Bragging.

My man is THE MAN!!

Psalm 121

" I lift my eyes up, to the mountains where does my help come from?
My help comes from You maker of heaven, creator or the earth"

I have been singing this worship song for quite some time now as I have been patiently waiting, praying, calling, researching, talking, calling, explaining, writing, searching, calling and calling some more in regards to our home and a Loan Modification.

I am happy to report we will be helped. Last week the news came in and there will be help for us. I am thankful for it. I am mindful though, truly in my heart and soul I am mindful of where it has come from.

I KNOW who my help comes from and I am thankful to HIM this morning.

Isaiah Gregory Scofield

My little man will be turning 5 in about a month. I cannot even begin to tell you all the emotions that are going on inside me as I turn this corner from little kid household to big kid household. I have been saying for a while now that at one point in our family all of their school careers will be played out at the same school for one year. That is next year. Well, actually that is this fall a few short months away. Isaiah keeps telling me that he's going back to Little Lites. I think that it might not only be a hard transition for me but for him as well.
I remember being pregnant with Isaiah. When I found out I was in shock and just laughed. In fact Mo and I both just laughed because we thought it was either laugh or cry and laugh is a much better emotion so we went with it. Little did we know this wonderful surprise God had in store for us was our son Isaiah. He is the only baby that I did not find out about until he was born. By that I mean I didn't peek to see who was in there. He was a surprise and a good one. When they announced "it's a boy" I was shocked. Even though I didn't know who was in there I somehow thought it was going to be a girl. I have since determined that my baby gender picker has never been right so chances are if I feel like you are going to have a boy you will have a girl and vice versa.
This person, Isaiah has been an amazing, joy ride. Some days not as joyful, like the day my cell phone went down the toilet. But most days, like the other night when we are at the Drive-In movies, watching Transformers 2 he starts to fall asleep in my lap. Ever so quietly and so out of the blue he whispers...."Indiana Jones". Don't really know why but he just has a way of making me smile.

Girls Night Out and Babs

I want to share a story about the lady I met in Target and about celebrating long-lived, love- filled marriages.
My friend Marie suggested a while back that we throw our friend Joni a party for her 20 year anniversary and surprise her with lots of fun stuff for her and her man. She had the thought that it's such a shame we don't get showers for the years after our wedding day and how really those should be the times that should be celebrated. I would have to agree.
Joni was surprised. It was pulled off amazingly. Kudos to Marie, Natalie, Trista, Sue, and Lolita. We all dressed in 80's garb and had so much fun. SO much fun!!
That's all you are going to get out of me about that, ya know a lady never tells....
What I am really excited to blog about is the lady I met at Target, Babs who I bought my presents for Joni from. Today while in Target I was checking out with the goods for Joni when I got in conversation with the clerk Babs. She commented on the outfit I was buying and I then told her what it was for. She was so excited that someone was celebrating 20 years of marriage this way that she then proceeded to tell me about the fact that it was about 20 years in when her man started to come home with different kinds of outfits. I smiled and thought..... this is going to get interesting, and indeed it did.
"Yeah, 20 years is about the time that my husband started to bring home some really fun outfits" I said, "Really!!" She kept saying, "He was a really fun man" I then decided to ask how long she had been married to which she replied 46 years until he passed away. She told me about a day when she opened the door all dressed up for him and you could tell that it was just bringing joy to her heart to relive some of these fond memories. Good thing there was no one behind me. She then told me about some of the outfits, how much fun they were and how fun he was. She said that a lot " He was a fun man". I am thinking she had a good married life along with a good sex life. I went on to say that I bet the reason why she had such a long, happy marriage was because although he bought the outfits- she was willing to wear them.
What a fun spunky lady Babs is. If you see a Babs at the Big Target in Sparks just know she's a firecracker that one.
Here's To 20 years married Joni and Louie- WELL DONE!!
And here's to all marriages out there who are still trying to keep love alive!! KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!

Peace In Jerusalem

This morning while reading my favorite book I came across a scripture that I have read a thousand times before. Maybe not this same exact scripture a thousand times but certainly others like it. It goes like this,
" Pray for the peace of Jerusalem! May they prosper who love you, the Holy City." Psalm 122:6
Normally when I read scriptures that mention praying for the peace of Jerusalem I shout out a quick prayer for peace for them and I am on my merry way, but this morning something hit me.
I was thinking how bizarre it is that the whole world is told in these scriptures to pray for the peace of this city. Would if we came across something that said, "Pray for the peace of Reno, Nevada" ? I think because we have heard this slogan or phrase so many times we don't stop and take note or as the bible says, SELAH. Stop, ponder, think upon these things.
Well, this morning I did just that. I stopped and thought about how Jerusalem is such an unsettled city. Every time I hear of Jerusalem is usually because there was a bomb, or a fight, or something violent going on there. I am happy to report that when I checked the New York times this morning for headlines regarding Jerusalem there was none of the above.
So I thought well, I pray that there will be more days when I check the headlines and don't find them reporting turmoil in Jerusalem. Today in fact there was an article about some who are migrating back to Jerusalem from Peru. I found it so interesting how so many people migrate to different countries for different reasons. Some migrate on their own accord but many leave because they have to.
Then I thought if I was born in this city Jerusalem and I read about my fame in a book that was most famous what would that be like? Would I ever want to leave that city? Many people still live so far away from the city of Jerusalem for fear if they go back they might not survive until their next birthday.
It's worth noting that Jerusalem always will be the center of attention for something because it's not everyday that God's Son is born. It's not everyday that someone as beautiful as Jesus walks the earth. He will come again and I wonder will that be the city he returns to? Is that why I am praying for peace for this city that I have never been to?

My Dad

Gregory Anthony Pellant is my Dad. Born the youngest of 3 boys it was I am sure a bit of an adjustment for him to have been given 3 girls, 2 sons to raise. I would like to say that he's done a really good job with both. What really is the role of a good dad? What measuring stick do we use to say that's a good dad right there? For me I would say, ask the guys children. If you were to ask this child whether Gregory was a good Dad I would say yes. Yes, he is a good dad. Now, this might come from the wisdom of being a parent myself, but I think if you were to ask me even in my teen years when I would get irritated that he would ask me to take a shorter shower, or turn off the lights, or do the dishes, etc... I think even then at the core of my young being I still knew;

He is a Good Dad.

When I was a little girl I wanted a Cabbage Patch doll more than anything in the world. I remember them being very expensive and hard to come by. So hard to come by that one morning my dad caught wind of them being sold at a local store but said we would have to be there really early. He took me out to breakfast and we waited outside the doors with everyone else, mostly moms to get this doll. We weren't successful. They had already been sold out before we even got there and it really was just a gimmick to get people to come to their store. My dad comforted me. He said, we would just have to go on the hunt again.

He is a good Dad.

When I was a teenager, I had been dreaming of owning a VW bug for as long as I could remember. Every VW that was on sale in our little town I would imagine myself in my dreams driving it down main street, I would imagine the day of purchase and everything right down to what kind of cute decor I was going to hang from the rear view mirror. I worked at the Rec Dept at the time and didn't really make a whole lot of cash. So, I knew the fancy bright shiny VW's probably wouldn't be an option so I went on the hunt for the rejected VW that maybe my little brother could fix up for me( He would fix it after he broke it but that's a story for another day, I digress). I found one. It was 500.00 cash only. I didn't have that kind of money but my dad did. He bought my first car.

He is a good Dad.

My last year in High School I was in a play called South Pacific. I played the lead role Nellie. My parents had payed for me to have voice lessons since Jr High so I am sure it was nice for them to see all their hard earned money pay off. I remember that my dad and mom came to one of the last shows. After the show I came out to my car and it had been covered in stickers from the cartoon character Ziggy. They said, YOU DID IT!!

He is a good Dad.

I was only out of High school for about year when I started dating Moses. My dad had known of my crush/infatuation about this boy named Moses since my sophmore year in High School. When Moses was nominated the home coming king that year my dad took his picture out the paper and blew it up made a few copies and teased me relentlessly about my high school crush. I still have those copies of Mo with a crown on his head. Now a few years later this boy named Moses was pursuing his daughter and was over a lot. I was only the young age of 19 when Moses asked my dad for permission to marry me. My dad didn't grill him, embarrass or harass him. He knew how much I loved this boy. He knew it since I was a young teenage girl. So he said yes.

He is a good Dad.

On our wedding day I will never forget how much my dad made me laugh to ease the nerves a bit. As I was walking down the isle, really the grass lawn out at Wallies he kept cracking jokes and made me laugh so hard that by the time Mo saw me he was wondering if I was taking this, our wedding day serious. My dad gave me away that day and then has proceeded all these years to ask me for a copy of our personal vows that we said to each other. I think it's amazing that he is willing to learn from his children.

He is a good Dad.


He has taught me a lot about the male species. He has taught me that men can be faithful to their wives. Men can get up everyday and provide for their families year after year after year. He has taught me that most men like sports. All sports. He has taught me that not all men are driven by fortune, fame, lust or other worldly things. My dad has given me an example of a man who is steady as he goes. He is humble. He has shared his home with total strangers over the years for the sake of doing what the bible calls us all to. Loving your neighbor. He graciously stepped aside when his parents died and there was some inheritance money left specifically for him, but there was some dispute about where it should go. He stepped aside. Said it wasn't his to begin with.

He is a good Dad.

When I was little I remember thinking that my dad was the strongest man on planet earth. He always seemed to be a strong tower of wisdom and to me because of this, he was a bit frightening. I didn't understand my dad for a lot of years. I still don't fully understand everything about him but one thing I do know is that this is a man I have heard countless time apologize for his mistakes. A man who isn't afraid to cry in front of others. A man who loves Jesus. He has shown his love for Jesus his whole life. Even in things he would consider grave hypocrisy's he has shown what it looks like to repent. He has shown what it looks like to love a woman, the same woman for 40 years. Without a wandering eye his love has stayed true. He has loved 5 children and now 5 grandchildren. He has given his whole life for the love of his family. He knows and has never forgotten in "mid-life" crisis who he is.

He is a good Dad.

A right of Passage-Self Hair Cuts

I woke up this morning to the sound of my 11 year old acting as though it was the end of the world. Is it just me or does the drama factor go up a notch when kids hit double digits? Anyway, when I finally got my cup of coffee and figured out what all her mumbling was saying to me( I just hear mumbling until that first sip of Java) I realized that the final right of passage in the hair department had been accomplished this morning while I was asleep having more crazy dreams.

It's official, all the Scofield children have accomplished this right of passage- Cutting their own hair. Isaiah would be the final one to go this route. His reason, " I couldn't find a comb". Okay well, that was an interesting one, guess we will have to make a trip to the dollar store later for more combs.
Other excuses over the years that I have been given, "Well you do it mom" " I just wanted to see what I would look like" and the one I loved most from Chloe who wants be a hairstylist someday-" I needed some practice mom" this was of her not cutting her own hair of course but her siblings.
Every time this passage is walked through in my house it reminds me of when I was little and I had a friend named Heather. Heather had a perfect page haircut with bangs that were so straight you could have used them as a ruler. Heather's mom was from England. Her mom had not been back to England with her children since they were born. Heather's mom had planned this special trip to England for her beautiful girls to meet all their relatives for the first time. The trip was in just a few days after this dreadful day that I speak of.
I bet you can guess what happens next.
It was traumatic.
I was in big trouble.
Heather's bangs took a long time to grow out.
I will never forget it.
Isaiah is not as skilled.
The damage has been done.
He is not going to England anytime soon.
Now, we can all move on.

Dreams

I have been having really weird dreams lately. The thing is I never remember my dreams and so it's very strange for me to have had so many dreams that I actually remember.
I am not much for reading into dreams although I do know somehow they work into something sometimes. I am sure that some dreams really do tell us something but my dreams are just so flat-out bizarre that I just can't imagine making heads or tails of them. More than anything I really think our dreams are part of our subconscious being released in a way that is necessary for thought process.
So would you like to know what my dreams were the last few nights? Well I am not going to share all of them but here are a few that will be good for the sake of blog entertainment.

First one I had was of me and Mo. We were training for a marathon. On the actual day of the marathon he got ahead of me which isn't surprising because one of his steps is the equivalent of 2 and half of my steps. So there I am running alone when all of sudden he jumps out the bushes and runs along side me again for the rest of the race. We laughed so hard the rest of way that we almost didn't finish. Weird !!

Second one I was walking into a parking garage to my van. It wasn't our VW it was a van not the creepy weird kidnapper kind of van but a van none the less. Apparently my van had goodies in there food and drink and when I looked in the van before hopping in there was a complete and total stranger laying on the front bench. I immediately ran to the other people in the parking garage and said there is a total stranger in my van can you please help me to which they ran away and left me there all alone. I out of curiosity went back to the van and looked a little closer and realized it was a girl with curly long hair. She wasn't even ugly but was snoring quite loudly. Then she jumped up and out of the van before I knew it she was in my face asking me to stop running away. I kept telling her to go away from me and she just laughed at me , not a wicked creepy laugh but just like why are you telling me to go away as though I should have known who she was. She had a nose ring like me and curly brown hair. I don't remember how this dream ended because I think I just woke up from how weird it was.

I think the last dream about the girl is due to the fact that my desk calendar that has scriptures on it had that one that says "don't be afraid to entertain strangers because in doing so some have entertained angels" apparently that scripture really stuck with me the other day.

The first dream I am also pretty sure is because sister Jen, Gina, and myself have begun to train for a 5k marathon and I suppose it's on my brain a bit.

Death by Fire

Yesterday, while driving down to Carson City for my brother Jeremy's 17th birthday party I looked over at the mountain that is to the right of the freeway when you are coming into Carson.
I remember this mountain that was on fire 5 years ago when I was pregnant with Isaiah. It was a miserable hot summer and the fires were out of control(literally). This particular mountain got the worst of it and the fire that summer not only burned half the mountain or more but took out several homes as well.
Well, yesterday to look at it now 5 years later you would never have known the sight that we sat on our rooftops and watched 5 years before. It is now filled with new life, green in fact greener than it was before and just plain old thriving.
It reminded me of something about the cycle of life in nature that is true I believe in the spiritual and that is sometimes things have to die by way of the most extreme death- FIRE. But then if given time what comes back in it's place is something better than what was ever there before.
There are some areas in my life where I have allowed a great deal of compromise creep in. I have tried in my own strength to kill these bad habits but somehow they have all been feeble attempts. I realize now that I need a refining fire to come in and however painful the process of death to these things might be I need to allow this to happen so that I can look back and see a field of green instead of a dry dessert place that has no life, breath, reason for being.
So, that is my prayer this morning;

Refiners fire
My hearts one desire
Is to be Holy
Set apart for you Lord
I choose to be Holy
Set apart for you My Master
Ready to do your will.

I have to say that I have had absolutely no inspiration for a blog lately. It could be because I have been gone every single weekend for the last month and that doesn't leave much time for the imagination. 

 I thought about blogging the trips I took but then that's kinda like sending one of those postcards from Hawaii that says, "Wish you were here" which to me is just plain rude! 

(Speaking of rude, Bon Qui Qui has got the number on that word, "RUDE-  Don't interrupt" if you don't know who this character is you are seriously missing out) Put in Bon Qui Qui on YouTube and prepare to enjoy.

I was home this weekend though and still no inspiration is on the horizon. Some would leave their blogs unattended for a while but NO, not me.

I will sit here and type about nothing-ness just to have something new to look at on my blog.  I think I might share some fun new pics though.

- So the first would be SF-Giants ball park, I do believe that I could become a fan over time. Not more than the Bo-Sox's mind you but I have to say that SF has a pretty great park going on and I want to visit this place again in my lifetime. 

-Second pic is of me and Mo in our bus celebrating 14 years of marital bliss!! :)

-Third pic is Auntie Jen and Lo with blue bubble gum at Isaiah's graduation. Chloe is 9 now. She has this one last year before I have 2 kids in double-digits.....Help me Jesus!!

-Fourth pic Savy Rae Rae is a 2 year old now. I am just not okay with all these birthdays that happen so fast this time of year. We have Chloe and Em in May, Jeremy and Savy in June, and Isaiah in July. It hardly gives this phlegmatic time to breath.

-And Finally Emmers is now 11 and let me tell you something ....well I am practicing saying No and not caring that if her looks could kill me I would be dead 1000 times over, that is all I can say!! No really she is such a good girl it's just this pre-teen stuff not sure how I feel about it.

The End of an Era, The beginning of a New Day !

Just thought I would share some of the funny quotes from my job;

" Do you know that everyone has hearts, even Chinese and Japanese people."

In reference to sitting at the circle with our chairs instead of carpets;

"Okay let's do this, yeah let's do this thing"

When reading the story of David and Goliath to the kids one boy said,

"Why was that big guy so mean?" to which I replied....."Well, he didn't know Jesus" and then I thought well, no one did yet. Good thing the kids don't know that.

When we got our new carpet that had Jonah and the whale on it, "I want to sit in the belly of the whale like Jonah because he got to go swimming in there" eww gross!!

When showing the kids the map and where Nevada is Isaiah says, " Where is the Dollar Store on there?"

 

Yesterday was our graduation. 16 kids will be going on to kindergarten including my youngest child Isaiah. When I was driving in to work I had a moment where I almost lost it. Looking back in the rear view mirror to check on your little one is something you do early on as a parent. From the time they are little babies you want to see what they are doing back there, and that's why the invention of those little mirrors and all kinds of things to see what they are up to were created. Well, yesterday I thought next year I won't have my little buddy with me. I won't have someone in the afternoon to check on or think about or play with. It is the end of an era for me. 11 years long I have had a buddy all day long and now they are all going to be at big kid school all day in the fall. I am excited for the future but also in a bit of mourning over the fact that I won't have preschooler, toddler, baby or little person to light up my days anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I had so many kids because I didn't want to be alone. 

One of the little girls came in yesterday morning all dressed up ready for the big day with a huge smile on her face and said, 

 "Ms Noel, did you hear? It's going to be my graduation day today!!"

I felt like saying, Yeah I have thinking and preparing for this day for a really long time and now that it's finally here I feel like crying.... but I didn't say that. I smiled and said, "Yes, yes I did hear that today is your graduation."

I am going to miss them all and especially my lil man. To all the parents of little ones still in diapers take in the moments all of them because before you know it you will be knocking at the door of adolescence thinking....

Where did the time go?

Here's to Yardwork !!

These are pictures from the backyard of my friend Christene's best friends yard where we stayed this weekend. Her name is Caroline and she lives in Pacifica, California. Now I know Sparks, Nevada is no Pacifica but her backyard was the inspiration and motivation I needed to tackle my own backyard.
I spent three hours in the backyard raking up leaves that are about two years old. I think ever since we got Baxter and he chewed a hole through Mo's leaf blower/vacumer thingy, we have not really done much out in the back yard in the way of leaves. What a mess. I will still need to spend another good 8 hours to get the backyard ready for the first Scofield attempt at a garden. 

We have always wanted to plant one but never have and I am determined to do it this year. I am going to start off small and the hardest part we have already decided will be figuring out how to keep our dogs out of this new found excitement that will soon be entering their world.

My hands, back, fingers, legs and eyeballs are pretty darn tired from all this manual labor but here's to having the time to do some much needed yard work.

You know you are glad to be done with school when you enjoy yard work!! 

I Blog because I Can

-I don't have much to write about, but still I want to write something because I CAN ! It feels so good to be done with school for now. The weight has lifted at least for now and it feels amazing. Also the class I have been dreading, procrastinating to even take, and ulcered my way through I actually got a "B" in. A  "B" people!! 

Math is a dream stealer for me. IT has robbed me beyond measure. Kept me from accomplishing much more in life than I care to mention. It will not win though!! I am bigger than Math.

-Kids are awesome. I love them more than words can express. It is the end of an era that I will no longer have children under 5 in this house and I have to say I have been having some strange newborn cravings. Crazy, I know but still they are there. It is a good thing I have some friends who are having newborns that I will soon get to snuggle.

-My husband has a funny alter ego called Meisha. He's from Russia. His accent can pull me out of just about anything and that is just one more thing that I love about this man named Moses.

-My dogs although crazy and neurotic are the cutest dogs ever! What they bring to me that I will never know but I do love them.

-People are funny, I being one of them. For the rest of my life I will forever be in awe of humanity. People are strong beyond measure. People are good and dynamic and so very interesting. If I didn't love children as much I would head down the road of studying and helping grown-up people. Children become grown- up people so that is where I will remain.

-Now, I have no more random thoughts except this, I did not want to title this blog random thoughts one more time.

I love you all and good night!

Checking In with some Random Thoughts

-I am almost finished with this semester of school and I have to say that I am so ready to be done. Not that you didn't already know that but just in case you didn't I thought I would let you know.

*Total Random note for the day- We have doves. They make strange noises but I kinda like the sound that comes from them at all hours of the day.

Okay back to school, I have decided to finish out the rest of my classes online except the one Math class that I need to graduate. Online works so well for me and is so easy. I also realized this semester that when I am in school I am not as focused here at home as I would like to be, that combined with working again is not a good combo for me. So as much as I would like to take a bunch of classes in the next few semester and be done..... I am not going to.

For the sake of my family I think this is a wise choice. I don't want to look back on this time when I could be playing with my kids and regret the time I was on the computer getting a piece of paper I can hang on a wall and that's about all it will change. I have made a decision about this degree thing. I think it's funny how since I graduated high school I have been taking classes. Some I have really enjoyed and have learned a lot from and some I could have done with out but all these classes and I still don't have what they think is a degree in Early Childhood Education. Come ON PEOPLE!! 

-On to another topic that has really been intriguing me lately. Men and Women, are we really that different or is it more our personalities that are so different in life? As I am watching my kids grow I am realizing that some of these things we deem man vs. woman differences really just are personality differences. It's interesting to me and I would like to investigate it further.

I was thinking about when Mo and I first got married we were reading through a book, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I bought that book hook, line, and sinker. Now after having been married and with my hubby for coming on 14 years and 15 years together, I think I would like to take a second look at it.

- I can't wait to do two summertime things. Camp and read for pleasure. I am so looking forward to reading some great books that have been sitting on my self just calling my name and I think I start my book review again just for my own fun and entertainment.

-Finally there are some really entertaining things going on in my neighborhood these days.

 Aside from the burners who are generally low key and mellow now, the Adult group home that is literally just a few houses down has provided for some recent entertainment and has been quite interesting. They go out for a walk at least 4 to 5 times a day. The patients don't talk to strangers or so much as make eye contact and a while back one of them asked me for a ride. I gave her one. She just stared at me the whole time.  I think I might blog more about this later. We have a dog that comes and literally loves to get my dogs in a big tizzy. We have construction from every angle keeping me from parking in my driveway most days. Houses selling for less than dirt. Neighborhoods are interesting, don't ya think?

And now....I should be getting back to finishing up this semester.

Why? a tribute to my friend Nicole Crossman

"It must have been a place so dark you couldn't feel the light"

Driving home from work today a song from Rascal Flatts came on called, Why. It's basically about a person who commits suicide. It made me cry like a baby. It felt good to let go of some tears about this topic and especially about my friend Nicole Crossman, who is the most recent loved one lost from this crappy adjective. It felt good to feel more about her life lost because for the most part I felt anger when I would think about what she had done, but there was a line in this song that really reminded me of how funny she was and how much I really did love her. 

"You always played with passion, no matter what the game. When you took the stage you shined just like the sun."

In a million, trillion years she would never have been the friend I would think that would ever do something like this. 

"I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong."

My friend Nicole Crossman worked with kids most of her teenage and adult life. My sister met her first and then got her a job at my Aunt's school and that began her journey into Early Childhood Education. She worked at the Recreation Department for over 10 years and that's where most of my memories with her are from. She was alot fun!! She had two girls and I had the distinct pleasure of watching her younger one who was friends with my daughter, Chloe. I would bring them to preschool together and pick them up together. I have pictures in my scrapbook of the girls, of me and Nicole working at the Rec. Dept., of her and my friend Judy at my wedding.

"Now, in my mind I keep you frozen as a 17 year old."

I remember one time I sat in the car in the parking lot while my sister and Nicole went and got their hair done. I wasn't cool enough to be with the big girls but did I ever want to be cool enough. So I sat there waiting for the fun to come back.

"Now here we are gathered in our little hometown. This can't be the way you wanted to draw a crowd."

 I was sitting there crying  and in front of Isaiah. When he asked why I was crying I kept it simple with my answer but he kept wanting to know more. Then he said he was still sad about Emma's friend who had died last year in her class. I didn't even realize because he was only 3 at the time that he was paying attention to all of last springs drama with Emma's classmate,(Alex was a 10 year old boy who hung himself) but apparently he was. He also knew exactly what that song was about which is shocking to me. These little people know so much more than we give them credit for. I know that, sometimes I think I just forget how closely they are paying attention to our every move.

"Why, that's what I keep asking"

Normally, when I cry I am a silent, hidden crier. Especially where my kids are concerned but this time I just needed that release and thought I will deal with whatever comes after. So, I tried to explain to my 4 year old as best I could this subject of suicide that is something that I still don't really even understand myself. These are the times in parenting that you think, I am not prepared enough for THIS!!  I of course was age appropriate and not sharing any details and the conversation ended with us having a big long hug.

"Why you'd leave the stage in a middle of a song"

It felt good to feel.

It made me realize how long the process of emotional healing really is and how important it is not to rush through it just because it causes uncomfortable conversations with my 4 year old.

I went home and had a great afternoon with my kids and hubby, then got a phone call from my dad about a friend of my parents who was only in her 60's who passed away in her sleep. The cycle of life just keeps coming at ya!!

"Oh but I do have one burning question, who told you life wasn't worth the fight?"

Solomon and the saga of the Earth worm

Solomon came in from pulling weeds today with a face so sad I thought he was going to cry. He said, "Mom, I killed a worm." It took everything within me to not bust out laughing over how distraught he was over this but, somehow I knew in my mommy knower this was one of those moments that was going to be a teachable one. He then proceeded to tell me that as he was pulling weeds he saw a worm. He said he dug around it trying to get it out but then when he pulled to get the rest of the worm out it broke. Can you say Ewwww!! He then went on to say that the worms are the protectors of the earth. I am assuming that he is getting this information from either his teachers at school or his dad who is also very bug and insect friendly. I told him of course this is misinformation and that God in fact is the protector of the earth. He created all the creatures and insects to work together perfectly and He is still in control.

So at this point he was crying and I said, "Sol they don't have a brain, or even any eyes. It's not bad because you didn't mean to kill it and although they play an important part to the echo system I think the world will still turn with one less worm on it."

After I got on the internet to show him how many worms are made in a day and that all my facts were correct I was feeling pretty good about my wonderful mothering skills and how I helped my sweet son feel better about this situation and taught him something in the process. I even felt there was somewhat of a spiritual lesson that I slyly snuck in there. So after I was feeling so good about my serious mama  skills he said, "I think why it made me cry is because it looked so gross"

"Oh,.... Oh is that all." 

I guess my mommy knower is a little off these days.

Being

I like the idea of just BEING. Not having an agenda. Not having a watch to keep track of. Not having any pressing appointments to keep. I can very easily slip into this mode of just BEING versus the mode of work and always having something pressing, pushing, waiting, doing, doing, and doing some more.

I think I could have been a nun except that I like sex. (Random, I know but I just had to go there) There is a joke about why nun's are named nun's but I digress :)

I also like to talk and so that too might have been a problem in the nun department.

They do however spend a good portion of their day just being. They grow vegetables. They pray. They cook, clean, and read. So aside from the not having sex and the talking oh and I also love my kids so that wouldn't have worked either. Oh, and I like being a part of the society not isolated from it.  Okay so I couldn't have been a nun but work with me here.

Thinking about living this life of Just Being in the midst of so much busy is a hard problem to figure out. I think God had some very good original ideas about it all though. A Sabbath is very important. A day to be just because. He knew we needed this day. We needed a day to remind ourselves of what is most important in this short time that we are here.

As the summer approaches I get very excited because I know that this is a good chunk of time that is given to reminding my children,  that being is just as important as doing. 

I would like to get to a place where I still follow this way of life that has been set before me. Somehow in the last year I lost sight of that. Seeing this in action recently made me realize how off track I  had become. 

There is another part of this just being that I also want more of and that is living my life without regret or apologies. I want to be at a place where I don't feel bad or even bothered for being different from the majority around me. I am not there yet either but even more than the day of Just Being I want everyday inside my soul to be at rest more than it has been before. 

I have grown and changed this past year in a way that has taught me a lot.  There are so many important lessons that came out of this very difficult year but probably the most important one that I don't ever want to forget is the one about BEING.

Being real.

Being present.

Being silent.

Being ready.

Being loud.

Being funny.

Being serious.

Being lazy.

Being happy.

Being sad. 

Being angry.

Being tired.

Being crazy.

Being........

Raley's

I made the conscious decision to go grocery shopping at Raley's today. I know that to do a big grocery store trip there I usually end up spending about 50 to 75 dollars more than I usually would spend at Wal-Mart or Winco but I have to say today it was worth it.

It was worth to not have to bag my own groceries. To have someone walk the second cart out to my car. To have them ask if I needed help unloading. To have room to walk down the cereal isle and to have a wide variety of fancy cheeses, olives, and wines to choose from. 

IT WAS WORTH IT!!

March- Fashion Challenge

The fashion challenge this month from friend Tasha G. was to wear a man's tie. I thought when she first emailed about this that it would be easy but turns out, not so much!!

I also have to admit that I was completely irritated with the stupid thing by the end of the day. It got in the way of everything. I suppose I could have worn one of those fancy pins for it but my honey doesn't own one and all the other pins I had to hold it down just weren't cutting it.

Also, what to wear it with was an issue for me. I had all these great ideas at first and then in the end I just wore Mo's shirt with it. If I didn't have the hat on I would have looked like a waitress. 

Anyway, I did it. It was fun and thankfully I work with people who don't mind if I walk around looking like a buffoon. Pretty much  3,4, and 5 year olds are very easily pleased when it comes to fashion :)

Friday

Today was a great day!

Not really any details that I can think of besides the weather that made it so great.

 That and that my friend Mindy brought be Starbucks. 

Oh and my kids are happy, and my hubby is amazing. 

My sister is home and I can see her whenever I want.

Oh and we BBQ'd

We have our home, our cupboards are full and life is good.

It was a great day and I am looking forward to this weekend.