Thursday, July 02, 2015

20 years

Last month on June 3rd we turned 20 years old.

20 years is literally a life time.
We looked SO very different 20 years ago. 
I was only 20 years old when we got married, and My Giant was 22.
Now in our 40s it seems a lifetime ago and at the same time like only yesterday.

We spent our anniversary going up the coast of Hwy 101 in our VW bus.
This was a bucket list dream come true for us, and around every corner we were reminded that our story is HIS story and that from start to finish HE (the lover of our souls) has been binding us together in this 3 stranded cord of beauty.

I remember the first time I saw him.
I will never forget that moment as long as I live.
It really was love or lust at first sight for this girl.
I'm gonna go with lust because I had no idea what love was at 15 years old.
Yea, purty sure it was lust but not the kind that is tainted by the world.
The innocent school girl crush kinda lust.
I haven't stopped lusting over this beautiful man who can paint a picture that should be hung in an art museum as well as build a beautiful cabin in the woods with a porch to sit and watch the world go by.
He is just a man, but in a world when so many men have been weighed, measured, and found wanting ... 
For those of  you who want to read  more on our beginnings, the whole long lust/love story that really is a good one if I don't say so myself, you can go here : Hashtag MoNoSco
But for today I want to talk a bit about what 20 years have looked like and I'm not going to leave out the nitty gritty stuff that we know all marriages are made of.
Before I let you in to this most treasured corner of my heart and life beloved reader, know this; There are moments that I will never share with you because they are sacred. 
In every life there should be moments that are kept under what the Jewish Rabbi would call the Chuppah !!
This was and is a symbol that goes way back that signifies a set apartness from the rest of the maddening world. The couple stands under the Chuppah to declare to the rest of the world that this union is set apart and only they will know what goes on under the covering of the Chuppah.
I love this tradition and have adopted it in my own marriage even though I'm not Jewish I recognize the value in this beloved act.
There are moments of this relationship that I will never share with my best friends, mom, sisters, or anyone else who is trying to weasel there way into this most sacred spot.
That being said, I will share with you that these past 20 years have not all been filled with wine and roses. 
There have been moments of total sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger, irritation and full on close to hate. 
I can't say that I've ever hated Moses, but I have come close to feeling that scary disconnect with him and it's in these moments we have looked for help.
It is also in those moments that I know the grace of God was/is at hand because neither one of us is opposed to being open about the fact that we have needed help.

We started our marriage with pre-marriage counseling and in the 20 plus years we've been together
we have gone to counseling a couple of times, and I'm sure that we probably will go again.
I'm beyond grateful that we both have been willing to be honest about that.
I think it's SO important to realize in a relationship when you need help and don't be ashamed to get it. 
Honestly, I don't know a single solitary couple who hasn't needed some kind of outside help to keep their marriage on a healthy path.

Why we don't recognize and celebrate the counseling as much as we celebrate the anniversaries and Valentine's Days I will never know, because to me that's when the real intimacy takes place. 
So there is some of our nitty gritty.
Now on to the mushy gushy.
This is the part that everyone loves to read about, myself included.
This is the part where I tell you when we had our first child, Emma I fell more in love with My Giant who was weepy over the sight of his brand new baby girl.
This is the part where I tell you that not only do I love this man because he has fathered 4 children, but he has truly been an inspiration to me in many ways with how he takes the time to sit and have deep talks with our 4 kids.

This is the part where I tell you that sometimes when he gets dressed in the morning and he comes out looking all HOT and stuff, my little heart still goes pitter-patter!
I love that he makes me breakfast on a regular basis.
He makes me laugh so hard that I almost pee my pants on a daily basis. 
Those are just some of the good things that I choose to stay focused on when we hit those rough patches.
I know you've heard this and if you haven't then I'm happy to be the first place you read it, but 

I don't disagree with my mom often, if ever, but this is one of those times that after all these years I can honestly say that when she has said for years
"You can't tell the heart who to love"
I would have to disagree.

YOU absolutely can tell the heart who to love and you have to tell it again and again and again!
Moses was my high school girls crush 24 years ago and he became my life's choice 21 years ago 
I'm choosing him again.
I'm telling this heart who to love and continue to love well.

It may have been lust all those years ago but it has grown into this beautiful thing.
This amazing, wonderful, astounding thing called 

And after all these years I'm beyond grateful that he is still my favorite, and that our love story is still ongoing, and I'm still a lusty hot mess over here for that man !!

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