I Blog because I Can

-I don't have much to write about, but still I want to write something because I CAN ! It feels so good to be done with school for now. The weight has lifted at least for now and it feels amazing. Also the class I have been dreading, procrastinating to even take, and ulcered my way through I actually got a "B" in. A  "B" people!! 

Math is a dream stealer for me. IT has robbed me beyond measure. Kept me from accomplishing much more in life than I care to mention. It will not win though!! I am bigger than Math.

-Kids are awesome. I love them more than words can express. It is the end of an era that I will no longer have children under 5 in this house and I have to say I have been having some strange newborn cravings. Crazy, I know but still they are there. It is a good thing I have some friends who are having newborns that I will soon get to snuggle.

-My husband has a funny alter ego called Meisha. He's from Russia. His accent can pull me out of just about anything and that is just one more thing that I love about this man named Moses.

-My dogs although crazy and neurotic are the cutest dogs ever! What they bring to me that I will never know but I do love them.

-People are funny, I being one of them. For the rest of my life I will forever be in awe of humanity. People are strong beyond measure. People are good and dynamic and so very interesting. If I didn't love children as much I would head down the road of studying and helping grown-up people. Children become grown- up people so that is where I will remain.

-Now, I have no more random thoughts except this, I did not want to title this blog random thoughts one more time.

I love you all and good night!

Checking In with some Random Thoughts

-I am almost finished with this semester of school and I have to say that I am so ready to be done. Not that you didn't already know that but just in case you didn't I thought I would let you know.

*Total Random note for the day- We have doves. They make strange noises but I kinda like the sound that comes from them at all hours of the day.

Okay back to school, I have decided to finish out the rest of my classes online except the one Math class that I need to graduate. Online works so well for me and is so easy. I also realized this semester that when I am in school I am not as focused here at home as I would like to be, that combined with working again is not a good combo for me. So as much as I would like to take a bunch of classes in the next few semester and be done..... I am not going to.

For the sake of my family I think this is a wise choice. I don't want to look back on this time when I could be playing with my kids and regret the time I was on the computer getting a piece of paper I can hang on a wall and that's about all it will change. I have made a decision about this degree thing. I think it's funny how since I graduated high school I have been taking classes. Some I have really enjoyed and have learned a lot from and some I could have done with out but all these classes and I still don't have what they think is a degree in Early Childhood Education. Come ON PEOPLE!! 

-On to another topic that has really been intriguing me lately. Men and Women, are we really that different or is it more our personalities that are so different in life? As I am watching my kids grow I am realizing that some of these things we deem man vs. woman differences really just are personality differences. It's interesting to me and I would like to investigate it further.

I was thinking about when Mo and I first got married we were reading through a book, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I bought that book hook, line, and sinker. Now after having been married and with my hubby for coming on 14 years and 15 years together, I think I would like to take a second look at it.

- I can't wait to do two summertime things. Camp and read for pleasure. I am so looking forward to reading some great books that have been sitting on my self just calling my name and I think I start my book review again just for my own fun and entertainment.

-Finally there are some really entertaining things going on in my neighborhood these days.

 Aside from the burners who are generally low key and mellow now, the Adult group home that is literally just a few houses down has provided for some recent entertainment and has been quite interesting. They go out for a walk at least 4 to 5 times a day. The patients don't talk to strangers or so much as make eye contact and a while back one of them asked me for a ride. I gave her one. She just stared at me the whole time.  I think I might blog more about this later. We have a dog that comes and literally loves to get my dogs in a big tizzy. We have construction from every angle keeping me from parking in my driveway most days. Houses selling for less than dirt. Neighborhoods are interesting, don't ya think?

And now....I should be getting back to finishing up this semester.

Why? a tribute to my friend Nicole Crossman

"It must have been a place so dark you couldn't feel the light"

Driving home from work today a song from Rascal Flatts came on called, Why. It's basically about a person who commits suicide. It made me cry like a baby. It felt good to let go of some tears about this topic and especially about my friend Nicole Crossman, who is the most recent loved one lost from this crappy adjective. It felt good to feel more about her life lost because for the most part I felt anger when I would think about what she had done, but there was a line in this song that really reminded me of how funny she was and how much I really did love her. 

"You always played with passion, no matter what the game. When you took the stage you shined just like the sun."

In a million, trillion years she would never have been the friend I would think that would ever do something like this. 

"I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong."

My friend Nicole Crossman worked with kids most of her teenage and adult life. My sister met her first and then got her a job at my Aunt's school and that began her journey into Early Childhood Education. She worked at the Recreation Department for over 10 years and that's where most of my memories with her are from. She was alot fun!! She had two girls and I had the distinct pleasure of watching her younger one who was friends with my daughter, Chloe. I would bring them to preschool together and pick them up together. I have pictures in my scrapbook of the girls, of me and Nicole working at the Rec. Dept., of her and my friend Judy at my wedding.

"Now, in my mind I keep you frozen as a 17 year old."

I remember one time I sat in the car in the parking lot while my sister and Nicole went and got their hair done. I wasn't cool enough to be with the big girls but did I ever want to be cool enough. So I sat there waiting for the fun to come back.

"Now here we are gathered in our little hometown. This can't be the way you wanted to draw a crowd."

 I was sitting there crying  and in front of Isaiah. When he asked why I was crying I kept it simple with my answer but he kept wanting to know more. Then he said he was still sad about Emma's friend who had died last year in her class. I didn't even realize because he was only 3 at the time that he was paying attention to all of last springs drama with Emma's classmate,(Alex was a 10 year old boy who hung himself) but apparently he was. He also knew exactly what that song was about which is shocking to me. These little people know so much more than we give them credit for. I know that, sometimes I think I just forget how closely they are paying attention to our every move.

"Why, that's what I keep asking"

Normally, when I cry I am a silent, hidden crier. Especially where my kids are concerned but this time I just needed that release and thought I will deal with whatever comes after. So, I tried to explain to my 4 year old as best I could this subject of suicide that is something that I still don't really even understand myself. These are the times in parenting that you think, I am not prepared enough for THIS!!  I of course was age appropriate and not sharing any details and the conversation ended with us having a big long hug.

"Why you'd leave the stage in a middle of a song"

It felt good to feel.

It made me realize how long the process of emotional healing really is and how important it is not to rush through it just because it causes uncomfortable conversations with my 4 year old.

I went home and had a great afternoon with my kids and hubby, then got a phone call from my dad about a friend of my parents who was only in her 60's who passed away in her sleep. The cycle of life just keeps coming at ya!!

"Oh but I do have one burning question, who told you life wasn't worth the fight?"

Solomon and the saga of the Earth worm

Solomon came in from pulling weeds today with a face so sad I thought he was going to cry. He said, "Mom, I killed a worm." It took everything within me to not bust out laughing over how distraught he was over this but, somehow I knew in my mommy knower this was one of those moments that was going to be a teachable one. He then proceeded to tell me that as he was pulling weeds he saw a worm. He said he dug around it trying to get it out but then when he pulled to get the rest of the worm out it broke. Can you say Ewwww!! He then went on to say that the worms are the protectors of the earth. I am assuming that he is getting this information from either his teachers at school or his dad who is also very bug and insect friendly. I told him of course this is misinformation and that God in fact is the protector of the earth. He created all the creatures and insects to work together perfectly and He is still in control.

So at this point he was crying and I said, "Sol they don't have a brain, or even any eyes. It's not bad because you didn't mean to kill it and although they play an important part to the echo system I think the world will still turn with one less worm on it."

After I got on the internet to show him how many worms are made in a day and that all my facts were correct I was feeling pretty good about my wonderful mothering skills and how I helped my sweet son feel better about this situation and taught him something in the process. I even felt there was somewhat of a spiritual lesson that I slyly snuck in there. So after I was feeling so good about my serious mama  skills he said, "I think why it made me cry is because it looked so gross"

"Oh,.... Oh is that all." 

I guess my mommy knower is a little off these days.

Being

I like the idea of just BEING. Not having an agenda. Not having a watch to keep track of. Not having any pressing appointments to keep. I can very easily slip into this mode of just BEING versus the mode of work and always having something pressing, pushing, waiting, doing, doing, and doing some more.

I think I could have been a nun except that I like sex. (Random, I know but I just had to go there) There is a joke about why nun's are named nun's but I digress :)

I also like to talk and so that too might have been a problem in the nun department.

They do however spend a good portion of their day just being. They grow vegetables. They pray. They cook, clean, and read. So aside from the not having sex and the talking oh and I also love my kids so that wouldn't have worked either. Oh, and I like being a part of the society not isolated from it.  Okay so I couldn't have been a nun but work with me here.

Thinking about living this life of Just Being in the midst of so much busy is a hard problem to figure out. I think God had some very good original ideas about it all though. A Sabbath is very important. A day to be just because. He knew we needed this day. We needed a day to remind ourselves of what is most important in this short time that we are here.

As the summer approaches I get very excited because I know that this is a good chunk of time that is given to reminding my children,  that being is just as important as doing. 

I would like to get to a place where I still follow this way of life that has been set before me. Somehow in the last year I lost sight of that. Seeing this in action recently made me realize how off track I  had become. 

There is another part of this just being that I also want more of and that is living my life without regret or apologies. I want to be at a place where I don't feel bad or even bothered for being different from the majority around me. I am not there yet either but even more than the day of Just Being I want everyday inside my soul to be at rest more than it has been before. 

I have grown and changed this past year in a way that has taught me a lot.  There are so many important lessons that came out of this very difficult year but probably the most important one that I don't ever want to forget is the one about BEING.

Being real.

Being present.

Being silent.

Being ready.

Being loud.

Being funny.

Being serious.

Being lazy.

Being happy.

Being sad. 

Being angry.

Being tired.

Being crazy.

Being........

Raley's

I made the conscious decision to go grocery shopping at Raley's today. I know that to do a big grocery store trip there I usually end up spending about 50 to 75 dollars more than I usually would spend at Wal-Mart or Winco but I have to say today it was worth it.

It was worth to not have to bag my own groceries. To have someone walk the second cart out to my car. To have them ask if I needed help unloading. To have room to walk down the cereal isle and to have a wide variety of fancy cheeses, olives, and wines to choose from. 

IT WAS WORTH IT!!

March- Fashion Challenge

The fashion challenge this month from friend Tasha G. was to wear a man's tie. I thought when she first emailed about this that it would be easy but turns out, not so much!!

I also have to admit that I was completely irritated with the stupid thing by the end of the day. It got in the way of everything. I suppose I could have worn one of those fancy pins for it but my honey doesn't own one and all the other pins I had to hold it down just weren't cutting it.

Also, what to wear it with was an issue for me. I had all these great ideas at first and then in the end I just wore Mo's shirt with it. If I didn't have the hat on I would have looked like a waitress. 

Anyway, I did it. It was fun and thankfully I work with people who don't mind if I walk around looking like a buffoon. Pretty much  3,4, and 5 year olds are very easily pleased when it comes to fashion :)

Friday

Today was a great day!

Not really any details that I can think of besides the weather that made it so great.

 That and that my friend Mindy brought be Starbucks. 

Oh and my kids are happy, and my hubby is amazing. 

My sister is home and I can see her whenever I want.

Oh and we BBQ'd

We have our home, our cupboards are full and life is good.

It was a great day and I am looking forward to this weekend.

Thursday

This morning was great. I love the Spring like weather that we get to enjoy if only for a few days. It makes everything seem more alive. Maybe I am affected by the weather, but then who isn't?

Great day at work. Then I went shopping at Winco. When I was down the soda isle getting my sparkling water a woman dropped a whole box of soda's and one exploded all over her. I felt so bad and I was really glad that I always carry around a thing of wipes. I am pretty sure even when I don't have little sticky fingers this is something I will still do. At the checkout  I always pretend when I am bagging my own groceries there that I am a grocery store employee and I challenge myself to see how quickly and efficiently I can bag my own groceries. 

Walked to pick the big kids up from school because I can and because I should. It was nice until Isaiah took a digger and because I baby him I carried him all the way home.

Then no one had homework so we played outside for a bit and then we all decided to watch a movie, but what movie could we all agree upon?? It took a minute and a few tears but finally it was decided by popular vote to watch My Girl.  Forgot how sad that movie is. Me and the girls cried and cried and boys just stared at us like we were from another planet. I have a feeling that might happen a lot in our house.

 Brie Cheese dip for dinner. It is that good and that filling!! Kids didn't like it. They thought it taste too much like Blue Cheese which none of them like.  Too bad Mo and I were the only ones who could enjoy this delicacy. 

Samantha B. came over to get a tattoo on her foot and it turned out beautiful. Made me want one on my foot but I don't think I am brave enough for the foot. I have heard it's a very painful spot. She is sitting like a champ though.

It was a pretty good day, looking forward to tomorrow..... sing along!!

Wednesday

I woke to the warmth in my room that has been missing in the mornings since last October.  Our room doesn't get any sunlight at all because of two massive trees that we have in the backyard and so in the winter time we have to use a floor space heater. It was nice this morning to wake up to a little bit warmer room. It makes the whole get up and get going process a little easier.

Preschool was busy this morning but fun. The kids are still learning about what comes out of an egg and we did a fun little game today with finger puppets. We were trying to figure out which animals/sea creatures came out of eggs. There were about 5 of the almost 20 or so puppets that I had no clue about. An octopus, squid, lobster, and 2 others I can' remember. Anyway I sent them home with those kids as  "homework" to find out whether they came out of eggs or not. One of the boys who got one of the puppets was not having it. He wanted nothing to do with homework, I thought to myself some one's older sibling must not like having homework and must speak of it with a vengeance.  

After work it was nice to come home to a clean house due to the fact that I spent countless hours last night organizing and basically keeping myself busy while Mo was on an onsite tattoo job. He has been doing at least 2 to 3 tattoos a week mostly out of our home and mostly in the evenings so I am finding that I am getting a lot done.

I do believe that my dogs have finally mellowed out. I am afraid to even say this because of jinxing it but they are doing better. No trash cans piledged, no running away attempts, no chewed up toys, furniture, or shoes and no accidents for a while. Really, this has been the case for some time now I think I am just now noticing it. One of the kids at preschool today said, " My mom doesn't like pets because they poop all over her backyard" I had to laugh as I told him  "Yep your mom is right they most certainly do." 

Had dinner at a friends tonight. I was so nice just to sit back and relax, watch a movie and not have to do the dishes. Thanks Jeni.

Now I am watching (halfway) Tango and Cash with Mo and getting ready for a bed.

It was a good day.

Tuesday

Found out later last night that my mother in law has breast cancer. Sigh, more tears. I am hopeful and prayerful that she will be just fine but all the same it is a shock!! Prayers appreciated. She goes for Surgery next Monday.  I have the day off so I will probably go and see her and try to put on a brave face.

I said goodbye to a friend who is leaving on Thursday with a brand  new baby and a 4 year old to Japan today. Her life is in transition and she is amazing to me. Handling it all in stride.

Called another friend who has not had to work in over, well... her whole life but had to get a job due to recent financial changes. Her and her hubby have not had a paycheck in over a year. I am hopeful that things will all work out for them.

I am making Corned Beef and Hash even though I don't like to claim my Irish I do have some and thought I would celebrate this Irish meal with some great friends.(Turned out oh so good if I do say so myself)

Still trying to think of an idea of how to wear a man's tie fashionably!!

Yelled at my kids, hate when that happens. Quickly said sorry but all the same I just don't like that when I yell and they look at me as though I have become a crazy woman because I have. I am a yeller in my weak moments and I hate this about myself :(

Got a call from a friend who I am going to see very soon and I can hardly wait. I appreciate that she is rearranging her whole weekly life just to squeeze in a few days with me. I haven't flown on an airplane since last year around this time when I went to see sister in Europe. I am a little nervous because of what happened last time I traveled but know I need to get past my fears because there is a whole lot of world left that I want to see.

I am enjoying blogging all this week because of Spring break. I am also enjoy a very clean house because of it as well.

Monday

I had a hard time getting my 4 year old out the door this morning. This used to be the sort of thing that would really upset me but as I am getting older and hopefully wiser in this parenting gig I am realizing some things. Sometimes, it's just really not worth it to get all worked up over 5 minutes and really, I mean really it's only 5 minutes.

Preschool - was great as per usual, except one lil friend who wasn't feeling so well, that's always a bummer :(  What a sweetie. Jesus help him feel better.

Today we talked about what comes out of an egg. It was so great and is truly one of my favorite things in the whole wide world to hear 3,4, and 5 year olds use their imaginations. I think it has got to be pretty much one of the greatest things when a 3 year tells you with all their heart, "A Lion comes out of an egg Miss Noel" hmm... really??

Today after school I went to visit my friend Christene who is doing Chemo right now for however long to battle brain cancer once again. It was great to see her and just chill for a visit. After leaving I thought of how amazing she is. What a fighter that girl is. So grateful for her friendship in my life. Love that girl. Jesus help her through this time. Tears. Sigh.

Then I went to pick up my big kids after school and they wanted to go to the school's book fair. I just can't resist cheap books. Makes me think of the line in You've Got Mail, " Of course they are going to love us we will sell them cheap books and legal stimulants!"

Then I got a phone call today that was so nice. It was after picking up kids from school. After we were settled here at home with some new books. After we had just had our homemade, yummy chocolate chip cookies for snack and my cell rings.

I knew who it was because of the ring tone. It's a song, " I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl" it was my boyfriend calling to tell me he wanted to cook dinner. 

Life is good even on a Monday.

Old People

Life is so strange. I wonder if I will ever get to a place where I understand fully this amazing place we get to occupy for a short time.

 I look at 80 year olds with envy. They have a sense of calm and peacefulness about them that I long for. They are no longer working on figuring things out. They seem like they have some things locked into their subconsciousness that helps them to get by.

I wonder if it is knowing how quickly indeed our time is here that helps them to get by with the day to day small stuff. 

I wonder if it's having to say goodbye to that one person they never thought they would be able to live without.

I wonder if it's that they have experienced so much and see with their own eyes, there is nothing new under the sun.

I understand this is not all older people but a great majority that I have known seem to be a bit like this in some way.

It saddens me greatly that now that I am of an age where I could really appreciate my grandparents they are no longer with me. I am remembering to appreciate what I do have still which are my parents. 

A good friend of mine lost her father a few weeks ago and I just think it really is so strange to be at a phase in life where I am worried about how much time I have left with people who gave me life. I don't like this. I wish I could skip this painful part of life , but then I look at all those who have gone before me in this area and see that they have survived. I know I will be okay. I know Jesus will help me but in the mean time I want to cherish the moments, not just in word but indeed, in DEED!!

Life and all it's seasons is strange.

The New Fashion Challenge from my friend Tasha

your fashion mission for march - (SO EASY i think)

to incorporate a man's tie into your daily wear and take a photo. 

**Come on ladies you can do this with me if you want and she gave prizes last time so just a little FYI - they were good prizes.

if you want her email to send your pics i will give it to you and then you can check 

my vw friends for last months blog post that she put up.

This one is going to be fun but I can't decide to wear it the normal manly way or as a bow in my hair, hmm.....??

Life, Laughing, Loving, Crying, and Music

I hate when I don't really have time to really blog. My post have been lame at best in my estimations, (except for my fashion week of course that was just plain fun AND for which I received and awesome prize) and it really does have to do with the fact that my brain is fried. 

When I finally do have the time to sit down and articulate a thought or two they all seem to just run together. This afternoon I still have a few more hours that I need to log into my math course before 11pm but I am taking a break to blog.

I started thinking about the last few weeks and how busy they have been and it has made me realize some things. I like to do a lot of things and have a hard time saying no to myself  until it hits me in the alone time department and then I wonder why I did that to myself again. Does anyone even know what I am saying?

 Basically, I am just saying there are not enough hours in the day and I hate being confined to the 24 that I am given.

This week while driving into to work I thought about my mom and started to get all choked up. I don't think that I could've  possibly appreciated my mom or dad more until I became a mom and realized some things. Anyway, I called her to just say that I loved her and that I am glad she is still on the other end to call and say that to. For those of us who still have our parents, remember there will come a day when they won't be there on the other end so seize the day and call your mom and dad just to tell them you love them.

Today I got really emotional after church thinking about my good friend Natalie and her hubby Chris, and baby V moving so far away. It just really makes me sad. I have been having many conversations to the Lord about this for weeks but alas, I know in my heart they are in good care. I just wish that they could have remained being cared for HERE!! Still, I know that I will keep in touch. There are some friends that just come and go but these are not those kinda friends for me. Natalie is a gem, truly like a little sister and I will miss her greatly. We will see each other when our book gets published though and when we  go on a book tour and so there is that :)

A good friend a while back said that I shouldn't hold back the tears. That a good cry is a good thing. I am feeling that lately when I need to cry the tears are readily available, but when I need to laugh.....I laugh so loud I scare myself and those around me. 

One final thought, they need to make a musical movie like ; Across the Universe, Mama Mia that uses the Cures music- don't ya think??

Billy Holiday

There is no finer music on this planet. 

Her voice will never again be mimicked. 

She is a true blues singer unlike any other. 

Her life is really very sad to me. 

When I listen to her music it just puts me in a happy place.

Just thought I would share that, and I wonder what if you could choose would be your music that puts you in a happy place???

Day 5- Red

Sorry for the delay on this one. The week kinda caught up with me and I just didn't have time to get this done. But here it is. Whew!!

Check.

Day 4 - Yellow

One word that should win me a prize- Rainbow

Another two words that should give me extra points- Toe Socks!!

Day 3 - Blue

I am not sure how well we pulled off blue. It was certainly a little less subtle than our other colors. Still, this was not a hard one because we could have just worn blue jeans and called it good. Now, tomorrow- yellow- that's going to get interesting. 

Emma is totally getting into this Tasha and I think you need to think of another fashion challenge for us harder than colors.

We both agreed that we could have done the dress under a skirt statement so bring it on!!

Day 2 - Purple

I personally love Emma's outfit and think she should win a prize for being so incredibly cute!!

Day 1 - Fashion Challenge- Green

Green was not so hard to pull off since it is my new favorite color. Emma decided to join me and was up for the challenge being the little Diva that she is. 

I have to say that after taking this picture though it really motivated me to get back up on that treadmill. Can't really feel sorry for myself since it was self inflicted weight gain but still !!

My Mission this week(and could be yours too)

A friend sent this note to me via email last week.

 

"If you choose to except:

monday-friday incorporate these colors into your day's wardrobe documenting each day by photo. at weeks end , the participants will choose one fashionista who not only completed the task but did it beautifully. easy enough?"

monday- olive or lime green

tuesday-purple

wednesday-teal or baby blue

thursday- yellow

friday-red

My friend Tasha's blog where she will posting pics this week can be found at the link to the right ,  myvwfriend. 

Enjoy and join in if you are so inclined. 

TGIF

This week was an extremely busy week for me and my family. It is Friday afternoon and I can't believe I made it to this spot but I did it and pretty well I think.

This week Mo started a new job at a brand new Tattoo shop that opened up in downtown Reno. It's called Reno Gearhead Tattoo and Barber Shop. It is located literally right across the street from the Eldorado. Anyway, his new job made it so that I saw him maybe 5 or 6 hours this week if that. He went to work  at his day job at 7:30 came home to eat dinner at around 4 or 5 and headed to the shop by 6. He stayed there most nights at least until 10:30p. So when you have a family with 4 young kids and your husband works overtime it means you work overtime too. Now, don't get me wrong I am not complaining I am just explaining.

On top of his new job and late hours I chose to wake up ooober early with a friend (via cell phones) and walk on the treadmill. So I did that successfully 4 days this week and still managed to keep my sanity. Yea me :)

My job at Little Lites has been great. I absolutely love working again but getting there is quite the chore in the mornings when you have an uncooperative 4 year old. One of the days he was crying on the way into school and I felt like I wish I could do that. 

On top of that my classes have kicked into high gear this semester. My math class requires 9 hours a week of logged in time (no exceptions) and my English class is a whole lot of writing which I of course don't mind it's just that when there is not another parent in the house to help with homework and you have homework yourself that YOU need help with(Mo is going to help me pass my math) life can get interesting. We survived.

I didn't even mention, laundry, dishes, dinners, lunches, dog messes(that just about threw me over the edge), regular 10,8,7, and 4 year old messes, and life in general stuff. I will have you know that the power of prayer works because I know I couldn't have made it through this week with out it.

So here I am thinking back on the week with a weekend full of events and I have decided to do some  rearranging already. Some things in my schedule this weekend have got to go so that I can have more down time. I have realized the older I get the importance of down time. Thanks much to Jesus and Louie's Sabbath teachings for that, but also it is part of my genetic makeup to not only have downtime but believe it or not alone time.  So here's to the weekend and everyone who worked super hard all week, cheers we made it!! 

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!

Christene and a Prayer Request

My friend Christene called today from Stafford Medical. After countless MRI's and tests and walking around with white round sticky things on her head she was retiring for the night only to wake early tomorrow for "the big dig" as she calls it. How do you sleep on a night like this? Knowing that the next morning they are going to cut open your head.

I am amazed by her strength and attitude despite one of the hardest setbacks in her life(she was in remission for the last 3 years) she still managed to make me laugh. 

She is amazing.

Please keep her in your prayers tomorrow and the rest of the week for her recovery from her 4th brain surgery. 

Livestrong

I have a yellow Livestrong bracelet on my wrist that I have been wearing for the past several weeks. It was given to me.

Every time I look at it I think what does that mean? So today, I am wondering what do you think those little yellow bracelet's mean? If you were to define a STRONG life what would it look like?

For me I think of every friend recently who has been touched by cancer in their life and I think about their bodies how tired and sore they must feel after chemo. I think about that and then it motivates me to shut up, and get up and get going!! It puts all my minor aches and pains into perspective. It also helps me to realize that this body that I have is a gift, on loan, and that I have been a terrible owner. I am thankful for this body that birthed 4 beautiful children and has lived through a lot in the past 34 years. 

Tell me what do you think it means to LIVESTRONG?

Good News, be it ever so small

Today while I was preparing to take some preschoolers out for play I found a ring I thought I had lost. I went to put my gloves on and there it was. I had been whining about losing this ring for weeks now. I had asked my kids to be looking around for it and I had just felt sick over losing it.

I bought this ring for myself at Genoa's Candy Dance a few years back and it was one of my most favorite rings. When I came home from grocery shopping a few weeks back I realized it was no longer on my finger and after retracing my steps I thought it must have fallen off at Winco or something and I was so bummed. 

But alas, all this time it was in my glove!! I was happy to say the least.

Then when I got home from picking up my kiddos today I was happy to see that my hubby got off work early and being as how I throughly enjoy that man's company and can never seem to get enough of it I was glad for the time together.

After that my treasure friend Allie called with some even more good news that only a friend like her could give me. (Those of you who know her, she did not tell me she was pregnant)

Finally, tonight while hanging out with hubby we got some very good news for him about his recent Ink career and all I have to say is that in this life when you are given good days like this you just have to take a moment and give a shout out to the giver of ALL good things.

Whoot woot!! or Hallelujah!! (which ever floats your boat)

Life sometimes really doesn't make sense

 I have one friend who is fighting for her life again for the fourth time against brain cancer and then on the other hand I have a friend who recently took her life by hanging herself in her garage. She left behind 2 daughters 12 and 9.  I have another friend who is at Standford right now with her daughter who is fighting against cancer. Another friend who has banked her whole financial life and world on her hubbies financial adventures. I have another friend who is struggling in a marriage that was built on lies. 

Jesus help them all please because you know all I can do is ask the impossible from you and be me in the meantime and I know I am not enough.

Processing

I have always had a tough time processing things quickly. Whether it's the news of a friend or some news on the Television, I take a long time to process things. I especially take a bit longer than that when something directly affects someone I deeply care for or even more time when something has happened to me personally. As I get older I am realizing that I have never done anything quickly, except maybe getting married. So it's not surprising to those of you who know me. Last year there were quite a lot of things that my brain just couldn't wrap around and understand and so I began to check out in a very unhealthy way. It was a rough year for pretty much everyone I know. In some way, shape, or form everyone I knew was having a tough time so again, my issues I didn't want to bother anyone else with or give them yet another problem that needed to be solved. So I got quiet, took lots of naps, and began to shut down. There were some friends who noticed even over the phone that I didn't sound the same. I am sure I needed to be on medication but because we didn't have insurance(still don't until Feb 11th) I haven't been to a doctor.

When I get upset my whole life ever since I can remember the way I deal with being really upset is to go to my nice, warm, comfy bed and take a long nap. It seems as though after a nice long nap everything gets better. That's how I process. Slowly with lots of naps. I also process things by cleaning, but that's usually just my M.O. when I am angry. If I get really angry I clean like a mad woman. Literally.  

I think the way we process life is so interesting. I know that my mom processes by talking. She loves to talk. She talks when she's nervous, happy, sad, angry. She's a talker. I know that my dad processes by going and listening to his music. He puts his headset on and listens away the day or night. 

I am wondering how do you process things?  I am also wondering can you change the way you process life? Is that just something that is part of our genetic makeup that can't be changed? I would really like to process a bit quicker. Maybe not stew on things for quite so long. It seems anytime I try to rush my processing department I have a major malfunction so I don't know that it is something I can mess with. I would however like to be one of those people who takes a long run or uses exercise to process. It is not the first reaction I have when things don't make sense. My going to take a nap is like a knee jerk response. 

Anyway, I am processing a lot already in this new year. There is already some news from several friends that I am stewing over. Praying for them. I came home yesterday and did take a short nap to help myself but today I am wondering is there a better way to process?

My book and freaking Artist's who are freaking flaky

I have had my first real frustration with this book deal.  My publishers called about a week ago and informed me that they were still interested and were just wondering if I was still waiting on an artist. I told them yes, that I was probably going to fire this artist because although he is very talented he has been a bit of a slacker. 

The problem lies with the fact that this was an artist from Mo's work and I didn't want to make things weird for him. So I tactfully asked what the status was on his work and he informed that it was the same as last time, which is pretty much nothing. He had a few ideas but basically he has done nothing since we spoke at Christmas.

Well, I was not too upset because during this time I realized that another person I know would make a fabulous children's illustrator and so I asked her if the job comes back to me if she would be interested. She said yes, and so I hired her on the spot. 

I am hoping to have the 5 pages they need of illustrations done by the end of this month and to get this ball rolling once again.

I told the previous artist that once I am raking in the dough I won't gloat too much :)

Simplify

I have decided to simplify. I started a few weeks back when I couldn't wait to be done with school just so that I could clean my house, and it hasn't stopped.  I am now getting rid of all these items that I have way too much of; Bowls, Mugs, Shoes, Clothes, Home Decor, Toys, toys, and more toys, more clothes, Sheets and blankets, Little trinkets that I hate dusting, Decorative Plates, All household items that I haven't used in over a year, and Picture frames.

IF there is anything that is on that list you are in need of please let me know otherwise by the end of this month it will be given to Savers. I just brought three GIANORMOUS  bags there today and it felt so good.

Part of my need for simplifying was because I just need to get my house clean after a semester of just being consumed with school, work, and everything else BUT my house. Part of my need to simplify is also because with 6 people in any household under 2000 sq. feet you just have to keep it simple. My house is only 1698 sq. feet and you better believe we use every inch and are grateful for every inch. And finally the last reason for this ever pressing need to simplify is because of a recent article I read in O magezine, (yes I know I already mentioned the magazine before but hey, it was a good one) it was titled , Back to Basics and it was about all these people who are becoming minimalist's by choice. I know (unlike my sister Jenny) that I will probably never truly achieve this state of being but, that doesn't mean that I am not going to die trying.

So Jen- I am right there with ya. I am trying to pretend that if I was moving right now how much of the crap that I have accumulated over the past almost 4 years in this house, would I be getting rid of. Then I am also getting rid of all things that I don't truly need, use, or otherwise really value enough to be taking up some of my precious space.

Chloe

My daughter Chloe has always been the most sensitive child I own : ) Ever since the day we were bringing her home from the hospital and she started crying when we put her in the car seat, we knew she was not going to be the Tigger type personality that her older sister Emma had. When she was a baby and I would sing this little sweet song to her with her name in it, she would slowly pucker up and cry. I would have thought is was my voice if it weren't for having Emma who loved my singing. The music would make her cry. She would cry from loud noises, scary faces, happy faces with loud voices, you name it, she would more often than  not be found crying. She was also the only one of my four who became very attached to her blanket that she tenderly named her "Monkey", don't ask me why there was no monkey on the thing anywhere. 

Well through the 8 years of this sweet ones life we have had more than one occasion of having to sit her down and tell her that, "Everything is going to be okay, nobody died, take a deep breath, re-group" those kinds of things you say to calm a child down who is irrationally upset over something as silly as dropping her toothbrush on the floor. Although, now that I know her better dropping her toothbrush on the floor IS a big deal. She is a bit of a clean freak and by that I mean, she is cleaner than me.

Anyway, I am extremely upset tonight over the fact that of all the kids I have, with all their varied personalities, she is the one who seems to end up with the short end of the stick when it comes to mean kids who say mean things.

She has been told before that she has "Dumbo ears" that she is "Fat" and who knows what else that has been said to her that she doesn't tell me about.

Tonight we had to have a discussion again about how beautiful she is and how perfect her Heavenly Father has made her. It  just makes me so pissed off that I have to combat such ugly words spoken over her so early. It makes me angry for the lies that come from the "Father of lies" right from the get go to come against us. 

It reminds me of a children's story written by Max Lucado. It's about the Wemmick's and how they go around sticking either stars or dots on everyone depending on whether they are a "good" Wemmick or not. Dots for not, stars for good. It's a great book called, You Are Special. The main character Punchinello is not a "good" Wemmick so he has lots of dots. Until one day he meets a girl who surprisingly has no stickers at all, dots or stars, she has nothing. When he asks her why she doesn't have any stickers she says it's because she goes to meet with her maker Eli everyday and then the stickers just don't stick.

It also makes me realize that my Lo Lo is one amazing young lady who has had to fight hard for her little life already and that makes me think some really great, great things are in store for her. My prayer is that her heart will somehow hear stronger and louder the voice of her maker and that she will hear the truth from Him.

Oprah and Me

I , on occasion indulge myself in two magazine purchases. One of them is People, of course I know full well how silly this magazine is but I enjoy it anyway, and the other is Oprah or O magazine. I know that last one is shocker right? I really do think her magazine is one of the best out there.

Anyway, this month's issue immediately caught my eye because as an occasional viewer of her show I have noticed that she has been going up in size and like the rest of the world I was wondering what the heck was going on. I was sad to find that it was due to some health problems and unbalance in her life and it made me think about my own weight issues that I have dealt with my whole life.

Then last night  the episode on the O show that day was her personal interview of herself speaking about "what the heck happened" to her this time. I sat down after the kids were all in bed and I was surprised by how emotional I got watching her show. Again, I think this episode hit home because of my own issues, but also I felt very sad again for her. It's funny how you can become so intrigued and interested in a person you have never met but I am and I was very sad for her. 

Anyway, there I was balling like a baby and thinking what is going on here? I think what really hit home was when her friend, Bob Greene looked at her and basically said that he thought she might be suffering from a mild case of depression. I knew that was exactly what had happened to me. These past few months pretty much since my coming home from Europe last year in March, I have been in a battle against this ugly monster called depression.

I know why I was depressed which really helps but that didn't seem to change any of the ways I was dealing with this depression. I am most certainly and emotional eater. This becomes quite evident to me when I am eating unconsciously or without reservation.

I had before the New Year began decided that I really needed to get back to exercising regularly and eating better which I was doing before we went on break but then I totally got off the wagon, Again!! 

So here I am once again dealing with this issue of not really being so concerned about my weight but healthy living. I have never in my entire life consistently for more than a year had a healthy way of eating, exercising and just otherwise being human. 

I am determined to once again learn from this hiccup along the road of health and take away what I can from it. I am still very discouraged with myself for letting it get this bad, and although I am not Oprah who went over 200 pounds again I am for my body not feeling as great as I could. 

I want to get really good at this healthy living not only for my sake but for my daughters who are quickly approaching an age that really picks up on any underlying unhealthy weight issues.

I want to be a good example to them in this area. I want to do this for myself though because it really comes down to making time for yourself which I think every mom and dad knows that can be hard to do. It means I have to make some changes, adaptations, sacrifices that might affect others but is primarily for me, myself and I.

I am determined, I am stubborn, I am tenacious and God help me,  I will do this!!

My mom's socks box

Tonight while cleaning up Christmas and New Year events and also doing lots of laundry all day, I was remembering something that my mom used to do with socks. In our house there was 6 of us and then 7, at one point more than that depending on how many people my mom invited to live with us at the time. Anyway, that's besides the point of my blog here. 

My mom used to keep a socks box for all the mismatched socks. It was generally found in the hall closet with the towels and all the other general population items of the Pellant house , like toilet paper ,towels, and such. I remember when I was younger that this socks box was the source of either great discontent or satisfaction depending on whether or not I found the sock I was looking for. I remember when I was younger being so frustrated with my mom for not knowing where all the socks were in the whole house. How could she put just one sock in my room without the other. How could she not know where everything was at all times. I thought when I was younger that this socks box was more just her laziness in not putting all our socks together and in our room. Why couldn't she have put them all neatly in my drawer folded together and organized like all the other mom's did? Why did she just throw all the socks in the box and call it a day??

Funny how your perspective changes as you age, have children of your own, and have done thousands upon thousands of loads of laundry. A little perspective is always a good thing.

Tonight while sorting and cleaning I thought, my mom was a genius she had a place for the most annoying things on the planet = mismatched socks. 

There is no moral to this story other than I have done some growing up(at least I think I have) and have now a new perspective on my mom's socks box. 

I will now have one of my own. 

I hope my kids will think the same of me someday as I do of my mom right now.

2008 in pictures- The next 4 posts

If I had to pick my all time favorite picture from the whole year it would be this one.  It is of Papa Tom and his buddy Isaiah. These two together are heaven on earth to me. They are a dynamic duo.  The rest of the pics in this post are my favorite scenery pics of the year.




The next 4 post are my life in pictures in 2008. Well, some of my life in pictures. I hope you enjoy. I know going through them reminded me of some very important things. 

1- Time goes by fast, truly it does

2- People are so very important

3- God is good, that will never change

4- Don't forget to enjoy what you have, don't forget to play

Here's to the New Year!!

Moments Captured in 2008 (cont.)

There is nothing quite like family. It takes a village they say to raise a child and the village above here and below are what I am thankful for because I have 4 children to raise. SO does that mean that I get 4 villages?
My mom and dad are some of the greatest people on this planet. I am not just saying this because they are my parents. Truly, they are really cool people and I hope this year I make a priority to spend more time with them because I want to not because it's expected around holidays but just because days.
There is nothing better in life than new life. This precious little person our nieces baby Isabella was for sure a highlight in 2008.  When I met my hubby Mo his sister's daughter Kay was only 4 years old, Isaiah's age. Now she is a mom. 

Jordan Lear makes me smile. What precious person this little boy is. His heart is HUGE. I again am so grateful for my kids friends.

More moments Captured in 2008

These women here shaped my husband's view of women. To them I am grateful for all the love and care they have given and for who they are.

There are not enough words to describe how thankful I am for my children's friends. Bob, look at that face. How can it not make you smile. 
I am reminded by this picture not to forget to PLAY. I was asked this question at an interview. How important is the role of Play in your curriculum? I could have go on and on. We all learn so much through play.  This doesn't change just because the number on our driver license goes up.

Favorite moments captured from 2008

This picture at the top is one of my all time favorites from the year. It reminds me of course of the journey of the Wizard of Oz and the journey that group of unlikely strangers faced. They soon became friends and defeated their greatest enemies together. Each realizing that the greatest enemy was just themselves. Reflecting back on the year past can be dangerous but this morning as I sit here and go through all the moments captured in 2008 I am reminded of my friends and family that have come along side me. I am blessed beyond measure with the greatest treasures life has to offer. People. The people in my life young and old are my gifts that I will take into this new year with a complete gratitude not taking even one for granted.








I have so much to be thankful for. If even one person in this life knows you, really knows you that is a blessing. So many people are lonely in this world that is full of fear right now. I am not alone. That is a good feeling. To know and be known is what it's all about so that at the end of it all you are not alone left in a room with all the stuff that can clutter and distract a life from the most important treasures, People.

A Few Nights Before Christmas

Twas a few nights before Christmas 

when all through our house

Every person was puking 

With the flu no doubt

The laundry is piling up ever so high

and although I am exhausted

I am not getting any shut eye

It started with one as I heard the disturbance

I sprang from my bed to see this occurrence

It's happened before this ugly old bug

So I went to my duties without even a shrug

Changing  sheets, blankets, and clothes

These are the nights every parent soon knows

Each child has a bowl now and will until morning

Be puking and praying without any snoring

My eyes are getting sleepy, I would like to retire

But wait I must again go put out another puke fire.

So as you snuggle close so warm in your bed

Be thankful it's not your house, this house of dread

Don't mean to be a Bah hum bug as I sign off for the night

But

Merry Puking Christmas to all and To all (BUT me) 

A Good Night!!

today

Today....

I woke up to breakfast in bed

I kept my kids home from school to have more fun

I played a lot of cards , Crazy Rummy my new favorite

I ate a can of olives a friend gave me as a present(this friend knows me well)

I gave the dogs a much needed bath, well actually the kids did but I supervised

I bought myself my favorite flower, hard to find this time of year

I got boots that keep my feet so warm from my boyfriend

I got a really great birthday kiss from my boyfriend

I got hugs all day from the greatest 4 kids in the whole world

And..... the days not over yet.

Here's to being 33

Well, tomorrow is my 34th birthday. I have to say that my 33rd year was a very interesting one and I am sure that it is one that I will look back on with some regret but also one that I will never forget. 

So much happened to me this year that I feel in many ways I went through somewhat of a mid-life crisis if you will. A bit early I suppose although who said this was ever supposed to be at a certain time. 

Some things that happen in a mid-life crisis are as follows; 

You questions many things in life.

You begin to wonder what's it really all about.

You change what you can and wish you could change more than that.

For some this means buying a new car, I didn't. Getting a new partner, I didn't. Changing your hair, I did. Losing weight, wish I did . Some move far, far away, I didn't. Some just go crazy nuts, I suppose I did in some ways, not my fault though. Some change careers, I thought about this but then that would mean I need a career in the first place. I did however rethink a time or two about the career I have been learning about for over ahem....15 years or more. 

I have to say that I am not one to get weird about getting older. To me it's just a number.

 I am thankful that 34 years ago a woman named Ellen and her honey Greg brought a baby home in a big red stocking and loved that baby oh so well. I am thankful that I have had 34 years here. That's alot of years to enjoy many things. It is also alot of years to see sadness but being the eternal optimist that I am I REFUSE to stay there. I am thankful for my life that God has so graciously given me. Oh yeah, and I am also thankful I came a week early :)

 I am also thankful that I now have a Baskin Robbins right down the street from me and that tonight is $1 scoop night. 

Cleaning, OCD, and Life with Me

I have cleaned, cleaned, and cleaned some more. I believe my bathrooms should have been reported to the CPS as being completely and utterly unsanitary. Rest assured Trista, they are now once again safe at least for today. I am going to move onto the carpets and then the kitchen floor next. I never thought I would ever hear myself say this but, it feels SO good to deep clean. I am not a deep cleaner by nature. I surface clean. I throw stuff in baskets and deal with it later.

*Usually, much later. BUT, I have so far cleaned out my bedroom closet, the towel closet, and will later work on the coat closet up front. I have brought three HUGE bags to goodwill and still have some more. It feels so good and it has been a long time coming.

Last night at bible study everyone was talking about their different OCD tendencies and my husband said(with great sadness I might add as though being OCD is a good thing), " I think I was once OCD but Noel took that right out of me. Any OCD tendencies I once had are long gone now. How could you be OCD in this house?" and on and on he went. I then began to reflect. I was trying to think if I had any OCD habits but alas, I couldn't think of any. I don't do anything in my life in the same way twice. When I watch movies where the people get up and go to bed in the same way every night and day I think how odd. My life is one big spontaneous roller coaster ride and most days, I like it that way.

I am having a hard time relaxing since being done with this semester on Friday. I still keep feeling as though I should be doing something. Studying, writing a paper, or checking the computer online classes 20 times a day. I am so glad to be done with last semester and next semester will not be taking 3 classes.

My publishers called and I talked to an actual person again which was exciting. I told them I was waiting on my illustrator which seems strange to say. They said that is a common hold up for most people and not to worry they are still interested.  I have also started working on another children's book series, entitled Micko Peeko the Whiney Rhino. This one is already such a winner with all the kids. It was really Isaiah inspired and I think might even be better than Brodey the Bishop series. 

Well, my cleaning break is over. I have finished my lunch- Nachos with Pepper Jack cheese(melts THE best) and a tall glass of OJ. 

 I think I will post everyday this week just to help me get used to not having to do homework. Ya know to kinda ween me off the computer.

Relief never felt so sweet

A huge weight was lifted for me tonight. Finishing my Health and Nutrition class , (the only science class I have to take for my degree) was like relieving 35% of a panic attack for this seriously stressed out girl. 

One class down , two more to go. 

Tomorrow wraps up another class and then I have until Sunday to finish my other online course. 

I have already registered for next semester and just thinking about it makes my stomach hurt. I was talking to a friend the other day about what it feels like to be in school in this stage in life and I have to say that it is best described as the feeling of heightened awareness you have with a newborn baby. Like you are constantly going in and checking on them to see if they are still breathing. This is like that, you are ever aware of the fact that whatever free time you have really isn't real free time , you should be doing something. Studying, writing, submitting, etc....OR Mothering, cleaning, cleaning, Cooking, did I mention cleaning. I can't wait to deep clean my house.

All I can say is that this winter break is so needed and I think I might just look forward to cleaning my house for the first time EVER!!

I can hardly wait to get back to blogging. Some of the topics that have been rolling around in my head-

-Busy work, for example the government workers who ripped up my whole sidewalk only to replace a few pipes in a few places but managed to inconvenience all 20 of my neighbors for 2 weeks.

-Pets(enough said)

-Careers why we choose certain life paths over others

-Life as a normal "lay" person, what is that anyway? Seriously!!

-Why in all the years I have been married to my husband did I never realize how accommodating he is, marriage at this stage, and life ahead

-Books, my book, your book, and what book I should read next ( for enjoyment that is)

-Kids(enough said)

-Needs versus Wants- What I am and am not willing to live without at this stage in life.

Those are just the tip of the iceberg for my blog topics so get ready for some good Christmas reading at least on my blog site  :0 

A few favorites from our Thanksgiving holiday

Our family for the first time ever got to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with Moses Mom, Nashelle at her brother's Farm in San Gregorio. Moses Uncle Kay owns 150 acres right outside of San Francisco in a little town called San Gregorio by Half Moon Bay.  This spot on the planet is one of THE most beautiful I have ever seen. We all didn't want to come home. This holiday was a dream come true one because we have always wanted to spend this holiday of food with the best cook in our family which would be Mo's mom and two because where we were able to spend it was a beautiful little oasis for our whole family.  

The picture at the top is of Papa Tom and his buddy Isaiah. Isaiah called him "My buddy" all week. It really was so heart healing to see these two together. Papa Tom is the Grandfather I always dreamed of having.  He is a kid magnet because he is just that fun. 

The next picture is of the newest member of the family our nieces daughter Isabella. She was so beautiful and I held her the whole time. Well, that is when I could get her away from my girls.

The next pic is of Isaiah feeding the horses and Papa Tom holding onto his shirt so he didn't fall out of the barn. 

The last two pics are just a few of this very picture perfect place. 

What a treat! Enjoy.

GO ahead and gloat all you nay sayers!!

I will only say this about Obama's announcement of Hillary as Secretary of State. SH** SH** SHIT!! 

That and you were right , and I was wrong , and now I am singing a new song!!

Okay maybe I have more to say about it than that but I really don't have time. When school is over and my brain is functioning in blog leisure mode I will write more but for now, 

SHIT!

Please don't tell my children how much their mother just cussed.