Sunday, January 06, 2019

To Letting Go

Well, beloved reader it's official we are a two kid household. 

With one daughter still in Seattle, and one now in New York, I came home and told my boys that we could be the 4 corner family if when they graduate High School, one goes to LA and the other to Florida. 

Our youngest son Isaiah's response to that was, "Oh God... I hope not!!" 
His sentimental baby heart still wishes we all lived together as one big happy family on a piece of property with all his Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. 

He's a young man-child after my own heart.

As much as I wish, like Isaiah that we could always all stay together, I knew the day would come when our monoscofab4  would all go their own separate ways.

We are half way thru that door right now, with one foot in the door of having let go, and one in the world of high school teenage boys. 
I find myself peeking in on my boys a tad bit more(with loud knocks on the door of course, cause ya know there are just some things you can't un-see) and hugging them a little longer.
 I have to say, that despite the emotional tug on my momma heart strings from time to time, and the obnoxious amount of text messages that I leave for my girls to Face Time me, overall I have me some of that biblical peace that "surpasses my own understanding" going on right now.
It is strange to me that I am able to be at peace with these major changes in our little family unit?
For many years when they were little just the thought of this time would take my breath away, and not in a good way. 
Now, here I sit and type these words about letting go, and it feels exciting, peaceful, and as it should be in a very good way.

It comes back to this... 
There have been moments all throughout my faith based life where I have had to let go of what I think is the best possible outcome, and trust my creator for what will be. 

I suppose, that is in fact what faith is. 

"Now faith is the assurance of what we hope and the conviction of things not seen." 

I'm sitting here processing, and writing today listening to my friend Chris Heifners song, To Letting Go on Spotify and I'm in awe of what I'm feeling.

My mom always said, THE hardest part of parenting is the "Letting Go" stage, and although it is no walk in the park, it is strangely like the beginning stages of their lives.  It reminds me of when I would be standing over them sleeping peacefully in their bassinet watching to make sure they were breathing, and a still small voice would say, let go and trust me. 
I made that choice early on that I wouldn't be the helicopter parent that never trusts their child to do ANYTHING on their own. 
 I chose to trust that the creator of the universe, the one that gave these precious lives to us is once again the ONLY one who will sustain their life.  
It was a choice in my heart to trust our creator that He will always go with them wherever they go, and to the places that I couldn't. 

A choice to pray, instead of worry.

Like on the first day of school when they all got out of the car, I would pray God go with them, help them to be a light that shines, and protect them from what I cannot. 
I hold every so tightly to prophetic words spoken over them that they would be fearless because of this faith and trust.
I trust the process, trust the hand, trust that their roots go deep, and that those little baby trees that are now growing so strong and vibrant won't get knocked over by the winds of change and this crazy life. 
I trust that they are each other's best friends and will come back to each other time and time again when they need to drink from the abundant well of family love and support.

"To trust .... is to know you.... it is like standing on the edge and tasting love and life, such a sacrifice from this world and all it's ways." chris heifer-letting go

I didn't think it would happen as fast as all the mommas who went before me said it was gonna go, but if I've learned anything at all these almost 21 years of parenting it's to listen to those mommas that have gone before me.

They now all tell me, "don't worry they will be back!"
I believe those wise momma's, and now I would like to add to what they've said on my own momma merit, and say
  to young parents reading this, it goes even FASTER than they say!!

That's not to say that I don't feel your pain young parents.
I remember so well, when you are in the throws of temper tantrums, dirty diapers, sleepless nights and zombie like days where only 10 cups of coffee give you somewhat of a pulse!

Those days are so long that they sometimes run into the next 24 hrs. and feel like they go on for an eternity, BUT trust me when I say... it goes FASTER.

The days are long, the years are short, and the decades even shorter. 

I'm confident with an assurance that I know is divine that both my girls are exactly where they need to be in life right now, and I'm beyond grateful for their lives, and for their Face Time phone calls home. They are both truly, my "built in besties" and some of the most inspiring young women on planet earth. Truly... they astound me. 

I'm confident that the next 3 years with my teenage boys will go even faster than the years did with their sisters, because that's just how this train gets going. 
It gains momentum with each passing station in life. These young men that still live under my roof and that I can still cherish the sounds of laughter with their buddies in the other room, are truly some stellar fellars , that I feel honored to know. I'm looking forward to these years where I'm outnumbered as the only female in the house.

I'm also confident that when Moses and I are back to where we started with just the two of us(we can make it if we try... sing it you know you want to) we will hold each others hands, hop in that VW bus and visit those 4 corners if that's where the road leads us. 

Here's to letting go and moving forward!


Jen(M)Simmons said...

Sister, thank you for showing a path through the forest. best advice. time goes by quick so enjoy and TRUST, as you let GO. Love you with all my heart. Excited to see what unfolds for your boys too. And awe, Isaiah, he had me at OH GOD NO. :) <3 but the process will be good, the journey well and you will make it to the other side of raising 4 humans, and then enjoying their adulthood years toooooooo...... All this and heaven too!!! xoxoxoxo

Jen(M)Simmons said...

Also, Vaeh is cracking me up. She looks SO happy (haaaa) to be taking another picture. :) xoxoxoxo

Noel Scofield said...

Yes all this and heaven too !! So fun sis xo thanks for being part of the village/tribe that helped us get here xo xo

Karen PM said...

Beautifully written Noel!! I fell like I can feel what you're going through, though I myself am not a parent at this time. It is a beautiful journey, it seems, & I love your family. What a great tribe you have. That will always be, no matter where on planet earth each resides. If the boys complete the 4 corners, I'm glad L.A. was included ;). Look forward to more of your writing. I am proud of you cousin. :) <3 What an amazing Mama you are. xo

Diana said...

You’re doing it!! I remember a conversation years ago about makeup and when is it the right time. And now the seasons have changed. From watching you all go to WA and back to now the kiddos flying away. You’ve crossed your T and dotted those I ‘s Letting go and letting God is amazing to watch!!! Be blessed

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