"Our deepest fear" and My deepest fears

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? YOU are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in every one. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our prescence automatically liberates others." by Marianne Williamson , from a Return to Love
I could have written this and I could say this in first person. My deepest fear is not that I am inadequate it is that I am powerful beyond measure. Not because of my strength or personal power but because the God of the universe gives me strength to do the unthinkable. I am tired of playing small. I am tired of shrinking back for the sake of false humility, or fear of enemies. I am no longer going to be disobedient when it comes to the things that have been layed up in my heart to do. This heart, this soul God gave me and I feel a busting out coming on. Fellow family , friends, and otherwise be warned. I KNOW WHO I AM, and I will never again forget it.

Thanks Chemane for this was for me.

Arriving at Jen's place in Budapest

When we finally arrived to Jen's beautiful home we were all so tired that we took a nap in the middle of the day. I just have to brag a bit about her place. After seeing a few homes in Germany and just the hostel in Italy I was so happy to see that my sister's home is exactly what I wanted to see. It was white and crisp and clean and spacious for a European home. She has a huge living room that still had projector screen in it when we arrived from a previous girls slumber party that she had a week earlier. Her kitchen has beautiful cupboards that are white of course with glass fronts. Her bed is in a loft like area and her bathroom was pretty large again for a home in Europe. Her neighbors were quiet(at least while we were there) and most mornings I woke to hearing the birds chirping and the sun coming in her living room window. When we woke from our nap Jenny made us a pesto pasta dinner and we just relaxed, did laundry, checked internet, and basically felt like we were home only we weren't.

Thanks again Jen.

Another Intermission

And now a word from SOLOMON- S M I L E - and keep SMILING!!!

Arriving in BUDAPEST

This is inside and outside the train station that brought us from Venice to Budapest. It was an interesting train trip to say the least, and my passport got stamped 4 times as we passed through 4 other countries in route, but we arrived safely and we were very ready for a place to call home. Jen's place was like a retreat from all the busy European travels we had experienced. When I stepped outside the train station, even though it was raining , I was overcome with how beautiful Budapest is. I really didn't think that anything could surpass Venice but somehow I was pleasantly surprised by this city in Hungary.

Intermission

And now for an intermission from my photos and trip stories.

This scripture really spoke to me this morning and I thought I would share it.
"God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does. We've finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting him set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade."
Romans 3:27-28 MSG
This version is very different than many others but the way it read really made alot of sense to me. Sometimes striving to hard for something in life is not really the way God would have us operate. Sometimes what He intends for us is to come easy because we are not going after it in our strength or with our tiny wisdom. If we pursue life in this way we really do get in step with what God is doing. I needed to hear this. I am thankful that He has set a pace for my life that is exactly what I need when I need it. The boundary lines for me have fallen in very pleasant places and for that I am grateful.

My morning in Italy

We started out our day at the market. The sun was shining and the weather was the warmest we had felt in a long time. It was so great to see all the locals getting thier groceries at the Fish market and outdoor produce section. This was a slice of real life that I had prayed I would get to see. I really didn't want to be in the touristy part of town. We were not at all on the main strip and our hostile was located really in the back of town away from the water somewhat. To hear the people speak Italian and to see thier faces was so part of the experience of Italy for me. I literally secretly stocked some the faces to get them on camera because they looked like some of my relatives. This was too much fun for me. I enjoyed every aspect of Venice. We decided to get lost on purpose while we were there and boy did it ever pay off. I am still so thankful, grateful, and in awe that I got to see these sights with my own eyes.

Arriving in Italy

The night we arrived in Italy there was a beautiful full moon. Can you guess what song we sung alot that night? "When the moon hits your eye like a pizza pie, that's amore" At this point in my life I now need to dream bigger because this was a very big dream come true for me and I feel so blessed to have been given this gift at such a young age. My all time favorite picture is of the sun going down in Italy but I couldn't get it to be placed the right way on here so I will have to have my hubby help me with that later. There are so many pictures forever lodged in my brain as well as in my camera of the day I prayed would be the longest day of my life, in a good way. It was one very long day the next day, and I feel as though I spent a week there even though I was only given 24 hours.

I will be back, Lord willing.

Some more Germany pics

The picture of the tower is one of my favorites from the whole trip because Aris explained the signaficant meaning behind this tower ,that it is one of seven others. If I remember correctly they were built as defense towers or look out towers to keep enemies out of Germany and now they are surrounded by the modern German world but still have purpose in that there is a new vision for these towers now. I would like to hear more about that vision because I think it's really cool. Again, Aris was a wonderful tour guide in more ways than one. We went on from here to try some German snacks and what not, one of which I still can't believe I actually ate. A hot dog with ketchup and curry spice. Me no likey!! But I ate it and have a picture to prove it but I can't make it go straight on this stinking blog, arrghhh!! The German Opera house at the top , in the light of day really is beautiful. Lots of construction going on when we were there probably cause it's the off season? Dunno. Anyway, the clear blue skies and crisp cold air reminded me of home.

Germany in the light of day

Our first morning in Germany Franzi took us to see two of the colleges in Frankfurt and the Museum that had the big scary dinosaurs outside. After her shift was up she passed on the torch of "tour guide" to Dudi and Aris. We were in such good hands. The picture of my friend Andre and I outside the wooden box was an elevator that rotated around like a big clock and you just had to jump in when a box was open and jump out when your floor had arrived. THAT was so much fun!

Germany the First Night

I am so thankful for the family we have in Christ and especially their incredible talents/gifts. One of those wonderful gifts- they were awesome tour guides with the time given. Another one of those gifts they are the "hostesses with the mostest" Aris and Franzi made Germany much more beautiful than it ever would have been if they weren't in it.

No words ...Pictures coming soon

I am still finding it hard to put into words the impact of this trip. So for now I will be sharing some of my favorite photos and then I am sure the words will come, as they always do for me :)

Some Easter quotes, from The Jesus I Never Knew, by Philip Yancey

Here as I mentioned are some quotes toward the end of the book and if you have read through the other ones you might not even need to read the book now ; )



"I have marveled at, and sometimes openly questioned, the self-restraint God has shown throughout history, allowing the Genghis Khans, and the Hitlers and the Stalin's to have their way. But nothing- nothing- compares to the self restraint shown that dark Friday in Jerusalem."



He quotes M. Scott Peck here, " There are dozens of ways to deal with evil and several ways to conquer it. All of them are facets of the truth that the only ultimate way to conquer evil is to let it be smothered within a willing, living human being. When it is absorbed there like blood in a sponge or a spear into one's heart, it loses it's power and goes no further. The healing of evil- scientifically or otherwise- can be accomplished only by the love of individuals. A willing sacrifice is required... I do not know how this occurs. But I know that it does... Whenever this happens there is slight shift in the balance of power in the world."

"One reason I am open to belief, I admit, is that at a very deep level I want the Easter story to be true. Faith grows out of the subsoil of yearning, and something primal in human beings cries out against the reign of death. Whether hope takes the form of Egyptian pharaohs stashing their jewels and chariots in pyramids, or the modern American obsession with keeping bodies alive until the last possible nanosecond and then preserving them fluids in double-sealed caskets, we humans resist the idea of death having the final say. We want to believe otherwise."

Book Review- The Jesus I Never Knew, by Philip Yancey

I just finished this book The Jesus I Never Knew, and I have to say that the time frame of it's contents right before Easter have made me want to stand up and shout. This is a wonderful book that displays a beautiful portrait of Jesus. As I mentioned in a previous blog it hangs out in the Beatitudes for a while and then quickly goes into the Sinless Savior who is a friend to sinners. He talks at length at how Jesus whole time here on earth was a balancing act. He portrayed a teacher who was not doing away with God's laws but at the same time bringing grace into areas that grace was not permitted.
My book is flagged with so many tags where I have highlighted so much, sometimes almost whole pages, and that to me is a sure sign of a winner. I know this book came out a while ago but if anyone is looking for a great book right before Easter to help you remember the Jesus you fell in love with I highly recommend , The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey. To me it is the Jesus I have known but sometimes I forget and we all need reminders.
Here are some of my favorite quotes-

"Among people who walled off a separate sanctum for God in the temple and shrank from pronouncing or spelling out the name, God made a surprise appearance as a baby in a manger. What can be less scary than a newborn with his limbs wrapped tight against his body? In Jesus , God found a way of relating to human beings that did not involve fear."

"As I look back on the three temptations, I see that Satan proposed an enticing improvement. He tempted Jesus toward the good parts of being human without the bad: to savor the taste of bread without being subject to the fixed rules of hunger and of agriculture, to confront risk with no real danger, to enjoy fame and power without the prospect of painful rejection- in short, to wear a crown but not a cross. (The temptation that Jesus resisted, many of us, his followers, still long for.)

"Now that I am an adult, the crisis of the Sermon on the Mount still has not gone away. Though I have tried at times to dismiss it as rhetorical excess, the more I study Jesus, the more I realize that the statements contained here lie at the heart of his message. If I fail to understand this teaching, I fail to understand him."

"In the Beatitudes, Jesus honored people who may not enjoy many privileges in this life. To the poor, the mourners, the meek, the hungry, the persecuted, the poor in heart, he offered assurance that their service would not go unrecognized."

"Yet, as C.S. Lewis reminds us, we dare not discount the value of future rewards. One need only listen to the songs composed by American slaves to realize this consolation of belief. "Swing low sweet chariot, comin' for to carry me home." "When I get to heaven goin' to put on my robe, goin' to shout all over God's heaven." If the slave masters had written these songs for the slaves to sing, they would be an obscenity; rather, they come from the mouths of the slaves themselves, people who had little hope in this world but abiding hope in a world to come. For them, all hope centered in Jesus."

"Various scenes in the Gospels give a good picture of the kind of people who impressed Jesus. A widow who placed her last two cents in the offering. A dishonest tax collector so riddled with anxiety that he climbed a tree to get a better view of Jesus. A nameless, nondescript child. A woman with a string of five unhappy marriages. A blind beggar. An adulteress. A man with leprosy. Strength, good looks, connections, and the competitive instinct may bring a person success in a society like ours, but those very qualities may block entrance to the kingdom of heaven. Dependence, Sorrow, repentance, a longing to change-these are the gates to God's kingdom."

"Jesus came , he told us, not to destroy life but that we may have it more abundantly, "life....to the full". Paradoxically, we get this abundant life in ways we may not have counted on. We get it by investing in others, by taking courageous stands for justice, by ministering to the weak and needy, by pursuing God and not self."


These like I said are just a few and there are more to come later this week I will post the ones that get into the real meanings we celebrate Easter.
If you stuck this one out you must have some time on your hands :)

1 week

In one week I will be traveling to Europe to see my sister Jenny and some friends in Germany. I am so very excited but could really use some prayers support to get everything in order here on the homefront taken care of before I head out. This week my kiddos are out of school on spring break and so I am really looking forward to having the time with them before I go. That part I couldn't have planned better if I tried. BUT, with them being home it will be hard to get the things done that I need to , phone calls, grocery shopping, lot's o laundry (so the big guy doesn't have to worry bout stinky underwear) etc. so that being said I am wondering how it's all going to work. I know it will, I just don't want to procrastinate and cause more chaos for myself than what is necessary. Also, if everyone could pray that while I am gone Moses would be given Superman strength to do both our jobs. "What a man , what a man, what a MIGHTY GOOD man" (just singing) and also for safe travel for me and my traveling companion Andre. We will be all over the map over there and I really don't want to get lost where I don't know the language.
I am pretty sure that I won't have time to blog but if I do I will leave some updates.

I have a wart or is wort?

I have a wort on the bottom of my foot. My husband tells me that this isn't just any wort it is what's called a planters wort. So instead of being the visible bumpy ugly thing on your skin this is inside my skin and it feels like I am walking on a pebble stone all day. It's very annoying and sometimes down right painful. I heard that these lil boogers are not easily rid of. Apparently, my mom in law had one on her foot and she tried to remove it several times to no avail. I don't really have money for all that nonsense, nor the time to investigate so I was hoping maybe some of you bloggers out there might know of something helpful that I could try. I am going to try using the regular wort stuff with a band-aid over it so it doesn't wipe off. Here's hoping that works cause it's really annoying.

Good enough to pass on

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it be comes your destiny.


This was in a recent email I recieved and thought the reminder was a good one. Good enough to pass on.
More personal blog coming soon.

Psalm 130:5-6 One of my all time favorites

"I wait for the Lord , my soul waits, and in his words I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning." Psalm 130:5-6

Have you ever tried to stay up all night? Usually we do this sort of thing when we are young ins. Like on Christmas eve how many of us were so determined to stay up all night to sneak a peek of the Jolly ole Elf and never made it past midnight. This scripture reminds me of how hard it can be when you are waiting for something that you want so badly and it seems it will never come. I am sure the watchmen who's job it was to protect the village at night could barely keep their eyes open and then suddenly the world around them would start to get brighter and lighter and they probably felt a surge of energy come over them. The soldiers in boot camp get taught right away how hard it is to stay up all night. I have heard that they give you maybe 2 hours of sleep at first. I wouldn't survive the first night. Sleep deprivation can do wacky things to a person and so can being deprived of nourishment for our souls. My need for the Bread of Life is stronger than ever. When you start to see daybreak after a long, long night it is a beautiful feeling. I am thankful that after the night of my soul there is always a morning if I place my hope in Jesus he never fails me. His grace, mercy, and patience with me astounds me. His love, peace, and joy are what I wait for. His words give me hope like no other.

No more Wisdom

I got my last wisdom tooth pulled out on Wednesday morning. I guess I will no longer be wise or have anymore wisdom to offer you all so don't come looking to me for any of that. Not that you did anyways but just in case you did, I am plum out of it now. I don't know why when I had the other 3 pulled out that this one was left in there. But, I have known for years that this needed to be done but it wasn't bothering me so I was like, "It's not broke, I don't need to fix it" but then it got broke and it was time for it to go.
The Dentist was really great and kept cracking jokes like, "Gosh Noel, this is like pulling teeth" That is what he said as he was practically ripping my head off my neck to get the stinking tooth out. OUCH!! My neck is sore, my head is sore, I feel like a train came and ran over my head all because of one tooth. At one point he starts telling me that his wife was a manicurist and that they were having a really hard time with them both working and it just wasn't working out(I am buying this hook, line and sinker....Must have been the laughing gas) and well, He finally tells her she has to quit her job because they were fighting ,"Tooth and Nail". Bah haa haa haa, really funny is that I really wasn't getting that it was a joke which of course made him and his lovely assistant crack right up. Glad they could have a laugh while I was being tortured!!
This could be why I procrastinated for so long to get this done.
Anyway I am glad it is over with and can I just say that there is a reason this girl never did drugs in her whole entire life. Me and drugs do not mix. NOPE!!

The Beatitudes, Matthew 5:3-11

"Blessed are the poor in spirit(the humble who rate themselves insignificant) for theirs is the kingdom of heaven!
Blessed and enviably happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted!
Blessed are the meek(the mild,patient,long-suffering) for they shall inherit the earth!
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be completely satisfied!
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy!
Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God!
Blessed are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they shall be called sons of God!
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake(for being and doing right), for theirs is the kingdom of heaven!
Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and say all kinds of evil things against you falsely on My account." Matthew 5:3-11

The book I have been currently reading, "The Jesus I never Knew" by Phillip Yancey , spends a great deal of time in this portion of scripture. He really shed a whole new light on these scriptures for me and I have really been enjoying the depth I am getting out of it all. These are some of my thoughts on them so far and I am sure there will be more to come.
To me the Beatitudes are like Jesus mission statement. Stay with me here, although He doesn't say in here what He has come to earth to do which would be like a mission statement(what we are here for, what we will do, our plans, goals etc.) He in a sense turns upside down the system of this world in these words and presents a challenge to all humanity. Across the span of time, 2000 years + these words challenge us all to the core because at the core these words are selfless. He is saying if you want to know who I am , what I think is important, what I value, then spend some time with these concepts. They are uncomfortable for us to think about. Mourners, Poor, Weak- these are not words that are desirable. Certainly not desirable words in America. We want to see Shiny Happy People all the time. Just take a look at what gets coverage in the media, Shiny Happy People. Reminds me again of the time when Princess Dianna died and shortly after so did Mother Theresa, whose funeral got more attention? Whose life got more air time?
These words make me fall in love with Jesus all over again. What a beautiful thing to see the beauty and value in someone who would otherwise go unnoticed. The poor are to be pitied in our society but Jesus doesn't think so. He is saying to me that they are the ones who understand or who have it, the kingdom of heaven is theirs. Poor people- those who depend on others to get by, who roam the streets looking for a cozy bench to sleep on or a trash can that might have some pretty good leftovers- Theirs is the kingdom of heaven!! Piece by piece Jesus dismantles the systems and worldviews that I have become accustomed to and He makes me believe in a simpler, more pure way of living. I want what these words hold within them. The value and treasure of My King are in these words and I want to understand them, desperately I do.

Hardest change yet

For the last 3 days I have implemented the next change on my "best life" routine. The first three baby steps were easy because they were all my new year resolutions but this 4th one had me stuck for quite sometime but I do believe I am there. The best life diet is from Oprah and Bob Greens best life challenge. They are wanting a million people to sign up for this and it really is very do-able. The first steps; Drink more water, Eat 3 meals a day, and be more active. The one I have been stuck on is the no eating 2hrs before bedtime. I have a wicked sweet tooth that kicks in at night and man alive is it hard to appease with anything else but something naughty. I am going to keep going though and I am hoping it will get easier. They say 28days to start a new habit , so I have 25 more to go. Prayers appreciated.

My Resolutions

I have to say that I have been pretty consistent on all of my new year's resolutions except one. People pleasing has been the one that I think I am still struggling with. I know that at times I care way too much about what other people think and other times I could care less. I feel kinda extreme in this behavior. I think it's when I get tired of trying to keep everybody happy I just switch over to this mean, nasty," who gives a care" kind of attitude, and just check out. I want to be healthy and do better in this area of my life and I am trying to painfully reflect on what it is that causes me to care more than I should.

I know for a fact that part of my people pleasing comes from not having enough down time to just be and get rejuvenated by the source of life. Also from not doing the things that make me happy because I feel guilty when I do because there is always more to do for me. This is crap!! Really, it's like some kind of martyr mentality that just annoys me. I don't need to be everything for everybody but then I don't want to go to the extreme opposite and become selfish. Anyway, I know I am not the only one out there who struggles with people pleasing and so I thought I would put it out there and hopefully, prayerfully, I will find the balance in all this and do better. I just one to please an audience of ONE.

Grocery Shopping and some other stuff

I have to go grocery shopping before this busy week starts. Usually I go on Mondays while all 4 of my spawn are in school. It's nice and quiet and not that bad. Today they were home and so I would rather have my tooth pulled that I have been procrastinating to get pulled for oh ....i dunno....5 years or so than bring all four of my spawn to the grocery store. It's not so bad now that they are older but still, I really do avoid grocery shopping with the kiddos if I can help it.

So instead of going now that the Moses is indoors and able to watch them I am blogging. That's just silly isn't it?

I had to take the 3 older ones out today to buy shoes because one of male species spawn had already busted out the side of his shoe that I only just bought him 3 months ago. Sheesh, he is hard on shoes. Having had girls first I am used to thier shoes lasting until like in the Cinderella movie they just can't squeeze thier foot in anymore so this 3 month stuff is just not acceptable. Anyhew, back to my story the other female spawn was in need of Hip Hop special dance shoes which I have been promising to get for her for quite sometime and well today was the day. Thank God for Payless is all I can say about that! Finally, the oldest female spawn needed walking shoes for the half marathon she has signed us up for and here comes the climax people......wait for it......she is only one, ONE shoe size away from me her Mom!!! WHAT??? When did that happen?

Well, I better go grocery shopping so that my week starts off well, and organized and a little less chaotic. If only it would stay that way.

But before I do let me procrastinate a bit more and look for a picture to go with this blog. I am sure I won't find one that really goes but maybe one that makes me think happy thoughts before grocery shopping.

Friends

I am so grateful for the friends that I have been given in this lot in life. Friends come in all shapes and sizes, all colors and walks of life, all personalities and tempermants and I am thankful for each and everyone of them.There are those that I have so much in common with it's almost scary. We seem to be reading the same script at times and can go without even saying what we are thinking. We struggle with the same issues and get to rejoice in the same success. They hold a mirror up right in front of my face that I have to reflect upon with the help of thier tender loving care. Then there are also those who I couldn't be more different from and I constantly learn new ways to navigate through life because of the chiseling that they cause. They think different, react different, smell different :) and just march to a different drummer. I learn so much from my friends and they feed my soul. I have really good friends and I don't take that for granted. Today I am thankful for my friends. My life would be so different if they were not in my life. I am glad I am not alone in this life. My life is so much richer, deeper, better because of them. I am thankful for THE friend that sticks closer than any brother or sister. I Know He has given me true earthly treasures in these friendships and I love Him more for that. I love my friends.

Isaiah Gregory needs his own show

Today after picking up the big kids from school we were all hanging out in the girls room. Big kids doing homework and chillin, Savannah making cooing noises rolling around on the bed, and where's Isaiah? I look over to find him in the corner where he thinks no one is watching him, (I love watching kids when they don't know you are) and he is rolling his eyes around in his head, squinting his eyes, closes one and opening another, crossing his eyes, looking down at his nose and suddenly when I can't keep in my chuckling any longer I ask, "What are you doing Isaiah?" He smiles really big and says in all seriousness like I should already know the answer to that question, " I AM PRACTICING MY EYES MOM!!" I say,"Oh, I see well don't hurt yourself" To which he says quick as a whip, "Oh don't worry I won't"

I have a feeling he "practices his eyes" ALOT!!

Why ?

My dogs attacked a blue feather duster today, and on days gone by; a hot tub cover, blankets in every room, shoes, toys(which I don't mind so much cause one less thing to pick up)couches, furniture, pacifiers, bottles, baskets, rugs, cups, bowls, countless dog toys, boxes, lunch boxes, bags, garbages, trash in every area, and I know there is more I just can't think of it right now.

So why do I still have these 2 terrible beasts of burden? Why after I said no more and meant no more? Why after being knocked down and bruised up and beaten by these mangy mutts?

**I don't have an answer for that other than I AM CERTIFIABLEY CRAZY!!! I used to work at the psych and detox hospital in Carson City and I am begining to think I should give my friends a call.

Book Review- Sweet Potatoes Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit

This book was hilarious, from start to finish I was laughing, laughing and laughing some more. Not for the faint at heart when it comes to cursing, the woman is from the deep South Mississippi, and can curse, but man oh man are her stories ever funny. Reminds me of what kind of book Shontell might write if she was a drunk cursing sailor type, but alas she is not ,and so we will just have to wait til her book comes out. Until then here are some of my favorite quotes. The first quote is the begining of Chapter one and I feel as though I could have written it myself and I wonder who it might be about?? FYI-that is now the Giants new nickname- Cutest Boy in the World.

"The Cutest Boy in the World is a Man Who Can Fix Things. The man can fix anything- ANYTHING- even if he broke it first, he can fix it. He can build anything, unclog anything, hang anything, patch anything, retool, replumb, and /or rewire anything. (This is only one of his many gifts-but it's the one we're talking about at the moment. And the value of a man with this ability- and willingness-to fix things cannot be overstated.) " After this intro she then goes into the wonder of electricity and how we take it for granted and how that can be compared to when we find out that we are prego. You flip the switch, light comes on. You do the deed a baby is concieved. So funny!!

"In my opinion, one of the very best features of your new baby is it's built in requirement for massive amounts of sleep. You will want to see to it that that requirement is met and or exceeded at all times. Hell exacts an incredibly steep price tag when this requirement is ignored- and though you, Mom, will bear the brunt of this penalty, pretty much everybody within earshot of your baby will help pay that price. Hear me and heed my words: NAP TIME IS SACRED. It is to be honored and adhered to above all things."

"Babies don't have sinuses, which is really poor planning if you ask me, on account of they do, on occasion, produce a whole lotta snot. OH please-does anybody out there really think that the word "mucus" sounds better than "snot"? They both sound pretty pukey to me."

"My daddy's theory- to which I ascribe- was that there is No Such Thing as a Bad Word. Humans made up every single word there is, and likewise, we assigned each one a meaning, and they are all just words. Daddy had assorted parables to illustrate his various policies regarding language. For instance, name calling that cherished playground tradition. Whenever we would run,bawling, to him with the report that Brindy called me a butthead, he would look at us calmy and question the veracity of the statement. Are you a butthead? And we would sob loudly in the negative, to which he would then raise the question, Well, what if he called you a chair. You're not a chair either, are you? This would usually cause us to stop mid-wail and look confused. "

"Your kids need to see you play- they need to see you having fun for no reason other than the sheer joy of having it. If they see you giving your time to playing, they get the message that "this is of value" and they will apply that to thier own lives in the future."

The whole book is just loaded with histerycal funny stories that just make you chuckle. If you need a lift , something other than a self-help book or novel this is a good one. Apparently the author has written others on marriage, love, single-hood. Her name is Jill Conner Browne and she IS FUNNY!!

Ezekiel and other Ponderings

In reading the book of Ezekiel the last month or so, I have been enlightened and bewildered at the same time. This book in the Bible is one of the more neglected books by me(I will admit I tend to hang out more in the New Testament) but it is one of the more interesting books and it reveals so much of God's character. Maybe I was just not in a place to see these things before, but for some reason this time when going through it so much has made me stop and pause for a minute.
One thing that surprised me this time while reading it was that having too much , overubundace can be a sin and was the greatest sin of Sodom and Gomorah, see Ezekiel 16:49. This was a surprise to me because even though I have read that before I never really realized that what I think God was saying here is that thier overabundance is what led them to do all those awful sins we hear about and what we know S&G to stand for ie; sexual immorality, greed, idol worship but these were just the outcome of having too much stuff that took away thier need for God and not keeping it simple. It also says that they didn't help the poor and needy. Did you know that is a sin in God's eyes?
Also another thing that got me thinking was how many times in chapter 20 God says that He spares His people for His name's sake. NOT because they deserve it, not because He is not angry with them, not because they are obedient but because they carry His name and if He were to smite them His name wouldn't look all that good. It makes me wonder how many times He has come to my rescue and shaped up my life, helped me out of the pit I have dug myself into for His name sake. Because He knows others have heard me call myself a Christ follower and He needs them to know what that really is supposed to look like.

So then after some of these scriptures my head gets thinking about current issues like what is going on in our world right now and how many people who are Christian are targeting only the so called "big issues" or "moral issues" with this upcoming presidential race when all the while neglecting some very important things, things that God would call sin also, like taking care of poverty here in America, healthcare for those in desperate need of it, education for the children that ARE here. I am not saying that where a canidate stands on abortion or gay marriage isn't important it's just that after reading this portion of scripture it makes me wonder if maybe we haven't swung to the far extreme of what we would deem "Big sin" and all the while we are missing some other really Big sins and we don't even realize it because we have too much and have forgotten what it is like to go hungry for a while.

Walking

I can't believe that I am going to get up tomorrow, my only day to sleep in, and WALK. I am not just getting up , but getting up early to be at the Marina at 7a.m. in the freezing cold, before the sun is really shining, and before I can formulate nice things to say, to join a bunch of wonderful women in this craziness. What was I thinking? "It will be fun" I keep hearing Trista say. Then I hear Lolita saying," You people are on crack" and frankly I just don't know which voice to listen to right now.

The picture is of Sol a year ago but it is prolly how I will be feeling tomorrow morning.

Walk On

Inspired by Louie's recent blog I thought I would be brave and share the words to a recent song I wrote. Here goes nothing.

Give me the strength to walk on, walk on.
Give me the faith to believe in myself again.
To live this life you paid the price for .
Give me the strength to walk on, walk on.

Putting one foot in front of the other
A chance to make things right
I get out of bed and pray for another
Time to press on

So Give me the strength to walk on, walk on.
Give me the faith to believe in myself again
To live this life you paid a price for.
Give me the strength to walk on, walk on.

Sun is shining and the night is over
Clouds are clearing and I am hearing
A voice so soft but louder than my own
A sound so crystal what have I to fear.

Strength that is not my own
Peace that I now know
Shame begins to lift and you give
me this gift to.....

Have the strength to walk on , walk on
I have the faith to believe in myself again
To live this life you paid the price for
Given the strength to walk on, walk on.

Small Groups

Well, I have successfully done it again folks. What's that you ask? What have I done again? Signed up for way too many small groups and my schedule suddenly got very, very full. As if it wasn't full already. Why do I do this to myself? They all just looked so fun I suppose, but then I start writing things down on the palms of my hands just so that I can remember where I am supposed to be tomorrow. Not to mention that this makes me wonder if I have already failed miserably at the whole People Pleasing resolution thingy. I have done great on the other 2 resolutions but, man alive, I don't even think I realize sometimes if I am pleasing the peeps or pleasing me, myself, and I. I feel pretty pleased :)
No, in all seriousness I love these groups that gather on a weekly basis and I am excited to be in each and everyone of the FOUR that I signed up for . I wanted to add one more to that but ya gotta know when to draw the line.

It's Not Surprising to Me

It's not surprising to me that Caroline Kennedy has come out and is not only supporting Obama but also is comparing him to her father. When I went to hear Barak speak a few weeks ago I sat next to a man who made the same comparison to Robert Kennedy but he also said Obama had the hopeful feel that the Kennedy brothers were so endeared for. My mom has always been a HUGE Kennedy fan because of coming from Massachusetts and all, but also because she said he really cared about issues that hit home for the average American. This quote from Caroline in the New York Paper is really something I totally agree with.
"There is a generation coming of age that is hopeful, hard-working, innovative and imaginative. But too many of them are also hopeless, defeated and disengaged. As parents, we have a responsibility to help our children to believe in themselves and in their power to shape their future. Senator Obama is inspiring my children, my parents’ grandchildren, with that sense of possibility.
Senator Obama is running a dignified and honest campaign. He has spoken eloquently about the role of faith in his life, and opened a window into his character in two compelling books."
I am looking into getting his books and learning more about him. I have enjoyed following this campagin so early and I know it's a long road ahead til November but, I am thinking he might actually get the Clintons out of the race and I am sorry but that is a good thing because, I don't want the US history books to show, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton- it's time for a change from that routine.

Baseball Season

I am getting excited that the season for baseball is returning. This year will be a bit different for us in that we actually have a kid who wanted to play baseball. I think my enthusiasm might have worn off a bit on him. Anyway, we signed Solomon up today and I am so excited to see how he does, if he likes playing it rather than just watching, and what it is like to be the mom of a b-ball player. He going to look so stinking cute in uniform I can hardly wait. Is it too early to be thinking of Fenway in his future?? Hee hee hee.

Happy Birthday to the man I love, I am so Happy you are Here

I love you for so many reasons but here are just a few for you on this your birthday; You have THE greatest sense of humor ever, You are so artistic and this is so beautiful to me, You create all the time amazing treasures for the whole world to enjoy but I think I enjoy them the most, You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen and I am so thankful that your beautiful eye gene got passed on so I could see different versions of it in our four children, Your heart is just and fair always, You are a REAL dad- not always just full of fun and games but filled with wisdom and discipline as well. I love to see you driving in your bus because you are so tall and fit so well and I know the REAL reason why you drive a VW. You cook, You fix and You love to do these things which makes me love you more. Your capacity to retain knowledge is something that I not only love but also appreciate because I feel like I am walking around with a half a brain sometimes so I am your compass your are my brain :)

So much more that I hope you know already but on this day that you came into the world it became a much better place and all that other mushy Hallmark crap that you hate but I love.

I love YOU more!!!

Book Review , The Secret Message of Jesus

I finished The Secret Message of Jesus by Brian D. McLaren and I have to say that it wasn't nearly as good as A Genorous Orthdoxy but it still was very thought provoking. The theme of this book is pretty much in the title , are there secrets to the message Jesus brought that we have yet to discover and if so what are we doing about it and why hasn't anyone discovered them as of yet.
The book starts off by asking a bunch of interesting questions, "What if the religion generally associated with Jesus neither expects nor trains it's adherents to actually live in the way of Jesus? What if the core message of Jesus has been unintentionally misunderstood or intentionally distorted? What if many have sincerely valued some aspects of Jesus message while missing or even suppressing other , more important dimensions?What if many have carried on a religion that faithfully celebrates Jesus in ritual and art, teaches about Jesus in sermons and books,sings about Jesus in songs and hymns, and theorizes about Jesus in seminaries and classrooms.... but somewhere along the way missed rich and radical treasures hidden in the essential message of Jesus?"
Sheesh- that right there is just a snippet of the questions that come at you right off the start of chapter 1. Needless to say, this book made me think about the really hardcore , somewhat unpleasant topics that Jesus touched on while he walked the earth. It was a good reminder to me how important it is to study the scriptures because to just quickly read through them is just about as pointless as not reading them at all. The deeper meanings hidden behind so many of the things that Jesus taught can only come when we practice that word we read over and over in the old testament (Selah) which means stop and really think about that for a minute or two or three.......
Here are some of my favorite quotes;
"In one of my previous books, I said that clarity is sometimes overrated and that intrigue is correspondingly undervalued."
"Much about his message is frustratingly unclear and impossible to categorize, but this much is clear: this carpenter's son from Galilee challenges every existing political movement to a radical rethinking and dares everyone to imagine and consider his revolutionary alternative."
"It is not just another one of the kingdoms of this world. NO, this kingdom advances slowly, quietly, under the surface-like yeast in dough, like seed in soil. It advances with faith: when people believe it is true, it becomes true. And it advances with reconciling, forgiving love: when people love strangers and enemies, the kingdom gains ground."
It was most definitely worth the read and there was a study guide provided in the back that I am still working through and thinking about going through with others. Any takers??

My Handy Dandy Dishwasher

Recently I have noticed that my dishes are coming out quite clean these days. What is different you ask? New Detergent, New High tech machine, Better Scrubbers??? None of the above. The reason that my dishes have been coming out so clean lately is because I have a new friend who helps me with these dishes. Her name is Bella and she loves to lick even what lil bit of food might be left on the dishes as I place them in the dishwasher. Time and time again I have told her no to this nasty habit but tonight I realized , ya know I don't really mind the company as I accomplish this 3times a day chore(sometimes more). I have now become a wierdo pet person who allows her dog to lick her dishes. Now, I still think they are coming out sanitary after going through the dishwasher cycle, but just to be sure if this bothers you, next time you come over for dinner you might want to bring paper plates because this bad habit isn't going anywhere. And neither is this sweet pup.

27 Dresses

27 Dresses is a great, clean(as clean as they come these days) chic flick. I took my girlies to go see it on Friday and I was so pleasantly surprised by how cute it was. It also got me thinking of all the weddings I have been in over the years. I made a list and out of the 9 weddings I was in only 4 are still married. 2 were widowed and 3 divorced. The dresses in these weddings ranged from butt-ugly to something I have worn again truly because I really could. That was one of the funnier parts of the movie was how many times the brides would tell their bridesmaids that "the great part about this dress is that you could just shorten it and wear it again" . Then I started to think of my wedding day almost 13 years ago and my poor bridesmaids and what I made them wear. Sorry girls, I am truly really sorry for the hats especially.

The Caucus

On Saturday, the girls and I walked over to Dillworth Jr. High to be a part of the very over-hyped presidential Caucus. I was greeted at the door with an Obama person who of course wanted to sticker us all up with advertisements and we then proceeded in doors. I had to register at this event because I was changing my party affiliation from Republican to Democrat so that took a minute and then we waited in our precinct line for about 20 minutes, until exactly 11am when they began to let us in the gym and they passed out the ballots that we held in our hands and waited some more(this time at least sitting down with coffee and cookies near by). It was at this point that I realized that this was not going to be a quick event. I had no idea what to expect and I certainly didn't realize that there would be a part when you could try to convince others to vote for you candidate. That was pretty cool I thought. The group was pretty much divided right down the middle between Clinton and Obama with a few for Edwards and a few for some other Presidential hopefuls that I had never heard of. So, when it was time to vote we marked the box and then before I could turn to check on those small groups there were people swarming around them like flies. This part was so interesting. Apparently, in order for your vote to count for your candidate you had to have at least 11 people to be a viable group so these stragglers were left to the masses to be coaxed over. The whole process was very interesting to me and I think I would go again but next time I would make sure that I brought more snacks and maybe minus the kiddos. The girls did great but I felt bad making them sit through this event, especially because people wanted to keep making them be their little walking advertisements.

My First Attendance to a Political Event

My friend Christene and I got there early and stood outside in the FREEZING cold weather for almost an hour. We were having a good time and joking that after this long of a wait his speech better be life altering. In line to listen to Obama were alot of people that reminded me of what I might see at a Volkswagen event. These were my kind of people. He brought out a pretty big crowd and we heard several volunteers say that they weren't expecting this many people. Could it be a sign of things to come ? I was kinda bummed to report David that there were no protesters. NOT a One!! As I stood there I began to wonder why any of us get excited about these political events at all. It is hard not to be a skeptic when it comes to all things political but then I guess if we all bowed out because of the negativity surrounding politics we would be in a world of hurt today? So we go, we listen, we vote, we hope for this person to be different than the last or we wish the last person could stay forever.
When we finally got in there were no seats in the bleachers left and so Christene and I had to see in the isle, on the steps, where people were trying to get in and out of their seats the whole time!!! This provided for very close quarters to a gentleman sitting at the end of a row and very close to my left. I know my sister Jen is going to say once again that I most like my mother in this way but I am going to have to say that one of the highlights of the whole event for me was talking, mostly listening to this man tell me about pretty much his whole life story. He is a Native American man about my parents age and the whole conversation started by him telling me that he was a political volunteer for Bobby Kennedy's campaign and was there the night he was shot. That night he threw in the towel on politics never to be involved again until NOW. What an amazing story and what a conversation. We talked about minorities, Jesus, politics, media, and I saw him begin to have a flicker of hope again as Obama was speaking.
The most impressive thing to me was that Obama did NOT make a bunch of promises that he couldn't keep. He did NOT bash on other politicians or even different political parties. He did NOT talk about things as though once he was in office the world's problems would be solved, he would bring about world peace and everything would be rosy. He did however, say that if we as the American people wanted something to change then we have the most power to do that. He put the responsibility of the future in our laps and said that he knew that it is within us and through us that true change will really come IF we want it WE have to do it. I liked that. I liked that he said he knew that there is something to the urgency of NOW. I think he quoted Martin Luther King Jr. on that one. I have to say I went as an incognito, registered republican, and a bit of a skeptic. I left feeling encouraged and like I had been to a church service. My hands were stinging and tingling from clapping so much in agreement to what he was saying. I am going to do some more research of course but from what I heard yesterday I am at least hopeful for a much needed change.

Barack Obama

I am going to go listen to him speak on Monday. I have NEVER seen any political person speak before. Should be interesting. I am going with a friend and at least that I know will be fun. I will let you know what I think when I come back.

New Year's Resolutions

"Tomorrow is a new day, fresh with no mistakes in it" This is one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies of all times, Anne of Green Gables. If you are a female and have not watched this or the other two movies in this series you are missing out, (I need to buy this movie set on DVD so I can OD on it) and not just missing out, but I would go so far as to say that you are doing a diservice to yourself. But I didn't come to blog about that , I came to blog about why I love that quote so much. It reminds me of why so many take to the age old tradition of setting New Year's Resolutions. Everyone loves a fresh start. I am not one who usually makes resolutions at the start of the new year because I believe any day can be a new day. Wiping the slate clean from past mistakes, failures, pain, or other negatives is a very helpful way of life because we all screw up from time to time(some more than others, me ,which is why i don't wait til the new year) and it is nice to know that tomorrow is a new day.
So this new year I find myself making some resolutions that really, in all reality ,have been a long time coming I am just choosing this time in my life to start fresh. Here are just a few of the new habits I hope to begin making in 2008;

-Eat Breakfast- I have heard my whole life how important this meal is and frankly, I have just had a hard time convincing my stomach that this is true. I usually gag down anything else ,(besides coffee OF COURSE) that comes before 11 a.m. but, I heard on some show(yes, prolly Oprah) that if you don't eat breakfast it is one sure fire way to tip the scales in the wrong direction. Don't need any of that going on , so I am eating breakfast.

-Drink more water- Again this is something that I know is just better for you but I really don't like water in general as a drink. It has never been my drink of choice, but alas I am trying to change this because I know it is better for me. I saw a movie where they had the drinking fountains in the future spitting out gatorade instead of water and I was thinking , yea for the future but I know that really that would be bad as it was in this movie, which was really funny btw. Wish I could remember the name of it.

-Stop being a People Pleaser- I don't know if I come by this genetically or what but Man ALIVE is this ever a hard habit to break! Baby Jesus has been working on this one for a while now and this new year I am really gonna pay attention to how often I am saying yes when I really don't want to. Now, I don't think that the pleasing of all people is bad but the pleasing that comes from guilt or manipulation , not so good.

These are just a few and of course we all know it takes 28 days straight to start a new habit :) so I have to say the first 10 have gone pretty well, yeah me.
Anyone else like to make new year's resolutions? When I asked the youth that question last night I was surprised to find a very non-resolution making group.

A Book Review

The Book , A Generous Orthodoxy, by Brian D. McLaren was a very interesting, easy to read book. In this book, Brian talks about all the different denominations in Christianity in such a way that really makes you think about each of these ways to follow Christ,in a whole new light. He has a positive approach with each one and really gives a bit of a history lesson about them all. I didn't know this at the time but he has written quite a few other books and I have already started to read another one of his publishing's, The Secret Message of Jesus(for sure to be in a future book review blog) but for now I will share some favorite quotes from Generous Orthodoxy;
"Nobody is on a journey anymore, everybody is stuck in their high or low status quo." In this quote he talks about how in all these different denominations no one asks why we do what we do they just remain stuck in the status quo. This really rung home for me because I am at a point of asking ALOT of questions. Not about Jesus, but for sure about this thing we call church.
"When Jesus refers to himself as "the son of Man" it would be like saying, the essential human, the ultimate embodiment of humanity. In this way "son of God" would mean embodying God, or carrying the essence of God." The way he phrased these sayings that Jesus said often really made me think about how complex the God we serve is. Fully human and fully God is a pretty big thing to wrap my brain around.
"Has He become(I shudder to ask this) less our Lord and more our Mascot?"
This quote , whew- really hurts but is Oh so true in the way we throw Jesus name around with so much that we do in His name when in all reality it's not really what He's about at all.
There were several more interesting things that I kept my notebook around for the whole time while reading this book because I wanted to come back to much of what he said.
I also needed to take notes on how many other book references he made. Some on his list that I was able to recently purchase, (thanks to some amazing friends who know me OH SO WELL and got me book gift cards for my b-day, Thank you again)are; Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli, What's so Amazing about Grace , The Jesus I never knew both by Philip Yancey, and Sex, Economy,Freedom, and Community by Wendell Berg.

A Holiday Special and My Inner Dialogue

Tonight provided for an unusual occurrence in my home. I actually got to watch the Christmas Special put on for the President and First Lady. This special aired on ABC around 10p and there is a reason it was on so late, (I will get to that later).
You might or might not be asking why is this an unusual occurrence in your home Noel? Well, I am glad you asked. It is unusual in our home to watch these kinds of events because the Giant is not much for these type of shows. He's not really fond of Holiday special anything or award shows, or anything celebrity or politically or Holiday-ish related. He tends to be a bit sarcastic sometimes, I know surprising isn't it, But it's true!! Anyhew, as you can imagine these kind of shows really provide a varietal plethora(sp?) of opportunities to be sarcastic, and then I usually start defending people that I don't even know and probably don't deserve defense, and it just really isn't all that enjoyable to me anymore so.....all that to say, I was excited to get to watch this special tonight because the hubby was out at a movie.
Now, I have to say that I know my writing skills are not going to bring this blog justice as to what was going on in my psyche while watching this special, but I am going to try. Hopefully I don't bore you all to death and if you are already unamused please, by all means, stop reading.
I sat down with some chocolates, a glass of wine, fully prepared to enjoy this Christmas Special and Wynonna Rider starts off the show. Now I am not a HUGE fan but I can appreciate the country music so no biggie but when she addressed the President, weird is all I can say. She timidly tried to jest with him to which he just smiled and nodded and it was just so strange. This is just a good indication of what the rest of the lame event entailed. They proceeded to have dancers half dressed(I sound like my dad there but truly they were), John Sicata(token Hispanic person for this white bred event) Yolanda Adams a woman who well.... just was interesting as well , but I am thinking is a fav of the Presidents because MAN ALIVE SHE SANG ALOT (and well she mentioned she is from Texas), a Comic who was sweating like a pig trying not to step on anybodies toes, and the Creme Del Creme OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN (or as my dad would say Olivia Neutron Bomb). The whole time I couldn't enjoy the show because Moses sarcastic voice was so loud and I just couldn't shut it up and well by the end I didn't want to shut it up because it became truly the only thing entertaining about the show. I kept hearing him say things like, "Look at them all smiling as if they are enjoying this woman who is so old she can't even keep on key anymore." or "We sing this Feliz Navidad song every holiday and still need the translation that comes with it" There was other commentary that was funnier at the time and I can't think of it now but all I have to say is God Bless Moses and his wonderful, cheery outlook on life that has forever wrecked/ruined me.

A dream come true

This weekend a dream came true for me. I was able to go see my most favorite female vocalist of all time in a show that I never thought I would be able to get into. I cried 3 times throughout the show because I felt so grateful for the life that I live. What an amazingly good life. Gratitude and contentment have been overwhelming my emotions lately. Literally, I have had moments of so much thankfulness in my heart to God that I start to cry. Not just for big events like this one but also for small ones like watching my niece fall asleep on my dad's chest, or seeing my dogs give each other kisses, or staring at my beautiful husband and children.
Life is amazing. God IS really good ALL the time.

Getting Lost, and Finding THE tree

This year we made the trip out to the woods for the infamous tree. We have done this before and in theory this idea of cutting down the tree is really great but in reality with crying babies, cold children, or children who are hungry, or children who are wet cause they fell down in the mud or ice or whatever....not so great. This year was different.
We went very spur of the moment and with some pretty great friends. It was a beautiful drive out to Frenchman's and I forgot how much fun 4bying(sp?) with the man can be , mostly because of the smile it puts on his face(he really does need an off road toy, shh...don't tell him I said so). The kids were really great as well with lots of laughs and no mishaps it made me believe that we might actually start this tradition back up again.
Anyway, back to what I wanted to blog about.While we were out there though there was a patch of trees that I got tangled up in all alone (don't know how that happened as I am always telling the kids not to wander off) and at one point it got pretty hairy and scary(not really but I am adding that for dramatic effects). The trees were all dead and so close together and I had got way off the trail from everyone else and I had no idea where I was(not afraid because of my photographic memory, I have never been truly lost in my life, probably why I really wasn't afraid) and I began to think what would it be like to really be lost out there. Strange thoughts to have on this day but there I was having them and the conclusion I came to is that I would wait awhile and listen. I would listen for the voices of other people who I knew weren't far off. This got me thinking of how often when we feel lost, alone, or afraid we can listen to voices, (now for those of you sarcastic folk don't go thinking , "Great , Noel's really gone and lost it now, telling us to listen to voices) the voices of those who know their way and are not lost and maybe have been down this road before. After all this thought of being lost, I was tired of pretending like I was lost and also I could hear the voices pretty strong and close by so I decided to go find them.
I think in the end that is all we have to guide us in this journey we call life, the voices that have gone before us that have left their wisdom to try and help us avoid the mistakes they have made. They call out to us in all different ways and in all different settings but when we are lost sometimes I don't think we take the time to stop, and listen.

Some deep thoughts before bed

As I was dozzing off to dream land my eyes wandered over to the top of my dresser upon which many pictures in frames sit. One inpaticular caught my eye though and my mind went racing. It was the picture of me as a baby being held by my Pepere( which means Grandpa in French). He looks to be about the age that my dad is now, mid to late 6o's and he looks happy. As I lay there thinking about that moment of time captured forever now by a photograph I thought of all many unanswered questions I still have about this man I called "Pepere". I wondered, where did he work to support his family of 3 boys and his wife, where did he get his genes for being oh so clean all the time, did he have OCD because many of his house cleaning habits lead me to believe he might have been a bit on the OCD side, did he leave knowing he was loved, did he have a favorite color or favorite hobby, how come he was so good with money? I know so little of this man who is now only remembered by a photo in my mind. This got me thinking about life in general and how we all often think so much more of ourselves than we ought. Will anyone even remember anything about me when I pass on? If so, what will it be that they remember most? What I remember most about Pepere is that he loved to make kites, he was very resourceful and clean, he was very skinny, quiet, and wore sweaters all the time. Strange things to remember but there you have it.
All these thoughts led me to this prayer, God teach me to number my days that I might get a heart full of wisdom, that I don't forget that I am but dust, and so that I don't take one single breath for granted.

Photo Shoot with Natalie Rose

These are just some of the products of one of the funnest photo shoots ever!! Usually taking pictures with 6 people(4 of those people being lil and not used to looking the right way) is not my idea of good times , but I have to say this was short and very sweet and the end result is some really fun moments in time. Love it. We really were smiling on the inside as well as the outside.

My Adult Christmas list(and a lame attempt to sound like a credit card commercial)

Wanted: One Bright Green Kitchen Aid
Cost: 250 to 300 dollars
Knowing that I really only want this because it will look so great on my counter and not really for all the stuff I would make with it - Priceless-
Wanted: One brown and black Pug
Cost: 600 to upwards of 1000 dollars
Knowing that I partly want this dog so that I could make an unrealistic dream of a 9 year old girl come true and partly because it would look so stinking cute with my other 2 adorable dogs- Priceless-
Wanted: Bright beautiful Hollywood Style Porcelain Veneers
Cost: 4000+
Knowing that I really just want these so I won't have to go to the dentist anymore, nor will I have to floss ever again and so then I could finally be counted among all the plastic people out there(a goal in life I believe we all should aspire to attain )- Priceless-


I guess knowing that just because I want something doesn't really mean I need it is what makes this an adult Christmas list versus a Juvenile one and that really is priceless :)

A letter of Appeal

I am putting my letter of appeal in the mail today to Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance company. Upon completion of this letter I felt a deep sense of sadness and anger for even having to take the time to do this.
As some of you know our precious Chloe had an appendicitis back in July. It took many months for the final bills to come rolling in and when they did the amount was staggering and our insurance company had failed us miserably because apparently the hospital we went to in a state of panic and shock at 1am in the morning was an out of network hospital. Sorry, it was the light at the end of the tunnel to get my 7 year old daughter some relief, sorry I thought any and all hospitals in a health related emergency is the right hospital. Errghhhh!! So as you can see the anger comes in right there. But the deep sense of sadness that I feel is that I know I am not the only one who has had to deal with similar type situations and some people dealing with these issues are still also dealing with those painful health situations.
Something has got to change in this country regarding our health insurances and medical industries that are raking in the big bucks on account of our misfortunes. Something has got to change and thank God next fall things will. Oh wait, I mean things will be promised , talked about , and then forgotten.
I guess that's where the sadness comes in.