I want to be that kid up there

I want to be that kid up there.
The one who when faced with an ocean and a pair of very long jeans, just rolls up the jeans as he gets deeper and deeper in the water. No fear of what the future may hold. No thought of the car ride home and how sticky and wet and sandy I might be. No concern for the cold wind that might be blowing my way.
I want to be that kid up there.
The one who screams with elated cries every single time the ocean water touches my feet. No worry or concern for where I ditched my tennis shoes several miles up the beach. Who plunges in the ocean water like moth to the flame. So carefree. So uninhibited. So child like.
I want to be that kid up there. 

Sigh...

Yesterday, at church the speaker talked about that key phrase that seems to keep resurfacing in my life over and over, "harden not your heart." Do you ever have this strange occurrence, where a song, a quote, a movie will repeat what the Creator of the Universe is trying to say to you?

I had to laugh because it was like okay God I get it. But, really I feel like maybe I don't. So much of what he spoke about yesterday challenged, convicted, encouraged, and confused me.

You see, I've been a bit raw this past month because of a constant concern that is lingering, and that is My beloved Poppa. 

My dad has been in and out of the hospital for the past month with different health issues. This last ER trip was the worst of all because he had a seizure. He is ok now, I spoke with him this morning and he sounded better, but it seems we are all shooting a loaded gun in the dark, trying so very hard to find that target that will mean he will be back to normal.

Normally, I would put on a brave face for my kids and others around me, but I feel that would be a hardening of my heart in a sense, so I'm having mini melt downs, and I'm hearing God say that's ok.

Feel Noël.

Connect Noël.

Cry Out Noël.

The problem is that I have so many feelings it's hard to just pick one and go with it.

So there's this battle with my emotions. If I  harden my heart and ignore all these emotions then it comes out in anger. But if I let loose the flood gates... well...

 I feel whelmed.

I feel sad.

I feel helpless.

I feel worried.

I feel weepy.

I feel raw.

                                                      My heart is torn between here and there.

It is the new norm for me now living 700+ miles from my beloved family, and I'm trying to navigate through this space in time that I find myself in, where my kids are very much in full swing here and my parents are in need. It's a season in life that I knew was coming, I just thought I would have more time.

I'm beyond, BEYOND, thankful for my 4 siblings that all live there and are my eyes and ears to what is going on, but still... I want to go give my Poppa a big hug. 

When things like this happen, my old M.O. would have been to crawl back in bed, hide my head under my beautiful quilt cover, and not come back out again until the world was safe and everything was alright. Kinda like a turtle. I like turtles. Especially that turtle in Nemo? What was his name? Ok sorry I just needed a breather from my Debbie downer post.

This poem written by the artist Jewel, describes perfectly what I'm really feeling.

"I could stand to be alone
for some time
Lose myself in the white noise
slip into the blur
contemplate the color yellow

Right now
I just don't handle splashes too well
Or too many teeth
around me all at once
armed like guns with something to say
Urgent whispers
hoarse restraint

Quiet as paper cuts
people steal me away
cart my flesh off in tiny crimson piles
my bones have been sore
Rattling against each other in their anemic cage
raven circling
my heart beating
it's time to go it's time to go
someplace full of surf
full of flat blue sky
full of shuuushh."

Jewel

But, that's not what I'm gonna do.

I'm not gonna stop these emotions. 

I'm not going to go run and hide.

Although the poem is a perfect description of what I'm feeling, it's not okay for me to go "find surf, blue sky and shuuuush"because I'm convinced

that poem is a recipe for a hard heart.

It's so much easier right, to live this life alone where no one messes with your shit?

It's so much easier to hide than to live out in the open, raw and exposed?

So here I am living my life out loud for all to see.

I've said before feelings are okay it's just what you do with them that really counts.

In this new place, being raw means for me that I am trying not to harden my heart.

I'm learning to bite my tongue.
I'm weepy.

I'm praying for grace for myself.

And I'm thankful for poems, songs, and promises like this.

"My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Exodus 33:14

Some Might Say

some might say I'm a housewife 
some might say she's nothing more
some might say how hard can it be to sweep the floor?

some might say that I can cook, 
some might say that I can clean,
i wonder if my job will ever truly be esteemed ?

some might say she's just a mom
some might say she's got the hardest job
i feel like half the time my days are but a fog.


some might call me crazy 
some might call me silly
i think i'm maybe both

some might say i'm quiet
some might say i'm loud
i think i'm in between

some might say i nurture
some might say i protect
i feel there is no problem that I can't deflect

some might say i sing 
some might say i write
i know my voice will disappear 
one day from sight

some might say i watch
some might say i yearn
i know how hard it is to listen
and how hard it is to learn

some might say i'm vintage
some might say i'm new

i think i'll stick to what i do

and be among the few
to not worry about what

some might say.

Oh The Joy of Being A Housewife

Good Morning Beloved Reader

I have a real treat for your this morning.

The above photo has inspired this hodge podge post where I will give you a poem, a quote maybe two, and of course some thoughts from yours truly.

Many of you know that last fall I hung up my apron from teaching to take up my first job again and that is the job of a Housewife.

Not really sure where that title came from because I am neither a House(sing: She's a Brick House she's Mighty Mighty) nor am I married to my house, but whatevs.

It's like the title Stay At Home Mom, 

Do we really Stay at home, Moms? 

Anyone? 

Uh-oh I'm getting off to rant-ing kind of start and that is NOT what this post is going to be, I promise.

Now, I realize this is a large topic with many opinions out there, but I'm not really here to rant or to rave  about all those opinions, cause you know what they say about opinions?

They are like... well, you fill in the blank on that one.

Okay moving on about a month ago I participated in a gift exchange and I met this amazing lady

who writes poetry

Dragonflight Dreams

and Designs

Amanda Cobb | Freelance Graphic Designer

and is amazing... oh wait I already said that.

To prove to you how amazing she is I would like to share a poem 

of hers that she wrote and I bookmarked to share for a topic such as this;

On The Injustices of Dirty Dishes

Thrown casually aside into a pile,

indifferently stacked and pressed up against strangers,

like a body count of war victims

dumped all into a unmarked grave.

Discarded as soiled, impure, 

bacterial shame colors their faces

in the wake of their hygienic rape.

Forcefully tortured with 3rd degree aquatic burns

only to have bristle-and-wire pads scraped across them,

their skin rubbed raw for faultless blemishes,

uncommitted crimes -

innocents punished for the flaws of their masters.

Parts of themselves carved away,

or smoothed over,

the psychologist of the sink

replacing them all into carbon-copy rows,

identical, cleansed faces normal once more.

See Amazing right? 

Anyone who can talk about a sink full of dirty dishes like that is 

pure genius in my book.

Now every good housewife knows that her life's work will consist of many, many, many dirty dishes, but I hope now that you have been enlightened to the feelings of those dishes you might get a good giggle next time you stand at that sink for countless hours.

Maybe this quote will help too;

"Housework is like stringing beads

with no Knot at the end."

Can I get a Witness on that one desperate housewives?

I saw that quote a while back and it reminded me of another quote 

that came on the cork of a bottle of wine from Mad House Wife Wine,

which btw would be my prescription to you beloved housewife if you have had a 

BIT OF A DAY

like I did yesterday.

"Housework can't kill you but why take the chance?"

And now as I prepare to tell you the secret of how to be a joyful housewife(pay close attention it's hidden somewhere down there) I leave you with one more final note of encouragement;

YOU ARE A ROCK STAR!

For real. 

That should be our title :

Rock Star Housewife Stay At Home Mom

What do you think? 

Too long? 

Ok well, you really are. Those of you who are reading this post and have already done a load of laundry, a sink full of dishes, read your bible(the most important ingredient to a joyful housewife), made some coffee, kissed hubby as he headed out the door, and have now managed to sit and read this;

YOU ARE A ROCK STAR!

Go ahead pat yourself on the back and realize that you are untouchable

in the jobs department. There isn't a resume long enough to brag about all that you are capable of and seriously, if we were having a cup of joe right now listening to Billy Holiday and laughing I would say it again.

YOU ARE A ROCK STAR!

did you find the secret in there?

*today you can find my thankful thursday guest post here;

The Fontenot Four

and I am participating in a giveaway here;

A Little Piece of Me

Letter To The Lover of My Soul

Lover Of My Soul

Remember when I said I wouldn't forget. 

I forgot.

Remember when I said I will never do that.

I did.

Remember when I said you will always come first.

I am, Most days.

Remember when I said I know.

I don't.

Remember when I said please heal me.

You did.

Remember when I said please give me.

You gave.

Remember when I said show me.

You have. 

Remember when I said I am sorry.

You Forgave.

I love YOU.

What if The Hokey Pokey Really is What It's all about?

Life is funny. We get up day after day not knowing truly what lies ahead. I mean we can plan, we can plot, but in the end no one really knows what their day will hold. Or even if it will be their last. I don't often think like this, but when I do it reminds me of this scripture;
"Teach us to number our days, that we might gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

I feel I look really wise in this picture. Do you agree?

Do you wonder sometimes, "What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?"

LOL, we have that on a bumper sticker that our Momma Nash gave to us. And those of you that know us know that we know that the Hokey Pokey is NOT what it's all about so that's why it's so funny. But it does make you think. How many others think like this. Maybe you dear reader think like this.

"What is life really all about?" This is the question that has been asked I do believe since the beginning of time. I'm not going to say that I know what it is ALL about, but I do know some things that it is about.

Which brings me to this;
There are so many ways to live this life.

You can live with faith or without it.
You can live it with a person who is your person or alone.
You can live with hope or without.
You can live it with children or without.
You can live with LOVE, and I'm not sure that there is anyone who would want to live without Love, but I suppose you could live without LOVE. Put a pin in this one, we'll come back to that.
You can live with pets or no pets.

See, there really are so many ways to live life and only one will be your way.

Are you of the mindset that it should be your way or the highway?
Really? How's that working for ya? Report back here on your death bed with that one, Mr. "I did it my way" Oh how I love me some Sinatra... but at the end of my life that's not "THE WAY" I want to sing about.

No,I'm not of the mindset "my way or the highway" because I know deep down in my knower of another way.
I appreciate other ways.
I also know another who saysHis way is the best way to live.
I have lived His Way for quite some time, and
I have to agree with Him.
Well, I don't have to agree with Him, but I do agree with Him.
Because after all the 37 years of life that I have lived so far, His ways are THE most beautiful. Truly His ways are what I aspire to be my ways. Because ultimately His way is LOVE. Remember when I said, put a pin in that point up there? The point about living without LOVE?
Well, here's the thing, God is LOVE. I don't want to and can't imagine my life without LOVE.


I'm really thankful that I get the choice of how I want to live my life.

And now enough about my way, His way, your way... let's have some poetry and wrap this sucker up.

I Stepped from plank to plank
(Emily Dickinson)

I stepped from plank to plank,
A slow and cautious way;
The stars about my head I felt,
About my feet the sea.

I knew not but the next
Would be my final inch.
This gave me the precarious gait
Some call experience.

Linking up here with these other deep thinkers;


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Right Now

Right Now,
I am warm
Well Fed
and Comfortable.

Right Now,
I have running clean water, and electricity,
A bathroom,
A fridge, that is full.

Right Now,
I am not alone.
My parents are alive,
and My children are safe.

Right Now,
I have change in my wallet,
Money in my bank,
and Hope for my future.

Right Now,

I

Am

Rich.

Oh Happy Day Its May

"Ah! my heart is weary waiting,
Waiting for the May,-
Waiting for the pleasant rambles
Where the fragrant hawthorn-brambles,
With the woodbine alternating,
Scent the dewy way.
Ah! my heart is weary waiting,
Waiting for the May."

"Ah! my heart is sick with longing,
Longing for the May-
Longing to escape from study,
To the young face fair and ruddy,
And the thousand charms belonging
To the summer's day.
Ah! my heart is sick with longing.
Longing for the May."

"Ah! my heart is sore with sighing,
Sighing for the May,-
Sighing for their sure returning,
When the summer beams are burning,
Hopes and flowers that, dead and dying,
All the winter lay.
Ah! my heart is sore with sighing,
Sighing for the May."

"Ah! my heart is pained with throbbing,
Throbbing for the May-
Throbbing for the seaside billows,
Or the water-wooing willows;
Where, in laughing and in sobbing,
Glide the streams away.
Ah! my heart, my heart is throbbing.
Throbbing for the May."

"Waiting sad, dejected, weary,
Waiting for the May:
Spring goes by with wasted warnings,-
Moonlit evenings, sunbright mornings,-
Summer comes, yet dark and dreary
Life still ebbs away;
Man is ever weary, weary,
Waiting for the May!"
~Denis Florence Mac-Carthy~

I really love the month of May.
May means the month my two beautiful girls were born, Emma and Chloe.
It is the month that my beloved friend Andre was born.
It celebrates the three beautiful Mom's I have in my life.
Our sweet Auntie Eileen's birthday is in May, and it is also the month that my beautiful niece Kayalanne was born.
But it also means the flowers around our property will soon be exploding with colors of pink, purple,fuschia, and peach. The weather gets warmer. The sun starts peeking its head out from behind the clouds. And here in Seattle we get to see what all the moisture was accomplishing.

It is truly a beautiful, happy time of year for me. I'm beginning to think that Spring might become my new favorite season, because Spring in Washington is unprecedented. I'm not committing to this being my favorite season because I know, and you know that if you come around here as the leaves are turning color and the smell of spicy pumpkin is in the air, I will be singing Fall's praises instead.

I'm wondering do you have a favorite season? If so what is it and why?
I'm also wondering that maybe as you age you begin to value each season as it comes and goes, knowing that life is but a breath. The older I get the quicker the time goes by, and the more I appreciate each passing moment. The more I'm realizing the appreciating each season as it comes and goes is what life is all about.

Poetry and Reflections on Phil 1:7

Otherwise- Jane Kenyon
I got out of bed
on two strong legs.

It might have been
otherwise.
I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach.
It might
have been otherwise.

I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.

All morning I did
the work I love.
At noon I lay down
with my mate.
It might
have been otherwise.

We ate dinner together
at a table wtih silver
candlesticks.
It might
have been otherwise.

I slept in a bed

in a room with paintings
on the walls,
and 
planned another day

just like this day.

But one day,
I know,

it will be otherwise. 


This poem really makes me think about being content and grateful in the moments that God gives us.

No matter what those moments look like it's important to remember that it could be "otherwise".

It kind of reminds me of that saying, "Things could always be worse." Which, any smart person knows not to even utter those words unless you have the balls to back them up. Meaning, unless you want to experience "worse" you shouldn't even think that phrase. But this poem is different from that phrase because, it ends on a note of gratitude in the moment. Real contentment is finding a grateful heart no matter what your circumstance.

I love poems that reflect on being grateful, or content because this life is way too short to spend any time or energy on NOT being grateful and content.

I am thankful that my disposition and my life is one that gratitude comes easily to. I don't take that for granted, and most of you that know me, know that I truly am an eternal optimist. But my life, has been easy compared to most.

I know so many others who have lives that make it very hard to find what to be thankful for. To those people I am forever in awe of the ability they possess to rise above it all, and find the nuggets of gratitude in the pile of mess that is their lives. They are the real heroes. To read a real life story about gratitude in the midst of storms check out this momma's amazing story here; Life Rearranged

Like Paul in prison, found here;Philippians 1:7, when we have breath in our lungs we share in God's grace together and that is something to be grateful for.

It could always be otherwise.

The Secret (A Poem)

The Secret

I met God
in the morning
When my day
was at it's best,
And his Presence
came like the sunrise,
Like a glory
in my breast.

All day long the
Presence lingered,
All day long He
stayed with me,
and we sailed
in perfect calmness
O'er a very
troubled sea.

So I think I
know the secret,
Learned from
many a troubled way,
You must seek Him
in the morning
If you want Him
through the day!

Ralph S. Cushman

Life is Beautiful and ....

Life is beautiful and...
it can be messy.
sometimes full of laughter.
sometimes full of sorrow.
it can be silly.
filled with many questions.
filled with all kinds of people.
it can be serious.
comes with sunshine and rain.
comes with the good and the bad.
it is life.
it is what you choose to make of it.


I choose to see the beauty.

A Favorite Poem

“When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say. "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow.”
― Maya Angelou

A Boy and His Dog

A boy, and his dog.
One of life's precious treasures.
They run and they play,
One learns to read the other to stay.

A boy, and his dog.
Nothing could be more real.
The love that is shared between them
Is beyond the ideal.

A boy, and his dog.
Dark cold winter days, go faster.
One is called Buddy,
the other is Master.

A boy, and his dog.
Reminds us of what is good.
To be kinder, laugh louder,
Do what you know you should.

A boy, and his dog.
Together they swiftly go.
Running, and Jumping
Competing toe to toe.

A boy, and his dog.
Know not of pain and sorrow.
Their only care is when they
start all over tomorrow.

Full Moon Poem

For these I am thankful;

The Moon,
The Breeze,
The sound of the wind through the trees.

The Love,
The Joy,
The sound of my girls and all three of my boys.

My House
My Cars
My Dogs who sometimes I wished lived on Planet Mars.

My Family
My Friends
My Neighbors who are always giving without end.

The Creator
My Savior
Without which what is this life for?
But with whom all blessings come from and so much more.

More than...

More than Clarity, I need Wisdom.

More than being Happy, I want Joy.

More than Comfort, I need Peace.

More than, More than, More than.

More than just Being, I want Life.

More than Food, I need Living Water.

More than Friends, I want Family.

More than, More than, More than.

More than Possessions, I want Memories.

More than Places, I need People.

More than Books, I want Knowing.

More than, More than, More than.

More than the air I breathe

I want moments to take my breathe away

More than the sun I see

I want warmth in my bones

More than silence

I need gut-wrenching, belly laughs.



More than my wants given,

I need, my needs to be met.

I've Wasted Too Much Time...

On caring about what other people think.

On my stupid pride.

On placing expectations on myself that neither my beloved family has for me nor my friends have ever thought of having for me.

On places instead of feelings.

On looking at the size of my pants, shirts, or for that matter scales in general.

On things instead of people.

On places I didn't really want to be, but stayed for some sort of obligation.

On feelings instead of truth.

On debates about theology, religion, and church.

On being "right".

On life in general without MUSIC, ART, CREATIVITY, and what makes MY HEART SING.

On the couch instead of on the road.

On NOT caring about what REALLY matters.

On looking for the big events and in the process missing the everyday little "big" events.

LOVE.

<3 This time of year (February) provides one of my favorite candies. You might think I am talking about chocolates, but you would be sadly mistaken. Nope, I am talking about conversation hearts. Not only do I love the way these candies taste but I really love the words, WORDS mean so much, ya know.
Words can go a long way for me.

In keeping with the theme of words and the month of February I have declared this to be love month. I know there is a certain day that some would say was made up by Hallmark to make money and I don't disagree with those people(my husband) who think this way. But, I would like to say that just because this month might just be another attempt to dip into your wallet doesn't mean I have to celebrate it that way.

For me this month is going to be all about LOVE. Love is something that should be celebrated. It is a beautiful thing to find love in another person or life-long mate but I am talking about more than just that. More than the dreamy romantic love I want to celebrate LOVE in all ways. Love for people being the most important.

I want to everyday this month think about and really express with words how much I love the people in my life and so as my own challenge and just for fun I am writing one person a day this month and telling them that I love them.

I am inspired by the John Mayer song, Say What you Need to Say , but also taken much more of my inspiration from a book that says quite a bit on the subject of love.

So here's to LOVE I say. Celebrate LOVE it's worth every penny, energy, thought, time you spend on it.

LOVE-
Fully
Deeply
Sweetly
Passionately
Unashamed
Compassionately
Creatively
Totally
Surrendered
Kindness
Mercy
Grace
Without End
More
Better
Unselfishly
Generously
Without Words
Beyond Boundaries
Stronger
Tirelessly
Patiently
Gently
Laughing
Longer
Simply
Perfectly

LOVE.

The Best Times

The Best time to clean out your fridge is when you are bare bonesin it waiting for the next payday and your fridge is looking pretty slim. Time to clean.

The Best time to say I love you to the ones you love is all the time, everyday, every moment without ceasing. Time to say I love you.

The Best time to eat popcorn is at home when the latest netflix movie has come in and you have plenty of real butter to drown it in. Time to Eat.

The Best time to call a friend or family member is when your heart hurts when you think of how much you miss them, love them, and are grateful that they are in your life. Time to call.

The Best time to read a good book is when it's raining outside and you don't dare step foot anywhere else but inside curled up on the couch with a great book. Time to Read.

The Best time to hug is when you can't remember the last time you got one and you need that reaffirming touch to know you are loved as well as giving it to someone else. TIme to hug.

The Best time to floss your teeth is after eating a wonderfully marinated steak that not only filled your belly but your heart and soul with the company you ate it with. Time to floss.

The Best time to sing loudly is when you are walking in the woods and no one can hear you and you feel so close to creation as well as the Creator. Time to sing.

The Best time to move on is when you feel you have nothing left to loose by doing so. Time to move on.

The Best time to ....

My Reality 3 weeks from D-day!!

The hugs are a little bit longer now.
The times are a little more special.
My living room looks a little barren.
My heart is exploding with emotions.
The strange sensation to apologize has taken a hold of me.
The thought that I have made the wrong decision has reared it's ugly head.
My hopes are that I didn't.
My days are becoming very dream like.
The mountains that surround this area suddenly look so beautiful.
The time is getting short.
My eyes have taken to tearing up all day long for random reasons.
My soul still knows peace that surpasses all understanding.

Full Moon Poem

It is a full moon tonight.
I am sitting outside on this beautiful summer evening and I am thinking about all the many things I have to be thankful for.
Here is a silly poetic list

The Moon,
The Breeze,
The sound of the wind through the trees.

The Love
The Joy
The sound of my girls and all three of my boys.

My House
My Cars
My Dogs who sometimes I wished lived on Planet Mars.

My Family
My Friends
My Neighbors who are always giving without end.

The Creator
My Savior
Without which what is this life for?
But with whom all blessings come from and so much more.