Sweet and 16

16 years ago I woke up very early and walked downstairs at 803 N. Minnesota St. in Carson City Nevada. I sat down in my rocking chair and I knew it was time.

What I didn't know at that time is how fast time would go from that point on. 

When your children are little you hear it from every veteran parent that has gone before you, but when you are in the trenches of changing diapers and wiping down walls from the markings of crayons, you think... 

Really, because just this day seems like an eternity??!!

But now, on this day, more than ever before I know that word "time" is of the essence. I didn't realize it then that 16 years would go by in the blink of an eye. I didn't know then as I looked into the face of my first born child that her life would forever fill my own with SO much joy. 

I couldn't even begin to imagine a sweet, yet ever so sassy Emma Faith. 

And as I sit here and think about these past 16 years with this amazing young lady my heart is filled with so many emotions that it's hard to pin point just one. 

I suppose the one I'm going to focus on is that I'm beyond thankful. 

Thankful for 16 years.

Looking forward to many more years.

And happy that of all the human beings on this planet I get to be that girls momma. 

Happy Happy Day Emmers! 

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Oh and ...

I'm A Hacking, Pinning , Sickie Girl

What's a girl to do when she's stuck at home, sick in bed, and not a drop of energy or motivation to do anything, all weekend?
Well, in between blowing my nose and hacking up a lung, I wasted a pretty good amount of time on, Pinterest, I re-read the book The Help, and I caught up on all my favorite shows. I'm really enjoying the series on Netflix called, Call The Midwife. Have you heard of it? It's keeping me preoccupied while we all wait for the next season of Downton Abbey. Sigh. I miss you Downton Abbey.
I thought I would do some blogging while I'm on such a roll here, but my head is fuzzy and congested so I fear the only thing I have worth sharing with you are my recent pins.  This sounded like a good idea at the time, but if it all comes out mumbo jumbo-ed then please forgive me.
Oh, did I also mention my phone is on the fritz, and I'm not receiving text messages right now. It's so sad and strange that my lil buddy is so quiet all of a sudden. I thought that nobody loved me until I talked to a bestie today and found out that in fact they really DO love me and that they thought I was just being aloof ... Psh... imagine me being ALOOF!!
So shall we get this pinning party started?

 It all started with the idea that I should go on Pinterest for some embroidery ideas, and then of course run off right away and embroider, but alas I'm sick and so I forgot that last part of actually doing something besides lying in bed and pinning.

I found these two beauties while looking up embroidery. The top one is something I can and WILL re-create but the bottom one well.. that lil clutch purse is a masterpiece of not only embroidery but sewing as well. Those little purses are not as easy as they look to make. I have tried and failed miserably at making a clutch purse.

I may or may not have sewn the zipper on inside out. 

I'm not sure why I'm admitting that to you Beloved Reader... Oh that's right, I'm sick and would probably admit anything to you right about now.

I think I started to get hungry right about then, and that's how I ended up on this pin.

Have I told you that I dream of making my own pasta someday? Yep, that is the next attachment for the ole' Kitchen Aid. It has always been a dream of mine because my mom told me of how her Italian grandmother used to have the pasta hanging from coat hangers all over her kitchen. I want to me that Italian grandma someday. This is a Zucchini Pasta with Avocado cream sauce, and it's literally making my mouth water right now. If only I had the energy to go downstairs and whip it right up. MOSES!!! Oh that's right, I can't even yell cause I sound like a dying frog right now.
I then found a few funnies on my quest of Pins and this one with Lionel Richie ...

   Bah HA HA HA HA!! I just can't stop laughing.  Maybe it's not even that funny, but to this stuffy headed sicky girl... that is some fun-nay shit right there!!
Well, and then my Pinning took a turn for the worst. I started going down that road that is so easy to do on Pinterest. Ya know, the road of NEVER GONNA HAPPEN BUT IT SURE IS NICE TO DREAM?
I started looking at items like this

This ring right here probably cost the same amount as my firstborn's college tuition(for one year at Udub) that is right around the corner.  It probably cost the same amount as raising 4 kids has cost all these 16 years. No joke. It costs way more than all the money I will ever have alloted for jewels in a lifetime and yet...
It had me at Yellow. Cheesy line, I know but it's just so purty. Sigh.
I of course started thinking more realistically with my pins and immediately pinned something more attainable like this...

Just looking at this scene makes me feel better. I wonder what must it be like to live in a cottage so beautifully surrounded by a garden so green and lush?
Then I remembered my little slice of something like that in Redmond, Washington. 
And I was brought back to earth by this quote from C.S. Lewis

He was a wise man that Mr. C.S. Lewis.

May Babies

*Warning there might be some Blaggin and heavy sentimental Sighing ahead.

Blaggin- The combo of bragging and blogging.

These are my May babies.

The one on the left is my oldest Emma who will be sweet 16 on the 28th of this month,

and 

The one on the right is Chloe who will be 14 tomorrow.

Beloved reader please ...

A heavy, sentimental  

S I G H 

is needed 

from us all right now.

Sometimes I look at these girls and I can hardly believe that almost 16 years ago I became a mother for the first time. It seems like only yesterday they were babies.  Emma wasn't even quite 2 yet when I gave birth to Chloe. At her second birthday party she was given the greatest gift in her life, a sister, a best friend, and the role of being the oldest. She has astounded me ever since as a first born child. She is beyond responsible and at times I forget who is the parent in this household.  (Not really, I just said that for dramatic affect.) And Chloe has always had a soft spot with me because we are both second born children.  She has never complained about having hand me down clothes and she looks up to her sister like I looked up to mine. She is generous and so soft spoken that at times I have to drag it out of her what she really wants out of life.  For instance, this whole month even though her birthday comes before Emma's she has been scheming and planning her sisters birthday party, with no regard for her own.  S I G H.... I can't even begin to put into words what joy they both give me. From the moment Emma was born my role in life changed as well. I was no longer just wife, sister, daughter, cousin, teacher, friend... I was now a Mother. The role of motherhood has been one that I have felt privileged, honored and completely blown away that I have been given for 16 YEARS now.  Believe it or don't... I'm kinda still in shock that I birthed 4 human beings.  I know, I should probably be used to this role, being that it has been 16 years but, every now and then I catch a glimpse of my children who are so grown up, so mature, so not babies anymore, and I think how the H E double Hockey Sticks did that happen? I have told both my girls before that they have made my first years of Motherhood so easy. And I tell them, on the regular, they make me look good! Actually, I say it more like  "D A M N girls you are making me look so good right now!!" Knowing full well, that I can't take credit for their choices and who God made them to be.

 These two young women, My May Babies (who are not babies anymore) woke up early on Mother's Day and cleaned my house, made breakfast, and wrote me love notes that would make a stone cold hearted Robot come to tears. I could brag about them til the cows come home(I don't have any cows but I think they must come home kinda late in the day) because they are just THAT amazing, but let me just share the essentials with you Beloved Reader. These two young ladies, on a regular basis make me laugh and remind me that life is full of excitement, new adventure, and tremendous beauty. These two May Babes, both love Jesus with all their hearts and to me well... that is everything. I'm excited to see how they will enter into young adult years.  As they begin to spread their wings and fly I pray I know when to open up that bird cage. And I hope that they will continue to include me in their everyday lives. I take great comfort in knowing that my own Mom is one of my very best friends, and I hope that tradish continues. 

Would you be so kind as to wish these two lovelies a Happy Birthday and to pray for this momma because my sentimental heart is on overload. 

My Momma, Momma T, and My After Thoughts on Mother's Day

"Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also and he praises her."

 Proverbs 31:28

This is my momma.

She is the heart and soul of my family. 

Ask anyone who knows her and they will tell you she is a human being unlike any other.

Her heart is above all generous and kind.

She has a love for Christ that is compelling.

And the woman, is funny as all get out!!

She has raised 5 children, myself included.

5 grown children.

3 girls, and 2 boys stand and called her blessed.

Take that in for a moment.

5 grown adults looked to her yesterday with their hearts full of gratitude for all the years of love and devotion she gave us, and we all called her blessed.

But as I was hanging out with my awesome Momma whom I love so much I got to thinking ...

Is that the goal of this thing called motherhood?

That at the end of all the hard work and investment you pour into your children, they will stand (or write,text,sing) and call you blessed, loved, cherished, amazing, wonderful, awesome? 

Maybe, they love you so much they want to get this tattooed on their body just to tell the world how much they really do love you.

Maybe not cause they are only 2 still!

 I dunno?

The point is

That kind of adoration is what we all long for, but I'm not sure that is the goal? 

Sure it's nice to have a day that we get thanked for our hard work, love and devotion, but it shouldn't be the day that defines us as mom's. 

What happens when our children don't stand (or even text) to call us blessed?

Or even worse, our husband doesn't praise us for all the hard work we do?

I feel like mother's day can be quite the set up for unmet expectations.

Would if you didn't get breakfast in bed?

Would if they don't call you at all let alone, to say they love you?

Would if you don't get that perfume you really wanted, just as a fragrant reminder of the sacrifice you make on a daily basis?

Or even worse would if you don't have your momma here to tell these things to anymore?

Would if God forbid,  your children, they aren't even here anymore?

Would if one of your children tragically went home to be with Jesus way too young?

These were some of my questions and thoughts that I pondered yesterday as I had one of THE best Mother's Days a girl could ever hope for.

I remember though, when my kids were little, Mothers Day was just like any other day. I still had to change poopy diapers, I still had to do laundry and clean up 4 lils messes. I remember the discontentment, bitterness, and bitchy, bratty attitude I would have because I thought... THIS IS MY DAY!! 

I shouldn't have to do this chore or wipe that butt.

Rather than thinking, I get to do this as an honor and privilege, I would spend the whole day bemoaning the things that didn't happen, and the stuff that went wrong.

I realize now that I totally missed out on what a blessing that day really was.

  Now that my kids are grown and pretty much did all the cooking and cleaning yesterday and spoiled me so much so, that I didn't even lift a finger... not EVEN a thumb ... ALL DAY... (don't even get me started on the love notes) I can look back and remember what it was like being in the trenches with the littles.

I remember so well, many a Mother's day that I had the wrong heart attitude. 

I was also reminded by so many momma's yesterday that this day might bring some sorrow instead of joy.

 When I went up to one of the mommas at church to say Happy Mothers Day, she told me she had lost her daughter 2 years ago and sat with only her son and I'm sure a HUGE hole in heart where her daughter used to sit.

Then I was reminded by another momma while walking out the door of church that her oldest son didn't even call.

And even still another friend text to say her child had ran away on mothers day.

It broke my heart and at the same time brought a whole lotta perspective to my sometimes selfish outlook on life.

Not all momma's have joy on this day.

Not all children can call their mom at all, or just wouldn't call her because she is THE one person who they blame all of their sadness in life upon.

The joys and sorrows of this life are so strange to me.

It's just such a mystery to me still why some have SO much joy, while others have SO much sadness.

Why some cups are filled to overflowing, while others have never even been given a drop of joy.

And the only thing I can come back to is perspective.

Our heart's attitude in this life is crucial to our well-being. 

For the momma who sat without her daughter, she was happy to have her son there and talked of the relaxing day they would share.

For the momma whose oldest didn't call, she was thankful for the ones that were still there with her celebrating her day. 

And for my friend whose teen ran away she chose to laugh with her other kids and new friends. 

That's an amazing gift, to see the brighter side of life.

For my friend who didn't have his momma here to say Happy Mother's day to, he called or texted the other Momma's in his life.

And for the one's that didn't have their child with them ... well they looked forward to the day when they would be reunited again.

Jesus, help me to keep a good perspective, a humble perspective in regards to this life. Guard my heart from becoming selfish on all the future Mothers Days I have ahead of me. 

SO often I can let little things rob me of my joy, and yesterday I was reminded that in this life there will be joy and sorrow, good days and bad.

THE only anchor I have in the midst of the highs and lows is the love of Christ, and HIS love flowing through me.

The only glory I can give for my Fab 4 is to their Creator.

And of all the things my momma has given me her love for her Savior was/is the greatest gift because when she is called home someday, and I can't call her up to bless her, Jesus will still be here with me to comfort and help me carry on.

And now to take a cue from Momma T. at the end of the day it isn't all the great things we have done in this life that we will be judged by, it is about the simple sacrifices we make when no one is watching. 

 

About Being a Momma

Here's what I know so far about being a momma;
It truly is a privilege to be a mom. 
It has challenged me to the core of who I am.
I never thought that doing this much laundry was humanly possible.
I now know that my own mother is in FACT a Saint.
I will never find another role, career, life choice, hobby, or job as rewarding or as challenging as the one called motherhood.
I never realized how selfish I was until these 4 people came along to shine a light on that.
I can't begin to put in words what it feels like when I see smiles on these 4 human beings faces.

I could write a book about the things I find while doing the laundry.
Linking arms with other mothers whether they work outside the home or not is a necessity to succeed in this role. Seriously, the league of mom's is so vital and there is nothing like it under the sun.I'm so grateful for all the momma's in my life. They remind me I'm not alone.
I can't take too much credit for their success's or failures, because they are theirs alone.
I'm beginning to see that the letting go part of this gig is going to be by far the hardest part. Harder than dirty diapers, midnight feedings, drawings on the wall, flu infestations... etc.

Conversations while riding in the car, or around the dinner table, or at night before prayers... these are the only jewels these ears will ever need. 
There is no perfect mother, no perfect child, no perfect family, but realizing this brings about a unique kind of God given perfection.
I never knew how full of fear my heart could be.
On any given day I truly am required to be a doctor, lawyer, taxi-cab driver, psychologist, seamstress, artist, architect, superhero, advocate, chef extraordinaire, interior designer, and of course photographer. 

This journey that began for me 16 years ago is not a race, it's a life long marathon, and one that I hope to finish leaving a legacy of only one thing behind; LOVE.