Monday, October 08, 2012

Bleh.

Hello There Beloved Reader-
I dropped a ball this morning.
Well, not a literal ball, but you know the balls that we busy people have in the air.
The kind that you have balanced and juggled since the day you became an adult.
The kind that stay right where they are supposed to be, and life is great and everyone is happy, 
until.... one day you drop one.
Well, I dropped one, and it couldn't have come at a worst time cause I was already in a funk inside my head.
Oh, that dangerous place inside my head.
That dreadful, dark, funk of a place.
You know it's bad when you are tired of yourself.
That's where I'm at.
 Kinda, really tired of the inside of my head right now.
Does this ever happen to you?
Don't get me wrong,
Sometimes my inner voice is great. 
It can be very encouraging and wonderful.
I can feel like I could conquer the world one moment 
or at least my portion of it and the next moment
All I hear is
Bla, Bla, Bla,
Judgement, Sarcasm, Tired, and Anxious.
 
Yep, that's me right now.
I'm tired of how selfish my thoughts are.
I'm over how lame my inner dialogue has been.
I'm irritated that I have to keep biting my tongue til it bleeds.
I'm wishing I could take back or just not even think certain thoughts in the first place.
And I am really hot and bothered by the fact that every month or so... 
well ya know what happens every month for us lovely ladies, no need to go on there.
I know dropping balls is part of a busy life.
I know that people drop balls everyday.
It's just that I feel
by almost the age of 40 I should have things neatly tied up, and organized, and planned out, and prepared, and all those responsible grown up words that just aren't coming to me right now. 
Instead what I seem to feel is 
frustration,
irritation,
condemnation, 
and all those other 'tion words that are not very helpful to a person already in a funk.
I feel like I suck at life right now.
Don't fret over me I'll get those ball up again.
Like on my girls volleyball team when they scream,
"Balls UP!" 
That's what  I'm saying this morning.
"Balls UP!!"
I'm getting the funk out of my head with you all,
  and I'm moving on .
That, and I know the other prescription I need to get rid of the funk.
A Pumpkin Spice Candle,
THE best book,
A Good Long walk,
And some music like this,
The words are really appropriate for me this morning.
 
Covered in Grace
 

14 comments:

LeiShell said...

I think we can all relate to those feelings. Being a busy mom sometimes doesn't allow for us to focus on ourselves and we get neglected, then when we aren't where we "think" we should be, we feel guilty, worthless. And to add to this...don't you think Satan wants us to feel those feelings of doubt about ourselves? Focusing on that keeps us from focusing on God. It is genius really. Just know that if you aren't all you want to be, or if you "drop the ball" sometimes, it is okay...I think you have the perfect remedy for that funk. Great song!

No(dot dot)el said...

LeiShell- You are so right on! Thanks for the encouragement. I really appreciate it.

beforeverlovely said...

No(dot, since I don't know how to type your dots above the 'e)el...'tis far better to have had the ball in the air, then let someone else kick it around. You are a Wonder Woman! No worries, okay? I'm sure that there is some kind of grace you can give yourself, and after the jam session listening from Mumford & Sons? Release that guilt. Besides, I really want to meet you at Influence, and I don't want to have to shake your shoulders to get the funk out. :) (I just discovered your blog a few weeks ago, and you are most definitely one of my FAVES!) Hope it gets better.
Barb F.(be forever lovely blog)
p.s. i am shy if i don't know, so i may not have the nerve to say hi, but i think you rock! once i know you, you will ask me to please stop telling you my life story. :)

Bernadette Veenstra said...

Barb, I don't think Noel is going to Influence, unless she is just landing to shock everyone's socks off. Which, you could, Noel.=) We would love to be shocked.=) Instead we are all just a bit bummed.
I hope your candle puts you in a good mood. I was feel rather overwhelmed with my week, but I decided to just start doing what needs done, rather than stare at my list. Things are looking up.
Don't go to the PO today-its closed.
Happy Columbus day!=)

No(dot dot)el said...

Oh Barb- What a love you are. Thank you so much for your kind, full of Grace and encouraging words. Truly, you just made my day so much better.
AND
Bernadette is right I am not going to influence. I so wish I was. I am however going to be at the PNW blogger meet up in Nov. Any chance you'll be there ladies?

Sara Beth said...

There is no condemnation in Christ so hold those nasty thoughts captive and kick them out! Don't let them live rent free in your pretty little head anymore! Praying for you... it is hard sometimes to juggle all that we, women, juggle. Here's to a better afternoon and great tomorrow!

kendra kay said...

wouldn't it be awesome if we could trade heads? ya know, just for maybe a week of so? i would trade with you :)

Linda Pruitt said...

Truely understand getting the funk out of my head! A good book and some rest help me. Also a little mini vacation out of the house, for the afternoon. Blessings!

JoKnows said...

Luckily these moments pass. I think you have the solution. Treat yourself to some small comforts, like a good book and a nice walk, and just wait until that sun is shining for you again. Feel better! :)

Amanda said...

I love this post because I relate to it SO much!! I try so hard to smile and be positive, but some days...I tell my husband that I can't even stand myself, so I don't know how anyone else puts up with me!! Some days we just need extra prayers and grace! Hope you're feeling better, and I love "Balls UP" ;) Have a blessed day!!

Sonia said...

Totally relate... the good thing is the ball usually always bounces back in place. :)

beforeverlovely said...

Oh! So sorry, for some reason I thought maybe you were going to Influence. I am super happy that you are going to a fun conference, and no, I'm not going (although I'd love to, one of my best friends lives in Portland, and I miss her dearly). I'm glad too, that your day is a little better. The good thing is, especially that I've appreciated about my mistakes is, that the world keeps turning, and we don't fall off thanks to Him! :) Bernadette, hopefully I can meet you at the conference, you are from the Mitten, yes? :)

Noel Scofield said...

Thanks for all the encouragement ladies. It really means so much to me to have your kind words here.

No(dot dot)el said...

Oh and because of your kinds words, I'm feeling very much over the Bleh...

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