Friday, June 15, 2012

Not complaining, Just Explaining ...

(warning there may be cussing in this post)

This is my first time linking up at 5 minute Fridays. It's where you write for 5 minutes and don't over think or over edit. From what I can tell she does want you to edit some, thank GOD but don't spend too much time on all the grammar rules we try so hard to abide by everyday. So here goes nothing. Oh yea the topic is path.

A really funny thing happened yesterday morning. I woke up early on my own body clock, and I was excited to spend time with The Lover of My Soul.  That's not the funny part. The fact that I woke early is unusual, but not the funny part. And I am often excited to spend time with the LOMS, it's just this morning I was really glad because my body clock was right on time. Not too early, like it wasn't  butt-crack-o-dawn thirty, and not too late like Oh Crap now I'll be behind all day. It was just right. Somehow I feel like I am telling the story of The Three Bears. Not too Hot. Not too Cold. It was just right.

Ok Moving on...

But Do you know what I am talking about? Those mornings where you wake up feeling refreshed like you got enough sleep, and your body feels ready to get up and start your day? I don't get many mornings like this so I was super stoked and feeling like it was gonna be a great day.

But then it happened.

My daughter Emma called from the other room and she sounded beyond irritated. She is a creature of habit in the morning. No for real, you can't mess with this girl and her routine in the morning or she gets bat shit crazy! (Sorry for the curse but it needed to be done so you understand the magnitude of her crazy). 
So she yells, "MOM!! Bella crapped in your shoes and on the carpet and Ewww... Gag... Gag... !!" I feel one more exclamation mark is needed there, so here ya go (!)

Oh man, great I thought. "Really? This is not the vision for my life right now." I may have even said that, ask Em I think I did. So, Totally not what I thought I would do with this extra early, perfect,stupendous, wonderful time in the morning but okay. Easy enough, these things can be cleaned.

No sooner had that disruption settled down then another one started with my not so happy, totally frazzled,  already broken routine, teenager.

"MOM I can't find your keys to start the car!" Now, Emma is not old enough to drive, but in the morning I let her go start the car. She feels big and grown up. I like a warm car. It works. Don't judge. 

"Okay" I say, "Well did you look here ,there, and everywhere?" Yes she did. And, NO she didn't find them. And, Yes I was going to need to move on to that disaster too.

Well, before I go any further, let me just say that I hadn't even had my cup of coffee yet, let alone gotten to the oh so beautiful morning I was going to spend with The Lover Of My Soul. Yeah, remember that?

So at this point I head to the pot of coffee that Emma made. Sometimes big kids like to warm up cars,and make pots of coffee.
IF it sounds like I am zombie, dead beat mom who lets my teenager do everything in the mornings because I am not a morning person and she is, well then you should not be judging me. Rude. Security. Again I say, Don't judge. Okay, so now I feel guilty like I should explain, normally she doesn't always make the coffee, and I will tell you why. That girl, bless her heart My Emma Dilemma well.... she could not make a good cup of joe to save her lil 14 year old LIFE! There I said it. It's out there. If I get in big trouble for this omission I blame YOU! I let her make it sometimes though because she likes to. So whateva, stop judging ME!

Where was I? Oh yea the coffee this morning was the thickest, blackest Sailors goop that I have EVER seen in my ENTIRE life. I'm not even being dramatic about this right now. And you should know I live with 3 Seattle sailors so I have seen some black coffee people.  

To recap- Cleaned up sh%*#$, Still couldn't find keys, Bat sh%*#$ crazy teen, and coffee that was not drinkable. 

Off to a great Thursday right? WRONG! 

Well no, hold on there just a minute. Sure it didn't start quite right, but because I started tracking what the ENEMY of my Soul was laying down ON THIS PATH, I turned my day around. That's right I have an ENEMY(say that like the lil fish in Finding Nemo that trys to say Sea Anemones). I was wise to the ways of this serpent and ya know what I did? I quoted Home Alone, "I'm gonna give YOU to the count of 10 to get yer ugly,yella,no-good keester off my property." In Jesus name. And I got back on that thankful thursday Path real quick like and in a hurry. 


Erika said...

OMG you are beyond funny!Reading your post and drinking coffee..not a good combo!:)

No(dot dot)el said...

Thank you Erika- This was a scary thing to write without over thinking. I felt kinda naked like it wasn't really finished. Glad you liked it.

Stacie said...

Haha! I hate to laugh, but you tell it so well. :) Hoping the rest of your week is a little less "eventful."

TicoTina said...

awesome =) way to tell the enemy his place! and what the crap, 14 is plenty old enough to be doing stuff. no judgment here, LOL

shontell said...

A) Your day got better because you told satan to suck it. I like that. 2) My eleven year old has started our car every morning since he was almost ten. D) YOU QUOTED A MOVIE!!! I am so proud. In fact. You quoted the VERY movie that taught me to count. I am glad this day is over and you are on to a new one.

Anonymous said...

This is so stinking funny ( pardon the pun). This is really delightful. So glad you kicked the big fat liar to the curb and got going on the path He has. Wishing you peace on your Friday. And thanks for a Huge smile today. Hilarious. Obviously I am visiting from Lisa Jo's.:) :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the smile! That was hilarious. And so true at the same time. Sometimes you just need to put your foot down.

Found you through Five Minute Fridays

No(dot dot)el said...

I'm so glad you all had a good laugh. It really helped to just write it all out, and after it was all said and done I started to laugh too. That's what I get for trying to get up earlier.

Blog design ©2012 Design by Alyx