Sunday, February 03, 2008

Book Review- Sweet Potatoes Guide to Raising Children for Fun and Profit

This book was hilarious, from start to finish I was laughing, laughing and laughing some more. Not for the faint at heart when it comes to cursing, the woman is from the deep South Mississippi, and can curse, but man oh man are her stories ever funny. Reminds me of what kind of book Shontell might write if she was a drunk cursing sailor type, but alas she is not ,and so we will just have to wait til her book comes out. Until then here are some of my favorite quotes. The first quote is the begining of Chapter one and I feel as though I could have written it myself and I wonder who it might be about?? FYI-that is now the Giants new nickname- Cutest Boy in the World.

"The Cutest Boy in the World is a Man Who Can Fix Things. The man can fix anything- ANYTHING- even if he broke it first, he can fix it. He can build anything, unclog anything, hang anything, patch anything, retool, replumb, and /or rewire anything. (This is only one of his many gifts-but it's the one we're talking about at the moment. And the value of a man with this ability- and willingness-to fix things cannot be overstated.) " After this intro she then goes into the wonder of electricity and how we take it for granted and how that can be compared to when we find out that we are prego. You flip the switch, light comes on. You do the deed a baby is concieved. So funny!!

"In my opinion, one of the very best features of your new baby is it's built in requirement for massive amounts of sleep. You will want to see to it that that requirement is met and or exceeded at all times. Hell exacts an incredibly steep price tag when this requirement is ignored- and though you, Mom, will bear the brunt of this penalty, pretty much everybody within earshot of your baby will help pay that price. Hear me and heed my words: NAP TIME IS SACRED. It is to be honored and adhered to above all things."

"Babies don't have sinuses, which is really poor planning if you ask me, on account of they do, on occasion, produce a whole lotta snot. OH please-does anybody out there really think that the word "mucus" sounds better than "snot"? They both sound pretty pukey to me."

"My daddy's theory- to which I ascribe- was that there is No Such Thing as a Bad Word. Humans made up every single word there is, and likewise, we assigned each one a meaning, and they are all just words. Daddy had assorted parables to illustrate his various policies regarding language. For instance, name calling that cherished playground tradition. Whenever we would run,bawling, to him with the report that Brindy called me a butthead, he would look at us calmy and question the veracity of the statement. Are you a butthead? And we would sob loudly in the negative, to which he would then raise the question, Well, what if he called you a chair. You're not a chair either, are you? This would usually cause us to stop mid-wail and look confused. "

"Your kids need to see you play- they need to see you having fun for no reason other than the sheer joy of having it. If they see you giving your time to playing, they get the message that "this is of value" and they will apply that to thier own lives in the future."

The whole book is just loaded with histerycal funny stories that just make you chuckle. If you need a lift , something other than a self-help book or novel this is a good one. Apparently the author has written others on marriage, love, single-hood. Her name is Jill Conner Browne and she IS FUNNY!!


Jen in Budapest said...

Seeing as I was with you when we first discovered this novelty, I have to say that I'm glad you went ahead and got it. I'm SOOO glad to hear my sister's days are filled with good stomach wrenching laughs once in awhile. Lord knows life is too short not to enjoy those endorphins!!

shontell said...

hahaa. She is funny. And, fyi, I was planning on waiting to tell you, but once I become a well published author, I will take a surname with the persona of a drunken sailor. I can't say for certain, but you may have the gift of prophesy as I have not said that to anyone, yet knew. You complete me.

Jeni said...

Crap... More books to read...

Have you read any Erma Bombeck? Because she is seriously funny, minus the drunken sailor persona.

And Shontell--when you take on the drunken sailor persona, what will you do about your hair? Because I don't think the sailor hat will fit over it... Then again you could use some of your royalties to have a larger hat custom made...
:P Ha ha ha. I'm so mean.

Erica said...

can't wait to read it, Noel :)

Chemane said...

Noel I have one question for you. WHEN do you find the time to read all of these books????

Sounds great by the way!

scoey-d said...

Pirates can wear bandannas. Maybe Shontell should be a pirate instead.

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