I Have A Secret....

After a whirlwind of several months I finally have a moment to sit and ponder life with you all. I can't believe how long it has been since I've had a day to sit and blog. Today, is the day folks! First, I want you to know that I have missed you beloved reader. I also want you to know that in attempt to give you something fun to read instead of political or just flat out depressing, I will be revealing a little secret about myself that if you haven't been around me in some time you might not know. I can't reveal this secret right away because as every good writer(not that I'm calling myself a good writer) knows you have to keep your readers attention so the secret will come you just have to wait for it. So onto my non sensical blog topic... With all the negative and just plain sad things there are to read out there recently I thought I would bring you a little ray of happy fun over here at the ole' bloggy poo! The statement below is not the BIG secret your waiting for but it's getting closer... if we were playing the game where you were walking around in my house looking for something I would say, "You're getting warmer, warmer!" But instead of my house your walking around here in my brain and the statement below is getting you one step closer to my big secret.  Sometimes I want to be other people. Not even real people. Sometimes I want to be the character on a TV show or in my favorite Movie. This morning I was thinking about Phil Dunphy,  from Modern Family. I love Phil.  His character is so fun loving and free of malice. Do you know Phil?  If you haven't become acquainted with him yet, do yourself a favor and get some happy, fun loving Phil in your life right now!! I want to be Phil Dunphy when I grow up. One of my favorite quotes from Phil;

Do you see what I'm talking about?

It's not in Phil's nature to know that WTF really means something very different.

I love this sense of innocence that Phil embodies.

His wife Claire and 3 children may roll their eyes over his gullible responses to life, but deep down I think they appreciate his way.

There are other characters and even friends who I often times want to be like because there is just something I see in them that resonates with my soul.

Another character that I absolutely adore is Kathleen Kelly from the movie, You've Got Mail.

She has a dream life in New York with a children's book store that she inherited from her mom and she doesn't have a mean bone in her body.

I want to be Kathleen Kelly when I grow up.

Sidenote- Did I ever tell you that I took a stab at writing Children's books once upon a time?

This is not the secret folks, but it all ties in to the big reveal secret I want to share with you today, so just be patient I promise it is coming. 

There is a quote in this movie(one of my all time favorite movies btw) that just gets me every time. 

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life- well valuable, but small- and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer, I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."

I think the reason that quote resonates with me is because I feel we all wonder about our lives sometimes. Not in the mid-life crisis or even in the "quarter life crisis" way but just in the over all wondering... Like the John Mayer song ;

Georgia

There is a line in that song that is actually a question I think we all ask from time to time;

"Am I living it Right?"

I might want to be John Mayer when I grow up as well, but the jury is still out on that one.

I think we all have moments where we wonder if we should be doing something more, if we should be living somewhere else, working somewhere else, being with someone else, those kinds of questions are what we all ask and some of us try to find the answers or worse, some might go and try to live out the answers.  Although, you may think it's brave to live out a question in your life without knowing the answer, you may very well leave a train wreck of debris behind you.

Life is about one unanswered question and brave choice after another. 

Those of us that realize that there are just some questions that won't ever be answered, and we can find peace in that are truly the brave souls. The sad part is that we are normally the ones who would feel as though we aren't being brave.

I have come to realize that the bravest thing we can ever do when those questions arise is face them and stare them down, to weigh and measure every bit of the questions or feelings of discontentment and realize that it's all just part of life.

One of the bravest answers in life to those questions are to simply say, 

I don't know!

That's where the beauty and mystery of a life lived well is played out ; in the not knowing!

Sigh- And now, somehow I feel this blog is getting away from the funny and light hearted blog that I so wanted to bring you today beloved reader. 

I'm gonna get this train back on track... watch me now. 

Back to Phil and Kathleen Kelly.

The reason these two characters are people that I want to be when I grow up is because they bring a kindness to humanity. 

Their words are what I most admire. 

They speak kindly and when they get ruffled or angry they still don't deliver that emotion in a way that damages others. 

I realize these are fictional characters, but the qualities that I admire about them are indeed real character qualities that I want to emulate. 

I want my heart to be kind above all things.

I want my words to be sprinkled with kindness.

I want my thoughts to be good natured and positive.

That being said, I feel it's time to reveal my BIG SECRET...

Recently I have realized that my heart, my words, and my thoughts have NOT been very Phil and Kathleen Kelly like. 

My heart has not shown kindness in so long that I wonder how I have any friends left.

I most certainly know what WTF really means and sad to say, I say it OUT LOUD quite often!

In fact, I cuss so much lately that I have shocked myself with my potty mouth. 

I could blame it on my work environment, but the truth is I've made the choice to speak like this.

And my thoughts... Well let's just say that I'm really glad that no one can hear those or even worse see them or I most certainly wouldn't have any friends or possibly even family left. 

There it is beloved reader... My BIG SECRET is that I'm Human!

In my humanity, and it left to it's own devices without any check ups it can get real ugly around here.

They say confession is good for the soul, and I have to say I do feel a bit lighter now that I've spent some time here with you beloved reader. 

I hope that this wasn't too heavy and that you aren't completely and utterly bummed out by that anti-climatic secret reveal.

I confess these character flaws about myself not to worry you, but in an attempt to maybe find some other Humans out there who need to hear you're not alone.

Not to worry I have a plan of action for this sad state of affairs that I find my soul in.

I'm gonna start with working on the inside. 

The only way I know how to do that is to eat some soul food, and by that I don't mean gobbling up some fried chicken and mashed potatoes.  No, I'm talking about the soul food that comes in the form of words that will fill me up to overflowing with goodness for my heart and soul.

Then I'm going to try and work on not saying the real version of WTF so much and maybe someday it will turn back into an innocent question like; 

"Why The Face?"