Growing Old ... Gracefully

What is it about getting older that scares the shit out of people? Ask any hair stylist who their biggest money maker clients are, and they will tell you it is those who try to cover up their age with a different color of hair.  Why is this? Anyone who has known me for a minute will tell you that this is not a custom I embrace.  In fact, quite the opposite. I've been begging my friend/hair stylist for years to dye my hair grey because it's not coming in naturally as fast as I would like it to. Call me crazy... but I think grey hair is a crown of glory and should be embraced with honor, not chemicals to cover it up.

Now of course, I know I am in the minority here, and I don't judge the mass population that feels otherwise, I just wonder sometimes what is it that we are SO afraid of? To me growing old is an honor and a privilege that many people don't get the luxury of doing.  Those of us that are given years beyond our 60s, 70s, and even 80s should be so blessed because it is extended time here on this beautiful planet that provides more learning and is full of one adventure after another.  There are of course parts of getting older that aren't so fun, but if we would only shift our perspective to see how lucky we are to have the time we have here... we might see things in a whole other light. 

"I am learning to hold health and sickness, weakness and strength, and even life and death side by side- two sides of one coin. In fact,  it is the acceptance of death that has finally allowed me to choose life. I am learning that it is never either-or but both, and more. Not life or death, but life and death, health and sickness, good and bad. Both, and something more. I am learning to love the human condition, to say a full and rousing yes to it all, to work with it, to choose it, just as it is, every day."

Recently I attended a gathering of artists that came together to talk about the topic of aging. To me the "growing old gracefully" topic has always fascinated me. It's possible that it has always held my interest because I'm an old soul. I truly appreciated the conversation at this gathering.  It was about not only the young learning from the old, but vice versa.  There were many elements of truth to what was talked about, but what I took away that really resonated is how we have lost this conversation between the young and old.  The gap seems so wide. The divide too big to bring together.  And somehow when we attempt to cross that great divide the words get lost in translation.

The OLD says- "I'm older and wiser SO therefore you should listen to me." The YOUNG says- "I'm young and full of life let me live it and don't tell me what to do" When really the reality is that we both need each other so desperately.  We need the wisdom that can only come from age, and we need the hope and inspiration and new knowledge that can only come from the young. 

I'm extremely grateful for my close friends and family members who are older than I am and who are living life to the fullest.  I look at them and glean so much from their life experiences.  They give me hope and inspire me to be that person for someone else who is younger than I am, and might a need a voice of encouragement.
The picture below captured some of these older people who give me hope in my life.  These are my people and they make me proud.

  My Uncle Mal passed away last week and left behind his now widow my Aunt Joan. Only days after her husband died she was choosing life and love and bringing joy to the older friends she had made in  an assisted living place she had been residing.
You can find her in the picture in the blue shirt with swollen eyes from tears and a smile on her face. This moment was taken only 5 days after her beloved had passed away and she is there with her two brothers, and my mom and her grand niece Savanah. They are all bringing joy to those around them, because my Aunt would say, as her mother said before her, and her sister(my mom) has said to me;
"Life is for the living!"  I am also beyond giddy for the young life that surrounds me because they continue to challenge me to see life through different lenses.  It may seem uncomfortable at first, much like getting used to a new pair of glasses can be, but in the end the outcome of pushing through the awkward learning phase there is beauty and laughter, and life. WE are in this thing called life together.  When we don't isolate and are honest with each other about all the challenges as well as the highlights of life we gain a wealth that cannot be measured. 
I feel as though, when we pause and think about what we do with the hours that we are given here, that is where wisdom is found. That's all this blog post is about.
A moment to pause and thank God that YOU are alive and no matter what age you are you have a voice unlike anyone else's.  I pray you will take the time to pause and listen from the older and the younger voices in your life.  I pray that I would always have a voice of encouragement as long as I am blessed to be here.  I don't have the recipe for growing old gracefully, nor do I think that if you suddenly stop dying the grey out of your hair that you will have it either.  I just think that somehow it is wrapped up in not being afraid of what is to come and receiving all of life and even death as a teacher. Here's to being life long students and to growing old with grace!
Here's to BEAUTIFUL LIFE!!

Redmond Washington

There is no school today here in the Biggest Little City.

It's not a SNOW day... it's a Rain Day!?%$*&?

It got me thinking about life in Washington and how different it is here now in Reno.

It is a funny thing that even though you would think this dry desert land would soak up the moisture like a marathon runner on a hot day, instead it does the opposite. 

It causes flooding because the soil here is just not prepared for this kind of moisture. 

It can only go so deep is what I've been told.

There are SO many metaphors in this natural occurrence....

It got me thinking about some things I've been re-reading in Broken Open.

Now almost 4 years later since we transported our clan from a wet rainy Redmond WA. to a normally very dry Reno NV I'm once again reminded of that journey to the woods. 

Travel back in time with me beloved reader for a little reflection on this rainy day here in Reno.

We headed into the woods of Redmond Washington having no idea what would come out on the other end.  The big move was inspired after losing our third owned home through a forced foreclosure and the Bank of America scandal.  We were tired and weary of the way things were and what the cards of life had dealt us, so we embarked on one of the greatest adventures of our lives.  A small cabin in the woods of Redmond Washington was our destination, but little did we know we would arrive in Dante's famous Dark Woods. "In the middle of the journey of our life I found myself within a dark woods Where the straight way was lost. "
The woods were indeed dark, and the cabin was indeed ever so small but what came out of those 4 years is still something that all of us still talk about.  Something beyond what I can describe happened when the MoNoSco clan of 6 set out to live in an 800 square foot cabin with only 1 bathroom, no dishwasher or central heat and not a penny to our names after we spent all what little we had left to make that shit hole livable again.  I remember the early days there when I kept turning the corner at the end of our driveway too closely and damaging the tires on Beasty Boy, (Our 8 passenger Ford Expedition).  We had NO money to buy new tires or even really to fix the one I kept busting, yet somehow Moses, the magic man that he is, made them last until we could finally buy new/used ones off of Craigslist.  They were dark times, and at the same time filled with SO much light because we still had each other.   We learned that having a huge house, money in the bank, and brand new designer clothes like ALL of our neighbors(and I do mean ALL of our neighbors had) was not where true life is found. The time in our cabin forever changed us all.   We became among those who The Philosopher William James describes as being Twice Born.  In Elizabeth Lessers book Broken Open she describes in detail what William James means when he writes about being Twice Born. 
"The Philosopher William James wrote that there are two kinds of people in this world-  The Once Born and the Twice Born. Once Born people do not stray from the familiar territory of who they think they are and what they think is expected of them. If fate pushes them to the edge of Dante's famous dark woods- where the straight way is lost- they turn back. "
We didn't turn back even when all roads were popping our tires, and telling us to just go home we remained in those dark woods.  They were literally dark because we were surrounded by trees, but inside when we could get the wet logs lit there was a bright light going on that the rest of the world, except for the 6 of us will never truly understand.   I'm grateful beyond measure for the time that we had there and to my husband who despite a deep seasonal depression going on stuck out those almost 4 years for the sake of our happiness.   "They don't want to learn something new from life's darker lessons.   They stay with what seems safe, and what is acceptable to their family and society. They stick to what they already know but don't necessarily want. Once-Born people may go through life and never even know what lies beyond the woods- or that there are woods at all. "
No one would argue that the choice that we made in the mid stream of our families life to move into this tiny cabin in the woods was a safe choice.  It certainly wasn't acceptable, but somehow that doesn't seem to be the way of this Clan.  I can never really put into words what happened there but it was magic.  Pure magic. I'm still confounded by the fact that now that we are back here in Reno Nevada, living in the largest house we've ever had( an almost 3000 square foot home), my children all say that they would go back to Redmond WA in a heartbeat. (Insert wide eyed emoticon here) A few nights ago during a family dinner I sat back and listened to my kids reminisce about those years and it made me a tad bit weepy, and a whole lot grateful.  Our time there was short but it impacted all of our lives in such a way that we will never forget.  We became "A Twice Born" people group and we didn't even realize it was happening.   "A Twice Born person pays attention when the soul pokes its head through the clouds of of a half-lived life. Whether through choice or calamity, the Twice Born person goes into the woods, loses the straight way, makes mistakes, suffers loss, and confronts that which needs to change within himself in order to live more genuine and radiant life."
My hope is that now that we are almost 4 years out of the woods that we were in for only almost 4 years we all would remember how and why we became Twice Born.  I pray we never forget what really made that time in that space so very special.  It had nothing to do with the close courters that we found ourselves in or that we tried to eventually share those courters with 6 more people (insert wide eyed emoticon here... TWICE!!) I'm not completely sure why that time forever changed us, but I think it has something to do with the fact that despite the fact that we were the Hippy VW bus driving house on the Hill we had love in our hearts. We treasured the time we had together. We enjoyed every acre of that property.  We laughed at the rain and met each new day with creativity and adventure in our hearts.  And when the next adventure arose to move back to Reno Nevada to help open another Tattoo place, we once again embarked on the journey of being re-born again...again. I pray that the soil of our hearts never becomes one so dry that we can't contain the overflowing goodness of what a life looks like that can be re-born again and again. Here's to a beautiful life where we get to be twice born...or thrice born,  and  Here's to all of YOU who despite the dark woods you may have entered you refuse to turn back! Happy Rainy Day!

K.I.S.S.

(PC-Natalie Rose) KISS- is the acronym for the well known phrase; " Keep it Simple Sweetheart"  or how I have more commonly heard it said;  "Keep it Simple Stupid." In trying to find the origins of this well known phrase I read on Wiki that it may have started with the Navy.  (things that make you go hmmm...) Either way it's a phrase most have heard in their lifetime, and one that is so very applicable to me right now. 
I've also heard it said that when you don't know what to do go back to the basics. Basic training for the human soul is complex and we never truly graduate and move on from this state of learning and growing to be our true selves, our best selves. I find myself going back to the basics of what this life is all about.  As I pause, and look at what is going on in the world around me I have had many moments when I don't know what to do, say, or even think.
It is in this state of unknown that I travel back to what I know to be true. In my travels back to the basics I wrote this list of reminders for my soul. For the sake of the conversation we might have here because of these reminders, I included you in my travels.  So Let's Travel well together beloved reader and do some basic training for our souls.
Here's my list of basic soul training reminders;
Let's work on growing our "acceptance muscles."  Let's commit to silencing our "attacking ones." Let's remember we are all "Bozos on The Bus."
"Keep it simple stupid!"

Let's not soon forget that we were all once immigrants in need of a home land. Let's remember this is only a pause in all of eternity and not our final destination. We are all still foreigners here. For those that feel they are the settlers remember not to settle for cruelty. For those that feel more and more foreign every day remember that  you are not alone here, and we desperately want to embrace you, but for some embracing seems foreign.
"Keep it simple sweetheart!"

Let's have patience with one another as we work on agreeing to disagree agreeably. Let's not choose sides of this race, but rather remember we are all part of the human race. Let's be diligent to teach our children that; "Perfect love casts out all fear"
"Keep it simple stupid!"

Turn off the TV, Computer, Phone, and engage in this beautiful life we get to live. Breathe in deep. Breathe out deep.  Sigh and moan if necessary. Hold a baby and smell them. Really smell them. Smell their smile. Smell their fuzzy head. Smell their sense of wonder. Smell their stinky diaper and then change it.
"Keep it simple sweetheart!"

Let's remember that we all started there. Let's go back(metaphorically speaking) to when we were a foreigner in our mother's womb. Let's be born again to that place of wonder. Let's try to imagine the world we all want. Let's remember we only get to borrow it for a bit. Let's recognize that it looks quite similar and actually even almost the same if we look with a magnifying glass.  Let's ask the questions and truly listen to the answer. Let's have enough creativity, and courage to embrace this beautiful life with all the colors, and sounds, and smells.