Friday, October 02, 2015

The Rhythms of Life

Rhythm, I'm not talking about the musical kind like keeping the beat of a song or having moves to a dance.
There is a rhythm to this life, as opposed to the musical rhythm.

Everyone has this kind of rhythm as opposed to musical rhythm which everyone does NOT have. 

 Life Rhythms are the soft quiet way we go about our day, week, month year.

Sometimes the rhythms of life can go by so quietly that we forget to look up and see how the world has changed.
Other times, our lives rhythm can be hi-jacked by tragedy and we never really find that beat again.
And still other times we can take on someone else's life rhythms and try to adopt them as our own, all the while we are dying inside.

The rhythm of a life looks different for everyone and takes everyone a certain amount of time to find what their true rhythm is.
Some are upbeat and always on the go and this feeds their soul.
Others life rhythm is much slower and requires much more down time.

I have realized after 40 years on this planet that mine is of the latter group.

Although I do ALOT I don't function well in that  "ALOT" category or rhythm section if you will.
It has taken me many years to realize this and to be ok with it. 
It's ok now for me to know that every week I need at least two days to regroup as opposed to the one day of Sabbath that every person on the planet really needs, but often denies themselves.

Finding your life's rhythm is somehow tied into finding your true authentic self.
Some people never truly find that person that they were always intended to be.
I believe finding your true self and life rhythm comes from slowing down long enough to hear the sound, the beat of your heart.
Asking yourself questions like;

What makes my heart sing?

That's a saying that my mom has said so many times I can almost hear her saying it now with her east coast accent. It's a good questions because it opens up all kinds of other answers.
What makes your heart sing can sometimes often lead you to your rhythm of life.

"When all the world appears to be in a tumult, and nature itself is feeling the assault of climate change, the seasons retain their essential rhythm. Yes, fall gives us a premonition of winter, but then, winter, will be forced to relent, once again, to the new beginnings of soft greens, longer light, and the sweet air of spring."

I want to retain my essential God given rhythm no matter what the seasons of change may bring, and the only way I know how to do that is to check back in again and again with the rhythm maker. 
The season changer.
The life giver.
The conductor if you will.
And of course by now your wondering what the point was to this lil here blog...
Well I really just needed more Gloria Estefan in my life!


Happy October!

Friday, September 25, 2015

The Human Faith Race

I'm not a runner.
Those of you who know me, know that I have never run a race in my life.
I can hardly stand to exercise let alone get up the gumption to run when no one is chasing me.
I did however, enter a half marathon almost 10 years ago now and I walked/jogged the whole thing with my 10 year old daughter, whom I might add, it was her bright idea to enter this marathon.

We were the last to arrive at the finish sign that had almost come down by then.
I lost a toenail.
But we finished the race.
I'm not a runner, but I have realized now more than ever before in my life that I am indeed in a race.
Some would venture to say we are all in a race, the Human Race, but that isn't the the only race I'm talking about.
I'm also talking about my faith race.
My very human, full of faith race.
It's a different kind of race because I'm not competing against anyone.
I'm not trying to look better than my neighbor and have more faith based "Good Works" that people can take note of.
I'm not trying to earn titles and have certificates that say I have more faith than you because I took this class, or I attend church several times a week.
Seriously, I could give a shit about that!!
I'm just trying to live in such a way that is worthy of my calling, and the best way I know how to do that is to simply, truly, authentically;
Love God
Love People
It's sounds so simple.
It sounds so easy.
But this human faith race is NOT easy my friends. 
There are times when I hang my head in sorrow because I don't understand why with our free will we choose to hurt one another instead of realizing we are on the same team.
We get caught up in silly things that at the end of this race won't even be on our radar let alone something we are still talking about.
These are the times when I want to stop running, not the faith part of the race because for me loyalty to Jesus the Lover of My Soul is easy.
He makes this race easy.
He even says;
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light"
 "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"

No it's not that part of the race I want to sit down on, it's the human part. 
The love people part.
Loving people is hard.
Now dont' get me wrong I am a people lovin person through and through, or is it thru?
We are a broken concept if you will.
We were never supposed to function outside of being in relationship with our Creator, and so being broken we go around breaking more things.
It's messed up what we do to each other and ourselves sometimes.
And that's just the part of loving people that we can control.
Then there's the part that we can't control, like when tragedy happens and our reactions aren't always  what they should be.  
"Life does not have to be full of ease to reflect beauty. 
Some of the most beautiful faces in history have not had eyes to see, nor voices to move their lips, 
but have possessed peace and serenity that only faith could render."
But much like the quote says above some of the most amazing runners in this human faith race are those who have endured true hardships;  cancer, divorce, loss of a child, homes being burnt in a fire, children with disabilities, and so many more seemingly devastating things.
they are still running this race.
You can see it on the faces of those who have gone before you in these dark areas of life.
They are weathered in worn because they have been running for so very long, in the heat of the day, and 
they still shine.
There are so many who have gone before me in this race like it talks about in the book of Hebrews chapter 12.
"Therefore then... since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses"
My great grandparents, ran this human faith race.
My grandparents both ran this human faith race.
My parents are still running this human faith race.
And so for me it's a legacy of faith.
But for some you don't have that kind of lineage and to you I would say 
read Hebrews chapter 11 to find out what kind of human faith race you do have.
It gives me great courage and focus to realize that there are those going before me leading the way, 
and honestly it makes me want to stay in the race for the generations I will leave behind someday.
I'm not a runner ....
I want to be a runner who finishes this human faith race.

Monday, September 14, 2015


This past Sunday the passage of scripture that my community read thru was from John chapter 4. 
It is one of my all time favorite Bible stories, and certainly one of the most meaningful things that Jesus ever did while he was here on earth.
You might think that talking to a woman at a well pales in comparison to everything else he did while he was here, but you would be SO wrong.

Let me tell ya why you would be OH SO wrong.

 It is true, he did so many miracles while he was here.
Let me just list a few off the top of my head;

He fed thousands from one loaf of bread and a fish.

He raised Lazarus, one of his best buddy's who had been not "mostly dead" but DEAD, dead! He was stinky and wrapped in mummy attire for days, and with a word he came out and had a party with his sisters.

And then of course there was the whole raising himself from the dead and walking around, (not like "The Walking Dead") for 40 days as fully ALIVE and fully WELL.

This and so much more is why he has so many followers, and why ALOT of the world has come to know him as the One True LIVING God, but the stories like what I find in John chapter 4 are what draw me back to his feet in total, utter, love, and adoration. 
I think it's because this story speaks to the heart of every person who is broken and in need of true love.


Can you tell me of one person who isn't in NEED of true love?

The story in John chapter 4 is about a woman, who came to a water well to fill her empty bucket.
What she left with was not only a very full soul, but her eyes were opened to see the Lover of her Soul.

Her whole life she had been searching to fill this void that she had.
The bible says she tried to fill that void 5 times over,  with 5 different husbands, but nothing and no one could take the place that Jesus would.
She was broken.

Can you tell me one person who isn't broken ?

I absolutely love that every time I read this story I get something new from it.
There are angles and sides to every story we all know this to be true.
Ask any divorced couple to tell you their version of what went wrong and often times you get two completely different stories.
The same is true of the stories in scripture.

This is why I believe it is said in Hebrews that the scriptures are alive and active.
WE (with the help of the Holy Spirit) make them come alive when we read them and share them with others, because each of us see something different.

We question different things.

We interpret words and the meaning of those words different.
We have different passions and interests that cause us to see the world and all that is in it so differently.
I absolutely LOVE that about reading the bible with other people.

Did you know that is the way it was always intended to be read?

So this Sunday the angle on this scripture came from a bro in Christ named Matthew.
He talked about the significance of the fact that most Jews didn't even travel thru Samaria. 
They would take a different road that took them way outside of where they were trying to get to, all to avoid the town of Samaria. We are talking DAYS out of the way.

Most Jews thought of Samaria as the ghetto if you will, and would take great lengths to avoid passing thru there. The reason was because Samariatans had become front runners. They followed Judaism only when it benefited them, otherwise they went with the popular party at hand.
I had never really thought about how significant this road trip was for Jesus and his disciples until Matt broke it down like that and it gave a whole new angle to the story.

We all know that for Jesus to be speaking to a woman was unheard of for that day and age, but to have even traveled to Samaria was a bold move on his part. I'm sure the disciples begged and pleaded to go around the ghetto streets of Samaria, but the scriptures say, "He had to go".


Because he knew that not only was there going to be a conversation with a broken, thirsty woman at the well, but a whole town that he would proceed to hang out in for 2 whole days would come to know the LOVE of God in a way that they had never experienced before.

And that is why this story is significant, beyond what may appear to be just a simple conversation.

Jesus was breaking down prejudices.
Jesus was establishing a kingdom with a foundation built on nothing less than love.
Jesus wouldn't be persuaded to take a different path.

His way, is THE only way, and that is the Way of LOVE.
Above all titles, genders, races, ....
If anyone tells you different they are preaching a different gospel.

Jesus the Lover of My Soul.
Jesus the Lover of her Soul.
Jesus the Lover of EVERY Soul.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Life Is ...

Life is so surprising.

Today while driving around Reno Nevada in my 1966 Vw Bug that I have fondly named Lucy Blue, I had this surprising feeling that 
I am home.
I never in a million years would have ever thought that moving back to Nevada 2 years ago I would feel this way, but today it was like a wave of warm water washing over me, saying you are home.

I am a Native Nevadan, born at Barton Memorial Hospital in South Lake Tahoe some 40 years ago, but I have never felt like Nevada was home to me.
I always had dreams of going here, there, and everywhere... really just anywhere but here.
I was constantly dissin on Nevada like it was nobodies biz-niz.
I made Nevada-hatin my hobby!!

So it's no surprise that when I came of age I had plans to get the heck outta here.
 When I was a Senior in High School I was set to go to Azusa Pacific University. I had scholarships, I had an acceptance letter, I was all but walking out the door when the wind of change started to mess with my heart. 
Or... some might say the Holy Spirit changed my heart.
For reasons that my 18 year old brain made logical, I stayed in Nevada and opted to go to the local community college.

Life is so strange.

Had I gone onto pursue dreams elsewhere I would have never fallen in love with My Giant and our 21 year love story, that now includes 4 amazing people, would not be what it is today.
Still, I had the bug to live anywhere but here and so did my Giant so in 2009 when financial disaster came knocking on our front door by the name of Bank of America we said see ya Nevada, or some might say...
Peace Out Brown Town!!
We headed up to a lush green oasis.
No wait... we moved into a tiny little cabin in the woods of Washington and by tiny I mean 800 square feet of small. 
6 people, and 1 bathroom an oasis it was not.
 By outsiders looking in I'm sure we seemed crazy, but to our family and at that time it was exactly what we needed to heal.

Life is so beautiful.

We spent almost 4 years up there in Redmond Washington and I honestly felt as though I was in my forever home. 
I never wanted to leave the PNW.
I loved the rain.
I came alive when it was overcast and cloudy.
I breathed Oh So Deep the smells, the colors, the sights, the sounds, meanwhile My Giant was dying.
Literally his physical body working the job that we needed him to work to live up there was killing him.
Something had to change.

Life is so miraculous.

It was around that time that a beloved friend of ours started to contact My Giant about a business adventure.
I will admit I wasn't happy about these conversations.
But, I would be lying if I said that I didn't see the sparkle in my Giants eyes when he would talk to this friend. 
I began to feel those winds of change again.

Life is so funny.

We took the leap of faith and moved back.
I wasn't happy about it, but I knew somehow deep down in my knower that it was the absolute right thing to do.
And now 2 years later a wave of confirmation came over me that I can't deny.
I am home.
It might not be for forever.
Obviously as a Christ follower I am HOMESICK for my eternal home.
Nevada may very well be our hallway to another place.
But for now it is exactly where we are supposed to be and it feels pretty damn good.


**It could have been that it was rainy and that always makes me feel like I'm home, but I'm gonna go with what I know and that is that God has done a work and changed my heart about Nevada. 
I'm so glad He's not done working.
Now it's your turn;
 Life is... 

Wednesday, July 08, 2015

Goodnight Dear Void

Y a w n...

I haven't been up this early in quite some time.
I woke with so much on my mind and you beloved reader were the remedy.

Sometimes it just feels good to put things out there in the void that is known as the internet.

It reminds of me of You've Got Mail when Kathleen Kelly says, "I don't really want an answer... I Just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight dear void"  

That was back in the day when inter-webs were so brand new and you literally did put your thoughts out there in the void of the world wide web.

Now we have places, homes, 
appropriate social media boxes to put these thoughts or pictures in.

You've got twitter for an ever so brief thought.
Instagram for the quick pic on the go of your life.
Facebook that's just like one big party 24/7.
And of course Blogspot where I have spent a good portion of my life speaking to you beloved reader. 
Did you know that my blog will be 10 years old this August?
It's true.
That's a lot of conversations,story telling, and random thoughts that I've had with you beloved reader.

I bet by now you might be wondering what woke me up around 4a.m.?
I'm kind of wondering the same thing myself.
It started I think with a bad day at work and then my mind just wouldn't, couldn't shut off.

Do you ever have early mornings like this?
Maybe you are having one right now with me.
If so thanks for keeping me company.

I have no real point or moral to this story/blog ...
just wanted to say that I'm glad you are here, oh and I wanted to share that awesome picture with you. 
I took that on my Instagram
Shhh.... don't tell Blogspot,
 but I tend to spend more time over there now. 

Goodnight... or actually Good Morning dear void.
Thanks for listening. 

Thursday, July 02, 2015

20 years

Last month on June 3rd we turned 20 years old.

20 years is literally a life time.
We looked SO very different 20 years ago. 
I was only 20 years old when we got married, and My Giant was 22.
Now in our 40s it seems a lifetime ago and at the same time like only yesterday.

We spent our anniversary going up the coast of Hwy 101 in our VW bus.
This was a bucket list dream come true for us, and around every corner we were reminded that our story is HIS story and that from start to finish HE (the lover of our souls) has been binding us together in this 3 stranded cord of beauty.

I remember the first time I saw him.
I will never forget that moment as long as I live.
It really was love or lust at first sight for this girl.
I'm gonna go with lust because I had no idea what love was at 15 years old.
Yea, purty sure it was lust but not the kind that is tainted by the world.
The innocent school girl crush kinda lust.
I haven't stopped lusting over this beautiful man who can paint a picture that should be hung in an art museum as well as build a beautiful cabin in the woods with a porch to sit and watch the world go by.
He is just a man, but in a world when so many men have been weighed, measured, and found wanting ... 
For those of  you who want to read  more on our beginnings, the whole long lust/love story that really is a good one if I don't say so myself, you can go here : Hashtag MoNoSco
But for today I want to talk a bit about what 20 years have looked like and I'm not going to leave out the nitty gritty stuff that we know all marriages are made of.
Before I let you in to this most treasured corner of my heart and life beloved reader, know this; There are moments that I will never share with you because they are sacred. 
In every life there should be moments that are kept under what the Jewish Rabbi would call the Chuppah !!
This was and is a symbol that goes way back that signifies a set apartness from the rest of the maddening world. The couple stands under the Chuppah to declare to the rest of the world that this union is set apart and only they will know what goes on under the covering of the Chuppah.
I love this tradition and have adopted it in my own marriage even though I'm not Jewish I recognize the value in this beloved act.
There are moments of this relationship that I will never share with my best friends, mom, sisters, or anyone else who is trying to weasel there way into this most sacred spot.
That being said, I will share with you that these past 20 years have not all been filled with wine and roses. 
There have been moments of total sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger, irritation and full on close to hate. 
I can't say that I've ever hated Moses, but I have come close to feeling that scary disconnect with him and it's in these moments we have looked for help.
It is also in those moments that I know the grace of God was/is at hand because neither one of us is opposed to being open about the fact that we have needed help.

We started our marriage with pre-marriage counseling and in the 20 plus years we've been together
we have gone to counseling a couple of times, and I'm sure that we probably will go again.
I'm beyond grateful that we both have been willing to be honest about that.
I think it's SO important to realize in a relationship when you need help and don't be ashamed to get it. 
Honestly, I don't know a single solitary couple who hasn't needed some kind of outside help to keep their marriage on a healthy path.

Why we don't recognize and celebrate the counseling as much as we celebrate the anniversaries and Valentine's Days I will never know, because to me that's when the real intimacy takes place. 
So there is some of our nitty gritty.
Now on to the mushy gushy.
This is the part that everyone loves to read about, myself included.
This is the part where I tell you when we had our first child, Emma I fell more in love with My Giant who was weepy over the sight of his brand new baby girl.
This is the part where I tell you that not only do I love this man because he has fathered 4 children, but he has truly been an inspiration to me in many ways with how he takes the time to sit and have deep talks with our 4 kids.

This is the part where I tell you that sometimes when he gets dressed in the morning and he comes out looking all HOT and stuff, my little heart still goes pitter-patter!
I love that he makes me breakfast on a regular basis.
He makes me laugh so hard that I almost pee my pants on a daily basis. 
Those are just some of the good things that I choose to stay focused on when we hit those rough patches.
I know you've heard this and if you haven't then I'm happy to be the first place you read it, but 

I don't disagree with my mom often, if ever, but this is one of those times that after all these years I can honestly say that when she has said for years
"You can't tell the heart who to love"
I would have to disagree.

YOU absolutely can tell the heart who to love and you have to tell it again and again and again!
Moses was my high school girls crush 24 years ago and he became my life's choice 21 years ago 
I'm choosing him again.
I'm telling this heart who to love and continue to love well.

It may have been lust all those years ago but it has grown into this beautiful thing.
This amazing, wonderful, astounding thing called 

And after all these years I'm beyond grateful that he is still my favorite, and that our love story is still ongoing, and I'm still a lusty hot mess over here for that man !!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Count it ALL Joy (pt 2)

I was sitting here eating a banana this morning reading with the She Reads Truth gang about the fruit of the Spirit and I had me some thoughts. 
I would love to share them with you beloved reader, and I apologize in advance if none of it makes sense because I'm only on my first cup of coffee. 

The past few weeks have been a heavy flow of one sad, depressing, rough and tough love song for those around me that I hold near and dear.
Although my home has only been plagued with your garden variety of hardships, nothing has quite come even remotely close to the difficult things that have been circling around me.
I'm not one who can hear about your sadness and move on my merry way.
Some can, and God bless them because they are the folk that keep the world spinning around, but this girl carries with her the sadness like a catchy tune that just lingers day after day.
It's the only thing that I can think about.

So it seems strange to me that I would sit here and feel compelled to write some more on the topic of JOY, but in my reading this morning I came across this ;

"In your presence there is fullness of JOY" Ps 16:11
For some reason this just jumped off the page and reminded me that the JOY of the LORD is my strength. It's not something you can conjure up or create. 
This joy, that is "of the Lord" 
*(sorry that just made me think of the movie Nacho Libre and  "these are the Lord's chips"  quote... I feel like every time I mention "the joy of THE LORD" for this blog we should say it in a Nacho Libre accent)
Ok so this JOY "of the Lord" is not like taking a happy pill or going around singing that happy song that asks you to clap along, even though I do love that song and usually clap along.
Its something completely different than the emotion of happy. 

The joy "of the Lord" is almost like a character trait that comes only from being in the Lover of your Souls presence. 
It's not my joy.
Its not a fake happy.
It's a state of being that never leaves.

You can be going through just about anything and still not be in the "depths of despair" as Anne of Green Gables would say, because you know deep down in your knower that everything really will be ok.

That's not to say that I don't still have a heavy heart for the very difficult things that are going on around me. I can also grieve and cry and feel sadness, but those aren't the constant in my life. Because I have learned a very long time ago that with this particular kind of genetic make up... the kind that would be described as;
*Wearing your heart on your sleeve
*Being overly sensitive
*Having a Sentimental heart
it is best not to ignore the tune, but rather to dive deep into the pain, and then sing it to the lover of my soul.

Because as I sing the sad love song, the song that He has felt so much more than I can imagine He listens and then carries on.
His hands are strong and able to heal much better.
His heart is unbreakable and much bigger than mine.
His eyes never slumber nor sleep.
He is always mindful of his creation and knows best how to comfort them all. 
So I leave the sadness with him and he replaces it with JOY, that then becomes my strength. 

"Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren and sisteren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.
Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.
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