of words that center me all year, how truly prophetic they have become. 

In years past, the word usually has been something brewing in my heart for some time, and some years the word comes out of no where.
This year the words I kept thinking about started with RE-
Re-new
Re-store
Re-awaken
Re-pent
Re-pair
Re-vive
Re-generate
And finally I came upon the word that encompasses them all 

REJUVENATE

When I looked up the definition of this word which is the first thing I do when I'm given my new years word, it had this phrase;

"To BREATHE new life into"

Last year my word was BREATHE and true to form this word served me oh so well.

There were so many moments in 2018 that like a mantra I would tell myself to just "breathe" when life tried to take my breathe away.
I'm sad to see this word go because like I've said before these words become like a friend to me over the course of 365 days.
Still, it is time to move forward and take what I can from the moments that my breathe and the Holy Spirit that is breathe, centered me last year.

As 
I walk into 2019 knowing that there are some things in my life that I need to "Breathe new life into" I think about what needs to be rejuvenated in my heart so it doesn't begin to harden.

My grandmother used to say, 
"If today you hear his voice, harden not your heart."
Of course to truly repeat these words as she would say them so often, it must be said with an east coast accent with emphasis on HEART.

One of the main areas of my heart that I want some rejuvenation to appear is that of my walk with God.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that as I look to him to rejuvenate my dreams, my hopes, my health, and so many other areas of my life he will be faithful.
 
For far too long I have walked in worry and anxiety
when peace and serenity are what he offers me.
I've walked in doubt and fear when
faith and hope are what he freely gives.

I've walked this path of faith and salvation for many years now, but there are times in this faith walk when my step has been either a tad bit behind or ahead of him. 
My hearts cry today is that I will once again hold his hand in faith and trust what he has for me. 
That the areas of my heart and my life will be once again rejuvenated by his presence and love. 
I desperately want a steadfast spirit in the days ahead.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit."
   Psalm 51:10-12

Today, I'm sitting here on this Sunny Sunday morning here in Reno Nevada and my heart is filled with so much joy.
Because although, I'm not always in step with him in an instant that all can change. 
There is joy once again.
Joy that doesn't pass away with the cruel, harsh winds of life.
Joy that is the underlying current of my heart.
Joy that isn't affected by how much is in my bank account or my closet.
Joy that doesn't leave me even though two of my four are no longer under my roof. 
Joy from knowing my source of rejuvenation will never leave me or forsake me.
 
Joy in my salvation.

I want my heart to stay full of love and all the fruits that come by way of hanging out with the lover of my soul.
 
"Surprise us with love at daybreak; 
then we'll skip and dance all the day long... 
Let you servants see what you're best at-
the ways you rule and bless your children.
And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us, 
confirming the work that we do. 
Oh, YES.
Affirm the work that we do!"
Psalm 90:14-17

So cheers to this new year and this new word.
 Let there be rejuvenation of all the areas in life that would otherwise lie dormant and become stale.
Here's to new beginnings and getting in step with my creator once again.


Sunday, January 06, 2019

To Letting Go




Well, beloved reader it's official we are a two kid household. 

With one daughter still in Seattle, and one now in New York, I came home and told my boys that we could be the 4 corner family if when they graduate High School, one goes to LA and the other to Florida. 

Our youngest son Isaiah's response to that was, "Oh God... I hope not!!" 
His sentimental baby heart still wishes we all lived together as one big happy family on a piece of property with all his Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. 

He's a young man-child after my own heart.

As much as I wish, like Isaiah that we could always all stay together, I knew the day would come when our monoscofab4  would all go their own separate ways.


We are half way thru that door right now, with one foot in the door of having let go, and one in the world of high school teenage boys. 
I find myself peeking in on my boys a tad bit more(with loud knocks on the door of course, cause ya know there are just some things you can't un-see) and hugging them a little longer.
 I have to say, that despite the emotional tug on my momma heart strings from time to time, and the obnoxious amount of text messages that I leave for my girls to Face Time me, overall I have me some of that biblical peace that "surpasses my own understanding" going on right now.
 
It is strange to me that I am able to be at peace with these major changes in our little family unit?
For many years when they were little just the thought of this time would take my breath away, and not in a good way. 
Now, here I sit and type these words about letting go, and it feels exciting, peaceful, and as it should be in a very good way.



It comes back to this... 
There have been moments all throughout my faith based life where I have had to let go of what I think is the best possible outcome, and trust my creator for what will be. 

I suppose, that is in fact what faith is. 

"Now faith is the assurance of what we hope and the conviction of things not seen." 

I'm sitting here processing, and writing today listening to my friend Chris Heifners song, To Letting Go on Spotify and I'm in awe of what I'm feeling.

My mom always said, THE hardest part of parenting is the "Letting Go" stage, and although it is no walk in the park, it is strangely like the beginning stages of their lives.  It reminds me of when I would be standing over them sleeping peacefully in their bassinet watching to make sure they were breathing, and a still small voice would say, let go and trust me. 
 
I made that choice early on that I wouldn't be the helicopter parent that never trusts their child to do ANYTHING on their own. 
 I chose to trust that the creator of the universe, the one that gave these precious lives to us is once again the ONLY one who will sustain their life.  
It was a choice in my heart to trust our creator that He will always go with them wherever they go, and to the places that I couldn't. 

A choice to pray, instead of worry.

Like on the first day of school when they all got out of the car, I would pray God go with them, help them to be a light that shines, and protect them from what I cannot. 
I hold every so tightly to prophetic words spoken over them that they would be fearless because of this faith and trust.
I trust the process, trust the hand, trust that their roots go deep, and that those little baby trees that are now growing so strong and vibrant won't get knocked over by the winds of change and this crazy life. 
I trust that they are each other's best friends and will come back to each other time and time again when they need to drink from the abundant well of family love and support.

"To trust .... is to know you.... it is like standing on the edge and tasting love and life, such a sacrifice from this world and all it's ways." chris heifer-letting go

I didn't think it would happen as fast as all the mommas who went before me said it was gonna go, but if I've learned anything at all these almost 21 years of parenting it's to listen to those mommas that have gone before me.

They now all tell me, "don't worry they will be back!"
I believe those wise momma's, and now I would like to add to what they've said on my own momma merit, and say
  to young parents reading this, it goes even FASTER than they say!!

That's not to say that I don't feel your pain young parents.
I remember so well, when you are in the throws of temper tantrums, dirty diapers, sleepless nights and zombie like days where only 10 cups of coffee give you somewhat of a pulse!

Those days are so long that they sometimes run into the next 24 hrs. and feel like they go on for an eternity, BUT trust me when I say... it goes FASTER.

The days are long, the years are short, and the decades even shorter. 

I'm confident with an assurance that I know is divine that both my girls are exactly where they need to be in life right now, and I'm beyond grateful for their lives, and for their Face Time phone calls home. They are both truly, my "built in besties" and some of the most inspiring young women on planet earth. Truly... they astound me. 

I'm confident that the next 3 years with my teenage boys will go even faster than the years did with their sisters, because that's just how this train gets going. 
It gains momentum with each passing station in life. These young men that still live under my roof and that I can still cherish the sounds of laughter with their buddies in the other room, are truly some stellar fellars , that I feel honored to know. I'm looking forward to these years where I'm outnumbered as the only female in the house.

I'm also confident that when Moses and I are back to where we started with just the two of us(we can make it if we try... sing it you know you want to) we will hold each others hands, hop in that VW bus and visit those 4 corners if that's where the road leads us. 


Here's to letting go and moving forward!
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