Turning a Corner

The days are going by so fast my heart can hardly keep up with what my brain is telling me is really taking place. 

What is really taking place is that after we turn the corner and begin a new year 2016 will usher in one fully grown, legal young adult Scofield and another 16 year old legal to drive Scofield... And soon after those two have birthdays the youngest Scofield baby bird will have his last year of childhood before he enters into true "teen" years.

Sigh.

I tell myself, It's all normal. 

It happens everyday right before my eyes.

It's healthy and good what's happening.

But, somehow my eyes don't believe me and the water works appear for no reason...

Ok well maybe there are reasons why I've    been a weepy hot mess over here.

Anyone who has parented teenagers can tell you that it is NOT for the faint of heart.

Some would say,  (Ellen my Ma wisest woman on the face of the earth)  that in fact "Parenting is NOT for cowards!" 

And ya know what? I gotta tell ya, this past year that saying my momma has said since the day I became a mom 17 years ago has never rung more true.

I won't go into detail to respect my kids privacy but I will tell you my new favorite life analogy that makes it easier for me to sleep better at night( parents of littles take note)

I like to think of my kids as no longer being baby birds that need to be fed right from momma. 

No they are the brave, juvenile, still somewhat baby birds who haven't left the nest yet and as they prepare to spread those wings and fly some things have to happen first.

There needs to be these little flutters from four little birds that are getting ready to spread their wings and fly. 

Little flutters that some might call teenage rebellion, but I choose to see them as flutters of independence.

 I know the day is quickly approaching when they will no longer need to ask my permission about life choices. 

I'm hoping that they might still value my opinion and ask for it once in a while, but ultimately they have got to launch out of this cozy, safe, somewhat clean nest and fly into a world of unknowns and so these flutters I choose to see as them testing out their wing span.

 

I'm also truly thankful that even though I can't go with them wherever they choose to fly I know the lover of their souls will be with them at every strong wind and storm. 

I still believe that THE greatest gift I can give them as momma bird is that of faith. 

And although I don't have the ability to open their eyes to see and their ears to hear I can certainly turn their heads and hearts in a direction or a way that is a good way to walk or in this life analogy to 

FLY!

And so we will turn this corner and by the grace of God we will make it thru the brave adolescent bird years where I'm sure there will be many more wings fluttering and flapping but eventually we will see them take flight. 

Until then I will wait... And while I wait I will not be idle or full of fear for the next fluttering... I will wait upon the Lover of my Soul who will give me strength for these days ahead. 

 

The book of Isaiah chapter 40, verse 31 has some good things to say about this waiting-parenting game plan I've got going on ... There's something about soaring and flying in there too  ;) 

Nothing But Love <3 Noël

 

Going deeper

I'm feeling the pull, the gentle nudge to go deeper.

Sometimes in the pool of life I walk in the shallow end. 

I will admit to you honestly beloved reader I don't know how to swim.

But, I'm not talking about the physical here. 

If I were I would also admit,

I like the comfort of knowing that my feet can touch the bottom of the pool.

There is safety in that.

But, I'm not talking physical.

I'm talking spiritually.

 I feel the pull to go deeper, maybe even to dive in off that board without looking back or thinking twice about a bottom.

I feel the courage mounting.

The mustard seed of faith is growing.

I'm in that line to jump off that long board. 

I'm not worried or anxious about how deep I will go or how I will swim.

I'm just ready. 

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. 

Let me walk upon the water wherever you would lead me. "

Balance

When I look at this picture all I can think of is one word;

Balance.

Ok maybe I was thinking of one word and one phrase; the word Balance mostly, but then also

                                                     THERE'S A TRAIN COMING!!

If a pictures really worth a thousand words then I would say this picture is the poster child for that quote. Also my eldest child, the one photographed here, the one who made me a mom for the first time... I'm pretty sure she would be the poster child for the world Balance. I have always said of Emma Faith, that she has the best self management skills I have ever seen. The kid got up in Jr. High early so she could watch the morning news.  She would sit with her cup of coffee and  find out what the weather was going to be for the day and dress accordingly. Who does that? I mean I'm sure some of that early morning rising came because she wanted to have a cup of coffee in the quiet before her siblings woke up, but still it was a very impressive, balanced thing to do for a young lady of 11 or 12.

Balance.

When observing this photo shoot there were so many thoughts and emotions running through my brain. At this particular captured moment I was thinking...

In a matter of seconds she could've lost her balance and toppled over into the Truckee River and that would of been the end of this amazing photo shoot. The Lemaire Photo crew could've lost their balance and with very expensive cameras in hand, tragedy would ensue. Thank God that isn't what happened. They all kept their balance.

Balance.

But then the train entered this beautiful picture and I started to think about the train of life that John Mayer sings about in his song; STOP THIS TRAIN.

I'm sure if she was ever going to get distracted and fall off that chair it would've been when the big, loud train came barreling by, but she kept on being focused. The photography team kept their cool as I stood with Emma's fan following (Grandma, and Aunties) off on the sidelines and prayed for more balance and more focus.
And I thought about how I CAN'T no matter how hard I try, I can't stop this train that is coming.
The train that ushers my oldest child into adulthood is going to be here this May and I can either get on board or stand by on the sidelines trying to figure out how to make it all stop.

Balance.

It is so very easy in this life to get off balance. To let the loud trains that come as quite a surprise get you rattled and off your focus or determined purpose. I think that balance and purpose go hand in hand though. When you know your purpose in this life it takes more than a train or semi truck or tornado or .... Just about anything else under the sun to get you off track.
Her purpose and the Lemaire Photography crews purpose was to get some really awesome photos and NOT fall in the Truckee River.
My purpose for quite some time ... well almost 18 years now has been to be a good mom to 4 incredible people.
Just because one of those peoples will soon be 18 and technically a legal adult doesn't mean my role as mom is over.
It's never really over.

Balance.

Often times though it isn't the loud trains in life that get us off balance it's the little suttle things that creep in and get bigger and bigger and before you know it you've lost your balance. You've let something else consume all your time, energy and passion and when you turn around you traveled down a road you never intended to be on.
I want to stay on the purposeful roads that God has given me in this life and I want to get on board the trains of life and not buck the system of Father Time.

Balance.

In order to do this I'm learning. I'm paying very close attention to those that have gone before me. This is what I'm learning; the older I get to truly maintain balance in my life I have to let go of some things. I just can't possibly "do it all" and stay balanced. It's hard to let go. In fact I'd venture to say it's one of the hardest life lessons that I'm still learning. 

Balance. 

In regards to parenting it is THE hardest lesson to learn I'm convinced. There's a very good reason that the saying "if you love something let it go" is well known and speaks truth. It's because in order for our children to truly grow into healthly balanced young adults we have to let go of SO much. If we don't they rebel. It's not healthy to tighten the grip of control over our children right before they are expected to head out into the world and face decisions that will require them to use the only skill set they have been given. They will need to balance;  school, work, relationships, and God knows the social media department of life will need some extra hard core balance. 

Balance.

We let go of expectations and preconceived notions.
So that they can forge their own path completely and utterly different than our own.

We let go of their physical prescense always being there as they drive away from us.
So that they will feel the difference of being surrounded and supported versus being alone and quiet.

We let go of our hopes and dreams as they come up with their own.

Balance.

I'm finding that in order to keep a balance healthy relationship with my oldest daughter I have to let her go, and although my mom warned me that this would absolutely be the hardest part of parenting... I never thought that it would THIS hard. 

"Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnessary stress."

So here's to letting go, getting on board, and finding balance in it all!

The Rhythms of Life

Rhythm, I'm not talking about the musical kind like keeping the beat of a song or having moves to a dance. There is a rhythm to this life, as opposed to the musical rhythm.

Everyone has this kind of rhythm as opposed to musical rhythm which everyone does NOT have. 
 Life Rhythms are the soft quiet way we go about our day, week, month year.
Sometimes the rhythms of life can go by so quietly that we forget to look up and see how the world has changed. Other times, our lives rhythm can be hi-jacked by tragedy and we never really find that beat again. And still other times we can take on someone else's life rhythms and try to adopt them as our own, all the while we are dying inside.

The rhythm of a life looks different for everyone and takes everyone a certain amount of time to find what their true rhythm is. Some are upbeat and always on the go and this feeds their soul. Others life rhythm is much slower and requires much more down time.
I have realized after 40 years on this planet that mine is of the latter group.
Although I do ALOT I don't function well in that  "ALOT" category or rhythm section if you will. It has taken me many years to realize this and to be ok with it.  It's ok now for me to know that every week I need at least two days to regroup as opposed to the one day of Sabbath that every person on the planet really needs, but often denies themselves.
Finding your life's rhythm is somehow tied into finding your true authentic self. Some people never truly find that person that they were always intended to be. I believe finding your true self and life rhythm comes from slowing down long enough to hear the sound, the beat of your heart. Asking yourself questions like;
What makes my heart sing?
That's a saying that my mom has said so many times I can almost hear her saying it now with her east coast accent. It's a good questions because it opens up all kinds of other answers. What makes your heart sing can sometimes often lead you to your rhythm of life.
"When all the world appears to be in a tumult, and nature itself is feeling the assault of climate change, the seasons retain their essential rhythm. Yes, fall gives us a premonition of winter, but then, winter, will be forced to relent, once again, to the new beginnings of soft greens, longer light, and the sweet air of spring."

Madeleine M. Kunin

I want to retain my essential God given rhythm no matter what the seasons of change may bring, and the only way I know how to do that is to check back in again and again with the rhythm maker. 

The season changer.

The life giver.

The conductor if you will.

And of course by now your wondering what the point was to this lil here blog... Well I really just needed more Gloria Estefan in my life!
BIG SMILE

Happy October!

The Human Faith Race

I'm not a runner. Those of you who know me, know that I have never run a race in my life. I can hardly stand to exercise let alone get up the gumption to run when no one is chasing me. I did however, enter a half marathon almost 10 years ago now and I walked/jogged the whole thing with my 10 year old daughter, whom I might add, it was her bright idea to enter this marathon.
We were the last to arrive at the finish sign that had almost come down by then. I lost a toenail. But we finished the race. I'm not a runner, but I have realized now more than ever before in my life that I am indeed in a race. Some would venture to say we are all in a race, the Human Race, but that isn't the the only race I'm talking about. I'm also talking about my faith race. My very human, full of faith race. It's a different kind of race because I'm not competing against anyone. I'm not trying to look better than my neighbor and have more faith based "Good Works" that people can take note of. I'm not trying to earn titles and have certificates that say I have more faith than you because I took this class, or I attend church several times a week. Seriously, I could give a shit about that!! I'm just trying to live in such a way that is worthy of my calling, and the best way I know how to do that is to simply, truly, authentically; Love God and Love People It's sounds so simple. It sounds so easy. But this human faith race is NOT easy my friends.  There are times when I hang my head in sorrow because I don't understand why with our free will we choose to hurt one another instead of realizing we are on the same team. We get caught up in silly things that at the end of this race won't even be on our radar let alone something we are still talking about. These are the times when I want to stop running, not the faith part of the race because for me loyalty to Jesus the Lover of My Soul is easy. He makes this race easy. He even says; "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" and   "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"
No it's not that part of the race I want to sit down on, it's the human part.  The love people part. Loving people is hard. Now dont' get me wrong I am a people lovin person through and through, or is it thru? But We are a broken concept if you will. We were never supposed to function outside of being in relationship with our Creator, and so being broken we go around breaking more things. It's messed up what we do to each other and ourselves sometimes. And that's just the part of loving people that we can control. Then there's the part that we can't control, like when tragedy happens and our reactions aren't always  what they should be.   "Life does not have to be full of ease to reflect beauty.  Some of the most beautiful faces in history have not had eyes to see, nor voices to move their lips,  but have possessed peace and serenity that only faith could render." But much like the quote says above some of the most amazing runners in this human faith race are those who have endured true hardships;  cancer, divorce, loss of a child, homes being burnt in a fire, children with disabilities, and so many more seemingly devastating things. YET... they are still running this race. You can see it on the faces of those who have gone before you in these dark areas of life. They are weathered in worn because they have been running for so very long, in the heat of the day, and  YET... they still shine. There are so many who have gone before me in this race like it talks about in the book of Hebrews chapter 12. "Therefore then... since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses" My great grandparents, ran this human faith race. My grandparents both ran this human faith race. My parents are still running this human faith race. And so for me it's a legacy of faith. But for some you don't have that kind of lineage and to you I would say  read Hebrews chapter 11 to find out what kind of human faith race you do have. It gives me great courage and focus to realize that there are those going before me leading the way,  and honestly it makes me want to stay in the race for the generations I will leave behind someday.   I'm not a runner ....   But I want to be a runner who finishes this human faith race.  

LOVE.

This past Sunday the passage of scripture that my community read thru was from John chapter 4.  It is one of my all time favorite Bible stories, and certainly one of the most meaningful things that Jesus ever did while he was here on earth. You might think that talking to a woman at a well pales in comparison to everything else he did while he was here, but you would be SO wrong.
Let me tell ya why you would be OH SO wrong.
 It is true, he did so many miracles while he was here. Let me just list a few off the top of my head;
He fed thousands from one loaf of bread and a fish.
He raised Lazarus, one of his best buddy's who had been not "mostly dead" but DEAD, dead! He was stinky and wrapped in mummy attire for days, and with a word he came out and had a party with his sisters.
And then of course there was the whole raising himself from the dead and walking around, (not like "The Walking Dead") for 40 days as fully ALIVE and fully WELL.
This and so much more is why he has so many followers, and why ALOT of the world has come to know him as the One True LIVING God, but the stories like what I find in John chapter 4 are what draw me back to his feet in total, utter, love, and adoration.  I think it's because this story speaks to the heart of every person who is broken and in need of true love.
Question;
Can you tell me of one person who isn't in NEED of true love?

The story in John chapter 4 is about a woman, who came to a water well to fill her empty bucket. What she left with was not only a very full soul, but her eyes were opened to see the Lover of her Soul.
Her whole life she had been searching to fill this void that she had. The bible says she tried to fill that void 5 times over,  with 5 different husbands, but nothing and no one could take the place that Jesus would. She was broken.
Question; Can you tell me one person who isn't broken ?
I absolutely love that every time I read this story I get something new from it. There are angles and sides to every story we all know this to be true. Ask any divorced couple to tell you their version of what went wrong and often times you get two completely different stories. The same is true of the stories in scripture.
This is why I believe it is said in Hebrews that the scriptures are alive and active. WE (with the help of the Holy Spirit) make them come alive when we read them and share them with others, because each of us see something different.
We question different things.
We interpret words and the meaning of those words different. We have different passions and interests that cause us to see the world and all that is in it so differently. I absolutely LOVE that about reading the bible with other people.
Did you know that is the way it was always intended to be read?
So this Sunday the angle on this scripture came from a bro in Christ named Matthew. He talked about the significance of the fact that most Jews didn't even travel thru Samaria.  They would take a different road that took them way outside of where they were trying to get to, all to avoid the town of Samaria. We are talking DAYS out of the way.
Most Jews thought of Samaria as the ghetto if you will, and would take great lengths to avoid passing thru there. The reason was because Samariatans had become front runners. They followed Judaism only when it benefited them, otherwise they went with the popular party at hand.   I had never really thought about how significant this road trip was for Jesus and his disciples until Matt broke it down like that and it gave a whole new angle to the story.
We all know that for Jesus to be speaking to a woman was unheard of for that day and age, but to have even traveled to Samaria was a bold move on his part. I'm sure the disciples begged and pleaded to go around the ghetto streets of Samaria, but the scriptures say, "He had to go".
Question; WHY?
Because he knew that not only was there going to be a conversation with a broken, thirsty woman at the well, but a whole town that he would proceed to hang out in for 2 whole days would come to know the LOVE of God in a way that they had never experienced before.
And that is why this story is significant, beyond what may appear to be just a simple conversation.
Jesus was breaking down prejudices. Jesus was establishing a kingdom with a foundation built on nothing less than love. Jesus wouldn't be persuaded to take a different path.
His way, is THE only way, and that is the Way of LOVE. Above all titles, genders, races, .... HE IS ABOUT LOVE If anyone tells you different they are preaching a different gospel.

Jesus the Lover of My Soul. Jesus the Lover of her Soul. Jesus the Lover of EVERY Soul.

Life Is ...

Life is so surprising.
Today while driving around Reno Nevada in my 1966 Vw Bug that I have fondly named Lucy Blue, I had this surprising feeling that  I am home. I never in a million years would have ever thought that moving back to Nevada 2 years ago I would feel this way, but today it was like a wave of warm water washing over me, saying you are home.
I am a Native Nevadan, born at Barton Memorial Hospital in South Lake Tahoe some 40 years ago, but I have never felt like Nevada was home to me. I always had dreams of going here, there, and everywhere... really just anywhere but here. I was constantly dissin on Nevada like it was nobodies biz-niz. I made Nevada-hatin my hobby!!
So it's no surprise that when I came of age I had plans to get the heck outta here.  When I was a Senior in High School I was set to go to Azusa Pacific University. I had scholarships, I had an acceptance letter, I was all but walking out the door when the wind of change started to mess with my heart.  Or... some might say the Holy Spirit changed my heart. For reasons that my 18 year old brain made logical, I stayed in Nevada and opted to go to the local community college.
Life is so strange.
Had I gone onto pursue dreams elsewhere I would have never fallen in love with My Giant and our 21 year love story, that now includes 4 amazing people, would not be what it is today. Still, I had the bug to live anywhere but here and so did my Giant so in 2009 when financial disaster came knocking on our front door by the name of Bank of America we said see ya Nevada, or some might say... Peace Out Brown Town!! We headed up to a lush green oasis. No wait... we moved into a tiny little cabin in the woods of Washington and by tiny I mean 800 square feet of small.  6 people, and 1 bathroom an oasis it was not.  By outsiders looking in I'm sure we seemed crazy, but to our family and at that time it was exactly what we needed to heal.
Life is so beautiful.
We spent almost 4 years up there in Redmond Washington and I honestly felt as though I was in my forever home.  I never wanted to leave the PNW. I loved the rain. I came alive when it was overcast and cloudy. I breathed Oh So Deep the smells, the colors, the sights, the sounds, meanwhile My Giant was dying. Literally his physical body working the job that we needed him to work to live up there was killing him. Something had to change.

Life is so miraculous.
It was around that time that a beloved friend of ours started to contact My Giant about a business adventure. I will admit I wasn't happy about these conversations. But, I would be lying if I said that I didn't see the sparkle in my Giants eyes when he would talk to this friend.  I began to feel those winds of change again.
Life is so funny.
We took the leap of faith and moved back. I wasn't happy about it, but I knew somehow deep down in my knower that it was the absolute right thing to do. And now 2 years later a wave of confirmation came over me that I can't deny. I am home. It might not be for forever. Obviously as a Christ follower I am HOMESICK for my eternal home. Nevada may very well be our hallway to another place. But for now it is exactly where we are supposed to be and it feels pretty damn good.
P.S.
**It could have been that it was rainy and that always makes me feel like I'm home, but I'm gonna go with what I know and that is that God has done a work and changed my heart about Nevada.  I'm so glad He's not done working. Now it's your turn;    Life is... 

Goodnight Dear Void

Y a w n...
I haven't been up this early in quite some time. I woke with so much on my mind and you beloved reader were the remedy.
Sometimes it just feels good to put things out there in the void that is known as the internet.
It reminds of me of You've Got Mail when Kathleen Kelly says, "I don't really want an answer... I Just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight dear void"  
That was back in the day when inter-webs were so brand new and you literally did put your thoughts out there in the void of the world wide web.
Now we have places, homes,  appropriate social media boxes to put these thoughts or pictures in.
You've got twitter for an ever so brief thought. Instagram for the quick pic on the go of your life. Facebook that's just like one big party 24/7. And of course Blogspot where I have spent a good portion of my life speaking to you beloved reader.  Did you know that my blog will be 10 years old this August? It's true. That's a lot of conversations,story telling, and random thoughts that I've had with you beloved reader.
I bet by now you might be wondering what woke me up around 4a.m.? I'm kind of wondering the same thing myself. It started I think with a bad day at work and then my mind just wouldn't, couldn't shut off.
Do you ever have early mornings like this? Maybe you are having one right now with me. If so thanks for keeping me company.
I have no real point or moral to this story/blog ... just wanted to say that I'm glad you are here, oh and I wanted to share that awesome picture with you.  I took that on my Instagram Shhh.... don't tell Blogspot,  but I tend to spend more time over there now. 
Goodnight... or actually Good Morning dear void. Thanks for listening. 

20 years

Last month on June 3rd we turned 20 years old.

20 years is literally a life time.

We looked SO very different 20 years ago. 

I was only 20 years old when we got married, and My Giant was 22.

Now in our 40s it seems a lifetime ago and at the same time like only yesterday.

We spent our anniversary going up the coast of Hwy 101 in our VW bus.

This was a bucket list dream come true for us, and around every corner we were reminded that our story is HIS story and that from start to finish HE (the lover of our souls) has been binding us together in this 3 stranded cord of beauty.

I remember the first time I saw him. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. It really was love or lust at first sight for this girl. I'm gonna go with lust because I had no idea what love was at 15 years old. Yea, purty sure it was lust but not the kind that is tainted by the world. The innocent school girl crush kinda lust. I haven't stopped lusting over this beautiful man who can paint a picture that should be hung in an art museum as well as build a beautiful cabin in the woods with a porch to sit and watch the world go by. He is just a man, but in a world when so many men have been weighed, measured, and found wanting ...  He is a MIGTHY GOOD MAN! For those of  you who want to read  more on our beginnings, the whole long lust/love story that really is a good one if I don't say so myself, you can go here : Hashtag MoNoSco But for today I want to talk a bit about what 20 years have looked like and I'm not going to leave out the nitty gritty stuff that we know all marriages are made of. Before I let you in to this most treasured corner of my heart and life beloved reader, know this; There are moments that I will never share with you because they are sacred.  In every life there should be moments that are kept under what the Jewish Rabbi would call the Chuppah !! This was and is a symbol that goes way back that signifies a set apartness from the rest of the maddening world. The couple stands under the Chuppah to declare to the rest of the world that this union is set apart and only they will know what goes on under the covering of the Chuppah. I love this tradition and have adopted it in my own marriage even though I'm not Jewish I recognize the value in this beloved act. There are moments of this relationship that I will never share with my best friends, mom, sisters, or anyone else who is trying to weasel there way into this most sacred spot. That being said, I will share with you that these past 20 years have not all been filled with wine and roses. 

There have been moments of total sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger, irritation and full on close to hate.  I can't say that I've ever hated Moses, but I have come close to feeling that scary disconnect with him and it's in these moments we have looked for help. It is also in those moments that I know the grace of God was/is at hand because neither one of us is opposed to being open about the fact that we have needed help.
We started our marriage with pre-marriage counseling and in the 20 plus years we've been together we have gone to counseling a couple of times, and I'm sure that we probably will go again. I'm beyond grateful that we both have been willing to be honest about that. I think it's SO important to realize in a relationship when you need help and don't be ashamed to get it.  Honestly, I don't know a single solitary couple who hasn't needed some kind of outside help to keep their marriage on a healthy path.
Why we don't recognize and celebrate the counseling as much as we celebrate the anniversaries and Valentine's Days I will never know, because to me that's when the real intimacy takes place.    So there is some of our nitty gritty. Now on to the mushy gushy. This is the part that everyone loves to read about, myself included. This is the part where I tell you when we had our first child, Emma I fell more in love with My Giant who was weepy over the sight of his brand new baby girl. This is the part where I tell you that not only do I love this man because he has fathered 4 children, but he has truly been an inspiration to me in many ways with how he takes the time to sit and have deep talks with our 4 kids.
This is the part where I tell you that sometimes when he gets dressed in the morning and he comes out looking all HOT and stuff, my little heart still goes pitter-patter! I love that he makes me breakfast on a regular basis. He makes me laugh so hard that I almost pee my pants on a daily basis.  Those are just some of the good things that I choose to stay focused on when we hit those rough patches. I know you've heard this and if you haven't then I'm happy to be the first place you read it, but 
LOVE REALLY IS A CHOICE I don't disagree with my mom often, if ever, but this is one of those times that after all these years I can honestly say that when she has said for years "You can't tell the heart who to love" I would have to disagree.
YOU absolutely can tell the heart who to love and you have to tell it again and again and again! Moses was my high school girls crush 24 years ago and he became my life's choice 21 years ago  and I'm choosing him again.

I'm telling this heart who to love and continue to love well.

It may have been lust all those years ago but it has grown into this beautiful thing. This amazing, wonderful, astounding thing called  LOVE.
And after all these years I'm beyond grateful that he is still my favorite, and that our love story is still ongoing, and I'm still a lusty hot mess over here for that man !!

Count it ALL Joy (pt 2)

I was sitting here eating a banana this morning reading with the She Reads Truth gang about the fruit of the Spirit and I had me some thoughts. 

I would love to share them with you beloved reader, and I apologize in advance if none of it makes sense because I'm only on my first cup of coffee. 

The past few weeks have been a heavy flow of one sad, depressing, rough and tough love song for those around me that I hold near and dear.   Although my home has only been plagued with your garden variety of hardships, nothing has quite come even remotely close to the difficult things that have been circling around me. I'm not one who can hear about your sadness and move on my merry way. Some can, and God bless them because they are the folk that keep the world spinning around, but this girl carries with her the sadness like a catchy tune that just lingers day after day. It's the only thing that I can think about.
So it seems strange to me that I would sit here and feel compelled to write some more on the topic of JOY, but in my reading this morning I came across this ;
"In your presence there is fullness of JOY" Ps 16:11   For some reason this just jumped off the page and reminded me that the JOY of the LORD is my strength. It's not something you can conjure up or create.  This joy, that is "of the Lord"  *(sorry that just made me think of the movie Nacho Libre and  "these are the Lord's chips"  quote... I feel like every time I mention "the joy of THE LORD" for this blog we should say it in a Nacho Libre accent) Ok so this JOY "of the Lord" is not like taking a happy pill or going around singing that happy song that asks you to clap along, even though I do love that song and usually clap along.   Its something completely different than the emotion of happy. 
The joy "of the Lord" is almost like a character trait that comes only from being in the Lover of your Souls presence.  It's not my joy. Its not a fake happy. It's a state of being that never leaves.
You can be going through just about anything and still not be in the "depths of despair" as Anne of Green Gables would say, because you know deep down in your knower that everything really will be ok.
That's not to say that I don't still have a heavy heart for the very difficult things that are going on around me. I can also grieve and cry and feel sadness, but those aren't the constant in my life. Because I have learned a very long time ago that with this particular kind of genetic make up... the kind that would be described as; *Wearing your heart on your sleeve *Being overly sensitive *Having a Sentimental heart it is best not to ignore the tune, but rather to dive deep into the pain, and then sing it to the lover of my soul.
Because as I sing the sad love song, the song that He has felt so much more than I can imagine He listens and then carries on. His hands are strong and able to heal much better. His heart is unbreakable and much bigger than mine. His eyes never slumber nor sleep. He is always mindful of his creation and knows best how to comfort them all.  So I leave the sadness with him and he replaces it with JOY, that then becomes my strength. 

"Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren and sisteren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.

Count it ALL Joy!

This lil gem was in my draft section and I blew the dust off because I needed the reminder maybe you do too ? 

I've been thinking about this scripture;

"Consider it all joy my brethren (or sisterhood) when you encounter various trials"

Have you heard these words from the book of James before?

You can find them in the very first chapter of the book of James in the bible.

It's hard to believe that this is what James, Jesus' brother wrote in the very beginning of his book.

It was like right off the bat he wants you to know, he's not gonna be the book you go to, to feel cozy and warm.

He didn't mess around that James dude!

As a writer you look for the opening statement that is grab your reader and keep them reader, I'd say James was a pretty damn good writer wouldn't you?

"Consider it all joy my brethren (or sisterhood) when you encounter various trials"

Ok maybe he doesn't have the sisterhood bit in there, but I'm sure that was just an oversight, I won't hold that against him will you?

The past few weeks I feel as though I have had me some trials!

I have heard me some trials from beloved friends!

They aren't the kind that are 3rd world trials by any means, but none the less they have been challenging to me and to those I love deeply. 

And whenever I go through tough times personally, or just from hearing of the variety of trials around me I always think to myself...

That James must have been on CRACK cause JOY is the last thing I think of when I'm having a bad day, week, month, YEAR!!

I mean no disrespect, but I wonder if anyone else can relate here?

I mean, if you take the word 

TRIAL

and then the word

JOY

they just don't seem like they would be best friends, do they?

Know what I'm sayin'? 

So, then I wonder what do trials and joy have any business doing together in the same sentence?

I think that might be a rhetorical question, but then again maybe not because I'm going to try and answer it too.

In the past few weeks I have asked for prayers for myself from "the sisterhood" about oh... I dunno... umpteen times. 

I felt kinda like a rug. 

Beaten and shaken out to dry!

But, in the midst of these couple of rough weeks I realized that something deeper was happening and if I could just make it to the finish line(or to the coffee pot) I would be o.k. 

And, I can honestly say, that is why ... Today, I had myself a GREAT day!!

I made it to the other side of FUNK mountain and I came out singing.

The light at the end of this tunnel of FUNK was so bright it almost blinded me today.

As I walked around with a song on my lips and a spring in my step I just thought... 

Here is where Joy and Trials go hand in hand. 

Because the truth of the matter beloved reader is that there may pain in the night but joy really does come in the morning when you just hold on for dear life to the Anchor, Creator, Giver, Savior, and Healer. 

Bullet Point Rambles Update

I haven't really had a lot of time for blogging, and you can't imagine the dust that occurred here while I've been gone. Not only is there dust on my computer but all over my house as well.   Sigh.  I think the only thing that doesn't have dust on it these days are my window blinds that my son Solomon was paid quite handsomely to clean. 
It has come to this.
Paying my children to do my chores, or are they solely my chores now that I'm not a "stay at home" momma anymore? Well, either way I'm happy to pay someone, anyone, to get this place in order... but then that paycheck doesn't really seem to last very long.  Double sigh. What's a girl to do? If you have that answer please leave your wisdom and insight in the box marked comments below.

That's me, at work, working hard!
This is just one of the musings that have been kicking around in my brain as of late, but nothing of real substance.
I have however been having some random thoughts and ideas about life in general, but don't expect anything profound here.  If you are looking for inspiration this might not be the blog post for ya.  Here's another random thought; The battery charge red zone on my phone. It starts with the warning  "20% battery remaing" To which I normally just dismiss, and I think eh... I have some time. When it gets to the 10% warning I start to kind of get worried if I'm out and about and not near a charger. And when I'm down to 5% or less I go into full on anxiety attacks!!  O.k. that might be a bit dramatic but I start to freak a little I'm not gonna lie.
So this past week, I was grocery shopping no time to stop and in total go mode and my battery got pretty darn low, and I had this thought ... I act as though my phone is a person. That if it dies, it won't come back to me. That the world will stop and the tragedies that could occur while having a dead phone are too many to mention. And well, this just really bothered me. I began to think about the days before cell phones. Do you even remember those days? Tell me your thoughts on this beloved readers? How do you react to a low battery? Do you freak out like it's a person dying or are you cool as a cucumber about it all?
That random thought might be a sign that I need to unplug a bit more.

And now for a personal update;
My brother got married this weekend.   I think I still might be in shock. I remember this pesky lil boy who would drive me nutts pretty much on a regular basis, as all little brothers do.

  And now he's married to a beautiful woman who I can officially say I'm happy to call sister.  I love them both.

They will continue to make a great team. And I can hardly wait for some lil nieces and nephews... thee hee hee!! Following in Grandma Ellen's footsteps there ;)

And finally the last topic that's been rolling around in my brain is the fact that since I've turned 40 I have gone on this kind of inward strike and I'm unconsciously boycotting all traditions that I used to hold so near and dear to my heart.
It's not totally even a strike as much as it is just an attitude. Well, see, even attitude sounds too harsh. It's more like my new favorite sentiment toward life right now, Meh! I'm not sure why I feel this way about the traditions that used to be oh so important to me, but if I figure it out I'll let you know.
Meh!
Before you go getting all hot and bothered that I won't have the traditional Pie Party in November... simmer down I will forever be A Girl for all Seasons What up Grease 2 circa 1989 ;) It's a passing phase I can tell you that much.
That's really all I've got for now folks. That and Happy almost May 1st!!