Some deep thoughts before bed

As I was dozzing off to dream land my eyes wandered over to the top of my dresser upon which many pictures in frames sit. One inpaticular caught my eye though and my mind went racing. It was the picture of me as a baby being held by my Pepere( which means Grandpa in French). He looks to be about the age that my dad is now, mid to late 6o's and he looks happy. As I lay there thinking about that moment of time captured forever now by a photograph I thought of all many unanswered questions I still have about this man I called "Pepere". I wondered, where did he work to support his family of 3 boys and his wife, where did he get his genes for being oh so clean all the time, did he have OCD because many of his house cleaning habits lead me to believe he might have been a bit on the OCD side, did he leave knowing he was loved, did he have a favorite color or favorite hobby, how come he was so good with money? I know so little of this man who is now only remembered by a photo in my mind. This got me thinking about life in general and how we all often think so much more of ourselves than we ought. Will anyone even remember anything about me when I pass on? If so, what will it be that they remember most? What I remember most about Pepere is that he loved to make kites, he was very resourceful and clean, he was very skinny, quiet, and wore sweaters all the time. Strange things to remember but there you have it.
All these thoughts led me to this prayer, God teach me to number my days that I might get a heart full of wisdom, that I don't forget that I am but dust, and so that I don't take one single breath for granted.

Photo Shoot with Natalie Rose

These are just some of the products of one of the funnest photo shoots ever!! Usually taking pictures with 6 people(4 of those people being lil and not used to looking the right way) is not my idea of good times , but I have to say this was short and very sweet and the end result is some really fun moments in time. Love it. We really were smiling on the inside as well as the outside.

My Adult Christmas list(and a lame attempt to sound like a credit card commercial)

Wanted: One Bright Green Kitchen Aid
Cost: 250 to 300 dollars
Knowing that I really only want this because it will look so great on my counter and not really for all the stuff I would make with it - Priceless-
Wanted: One brown and black Pug
Cost: 600 to upwards of 1000 dollars
Knowing that I partly want this dog so that I could make an unrealistic dream of a 9 year old girl come true and partly because it would look so stinking cute with my other 2 adorable dogs- Priceless-
Wanted: Bright beautiful Hollywood Style Porcelain Veneers
Cost: 4000+
Knowing that I really just want these so I won't have to go to the dentist anymore, nor will I have to floss ever again and so then I could finally be counted among all the plastic people out there(a goal in life I believe we all should aspire to attain )- Priceless-


I guess knowing that just because I want something doesn't really mean I need it is what makes this an adult Christmas list versus a Juvenile one and that really is priceless :)

A letter of Appeal

I am putting my letter of appeal in the mail today to Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance company. Upon completion of this letter I felt a deep sense of sadness and anger for even having to take the time to do this.
As some of you know our precious Chloe had an appendicitis back in July. It took many months for the final bills to come rolling in and when they did the amount was staggering and our insurance company had failed us miserably because apparently the hospital we went to in a state of panic and shock at 1am in the morning was an out of network hospital. Sorry, it was the light at the end of the tunnel to get my 7 year old daughter some relief, sorry I thought any and all hospitals in a health related emergency is the right hospital. Errghhhh!! So as you can see the anger comes in right there. But the deep sense of sadness that I feel is that I know I am not the only one who has had to deal with similar type situations and some people dealing with these issues are still also dealing with those painful health situations.
Something has got to change in this country regarding our health insurances and medical industries that are raking in the big bucks on account of our misfortunes. Something has got to change and thank God next fall things will. Oh wait, I mean things will be promised , talked about , and then forgotten.
I guess that's where the sadness comes in.

My(long overdue) book review blog

I have recently finished quite a few books that have been on my to-do list for quite a while now.
One that I started many months ago( i think before summer) is , Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by a guy from New York with the last name Scharezo(sp?) This book was so good that I started recommending it to people before I had even finished reading it. It is basically about how often times we forget that our emotions are a very key component to the way that God has formed and fashioned us and although it's not good to live by emotions, it is also not good to ignore them either. We cannot just pass every difficult conversation off by saying, "Just pray about it" sometimes we need to allow for those emotions to be validated and be honest when they haven't gone away. It's about marrying our faith as well as our emotions together in healthy balanced relationship. I give it a ***** 5 star rating out of 5 stars.
The other book I recently finished is one that I heard about on the Oprah show and so for many of you that's all you need to know that you don't want to read this book. It is called, Eat, Pray, Love by a woman whose name I can't remember and it's probably just as well because I wouldn't recommend this book anyways. It is basically about a spiritually starved, very confused woman in her 30's who divorces her husband after 10 years of marriage and decides to travel to Italy, India, and Indonesia in an attempt to find herself and her Maker.
She is a very good writer, very good but the contents were filtered with so much confusion and to me sadness that it might leave you depressed afterward if not careful. What I took away was how incredibly grateful I am to my Savoir , for finding me so young so that I didn't have to search the world over for answers only to not really find them at all. It also surprised me of the great lengths that people will go in search of Truth and the enormous lies that are out there in regards to all things spiritual.
I give a ** out of a possible 5 stars only because the book was mostly bones with not meat.
I am now embarking on a new book that I can hardly put down. I only just borrowed it from a friend yesterday and I am almost halfway through it. It is called A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren. It is so good already but I will post on it when I am done.
Other irons in the fire right now, I Promise and also Love is a Choice . These two both deal with relationships and have very good as well. I will post on these later when I am done with them.

Loving-kindness

defintion-loving kindness (love without attachment, non-exclusive love) towards all human beings.
If I were to choose something out of the Bible that I have read over and over again but have completely overlooked it would be these two words, Loving-kindness.
How often have I read in the scriptures about God and His loving kindness, or that I should praise Him for His loving kindness? It is a word group that gets overlooked because I think when I would read it I would not slow down to think , What does that really mean? Why is it that those two words grouped together are used more often to describe the God I serve than any other and still I have never slowed down enough to notice.This morning was different. I slowed down and read those words as if I was reading them for the first time and I thought, That is my God's way, His M.O. if you will. If I were to describe God given any 2 words in dictionary would I choose those 2 words? Would you?
After looking those 2 words up on every internet access dictionary that I could find I believe I would choose those words to describe the God that I serve. He is so loving and so kind in His approach of loving me. He doesn't stop showing me love when I walk away and choose to focus my attention elsewhere. He waits. Patiently and expectantly for me to return and then He doesn't hold over my head the mistakes I have made along the way.
His way is loving and kind- loving kindness is what I would say I worship most about Him because this way about Him is the most beautiful way I have ever known.
"The Lord takes pleasure in those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him, in those who Hope in His mercy and loving-kindness" Psalm 147:11
I am glad that His loving-kindness is something I can put my hopes in because I know that He never changes so neither will His M.O.(Mode of Operation)
Now what I am left with wondering is what is my M.O.??

Old Friends and Sweet Moments

This weekend I had the privilege of being invited to one of the most intimate settings , a wedding of an old friend. This friend actually used to be a very young girl that I would babysit along with her two sisters. I remember these girls being little and running around their house in dress ups and make up or sitting down watching Anne of Green Gables and dreaming as all little girls do of the day when they would be grown up like Anne and have suitors coming their way. That day has come in one of their lives and for me it was a very surreal experience to be a part of. The whole time I just kept thinking how did the time go so fast and I didn't even notice. How did she become so grown up and beautiful and distinguished. She is a wife now. No longer a blond haired blue eyed lil girl, she is a woman now. My mind continued to try and think of the day when I will be seeing my own daughters walk down that aisle. I hardly have a slot in my brain for that but this event did help make a slight space for it. It was a beautiful ceremony that was intimate and sweet. Her husband is priceless and hand picked by her maker for sure. It was truly a beautiful day and restored hope I believe for many including myself. There is nothing like young love to restore hope.

What a whirlwind

Lately life just seems to be going way too fast. I don't know if it's that I am getting older and so then I have something to compare to when life was slow or if my days are so full with fun but I wish I could just stop the clock sometimes. My children are all at such a fun age and it is truly hard for me to phathom that my oldest will be 10 this spring. I am not ready for them to start hitting the double digits, well... maybe I am . All I know is that it just seems like yesterday that I was living in a house in Carson City on Minnesota street and all my days were consumed with is whether Emma had enough to eat, when her next poop was coming and if I got a good night sleep the night before. Now, here I am almost 10 years later and my days are filled with, "Mom did you wash that shirt last night, what are you making for dinner, do we get hot lunch today mom, did you sign my paper, don't forget I have honor choir today, and so on...."
My life is so rich. Sometimes I feel I am the richest woman in the world. There are not enough material treasures to compare to the richness of children. This weekend I actually thought before leaving to go out of town for a few days by myself(well, with a bunch of girlfriends actually) that I was going to miss out on all the fun that the family was going to have. Didn't stop me from going but it was so nice to come home.