Monday, July 23, 2012

To Throw A Party or Not To Throw A Party?

Happy, Good, Great, Monday morning to you beloved reader. I want to start the week off with a fresh perspective, a challenge,and maybe even an admission to you all. But before I get ahead of myself I want to bring up the topic at hand, or foot whichever you prefer.
It's a topic that I think we can all relate to, and one that never really goes away. In fact it's a conversation that never ends. Have I peeked your interest yet? Are you just dying to know what we are gonna talk about today?
Don't let my title fool you because even though I am planning a party over here, that's not the kind of party we are going to talk about. It is also not the first topic at foot or hand, or elbow? Was that a bit Too much silly for a Monday morning?
Nope, ok well we are gonna talk about Self Talk first and we will talk about Parties later. So I guess Self Talk would be the hand, and Parties would be the foot. Sorry, sometimes Monday mornings just bring out the silly in me.  

(I know it's too early for an intermission but that last sentence just made me remember when I played the lead role in South Pacific, I was Nellie anyways I didn't sing this song but do you musical fans remember it?- "Keep talking, talking, happy talk. Talk about things you like to do. If you don't have a dream, how you gonna make a dream come true" I warned you there is a song for everything in my world)

Ok back to our topic... Self Talk, You know it's the little voice inside your head(that is sometimes louder than any others) that speaks to you all day, everyday, 24/7.
It's the inner dialogue that we all have. 
It's what the cartoons have depicted as the little angel or devil that sits upon your shoulders and either speaks death or life. 

I heard this statistic at church the other day that said in a study done at UCLA  73% of self talk that was documented was negative versus positive. I'll admit at first this statistic was surprising to me, and I of course immediately put myself in the 27% that doesn't fit that bill. But after I began to think about it, I realized that on many occasions I have been in that negative camp, or thrown myself that Pity Party.

Ya see, most days I consider myself to be a very positive person. If there are two roads to take on any given Sunday, one being negative and the other being positive, 9 times out of 10 I choose the yellow brick road, with birds chirping, lots of singing, and dancing. I am just sure it will lead to that big rainbow with a pot of gold at the end. Because don't ya know these are the only kinds of roads there are for positive people. 

In fact even if the bird is more of like a Black Crow Ca Ca-ing, and the singers are the rejects from American Idol,and the road is only yellow because someone just pissed all over it(sorry that was a tad crude), and I just saw some scary dude run off with the pot of gold that is supposed to be mine at the end of that road when I get done,... I will STILL choose THAT positive road. Just in the slight chance that maybe the robber will get stopped by my Fairy God mother and some wonder boy will come with a hose and clean off the pissy road before I have to walk down it.
(No I don't believe in Fairy God Mothers, or Wonder Boys... but stick with me here, ya know I'm gonna tell ya what I do believe in the end)

At my core I just really feel positive about life. Hello Captain Obvious, the name of My blog after all is Noël's Beautiful life, BUT and here's where my admission comes in. 

Recently, I feel like I'm constantly fighting with my emotions and my self talk. The negative guy is trying to beat up the positive guy. It's like I have two lives. The inner life and the outer life. I know I'm not alone in this struggle to keep these two lives in check. Sometimes my 2 lives co-exist just fine, and life goes along well, and nothing seems wrong, and everyone is happy, and no one gets hurt :)

But, there are other times when my inner dialogue starts to throw itself a little  pity party and that's when all Hell breaks lose.
I have been to these parties before.
I have invited friends to these parties.
I have decorated for these parties.
I have even brought appetizers to these parties.
And I have lingered too long at these parties.

Come on, Haven't you ever hosted a Pity Party?
Certainly you've been invited to one? 
Can I get a witness that no one looks good in a Pity Party dress?

They are not my favorite party to attend nor to host.
Although often times when hosting my own pity party, I'm too busy to notice whether or not my guests are having a good time, so if you are like me you wouldn't notice that I wasn't having a good time at your pity party because that's not what those parties are about.

Are you still trying to imagine me as Nelly in South Pacific? 
Or do you not live on planet earth, and you are still wondering what the heck is a Pity Party anyways?

Ok well then, I can help you out 

Here's a picture of Me as Nellie in South Pacific. Sorry it's a terrible shot being that my face is turned the other way and all, but would you believe it's the only pic I have from that event?
And now that I have revealed way too much of my past...

Here are some rules for a good Pity Party Sesh-

Rule #1
A pity party is all about the host. It's kind of a ME, MYSELF, and I event.
- Don't pay attention to your guests.
- There is no room for consideration.
- Absolutely no grace or understanding for another guest there.
- Don't even think about serving during this time. 
You just sit back, put your feet up , and pull up a good full box of kleenex.

Rule #2
Be sure to serve up a good portion of 
-Whine(not the kind that goes good with cheese either)

Rule #3
Your fashion statement for this event should be dripping in 
- Selfishness 
- Egotism
- Pride 
- Misery

I think that should help explain pretty well what kind of event a Pity Party is.

So I guess now here is where the challenge comes in.

I am challenging myself(and maybe you too) to choose not to even entertain the IDEA of having that kind of party. I want to stay with the 27% of positive people. I want to "keep talking happy talk."

As I have gotten older I have come to recognize the decor of these parties, and once I start to head down that road that 73% of people tend to get on I have learned to stop.

Well, usually I don't have to stop physically because most pity parties start when I am standing at my kitchen sink doing dishes for the um-teenth time and I start to put one leg in that Party dress... and I think what am I doing?

Right there is where I stop, my thinking that is.

"I don't really feel this way do I?"
"These feelings are not the TRUTH." 
"What could I think that is positive about this situation" 
(Usually I start being thankful for my pretty purple dish gloves)
"I am as happy as I choose to be"

And I pray.

I ask God for a fresh perspective, and to reveal his heart to me.
And I read things like this;

"Teach me Your way, O Lord, that I may walk and live in Your truth; direct and unite my heart (solely, reverently) to fear and honor Your name." Psalm 86:11

miscellany monday at
lowercase lettersCovered in Grace


Tricia Tennery said...

Nice post! I have been guilty, like most people have. I have been blessed in my life to have great parents and great friends, but sometimes you just get down on yourself and throwing those parties only seem to make things worse. It wasn't until a few months ago that it all changed for me... At a time in my life when I was handed the diagnosis of borderline autism for my son and told it may be a few years before he speaks, at a time when I would need a friend, I had one turn totally awful to me. I was told I have nothing to show for my life, I am nothing, and I'm full of drama, this was written to me in a message on Facebook by someone who I thought was a great friend and who had been Baptized only months before. As much as it stung at the time, it was actually a WONDERFUL eye opening into what I do have. I am SO much stronger, my family is stronger, and my son is doing wonderful. I don't have those parties, because anytime I start to think, "poor pitiful me" I look at my life and smile and if there is something I don't like, I change it, because I have that power. Life has turned really beautiful for me and I've come to realize I wasn't the problem in that "friendship" in the first place. I LOVE this post!

Rachel said...

I definitely get those times where I need to stop and say--what I'm feeling is not the truth so stop dwelling on it! I'm so thankful to have Scripture--the TRUTH!--as a weapon against the hurtful lies I may tell myself.

Cami said...

You are SO amazing!!! What a phenomenal really spoke to me..THANK YOU! :)

shontell said...

It's rainIng at my house. It has been all night. It makes me smiley. Especially since I am in my living room alone. The littlest Brewers are snoozing. The next three are on their way to camp. The Man is driving to work. Happy. I enjoy having those guys around, but sometimes this mamma wants to sit and take in the goodness that is her friend's blog. Great post. Someday I will have the interwebs and be able to join you. :/ I will point out there are no dots over your e in that paper. Shame Eugene. I think you should draw them in.

Barefoot Hippie Girl said...

I agree with Cami-you are so amazing! Great reminder for my rather pessimistic self.=)

Anonymous said...

I am left out of those Pity Parties as I am sometimes told how ridiculous I sound. I am sometimes told this by a love one. Daily my inner voice tells me to hush up. You have to have a dream to make a dream come true and all my dreams have already come true. When I have a serious pity party watch out because I can become a loner and then sleep sets in . Over the rainbow I love having a heart of gold. People who love people are the luckiest people of all .All these thoughts from songs come back to me and I know I am never alone. I have a best Friend in Him. You know who. I can remember some of what He said and it is all positive. Accentuate the Positive. Ahh! another song. I hear my Mother in my head and I love her so. Loved this post Noel very interesting that we are not alone.

No(dot dot)el said...

@ Anonymous-AKA My Momma- I LOVE ya Ma! I always love your comments because they make me giggle. You are the greatest, and now all my beloved readers can see where I get my silly from ;)

Erin said...

Amen sista! Pitty Parties are no fun!

Um purple dish gloves? How fun!!! Purple is my favorite color :)

My dish gloves are boring yellow, but at least yellow is a happy color {how'd ya like my positive spin there?}

Lucy McCracken said...

I for sure have been guilty of throwing one too many of these types of parties for myself. I'm really trying not to do this as often. I love how positive you are and the way you look at things. It;s so encouraging. I'm so happy to have found you! :)

Alyx said...

Love this - I think we've all been guilty of this, but that what makes us human. God knows we are human, and He will always be there for us to give us that new perspective that we sometimes need.

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