Please excuse my silence on here as of late.
I have been going through some sort of Phoenix Process that is taking up quite a bit of my mental process time.
Normally, it's easy for me to process here on the ole bloggy poo.
Openly and quite frequently, I have been able to go thru many a season in life with you beloved reader.
But recently, the words are just not coming as easily.
One emotions rolls quite quickly into the next and I hardly have time to breathe, (let alone blog) in between processing the next chain of events that my Fabulous 4 have been forcing me to encounter.
It became quite evident today though as I was just enjoying the first day of Spring Break relaxing with my kids, and enjoying the lack of taxi cab driving everyone everywhere that very shortly there will be one less chic in the nest.
I was upstairs reading a book... when Emma came in and told me her work schedule for the week and I realized she won't be able to go on the mini-vay-cay we have planned for our spring break.
It will be the first time in 18 years that the "fab 4" will be the fab 3 and well... that just didn't sit well with me.
So in realizing that this Spring Break will look quite different than all the rest, I am allowing myself to have some mini melt downs about the process of letting go!
I realize that even after Emma graduates this June I will still be her mom and she will still be my Em-Dilema, but our relationship will change.
I want to let her go!
I know I need to let her go!
I know it's not healthy to stunt her growth and try and keep her under my wings of protection.
I think I realized that last year sometime when she had her first heart break.
Something a mother tries to protect her baby from all their life happened and we lived thru it.
We are stronger now for it.
And I'm grateful for her constant pursuit as the oldest child to pave the way toward independence and at the same time come back to a path that was set before her at a very young age.
I do believe, with all my heart that is the true test of a good parent. To not force a child to walk a certain path simply because it is what you know to be the "best path".
Every person, young and old has to set their own course.
There are certainly good compasses we can pass off to our children in hopes that they will see the wisdom of using a compass in the wild and raging sea that is this crazy world, but in the end it is their boat.
They have to learn to sail it however they deem worthy.
Today I am "Embracing" the fact that
on June 10th our oldest daughter will graduate from high school and head into the uncharted waters of her young independent life.
I'm grateful for every single moment.
God bless the oldest children or only children in every family!
We had to learn how to be parents on her.
Sometimes we failed miserably and other times I think we got some things right.
She has taught us how to stay humble and courageous all at the same time!
And I know our job as Parenting isn't over come graduation day, but it is a graduation from a sort of parenting.
Our relationship will change and is changing and it's all part of this letting go.