Monday, January 30, 2012

Father Time

"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad." C. S. Lewis

**I will come back to that quote so stay tuned.

At the beginning of every new year I do this funny thing where I think in just a few short months it will be my children's birthdays,
and then the beginning of another school year,
and then another Christmas,
and then another year.
And just like that BLAM, I am caught up in the nasty, sticky web that is Father Time.

It is a weird thing, this thing that I do.
I don't know if I get this from my mom?
You know, it's where even though my child just turned 7, I start saying they are almost 8. I remember my mom doing this thing where I would think maybe she just doesn't really know how old I am so she says I'm older. But then she would do it to her own age, so that would confuse my notion that she had just forgotten how old I was. And then now I see, she was just preparing for what lies ahead.

If you think ahead, it prepares you for when you finally get there.
Do you know what I mean?
If I start to think ahead, the blow won't be so hard when I am standing there taking pictures of Emma in her cap and gown graduating from High School.
I mentally prepare for these moments as much as I can, long before those moments ever arrive.
I start to grasp how fast the time is going, and by advancing forward at least in my brain, I somehow protect my heart.

Well this year I got a postcard in the mail welcoming me as a parent of a High Schooler.


Wait, what? I hadn't even done that thing that I do yet!

How could you be so cruel, RHS?

This year I didn't have to do that funny thing that I do, where I advance forward to September 2012 even though it's only just January 2012. I didn't have to do it because, the High School here took care of that for me, by sending me this nice little note that made the reality of having a soon to be High Schooler, that much more real.

And then of course pictures like these don't help.
What is happening here is that I am convinced Father Time has sped up the clock.
He has messed with the dials.
He has put in super amped up batteries that work to make the clock go faster, and faster.
And again I say,
Damn You Father Time!
Stop it!

At least give me time to do that thing that I do.

** The above quote makes me giggle. And at the same time it makes me angry. I mean why can't I have little eggs flying around? I imagine little cute flying eggs, and it makes me smile, and feel good, and safe, and comfortable. And then there will be no words like breaking, and hatching, and flying.

But also, it makes me think of how silly it is that I would want to keep my children as eggs instead of letting them become birds that fly. Trust me, I am tempted. Little flying eggs... think about it. They could be cute... No, No I know they need to hatch.
I know Em needs to go on to bigger and better things.
I know Chloe needs to dance all over the world.
I know Solomon needs to create, invent, and stun more people than just his mom.
I know Isaiah needs an audience larger than 1.

I know they all need to fly.
Emma reminds me every day, how much she wants to fly.
She is stretching out the wings that God has given her and they are beautiful.
And when it comes time I know she will jump with full force out of this nest,
and she will fly and soar so beautifully that I ... well ... I will ... stop...

And I will remember this moment.
I will think this is good.
I will know this is right.
I will be thankful.

Psh... Who am I kidding?

I will be a mess like I was on her first day of school.
And I will call my mom, and
she will remind me that I still have
Chloe, Solomon, and Isaiah
and that Emma will call me someday like I am calling her
and I will take deep breaths, and start counting the days until
the next hatched egg,
because God forbid I create any bad eggs.


djandjd said...

Noel - I totally get where you're at. Father time can be cruel with how selfish he is. My oldest will be driving in 14 short days....and my youngest (only 14) is taller than his father. I, too, have moments of preparation where I try and visualize what life will be like when she's 18, or when he's 16...and I then find myself wanting them to stay 'eggs with wings,' as you put it! ;o)

You have a phenomenal way with words...and you and I seem to be hitting the same vein in feelings...

All I can say is...buckle up, buttercup...this is just the beginning of the wild ride! ;o) XOXO

Noel said...

Darla- that is crazy! Driving??!! Oh man, oh man! Thank you as always for your support here, and in the mom dept. It's good I have moms like you who are still smiling and surviving the big kid years. I am as buckled as I possibly can be. Thanks for the love xoxo.

My Fleeting life said...

This was good writing Well! I enjoyed this so. You are a good egg Noel.

Noel said...

Thanks Moma zita- It is because you let me fly :) You didn't hold me back and make me stay an egg forever.

bean said...

yeah poor mom you flew off and got engaged at 19! we are all excited to see where your beautiful kids will fly to! iz said that was a really cute blog:) btw i never heard of the expression father time 'til this blog, and i don't think i like him either!

Noel said...

bean- i know, i can't even believe that i was just a baby chic and she just let me go. she did say over and over "are you sure?" "are you sure?" and then in the end she trusted. God. Me. the whole deal. crazy to think of now that I have daughters who are catching up to that age. giggle. I love you so much sister. so so so SO much. tell iz thank you, thank you, and that I need more male followers, hint hint , wink wink!!

bean said...

love you too! yeah he might have to follow u when i go back to work!

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